Through Tinted Windows

Chapter 10

There on the open plains

These widespread arms of mine

Take you away from all your sadness

Here in a long forgotten

Room with the open palms,

You laugh away the tears that chained you down for all your life.*

------------~~~~~~~ o ~~~~~~~------------

He hadn't meant for it to happen. It wasn't supposed to be so insane and so arousing. He wanted to just hold her close to him. But the moment he stopped her and he breathed in the wonderful scent of fruits and other pleasant scents all swirling beautifully together, he was practically beyond rational thought. He could imagine doing so many things to that body of hers with his own and what he had done a few minutes ago was just a fraction of them. He took pleasure in the fact that he could extract such a reaction from her and the craving to make her feel things far more intense than that was even more pleasurable.

Merlin, what are you thinking?! He slapped his forehead and grimaced. He had already vowed not to get into this kind of quandary and here he was, a hypocrite to his words. How in the world was he supposed to prevent himself from giving into the temptation when he was to be at such close propinquity to her? It was a great problem indeed. He was so tempted to just lie back down on the settee but when he attempted to go there, an invisible resistance kept him from moving any farther. He groaned. The tug was getting more and more insistent, which meant that she was moving farther and farther away from where he was at the moment.

Exhaling loudly, he stepped out of the room and into the hallway where he saw her turn to look at him, holding her little bundle of items. She had changed back into that provocative number he had seen her in earlier that morning. Punching down on the instant reaction that it caused, he scowled at her and walked forward. She waited for him to catch up with her and then, when just a couple of meters away from her, she began making her way towards his rooms. She stopped at the door and looked back at him with a raised brow.

"Would it bother you much if you would open the door for me?" Looking up at him expectantly and so innocently, he felt almost relieved. The awkwardness fled from him and he nodded curtly, removing the wards he always placed on his bedroom door, he placed a hand on the door and pushed it open for her, holding it there for her to enter.

"Thank you," she said so simply, as she began to pass by him.

He was sure that she would not do anything as she did so, but much to his surprise, she paused and kissed him intensely - capturing his lip just as he did her a while before - and just as quickly as it began it ended and she walked off. He was left with his jaw hanging slightly open, his eyes half closed and his lip moist. It took him just a few seconds to snap out of his daze and when he did, the glower on his face returned with vigor. No, no, no, he chanted in his head as he closed the door behind him and was ready to groan in frustration at the sound of her pleased sound.

"I've got dibs on this bed here! It's so much softer than the one in the other room!"

He turned around and felt his blood surge at the sight of her, sprawled wantonly on his bed. Clenching his teeth, he averted his eyes to an empty section of the room and began to transfigure a table located there into an identical bed to that which she was lying on at the moment. Flashes of images flitted through his mind - frantic limbs and mouths exploring skin covered in sheens of sweat, hips pushing forward to receive the fervent thrust into a warm sheath, nails raking down a slick back to press the buttocks forward, asking for more. His nostrils flared and pursed his lips even harder together.

At this rate, there was no doubt that he would end up making love to her. Noticing he had finished with the bed, he hazarded a glanced towards Hermione, who had been oddly quiet. His obsidian eyes fell upon her form and softened. She had fallen asleep on top of the black, silky coverlets of his bed, peacefully inhaling and exhaling. There was a strange smile on her face and as he drew closer, he noticed her rub her nose against the blanket and breathe deeply.

Whatever she was thinking, it was good, bringing a sense of serenity enter him. Drawing next to the bed, he pushed the cover to one side and carefully picked her up and taking care that he didn't wake her up, he placed her onto the bed, pulling the cover back over her. She snuggled in deeper and the smile grew slightly and he cocked his head to the side. His hand had stayed on her cheek, his thumb rubbing the baby-soft skin there lovingly.

His thoughts began to meander, taking many routes that inevitably ended up in the same place. He didn't know whether it was sleep deprivation or just insanity that brought him to such a conclusion, but he did reach some sort of revelation: he was just as much in the same position as she was. He was halfway, if not fully in love with this woman. He had fought hard not to face such a point, but it was meant. His hand slowly pulled away from her face and he leaned in, placing a friendly peck on her forehead. He kept his lips there for a moment, inhaling her wonderful scent, then pulling back. He looked down at her with a look of consternation on his face.

