Through Tinted Windows

Chapter 9

Remember, remember, this is now, and now, and now. Live it, feel it, cling to it.

I want to become acutely aware of all I've taken for granted.

- Sylvia Plath

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"What?" he asked dumbfounded, earning him the roll of her eyes.

"Severus, will you please wake up?" She looked at her wristwatch and scrutinized it. "From what I can deduce, a total of... approximately eight point fourteen meters has been deducted from our original radius."

"And how, pray tell, did you figure that out?"

"Well, according to what Dumbledore said, by the end of the week, we will be able to go no farther than one meter apart from one another. If you subtract that from the total - twenty meters - then divide that result with the number of days, being seven, then multiply it by four since we've been here a total of four days since the Bachelor's Auction, you end up with the number eight point one four meters. Our radius is therefore ten point eighty six meters."

"I am officially stuck with an absolute education freak," he muttered, running a hand through his hair.

"Hey," she protested. "Look who's talking!"

"So what do you propose we do now?" he asked in his old acidic tone.

She shrugged. "Your room is farther than eleven meters from my room. We won't be able to sleep separately, I suppose."

She paused then began to blush as she realized what she had just said. It was his turn to roll his eyes. "Ah, and her brain finally functions for more practical purposes."

She shot him a pointed look. "What? And figuring out how much personal space we get now isn't practical?"

He began muttering under his breath and grabbing her arm, half-dragged her to the living room. There was already a cheery fire in the hearth and Severus cursed the one who made it, needing to do something physical to loosen the tension that had built up in his body. Ungracefully, he fell onto the settee and sighed exasperated and weary. "I really don't want to bother with this right now."

"Well we have to if we want a place to sleep," she pressed on in her usual insistent nature.

He expelled another loud breath. Hermione felt the frustration well up as she watched him lie lazily on the chair. Sudden flashbacks of him speaking snapped in her. "It was my fault..." "You have so much... love..." This was her window of opportunity. She had told herself that she was in the process of having very serious feelings about him just earlier and hearing the heart-wrenching tale of his childhood only attracted her to him even more. He had just been broken for so long; so lonely and no one was ever there for him to support him. And here was the chance for her to show him that there were still many possibilities, even if he believed the prospect of such was dim.

She had the basic layout of the house and there was only one other place that someone was allowed to sleep, which was where they were at that moment. The living room, however, was still a long distance from both rooms and the fact was that eventually, they'd end up in the same room one way or another. She now could see why the hosts of the auction had placed such a rule. It forced the participants to be in a more intimate environment, thus there were two extremes that became an option: utter attraction or utter repulsion with each other. In her case, she could see it was the more positive of the two - if falling in love with someone who was not acquainted with pure joy was a good thing.

Clearing her throat to get his attention, she placed her hands behind her back and began to pace slowly around there room. "Well, first of all, we must consider the fact that we will be forced to be no more than one meter apart in a just a few more days." She hoped that her voice would not tremble when she spoke. "Because of this, I believe that it would be wise for us to get used to the situation by - from now on - staying in the same room at all times."

Severus barked out a laugh. "Oh that's a great thought. Just think of it: while I taking a piss in the loo, you're there, bathing in the tub filled with suds. Ingenious, Hermione, quite ingenious," he mocked, making her turn red in both embarrassment and anger.

"Oh fine," she burst, throwing her arms out to express her anger. "Then you figure something out. I can tell you this though: come a few days, you'll be eating your words when you feel all funny while we do just that only in utter humiliation because you're just not used to my presence!"

Folding her arms she turned away from him to glare at the fire. She felt the same sinking feeling come along once again that she had felt when he left her there in the kitchen to collect the vial of painkillers. This time, however, it felt far more intense as the sense of loss was all the more severe due to the further attraction she had towards him.

"Bloody hell," he growled out of the blue and she turned in time to see him jump of the settee and run his lovely fingers through the silky black strands of his hair. "Do you want the truth, Hermione? Do you want the whole Merlin-forbidden truth?!"

