The Hedwig Chronicles

THE HEDWIG CHRONICLES

The Tumultuous Tirade

Cassandra Sanscrit had already known that, this time around, there wouldn't be much happiness filling this supposedly magical evening. In fact, no, she should have known that it would have reached a peak, a peak she most despised, especially since it was all fuelled by this inexplicable hatred she could observe everytime it happened. Merlin, she should have known to hold back and leave them be... leave him be.

Lily Evans was God knew where, probably off snogging James, and she had been all alone in the sea created by the remaining handful of young men who had picked Ogden's Old Firewhisky over her company.

She had gone hard on them, she couldn't deny... especially on him. He knew just which buttons to push to set her off like a Fillibuster bomb. He probably knew her too well. Too much.

Cassandra bit her lip and lowered her head over her knees, closing her eyes against everything that threatened to spill in rivers of broken rage. She hated it, hated it all. How could he just push her away and dismiss her like a pile of old rotten apples? How could they? She knew she shouldn't cry over petty little things such as what her best friend's boyfriend's best mates thought and said about and to her, but it didn't stop the fact that it hurt to be forgotten.

She hadn't looked forward to the Leaving Ball but there was always the fact that she was never going to see these people with whom she'd lived with for seven whole years that tortured her now that she thought about it. And here she was, though, up in the Gryffindor Tower, drinking Firewhisky all by herself to drown her state of pain in liquor. It wasn't like anybody cared what she did on this wild night. Surely there were people down there getting high on Bertie Botts' Flower Power Beans... or something even more alluring and despicable at once.

It burnt her throat when she swallowed her next swig.

How could people drink that stuff and not turn out sick?

"Hedwig?"

Cassandra pursed her lips and leaned back on the alcove, drowning out the offending voice as she groaned to herself and tried desperately to make herself become invisible.

"I'll stay right here and pretend I'm part of the décor," she though to herself out loud grimly.

Someone snorted somewhere to her right. "That would be hard, considering I found you first."

Cassandra opened wide eyes at the sound of the familiar voice. "Plus, you have such beautiful dress robes and you're rather hard to miss."

Cassandra rolled her eyes. Her dress robes were a tender lavender and glowed an eerie silver in the bright moonlight. Her blonde curls were wisped up but a few tendrils grazed her face. Right now, though, it only felt to her like he was only trying to get into her good graces to avoid being hexed into next week.

She looked out towards the lake and gritted her teeth. "I'd much rather you didn't talk to me for the rest of my lonesome days... like you used to."

There had always been a never-spoken-of feud between Cassandra Sanscrit and Sirius Black. It wasn't over drastic... just the ordinary. They had been the best of friends in their childhood but had parted when Sirius had befriended James Potter and, a few years later, at Hogwarts, Remus Lupin. Peter Pettigrew had formed the circle and never again had Sirius Black noticed her, unless you counted the times she and Lily had gone over to talk to the boys to admonish them or, later, to form a larger circle of friends. But Sirius had never made any attempt at reconstructing their friendship.

"You don't mean that, Hedwig."

She fought to remain cool but her next words left her mouth and felt much like a hard smack in his face. "Stop calling me that," she groaned, although she didn't turn to stare into his eyes, which would probably be a shade of aqua in this particular light, she thought. Moon-struck night, those that filled the evening skies even though it wasn't a full moon, they amazed her every time. "You haven't called me that in years so I don't see the use in starting to now. It's not like it'll change everything you've said and done."

"Me?" Sirius burst out, all aghast. "Me? What about - "

"You're the one who deemed it right to leave poor little Hedwig alone to fend for herself. Well, you know what? Fend for myself I did, and look what you've become." She finally turned to face him.

He raised an eyebrow sharply, daring her to continue her tirade.

"You've become a self-centered prat, Sirius Black, like the rest of your family."

"Oh, and what gives me the splendid honour to receive such compliments?"

Cassandra pursed her lips in anger and felt the tears brim and sting her eyes. This was what they resorted to every time they met. It started to royally piss her off.

"You know what, Sirius?" she spat defiantly. "It's time you looked around. There are people outside of your bloody circle of marauders. So ring me when you do open your eyes and see."