This was all so bewildering. He had never thought himself capable of such a feeling ever presenting itself after what happened in his last student year at Hogwarts. Then again, he never thought he would be able to go back to Hogwarts itself, being the place that brought back such great sense of nostalgia. He turned pensive again, his body not touching hers in any way.

He could not tell her - not yet. It was not the right time - the right place. It would be difficult but he would fight any urges to go any farther than he allowed himself to indulge that morning. Sighing quietly, he walked to his transfigured bed and lay down, hands behind his head, staring at the ceiling. It was a while before he turned over and finally slept.

------------~~~~~~~ o ~~~~~~~------------

She awoke to the feeling of smooth silk on her skin and a wonderful smell of spices and something so distinctly familiar, yet foreign to her senses as well. The combination of both sent shivers of pleasure across her body. Purring as she stretched her drowsy limbs, her eyes cracked open and noticed that she was not in her accustomed room. The realization hit her then - the fact that she was in Severus's room and in his bed. She brought herself to a sitting position and looked at her watch. It had only been six hours since the approximate time she fell asleep.

She looked at where she was located on the bed and was baffled as to how she got there. She remembered sprawling across the silk and loving the sense of being surrounded by him once again, but afterwards she distinctly recalled blacking out to slumber. She looked across the room and noticed a definitive lump in the middle. Severus was still asleep on his bed and he didn't look like he was waking up anytime soon. Putting two and two together, she guessed that he was the one who had placed her in the proper end of the bed and tucked her in. There was a tiny uplift of her lips and she threw back the covers. Stepping out of the warm cocoon of warmth that had been created by the blankets and mattress, she was welcomed to cold marble floors and she nearly hissed at the contact. She tiptoed across the floor, allowing her feet to as little contact as possible with it.

She finally got to his end of the room and stopped short as his voice reverberated in the room. "Come one step closer and you will pay the consequences."

It was a deep rumble, his voice rough from disuse, sending sparks flying and her eyes flaring. Her head was quite clear and she knew that sleep did not fuzz her brain. If she was feeling this way for the man, this was a certain sign that her feelings were not mistaken last night. The thought of that morning made her want to question his authority. Frowning slightly, she placed her hands on her hips.

"And what may the consequences be?" He didn't answer for a while, leaving her shifting her weight uncomfortably from one leg to the other. She finally got fed up of waiting quietly and gave in to questioning him further. "Well?" she urged.

One raven eye opened and looked up at her tiredly. "You will not be allowed any closer than you are now and considering the way you are looking at me right now, I would think that is a big threat."

She sucked in a breath and the delicate frown that was on her brow transformed into a full scowl. There was a slight tug of his lips, an indication of his amusement to her reaction. Getting even more irritated by that, she turned a heel and stomped back to her side of the shared room and grabbed her morning things and headed to the bathroom. What an insufferable man he could be! Slamming down her habitual muggle items, she took hold of the magically altered toothpaste and her toothbrush and began to brush furiously at her teeth.

She stiffened as the door swung open and Severus leaned lazily against the jamb. Through her anger, however, she couldn't help but think how wickedly handsome he looked when he did that, his arms folded. He smirked at her with aid of the silenced mirror and she glared at him from it. "What happened to the proposition of staying in the same room at all times?"

Spitting out the extra minty foam from her mouth, she looked up at the mirror at his reflection and growled, "It's still in place. Go ahead and take a shit for all I care." Mumbling incoherently to herself, she leaned down and took a mouthful of water to rinse.

Severus looked at her and was so tempted to just come up behind her and hug her, but it seemed quite inappropriate so he took the initiative instead to go to the toilet and pulled down his pants. Hermione let out an outraged gasp and he almost laughed out loud. Talk about eating your words, he thought evilly as he started to urinate into the bowl casually, as if she wasn't there.

Hermione had gone five shades of pink and red when she saw him go to the toilet from the corner of her eye. She did her best not to look and just kept on going, but it was difficult when his presence in the room always commanded attention. When she was sure he was buttoned up again, she risked a glance to him, and he had turned back to her and was smirking most incongruously. Her face was newly rinsed and was dripping water onto her shirt and she gave him a defiant stare.