She gave him a curious look and jolted when he grasped her shoulders to anchor her close to him. He brought his face down until they were both at eye-level - his spitting black fire while hers were a nervous caramel color. His breath was coming out in short gasps and the smell of coffee wafted into her nostrils, bringing her body to swift awareness. Just a few inches, Hermione, a voice said in her head. A few more inches and you could be kissing that hard line called a mouth and turn it into the warm lips you hope will spark that passion in you. He shook her shoulders, forcing her to answer him.

"Yes, I would like to know why you're so reluctant about the whole set-up." She was being her utmost honest self with him and the least he could do now was to be more so with her than he was being at the moment. She threw back the uncharacteristic sexual urges she was feeling and looked up at him, inadvertent and expectant.

His eyes narrowed, as if seeing right through her and abruptly let go of her, placing a safe distance between them. He did his best to look forbidding by folding his arms in a very professor-like stance, but the hesitancy was there in his eyes. "It's because," he began, but he choked in a very un-Snape-like way and he glared at her. "It is because there is a high risk that your innocence will not be spared, to put it lightly. I am a man of great control, Hermione, but I can only go so far without... snapping."

"So," she said slowly looking to the side. "What you mean is that you believe you won't be able to hold back your carnal desire for me and by morning we will have had sex?"

He had to cough away his nervousness and she looked back at him devilishly. "Must you put it so crudely?"

"Oh, come now, Severus," she purred stepping towards him with a seductive sway of her hips. Her mind was screaming, no! Her instincts egged her on. "It's what you want, is it not? What if... I wanted that same thing, as well?"

He had been frozen in his spot, unable to move and by the time she had finished her question, her body was just centimeters away from his, the heat from both of them coming off of them in waves. Her lips were upturned slightly and on their own volition, her left hand began to trail up his right arm towards the raven tresses that framed his face. He caught it before it touched his hair, however, and pulled it away from him, his eyes burning in both disbelief and a deep desire that she had been hoping to see for so long.

"Merlin, were you actually listening to a word I told you a while ago?" he whispered heatedly, the confusion flashing across his face. "I killed an innocent child when I was seventeen. I've given myself to the darkness and here you are, offering yourself to me. You are aware of all of this?"

She nodded, not once, breaking her eyes away from his. "I heard loud and clear, Severus," she said, the hand in his squeezing reassuringly as he did with her when she had confronted Krum. "From what I understood, your mother was a force in your life that could not be overlooked and drove you to do horrible things. She may have placed the blame on you for killing Helene, but I place the blame on her for bringing the girl in and forcing you to see her hurt. I place the blame on your mother for ultimately wounding you. I do not, however, blame her for what you've become for - much to my surprise - I've come to love who you are."

She watched his eyes grow wide, his hold on her loosen and was encouraged to go one by this reaction. "You have coped so well with the horrors that you were faced with. It is no wonder that you have lost all your hope to find love for you have been surrounded by so much hate. The one person that might have brought you that light in your darkness was taken away."

"- which is why you should just stay away from me," he growled. "I will only end up harming you in the end and - and that is something that you do not deserve." He wanted to say something more powerful than that, but he wasn't all too sure about his state of mind at that moment.

"No," she countered passionately, bringing her face closer to his, a delicate frown on her brow. "Don't you get it at all? Don't you understand what I'm trying to say here? I'm half-way in love with you already and the prospect of giving up my virginity to you does not scare me one bit. I don't care if I give it up now. All I can see is that I want it to be you."

"You haven't even been with me for more than a week!" He stepped away from her once again, placing himself safely more than an arms length away from her. He didn't trust either of them to stay at all rational at that point in time.

She shook her head and smiled. "You really are stubborn sometimes. Well," she said with a shrug. "I guess I'll be the one to take up the challenge - although it's somewhat different from the original one you had suggested."

"What?" He couldn't recall ever saying something about challenges. He regarded her with a suspicious look.

She sighed in exasperation. "You had said that you were tempted to prove me wrong about the whole 'thinking of you more than in a student-teacher kind of way.' Oh, you've won that challenge by the way," she added offhandedly, then went on, leaving him no time to really process anything she was saying. "Now, it's still the challenge of proving you wrong, only under these circumstances, I have to convince you that I actually think of you in more than a 'student-teacher' kind of way."