Sirius couldn't have looked more angered. "Great. Thank you. I do, as a matter of fact, see you, Hedwig. Guess why I came all the way up the bloody Tower. I wanted to take a leak?" He snorted bitterly. "Right. No, you see, I saw a pretty girl go up all on her own and I wanted to know what bothered her so... I guess I shouldn't have... oh, dummy old me... I should have known not to be nice. Next time I'll just throw the punch bowl at your pretty face and tell you to bugger the hell off." He had advanced towards her and was now towering over Cassandra. He stared at her hard through aquamarine eyes. "Is that what you want, Hedwig?"

Cassandra fought hard to keep her own gaze steady, but the tears brimming her eyes thickened and suddenly she felt the hot salty liquid burning her cheeks, and all she could think about was how she wanted to just get out... get lost as the wind howled in her ears and made her dream at night when she gazed out at the thick white night.

The insistent voice repeated itself. "Is that what you want?" There was more edge to his voice. What it brooked, she couldn't exactly figure out what, but it chilled her to the bone. There was a different kind of intensity in his voice, one that she'd never... She'd never seen him this serious in her entire life.

She hadn't realised she had closed her eyes to block out the tears from falling freely until he spoke again. "Hedwig, do you want me to shut you out completely?" he croaked out, apparently on the verge of tears as well. "Tell me, so I know what... what you want."

Cassandra never got the chance to reply or explain herself. Her entire body grew taut and suddenly she felt the beginnings of her transformation. She opened her teary eyes to watch as Sirius's face turned to astonishment. She wanted out. She wanted free. Nothing sounded so true to her own ears right now than freedom.

And she soared off out the open window into the night.

- - - - - - - - -

Sirius's astonishment faded very slowly as the realisation finally hit him straight in the chest. Hedwig was more than just a gifted young witch.

"Where are you going?" asked a rather pissed Peter as he caught Sirius drunkenly by the sleeve before he could weasel out of his way.

Sirius was too preoccupied to notice that a rather large portion of the party's attendees was on the floor dancing something that vaguely reminded him of swing. Lily would be on the floor then, but the thought flitted through his head only a short second. He tugged free of Peter's vice-like grip and pushed him towards a Hufflepuff girl before dashing away and out of the castle.

Where had she gone? He thought of actually calling her, but it would inevitably result in nothing at all - Hedwig was so obstinate - so he quickly resorted to the one place he knew she liked more than her silly fat people photographs collection... And he wondered with a pang to the heart if she had actually kept that collection growing at all.

The lake. The one place in the world where he was sure she was at peace. Lily had more than once told him she would rather study and practice Charms there than any place in the world. He vaguely knew why.

His mum had allowed him at the park on the sole and strict condition that he came back at five sharp and not the least bit stained. He had grumbled a bit but Hedwig came from a respectable wizarding family and it was far better than having to have Regulus tag along. The lad usually twisted every story around to his advantage so that the blame was fired towards Sirius.

So he had gone and had led Hedwig to the park, where he had proceeded to take her to a quiet little pond behind a huge grey rock. They had climbed on it and had stared at the reflected blue skies on the surface of the water. Even then, magic had been a part of his life, but even then, nothing had ever seemed so magical to the small black haired boy as the sullen silence that surrounded them for hours, and the sight, and the sun that set in the distance, and the moss that had filled his nostrils.

He could smell it even now, as he walked and discovered the frail body of the strong young woman before him. He felt suddenly disheartened as he heard the soft whimpering sounds rolling out of her mouth to dive in straight at him and shake him to the core. She was crying, and it was all because of him. How could he?

Suddenly not so caring about his clean dress robes, Sirius knelt down in front of Cassandra and pulled her gently to his chest in a tight embrace. Burying his nose in her hair, he closed his eyes and breathed in the scent of Cassandra.

"I'm sorry," she whispered as other tears rolled out of her eyes. "I've been under so much stress lately."

Sirius pulled sharply to stare at her in the dark. "What's - what's wrong?"