"Are you done with the sink? I need to practice personal hygiene here or I might end up with a ghastly disease." Hermione pursed her lips at his comment and nodded stiffly, going to the towel rack to wipe off her face. As she rubbed her skin dry she felt desperately empty, needing him to do something more romantically spontaneous than what he was doing now. Her shoulders slumped slightly and she pulled her face away from the towel, a sulking look back on her face.

Severus was still at the sink when she walked - practically trudged - out of the bathroom. She wanted to just flop down on the mattress, but her chosen bed was just not in the vicinity that she cared to be in. His was, though, and so seeing no other option, she fell onto the bed with a big sigh onto her side. Curling her hand under her head, she stared listlessly at the wall she faced. The smell of him permeated off of the sheets as it had when she slept in. She heard him leave the bathroom after a few minutes had past, but she didn't bother to look for she was sure all she would get was a great big tease or a scowl.

She didn't see that as he closed the door behind him, his eyes turned a tender black tint as they fell on her form. Being around her was softening him and to put it all simply, he didn't like it. He liked to be the one who was the all hard, exuberating nothing but strength and male power. It was so hard to do such a thing, however, since he cared about how she felt about the things he did. Instead of pondering farther of his emotional instability at the moment, he resigned to talking to her.

"Hermione," he prodded cautiously, getting her attention. She answered with a tiny grunt, causing him to give a small smile. "I was wondering if you would help me with some of the Potions work that I have to finish before the break is over. Besides," he added dryly. "Our long rendezvous caused a delay and it would be good to have a helping hand to catch up."

She scrambled up and stood in front of Severus, giving him a pointed glare, her arms folded. "You are such an ambiguous figure!"

He blinked at her and she rolled her eyes, throwing her hands in the air. She began pacing as she ranted. "First you're all nice, then you go all cold and you push me away. Another time, you start off all scowling and then next you're all courteous." She stops and places face inches from his face, that doesn't move an inch, although she holds a pretty fiery expression. "Today - just today, you reject me, then you kiss me... and now you're back in your little shell. I don't understand you at all!"

"The figure that stands before you is all I am, a man incapable of the love you seek," he shot back just as intensely. "I cannot be what you believe me to be."

"Can't you see that you do?" she asked so helplessly. She grabbed hold of his shirt collar and felt him stiffen under her fingers. "You have the ability to love, you're just afraid you might lose that person or thing that it's focused on. I saw your passion this morning. If you say that it is not what I seek that you are blind. You saw how I reacted. You felt what you do to me. Severus, you are the one who spreads the fervor throughout my body. It's awkward at first - it's even awkward for me to talk about it right now - but I know in time that unease will fade." Her grip tightened on the black cloth as her eyes lay open, a window to her very soul. "Please give us a chance."

His mouth had gone back to its thin white line, his expression hard. Hermione was on the verge of giving up already, when he let out a sigh and shook his head. "I can't force it out, Hermione. It - it has been a long time since I've experienced such an intense group of feelings. I cannot rush into what I am still unfamiliar with. It does not feel right yet. I need you to respect this."

She moved away from him and headed towards the door, leaving him standing alone. "Don't keep me waiting too long, then. Until then, I'll be in the library reading a few books since we are still allowed such a distance. You finish the Potions stuff by yourself so you can think things over."

She closed the door shut behind her.

------------~~~~~~~ o ~~~~~~~------------

And think he did. While he checked the parchments of his students, part of his mind floated across in some other world that brought him to relive painful moments in his life. Family, lack of friendship, solitude the melted into the loneliness that Hermione said he had subjected himself to... he compared memories of the past long ago to that of just recently. He thought of the extent of his capabilities and the amount of time he projected he would have to make things right for himself if he did find the initiative to do so.

From every viewpoint, he could only see one solution. That solution was that he would have to try everything. The world may be large but he would die trying to see all of it - the good and the bad alike. He had been so isolated from it all - cooped up in his little cottage or in the dark dungeons at Hogwarts. On rare occasion he would go to have cheap sex at a whorehouse with some woman who needed the money and would have any kind of client just to get it.