He rubbed his temples. "Merlin's beard, how did we get into this conversation, anyway?!"

"We have to stay in the same room at all times in order to satisfy the rules we are under before they place us in a very awkward position in the end ruin an absolutely good relationship - may it be as friends, but more preferably lovers." She had said it with such ease that he began to question the innocence that she had regarded him with when they spoke about the whole pre-marital sex deal. He must have been getting to her in some way, he thought worriedly.

"Do you actually think that such circumstances are highly necessary right now?" he asked. She nodded enthusiastically and he groaned, covering his eyes with his hand. "Very well, we will do so. However," he added holding up a hand to stop her enthusiastic response. "I must insist that we sleep in separate beds for tonight."

"But -" Hermione protested, but he wagged a finger in denial, causing her to pout.

"No 'buts', Hermione. We are not ourselves tonight - may it be the lack of sleep or the story I had exposed for the first time - and we are risking much by staying on the same bed. I don't trust either one of us to stay rational should things... happen."

She wanted to plead for them to stay at close proximity together, but he did have a point. What if all of this was all just a spur of the moment type of desire after hearing just how suddenly life could end? He spoke sensibly. With a sulking look and downcast eyes, she nodded her consent. "I need to grab some things in my room -"

He watched the disappointment enter her attitude and felt a pain in his stomach. He hated to disappoint people - even more so with people he cared dearly about. His raven hair fell to frame his face, hiding the cringe he had. She tried to walk swiftly past him but his arm shot out and, with a cry or surprise, she was in his embrace. "Wha -"

"Sorry," he murmured into her hair, breathing in her exotic scent and feeling himself react violently to it, almost shuddering profusely. "Couldn't help it..."

She let out a breathy laugh. "Look who's irrational now," she teased lightly.

He refused to let her move at all; he just kept his arms wrapped around her as she stood there, wondering just what was going through that complex mind of his. Long moments passed and she kept wondering as he kept holding. It wasn't a while until he spoke in a low and slightly uncertain tone. "Hermione..." he called faintly.

The hum she emitted told him she heard him. He pulled back enough for him to see her face. His gaze searched her face as he had done so many times then flickered down to her mouth. She held a breath, then gave into her habit of wetting her lips with her tongue. Something raw flitted through his eyes and they became heavy-lidded.

"I'm - afraid... that I really must... oh, damn it all," he rasped and crushed his mouth to hers.

Ah, the sweetness! Hermione's mind went wonderfully blank at the first fusion. He demanded quite little - keeping the kiss simple but as intense as possible, as if asking her for her approval. His arms loosened their hold on her and she pressed her self more firmly into him as she gave into the fantasy of plunging her fingers into his hair. His lips were soft as she had believed them to be - warm and so welcoming. Tentatively, he captured her bottom lip between his and suckled it gently, extracting a satisfied purr from the back of her throat. The desire was now raging through their senses, driving them to press on and find fulfillment in each other.

Hermione's jaw slackened and Severus took it to his full advantage, thrusting his tongue into the depths of her mouth. He felt the intake of her breath that transformed into a quiet sigh as he angled his face to deepen the kiss, felt her fingers knead his scalp. She was intoxicating him and the thought that she was still untouched made her even more desirable. The shy stroke of her tongue ripped a guttural groan from him and he clutched her hips more tightly, enjoying the softness beneath his fingers. His free hand inched its way up her front and found the lovely mound of flesh, massaging it slowly. His erection was throbbing beneath the layers of clothing that separated him from her. And all he had was a kiss - an innocent kiss! He had not believed it to be so powerfully moving.

Her senses swirled in the passion as their lips met in a fervent dance - meeting, opening, pressing, then parting, only to meet once again. His wonderful hands - so large while his fingers were so long - sparked so many fires across her body, the tips of her breasts hardening under his touch. She could feel the sexual frustration welling in her loins and she finally understood why so many would sacrifice themselves for that moment of climax. The kiss - the limited touches - they were just not enough. Her hands began to explore his body, loving the simplicity of his figure. His figure was not big and brawny, nor was it thin and seemingly weak. There was a quiet strength in the muscles she explored, each vibrating under her touch and she loved it all. It became harder and harder for her to crane her neck, however, and she brought herself up to her toes, and locked her arms around his neck.

