Chances

It's hard, knowing that you missed your chance. Why the hell was I so stupid? She flirted with me and I think she even asked me out, although I was probably being too thick to realize it. Now I kick myself knowing that I could have had her. But the chance is gone, I didn't act, and I know it'll never come again. I guess sometimes there are no second chances.

How am I supposed to act around them? I know I love her, and I have for a few years now, although I probably didn't know at the time. I love her, but they're my best friends, so I shouldn't be angry at them. But I am. He knew how I felt, that's the worst part. The pain inside builds, and I have no way to let it out. Sometimes it builds up so much that I can't breathe, and it takes all my concentration not to explode.

I often find myself yelling at first years just because they're there, or I'll start a row with her without her even knowing why. I hate how I can't control my emotions. I hate how when I see them together it takes all of my willpower not to scream.

-

It had been sometime last week when he had found out. He had woken up for breakfast late as usual, and headed down for breakfast. He went to sit with his friends, but suddenly realized that they weren't there. After a quick breakfast, and a look in the library, he went to look outside. They were there, sitting by the lake under a tree, probably feeding leftover toast to the Giant Squid. He was slightly put out that his friends hadn't asked him to come along, but realized that they probably didn't want to wake him up. He really did enjoy his sleep.

They hadn't seen him, and he was about to shout out to them when something odd happened. They kissed. It was a quick kiss, but a kiss nonetheless. He could feel his ears grow hot. So that's why they hadn't invited him along. He stormed back into the castle vowing never to speak to them again.

It didn't last long. He had tried, but being silent, for him, just wasn't normal. They had even asked if he wanted to go see Madam Pomfrey. How could he not talk to his best friends?

Anyway, it mostly seemed to go back to normal. Neither of them told him about their kiss, and they sure didn't act like they were dating. So he ignored it, figured it was just a spur of the moment thing, maybe they were just curious. Not likely.

-

It had been happening for a while now, the seemingly innocent touch of the hand, or the brush of leg against leg. But anyone who watched for any length of time could tell what was happening. You could see it in the way they looked into each others' eyes, the way they smiled at each other; the small gestures that he knew meant so much.

He sat, watching from across the table. His fists balled up at his sides. He knew his ears were burning. He could feel the heat creeping up his neck to his face. So he looked down at his food, trying not to show how he felt. Knowing how odd it would look to get up and leave for no reason, he fought the impulse to run, to run anywhere, just to get away.

"You alright mate?" Harry asked, looking worriedly at his best friend. He really was completely clueless.

"Yeah, bloody brilliant," Ron replied to his bacon. He mumbled something about getting his books as he stood and started to walk away, leaving a bewildered Harry sitting at Gryffindor table wondering why Ron would need books on a Saturday.