Merry-Go-Round

First Impressions

The "L" word. Deanne Jenkins wouldn't dare say it out loud. It tasted like acid on the tongue, but there was no way around it: she just wasn't attracted to guys. Never had been. The idea sent her off on a merry-go-round ride that she didn't want to take, spinning nauseously to who knows where.

Everything became clear (or shall we say, confusing) the day she met Nymphadora Tonks. She'd seen the girl with neon pink hair get sorted into Hufflepuff... and fall down on her way to the table. Deanne had thought it was kind of adorable, the way Tonks blushed when she gained back her balance. It made Deanne want to introduce herself right away to this strange yet intriguing girl. As it happened, though, they were in different houses. Deanne belonged to Gryffindor, and because Tonks was a true Hufflepuff, Tonks rarely spoke during classes.

After an autumn Potions class, Deanne finally found an opportunity. Tonks had lagged behind to gather up her items.

"Need some help?" Deanne asked.

Tonks nodded appreciatively. "Thank you. I'm Nymphadora Tonks, by the way. But please don't call me by my first name."

"Oh, I already knew who you were," Deanne replied with a smile. She told Tonks her name, and the two girls kept busy putting ingredients into their bags while they talked. "Remember your little spill at the Sorting?"

"Don't remind me," said a bashful Tonks. Even through the low lighting, Deanne noticed that her cheeks were red again. "I already had a bad day in here. Snape can't stop taunting me for two seconds, I swear. He's so terrible!"

"Isn't he?" Deanne agreed, smirking again. "He failed me miserably on the last essay. And what's with that oily hair, eh?"

Tonks snorted. "But the look works so well for him!"

"You really should try to insult me when I'm not around," said a drawling voice behind them. Tonks and Deanne jumped a foot. The Potions master had appeared right at the very worst moment.

"I see you've managed to make a friend, Miss Tonks. Jenkins must be a bad influence on you. Sad to say that you'll be spending time together in detention, for your inexcusable comments. Ten points from Gryffindor and Hufflepuff."

Tonks bowed her head. "Sorry, sir."

The girls solemnly walked to the door. Outside the Potions classroom, a fit of laughter erupted from their guts. They had to lean on each other to stop from collapsing.

"That did not just happen!" Deanne chortled. Tonks slapped herself on the knee as she continued laughing.

Broken Mirrors

By sixth year, Deanne and Tonks were best friends. They cheered for one another's Quidditch teams (except for when their houses went head to head, of course), hung out in the library to compensate for living in separate common rooms, made sure to sign up for the same classes, and explored the village of Hogsmeade together. The more Deanne came to know Tonks, however, the harder it was to deny her attraction to her. Why did she have to be so sweet, funny, and most of all, beautiful? And those Metamorphagus powers of hers? Beyond cool.

At the last Hogsmeade visit before Christmas, the girls escaped the bitter cold by stepping inside the Three Broomsticks.

"Here you are, girls." Madame Rosmerta handed Tonks and Deanne their Butterbeers, and they settled down at a nearby table, shaking off the snow from their winter coats and boots.

A Gryffindor boy at the table across from theirs waved at Deanne; Lucas McFadden, who obviously couldn't see that she wasn't interested. Deanne sighed and rolled her eyes.

"Ooh, who's that?" Tonks sang jokingly.

Deanne shrugged. "Nobody that I like. He just doesn't get it."

Tonks tilted her head matter-of-factly. "But I've seen him do that before. Are you sure you don't want to ask him out?"

"Well, if he was a tad nicer," Deanne slowly admitted, "I might do that, except for..."

Tonks added patiently, "Except for...what?"

Deanne couldn't speak for a moment. She might as well tell Tonks the truth, if they were ever going to get anywhere.

All the words come pouring out in a flurry: "Except for the fact that I don't like boys! Okay?"

Deanne couldn't take being around the girl she loved at the moment. What was the point? Tonks would probably grill her on how wrong it was, and she might even end their friendship. Deanne quickly put on her coat and ran for it, her boots crunching through the inches of snow, all the way back to Hogwarts. Not caring who she shoved along the way, she didn't stop running until she was seven floors up. I need a place to hide, she thought, circling a brick wall three times. The Room of Requirement opened its enormous door. Deanne slumped down into a worn-out chair that was surrounded by piles of unwanted items. The merry-go-round in her head spun madly. I didn't ask for this! She changed her mind and rose to wander about the room. Deanne spotted a Divination book on the floor. She picked it up and threw it furiously at a mirror that was standing next to her. The mirror was only slightly cracked by the book. Her reflection showed a messy bob of blonde hair, fierce sea green eyes, and an expression of anger. Deanne walked closer to it.

"Break, you. stupid. mirror!"

She punched the mirror with each word, then countless more times, until it shattered completely. Pain shot up through her wrist. She returned to the chair and cried into her hands for a while, ashamed. Above her sobs, she didn't hear someone enter the room, nor did she flinch when a hand fell onto her shoulder. Deanne recognized the hand. She refused to look up.

"Hello, Tonks. I forgot you knew about this place."

"Deanne. Your knuckles are bleeding. Madam Pomfrey will want to fix that."

Deanne looked down to see that it was true. No doubt some bone had broken from the force of her punching.

"I wasn't going to abandon you or tell anyone, if that's what you were thinking. In fact," Tonks said in a hesitant tone, "I know how you're feeling. Like there's a burning hole inside of you, and no matter how hard you try, you can't get rid of it."

That's exactly what it feels like, Deanne thought, utterly surprised. Was Tonks going through the same dilemma? If there was a war waging in Tonks' mind, Deanne genuinely wanted to know about it.

The next sentence Tonks spoke answered Deanne's question. "I don't know what I am. Be grateful that you do."

Deanne finally turned her head backwards to face Tonks, who slid her arms around her neck and rested her head upon Deanne's head. Her hair had become a neutral shade of brown.

It was obviously no accident that Nymphadora Tonks had come into Deanne's life. Her presence had a way of making Deanne feel secure, like nobody else could. "Thank you so much, Tonks. For being here, and for opening up to me just now." Warm tears landed on Deanne's shoulder, tears that weren't hers.

"We'll be fine," her friend whispered. "I promise."