He began backing her up, blindly holding out a hand in search of concrete, their mouths relentlessly feeding off each other. His palm finally met the wall's face and he anchored her against it and his own throbbing body. His hand fell away from her chest and she whimpered against his lips at the loss only to moan as he manipulated her weakened legs to wrap themselves around his waist, keeping them their with his hold. The evidence of his arousal pressed into her center, teasing her; exciting her. Raking her nails down his clothed back, she began to shift against him eliciting more animalistic growls of approval from him. He in turn thrust against her, rubbing her sensitive area. She could feel the heat flow through her body; the flush that had crept into her face. His lips left hers and she was left gasping for air as they whispered down her jaw towards the soft skin of her neck. Her breath caught as he began sucking her there, his tongue flickering out every so often to taste her. Her head tilted to the side to allow him better access and she continued the steady rhythm of her hips against his.

Severus was hard-pressed to stop before things got really out of hand. He could already feel the urge to strip them both bare and thrust into her warmth then and there. He would not do so, however, as he was an honorable man. Murmuring into her neck and placing one more apologetic kiss in the same spot, he pulled back slightly, sucking in as much air as he could before he suffocated. Never in his life had he experienced such a forceful passion sweep through him as it did just seconds ago. The urge was still there as he tried to calm himself, but his desire to keep her respectable was greater. His hand still kneaded her supple hips as he pressed his forehead on her shoulder.

"We should stop," he muttered hoarsely, although reluctant to do so.

She was still hazy from what had occurred, her eyes opening slowly; lazily. The realization hit her like a slap in the face and she couldn't help but feel crestfallen at the halt he called to their actions. She was so sure that once he started he would not be able to stop, but it seemed her generalization for all of the male species didn't exactly apply to individuals like Severus Snape. Sighing sadly, she hummed her agreement. She bit her lip, however as she noticed he had made no move to budge from their position. She could feel her rosy lips lift slightly and she ran her hands through his hair, catching his attention. He brought his head up to look at her and she felt the desire race through her at the image he portrayed then.

He looked so young, the harsh planes of his face gone, leaving only the rawness of the man he was. His face was slightly flushed as well, giving a wonderful color to his features. He watched her quietly and thoughtfully with sleepy eyes as she watched him in amusement.

"I need to get down, Severus," she whispered the small smile on her lips lifting a bit more.

A little frown creased his brow and he grumbled as he gave her space to move. She couldn't help but shimmy down, rubbing her body against his as she went. The rigidity that entered his body and the strain on his face showed that the movement affected him in the way she wanted it to. Smirking arrogantly, she disengaged herself fully from him and - as steadily as she could - ambled out of the room. When she was a good few meters away from the door, she had to bite her lips from squealing like a school girl.

She felt so exhilarated from the experience. She had always imagined sex to be a chore for women, despite what Ron, Harry and even Meg told her. From a scientific aspect, everything seemed so obligatory for a female - the man getting the most pleasure out of the act while the woman suffered the pain of having the barrier of skin to be broken and should the mating be successful, the pain of giving birth to a child nine months later. What she experienced just a few minutes ago made her realize her great mistake and just how much she had been missing in life. Sometimes books and science didn't tell the whole truth.

She brought her hand to her lips as she walked. They were still tingling from their earlier activities and she was reminded of the lovely feel of Severus's lips on hers. Had she even thought of kissing the man when she was still under his tutelage, she would have ended up chucking up her meals for three straight days. It was different now, however, despite the small amount of time that had past since she graduated from Hogwarts and ceased to be his student. She couldn't even remember being his student anymore! She could just remember what had occurred the past four days - both the good and the bad.

Once in her room, she grabbed all the bare necessities and changed back into her night clothes. She was going to have him before the week was over. It was going to happen or her name was not Hermione Granger. Holding down an almost sinister chortle, she placed her things in a bundle and brought them with her as she exited the guest bedroom to move into Severus's own.