Hedwig bit her lip and became very serious before wiping her eyes with the back of her palm. "I really - I shouldn't be telling you this. I mean, I haven't even told Lily because... anyway..." She nervously licked her lips and set her eyes back on Sirius's. "Over the last couple of months, I've been... having... flashes." She met his inquiring stare. "I usually go to bed and have strange nightmares or dreams but, you see, lately, I've been experiencing... vivid, such vivid dreams that usually show Lily... drifting away. I can't understand it, she just won't turn around when I scream for her to get back here and to look at me, but she never does. And..." She curled up in a tight ball, looking away and distraught. "To tell you the truth, I'm frightened."

Sirius was seeing the young Hedwig again, the little girl who'd run to his house despite his mum's constant scowls and his brother's incessant whinging just so she could have him try to coax her down and tell her sweet nothings so she would forget all the horrors she saw in this nasty world. He'd been the strong one in these moments, but how many other times had she stood up and been curious and courageous beyond her years and everyone's expectations, not to mention smart and alert?

Suddenly she pulled back. "Why am I telling you this?"

His heart tightened weakly as she let go of the hand he had used to stroke her palm absently, and she looked up. Her expression brooked confusion and fear. Why fear? Sirius caught her arm and swiftly turned her around. She looked back up into his eyes and he was at a loss for words, desperately trying to find something to say, something to keep her here with him. "Why didn't you tell me you were an Animagus?" It was the first question that had popped into his mouth, but he had to admit that it was a fairly good question, considering...

Her mouth hung agape and she tried to close it many time, although unsuccessfully. "I - I lost control. I wasn't supposed to - I didn't - it was a mistake," she stammered awkwardly.

Sirius smiled what he believed was his encouraging smile. "Don't be afraid to tell me." He laughed suddenly. "There are many things about me that you don't know." He sighed wearily, lifting a stray lock of her hair to tuck it behind her ear. "If only you'd given me a chance... maybe..."

That set her off again. She slapped his hand away and frowned angrily. "Who says you're not the one who never gave me a chance? You are such a bloody git, you know that? You and your lot of stupid marauders. You all think you're so great. They should all know what you're really like. You -"

Sirius snorted. "You're hardly one to talk." His mouth hung agape and his angry face quickly faded to one of apology. "I'm so sorry, Hedwig. It's just... I guess I'm shaken up by your revelation." He breathed in heavily and slowly exhaled in the fashion of someone who wants to calm down before revealing something too. "I'm an Animagus, too."

Hedwig blinked silently at this shocking news, unable to react properly. "Really?" she asked disbelievingly. "Lily never told me - "

Sirius grinned as though remembering something particularly funny. "That's because James swore her to secrecy."

"When did she - "

Sirius inhaled and sat down next to her. "I think she found out only this year. She was raging mad when she found out, though, but James found a way to coax her and I think she eventually grew fond of the idea of having an animal for a boyfriend." He smirked wickedly.

Hedwig elbowed him. "You're so crude," she said, then sighed, looking at the ghostly castle in the distance. "Do you realise this is our last day here?" She hugged herself. "I will have spent seven years here and none with my first best friend." She paused, and then eyed him sadly.

Sirius looked down remorsefully. "I - I didn't realise you wanted to be friends still."

Hedwig sighed. "I did, and that's what you never understood, and - dammit, Sirius, why does it have to be so complicated?"

"What is?" he asked quizzically.

Hedwig met his eyes. "You, me, us. Why can't it be just simple?"

Sirius looked down at the sand, then back up. "Us?" he asked in a barely audible voice.

Hedwig's heart almost stopped.

"What do you mean, us?" he asked again.

She closed her eyes, trying to regain her composure. "I - I don't - "

She never finished her sentence. Tensing in his embrace, she warmed up to Sirius's soft but searing lips and slowly, tentatively, drew a hand up to tangle it in his short ebony hair and revelled in the soft touch that it provided to her fingertips.

"Sirius," she whispered when they drew back. Her eyes were wide open and daze filled them.

He met her gaze and understood.

She sighed contentedly as her head swam. She welcomed his lips, meeting him kiss for kiss, forgetting altogether that there were people a few miles away, celebrating the end of their studies away.

"Gryffindor Tower?" he asked, panting as he pulled away to let air in through his intoxicated lips.

"I thought you'd never ask."

- 6 -

1