Damned for all Time

Now if I help you
It matters that you see
This sordid kind of things are
Coming hard to me
It's taken me some time
To work out what to do
I weighed the whole thing up
Before I came to you
I had no thought at all
Of my own reward
I really didn't come here
Of my own accord
Just don't say I'm
Damned for all time!

It is amazing how the man's enemies treat him better than his friends do. At least we showed him respect. I must say that I am thankful that I am no longer the one he is fighting against. No, with this one it is much easier to deal with him as a fighter for my cause. His friends don't know about the decision he made. That works for me. He's quite a good little spy. After all, who would suspect poor little inept Pettigrew? I have heard muggles say often that an important part of war is to know your enemy. So far I am ahead of the opposition.

He fears me. Not because of my power, that much I know. I catch myself staring at him often. I enjoy watching him for afar. The things he manages to do when he thinks no one is watching are incredible. It is that which first drew me to him. Once I saw the ability that he could not show in his classes or with his seemingly more skilled friends I knew I had to have him.

"Where are they Pettigrew?" I sit back in the burgundy velvet chair and study the little spy. He's trembling. That could be from the chill in the room. I prefer to keep my room cold. I think it helps when in private meetings like this. The cold helps the others pay attention.

"I...they...you won't kill them, will you? You'll just try to convince them to join us, right?" He bites his lower lip hard. I can see the blood begin to seep out of his injured skin. The poor child, he actually cares about these people.

"Now Pettigrew, you know how I work. Why must you question I fold my hands in my lap and raise an eyebrow at him. Does he actually believe that I will let them live? The Potters will never join me. I know that already. I am no fool. Those who do not join will be killed immediately. I don't want to have to deal with them ruining my plans.

"Fine then, I'll tell you then."

* * *

I've turned them in. *I*, Peter Pettigrew, have turned in my best friends. Voldemort didn't say that he would kill them. He didn't really say that he wouldn't either. What have I done? No. I can't start worrying now. James isn't an idiot. When he sees his choices he will join to save his family. I know he'll convince Lily to join and when Harry grows up...

Why does Malfoy want to see me? He said he had news that I needed to hear. I've been waiting in his room for over an hour. What could be taking so long? He always does things like this just to scare me. He knows I'm terrified of him. Who wouldn't be after what I've seen him do.

I shudder slightly. I've seen him do things that will give anyone nightmares. I've never seen anyone so violent. Or even so cruel and careless as Malfoy is when he has a victim. He gets to that point where if he kills them by accident, he gets disappointed and pouts until he finds another. I feel bad for his son. When that boy gets older...I don't even want to think about it.

"Pettigrew, My apologies for keeping you waiting, I had to deal with some unfinished business." Lucius entered the room while I was off in my own thoughts. I hate when he does that. I swear the man really is a snake. He slithers in and out of places in silence and strikes his victims before they even know he's there. I don't like that smile on his face either. It is the one that always send shivers up my spine. It's the one that means trouble.

"It's okay." I can't look at him. Not when he's like this. He's in one of his sinister moods and there's anger burning behind his otherwise unfeeling silver eyes. He scares me more than death. I would rather be left with a basilisk than this man.

"Are you always this agreeable? That could make my task boring." I take the chance and look at him. He's pouting. That can't be good. When he pouts it always means that...no! He wouldn't! Not with me! He couldn't!

Before I had the opportunity to scramble away Lucius jumps onto the bed and pins me down. "Now Pettigrew, you can't leave without your punishment." He grins down at me. Punishment! What did I do? This is his idea of punishment!

"You've been a very naughty boy and now you must pay the price." Lucius' grip loosens on my wrists. I try to push myself out from under him but it is useless. He's holding me down with his legs. I can feel them pressing against my own. His hands tear at my clothes.

"No! Please no!" I scream, hoping that someone will hear me and come to help. Why would anyone want to help me? Voldemort has been gone for quite some time. He was most likely working on convincing Lily and James to join him. And everyone else hates me.

"Yes, scream. I *love* it when you scream!" Lucius growls next to my ear. I twist and turn, trying my hardest to get away. Why am I so weak? I try in vain to kick my legs at him. Nothing works. I can't even move my legs and the pressure he's putting on them is making me loose circulation.

I won't scream. I'm not going to give him that power over me. Maybe if I just lay here he'll get bored and leave me alone. I relax and try my hardest to look like I'm dazed off. I think he might be falling for it. He has sat up. I can feel his eyes on me, scanning my body. It feels like ice.

No, he doesn't believe me. He's removing his own clothing and folding it neatly, placing it on the floor beside the bed. If I'm still he might not hurt me. I know that can't be true but I have to hold on to that thought. I have to hold on to my sanity.

He moves his legs. Here's my chance to get away. No. That would be a very stupid move. If I try to get away and he catches me he'll make it worse. Just let him do what he has to. I feel his hands on my hips.

Within seconds he has me lying on my stomach, legs spread. He's kneeling between my legs now, laughing quietly to himself. "You know, usually I do not do what I am about to do for you. It makes them scream louder. I love it when they scream. I am not going to worry about that with you. I'll still have you screaming however your experience will not be as painful as most." Lucius' silvery voice breaks the silence.

I feel something cold probing me. It's more uncomfortable than anything else. What is he doing? He shifts so that he is now lying on top of me. I can feel the heat from his body and it sickens me. You would think that something so evil would feel like ice.

I can't hold back the scream that escapes my lips as he enters me in one quick thrust. My body tenses instinctively. It hurts and it burns. Hot tears stream down my cheeks as I sob. The ring of muscle tears around him. I scream again only to hear Lucius moan in pleasure.

Then there is the blood. Its warm and it helps to dull the pain enough for me to start breathing again. My body relaxes and Lucius groans in frustration.

"No! It has to hurt!" He thrusts hard and I manage to hold back another scream. "Scream! Damn you!" His body slams against mine and I feel like I'm being torn apart. I feel dizzy and lightheaded. I can't scream, not even if I want to now. I don't have the strength to do it. My throat aches but it is nothing compared to the burning pain caused by Lucius.

* * *

I force my eyes open. I'm not sure when I blacked out but I'm mostly glad that I did. I move to turn over and a sharp pain shoots through me. I can only whimper.

"Finally awake I see." That horrible, evil voice broke through my thoughts. I force myself to turn on to my back. I yelp as my body presses against the mattress. "Does it still hurt?" Lucius asks with mock concern.

I glance around me at the formerly white sheets. There was blood everywhere. There's so much of it. Is it all mine? I feel dizzy again. I could never stand the site of blood, especially not my own. I roll onto my stomach and manage to move my head off the side of the mattress.

My stomach lurches. I throw up the entire contents of my stomach, the acid-like taste making me feel worse. I wipe my mouth as I lay back against the mattress, this time only wincing in pain.

"Oh, I forgot to mention earlier but now that I remember..." Lucius rose from his chair. "Your friends are dead." He laughs coldly and leaves me alone in the room.

"No! Lily, James! I'm sorry! I am so sorry!" I sob. It's my fault! I've killed them. No! It isn't my fault! Sirius! If Sirius hadn't stuck me with that responsibility they would still be alive!

"Damn you, Sirius! I'll get you for this!"