Death Becomes Her

I married Sebastian Snape on July 24, 1958, shortly after my graduation from school. The wedding was simple, yet elegant, exactly how my parents imagined it. I was able to invite a few of my girl friends from Hogwarts, but I was not allowed to socialize with them after the ceremony. I was a new bride, and my duties were now to my husband.

"This is your doing, Edana," my mother told me sharply as she helped me into my wedding robes. "At the very least, do this one thing right. You must learn to pay for your mistakes, child."

And pay for them I did.

Six months later I gave birth to a healthy baby boy.

My mother insisted that we tell everyone that Severus was born early, that there was nothing the Healers could do. Few were fooled, however; it was plain that Sebastian and I had a loveless marriage. My family soon disowned me, a desperate act to save the family name. The house elf, Nali, continued to visit me until her death, when Severus was still a baby. It was then that I realized that I was truly alone.

My husband had little interest in me outside of our bed.

Sebastian worked long, hard hours at his job at the Ministry, running files and notices from department to department. The name Snape held little value in the wizarding world, other than the fact that they were of pure blood, but that wasn't enough to get a recent Hogwarts graduate a decent paying job. The money we had put food on the table and kept a roof over our heads, however, and Nali taught me enough about maintaining a house before she died that we needed little else. Our wants were endless, but our needs were sated.

I first thought of leaving Sebastian when Severus was two.

When I found out that I was carrying another child, I was less than pleased, but I knew that it was my duty to bear children. I told Sebastian my unhappy news when he came home that evening.

That was the first time he hit me. I was beaten until the child was purged from my system.

It was after that that I refused to go to bed with my husband. What was the purpose? Why commit an action that no longer held any pleasure for myself if the purpose was not to produce offspring? Sebastian didn't see my logic; he insisted that it was my duty as a wife to provide for him in this manor. When I still refused he forced me to comply. Soon after, I took to sleeping in Severus' room.

It was a Tuesday when I came home from the market to find another woman in my bed. I took Severus and went to my mother's. I spent an hour pleading with her to take my child and I in, to save me another day with my abusive husband.

"I warned you, Edana," my mother said in her shrewd voice. "You take a man into your bed before marriage, and terrible things will come to you. This," she gestured vaguely at my child, "is proof. And honestly, I'm not sure what you expected to happen when you refused your husband. Men have needs, dear, and it is our job to see to them. Now, you go on home and be a good wife. I don't want to see you back here again, is that clear?"

When I returned home the woman was gone and Sebastian acted as though nothing had happened. My husband and I had a silent agreement from that day forward: I was able to return to my bed without fear and I never mentioned his little indiscretions.

We continued living in psuedo-happiness for a few years.

In 1962, when Severus was four, the Ministry began using owls to transport its mail and Sebastian lost his job. Unable to find work, he left it to me to support the family. I became nothing more than a house elf, cleaning and darning for wealthy wizarding families. I never used my true last name; it would have brought my mother such shame if people knew that it was a Potestopes tending to their home.

Even with all that I had been through, I didn't know true rage until Severus' fifth birthday.

I came home from a long, tiring day of work. The family whose house I had just came from had five miserable children who took great joy in smearing their walls with the most disgusting things imaginable. I opened the door, readying myself to make a dinner and cake to celebrate my son's birthday, when I heard it: Sebastian screaming. I ran to Severus' room, my hand on my wand, and my heart stopped at the scene before me.

There was Severus--my poor, darling, baby boy--huddled in the corner, crying as his father stood over him, bellowing. It was when I saw the fresh bruises that I acted.

To this day I don't remember what spell I used, but I sent Sebastian flying across the room, away from my son. I hurried to Severus' side, pulled him to my breast as I stroked his hair and rocked him. He nuzzled into me, holding to the front of my robes with his small hands, as his tears slowed.

I might have left then, started new with what little money we had, if Sebastian had only stayed where he was.

He tore me from my son and threw me to the wall. I was punished severally for my actions. After the first ten minutes I went away, stopped listening to Sebastian telling Severus that men didn't cry, stopped feeling the blows. It was that day that my spirit broke.

I never again cast a spell against Sebastian, nor did I intervene when he had too much to drink and took it out on Severus or myself. I often wonder, would anything be different if I had? Would my Severus be a braver, stronger young man?

I look at him now, the son I once loved so dearly, and see but a shadow of that boy. I fear that he is becoming his father, a fate worse than death. I can only hope that his time at Hogwarts will be enough to change him.

And here we are. I have just sent my only son off to Hogwarts, there is nothing more that I can do for him.

I wonder, by taking my life, will I make things easier for him? Would his life be better with me, or without me? Will he ever notice that I am gone?

He deserves more than the shell of a mother, my shell of a boy.