He had only seen the disgust of others in him, their eyes projecting such a feeling of resentment towards him. Dumbledore had been the only exception for the headmaster cared for all those he knew. This only brought him closer to the depths of his shadows for his life had no real drive. The fear of dying had been lost after his first encounter with Voldemort, who had tortured him with various curses in order to show him just a portion of the pain he would go through should he betray the Dark Lord. That threat had not done any good as he had turned double agent on the powerful wizard and in the end it was not Severus who was killed but the supposedly 'almighty' Voldemort.

After that period of his life, he had not bothered to start over, for all the hope he had was dead... or so he thought until he met Hermione for the second time. She provoked so many strange reactions from him - jealousy, raging passion, a gut-wrenching guilt and a sense of concern for another individual. She answered many of his problems, but with that came others just as significant as the previous ones. He believed he had nothing to lose - that was because he had nothing to start with. He did not care for others - that was because he did not care for himself. She brought substance to his empty life, making him care as he had never done before. The solitude he had been satisfied with for so long now felt like a suffocating feeling - the loneliness that she had mentioned just a few days ago.

She brought love. As substandard as the statement seemed, it was what it was. He could put it in no other form for it would lack an importance to it. And here he was, in a room by himself, finally seeing what had been there all along. The movement of his feather pen stopped and he brought his head up. There was a certain decisive scowl on his face and he practically toppled the chair down as he shoved it back with the mere motion of his legs. Throwing down the pen, he walked out the door to his study and headed straight for the library.

Hermione lay on her stomach on the carpet, swinging her legs in the air as she read a book on the wizard standpoint of physics. What muggles categorized as quantum physics, or the total theoretical area of the science, the wizards explained with absolute thoroughness. The problem with dimensions, supernatural energies, the wave phenomena and the explanation of light was all in the book. She had only gotten through the first two chapters when the door swung open, revealing the tall monochrome form Severus Snape. She was jolted by the sudden sound behind her and turned with an inquisitive look on her face.

"Severus," she acknowledged, and got up, dusting herself off.

She couldn't be bothered to go back to her room so she just transfigured the clothes she wore into something she felt more comfortable in; jean shorts, frayed at the ends and a one-sleeved faded blue shirt that clung to her curves. Placing her hands in her pockets she regarded him quietly, waiting for him to give some sort of answer - or sign that he came to a conclusion.

Her palms were sweating from the nervousness. It had taken her a whole hour to calm herself down and the two hours that followed were used to keep her mind from thinking about the subject. The jumpiness she had suppressed for that long, returned as her anxiety heightened at the presence of the man.

"So," she said quietly, her eyes focused on his feet. "Have you come to a consensus yet?"

He said nothing in return, just stood there meters away from her, watching predatorily. She bit her lip and glanced up at his face, only to look down again. What happened to all the bravado I had before? Licking her lips, she rolled her shoulders slightly and avoided eye contact. The rustle of cloth caught her attention and her body stiffened as she saw him come forth. He stopped just centimeters away from her, his breath shifting the hairs on top of her head.

A warm hand held her chin and gently tipped it up, forcing her to look into the face of the one she had professed her love to. Slowly, she brought her eyes to look into his and was overjoyed by what she saw there. As if to confirm her observations, he finally took the initiative to speak. The voice was wicked and low, bringing back the sparks to her body.

"I have seen that you are a beneficial factor in my life," he began. "You have given me a reason to live and seen through the many walls I have placed before me to keep others away. Because of this I am more than elated to say that -"

An insistent knock on the front door broke the moment as the two brought their attention to rude interruption. Hermione moaned in displeasure as Severus let go of her and made his way out of the library. Before he left, he shot her one intense glance over his shoulder. "We're not through yet. There is still a lot to be said."

As he made his way to the front door, Hermione followed as well, her hands clenched at her sides. She was going to mutilate the individual who came to bother them. She neared the front when Severus opened it, his eyes widening. From her angle, she could not see who it was, but it was obvious that it wasn't a usual guest.

"What are you doing here? How did you get here?" he questioned incredulously.

Hermione peered around him and forgot the fury, gasping in delight at who she saw.

"Meg!"