Through Tinted Windows

Chapter 8

Donnani yokutatte

Shinji kirenaine

Sonna toki date

Soba ni irukara

Kimi to iu hikari ga watashi wo mitsukeru

Mayonakani...

Another excerpt from: 'Hikari' ('Kingdom Hearts' Theme)

By: Utada Hikaru

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Snape's Story - Part 2:

"... GRYFFINDOR!"

The word reverberated throughout the hall and when Helene opened her eyes, everyone just gawked. The teachers and students alike just stared with incredulous looks at the girl who - despite her past - was in a house that had everything opposite to do with her. Sirius, who sat between Remus and James, snickered under his breath. He was going to have a kick at rubbing this moment in the Slytherins' faces. To think: one of their own turning against them! This was big and he wasn't going to waste any time before he got the chance. He was the first one to jump up and clap loudly.

Slowly, the other Gryffindors stood and hooted their congratulations to her. The Ravenclaws and Hufflepuffs did the same after a while. Only the Slytherins sat - in stunned silence as the girl hopped off the seat and, grinning all the way, took her place with the others of her new house. Dumbledore nodded and smiled thoughtfully as the whole thing went on. Something in Severus had told him this would happen, but when the moment came, he still felt a jolt of disappointment and resentment as she smiled brightly at the choice. His only hope to actually be with someone who probably could have been a companion of sorts was in an opposing house. He was alone.

His back remained slumped over as the food appeared before his eyes. No, he wasn't eating tonight. Getting up, he slowly made his way to the Slytherin Common room. He could feel familiar eyes boring into him from behind, but it didn't matter to him. He just wanted time to brood. He had just made it out of the large double doors when the pattering of feet started to come his way. He stopped, believing it was one of the Marauders again to bother him and braced his body for the hard impact. Instead, what he got was a small hand on his shoulder and a short shake.

"Hey, Sev." Helene's soft voice penetrated his dark void and his clenched eyes snapped open and swivelled over to her face, hovering just a few inches away from his. He jumped back instinctively, not liking to be in close proximity with others - even less girls. Gritting his teeth, he glared at her.

"Don't call me that," he growled in his best dangerous tone. It didn't quite exactly work as his voice hadn't really cracked to its lowest level. Instead, what came out was a semi-low 'don't', a crack in 'call' and an awkward end of 'me that' in his normal voice. He turned beet red at this and scowled even more at the girl.

"You know, you ought to smile more," she informed him in her uppity voice that was starting to irritate him. "It takes more muscles to frown than it does to smile. So take it easy!"

That was the final straw. He had to burst then. "Merlin, help me! Can't you just break down and cry already? How can you stay together with the knowledge that the Dark Lord may come after you since you are the spawn of Franco Lake, the most hideous of men?! Voldemort is looking for fresh individuals who have the background and potential! You have exactly both and you've betrayed him by becoming a Gryffindor! He'll be hunting you down and all you can do is smile about it!"

He was gulping in deep breaths by the time he stopped and as he looked at her, he noticed that she had lost the usual sparkle that she had. Her face had gone quite pale and rings seemed to appear under her eyes. She looked down at her hands in a bewildered manner and began fidgeting her fingers in a silence that made him regret his outburst. He reached out in attempt to apologize, but she spoke then.

"I know exactly what my future holds. Pre-destined, thanks to my father's large influence on it, I am doomed to a lifetime of inhumane torture and will be subjected to murdering innocents just because a man who desires ultimate power indicates that we do it. I live in constant fear."

She looked up at him, her gaze hard on him, taking him by surprise. Never had she looked at anyone like that. "You live in that same fear. I know who you are - of the long line of Snapes. You have intimate ties with Voldemort and because of them, you, too, bear the burden of your father and their fore-fathers. You choose to live in the darkness that consumes everyone. I choose not to for there is more to life than just the Dark Lord. He has great influence but you are the one who actually controls your own fate. I am not a coward."

"I am not a coward," he seethed, angered by her indirect comment on him.

"I am not talking about you, Severus," she told him, shaking her head. "You still have room for change for you are still young - like I am. The others - the ones in there - are cowards, listless followers of an evil plan to destroy the world as we know it. They have been honed to obey and to move forward. Some are, of course, will break down sooner or later, but they will follow no matter what. They have swallowed the fear whole. You are still taking it in, but you must prevent it. Change that fate to your own liking."

He looked at her sceptically. "I don't think that is remotely possible. You talk like an idealist, Helene. You keep talking about changing your fate and that I still have time to prevent myself from doing cowardly actions, but aren't you also susceptible to changing into one? There is after all - according to your recent words - still time to change."

"I know but -" she began, but was immediately cut off at the entrance of the Marauders.

Sirius, acting like his arrogant self, grinned wolfishly at Helene and pursued her, bumping into Severus intentionally. The younger boy, weighing a lot less than the burly Gryffindor fell back onto the dank stone floor and winced at the impact. James laughed at him and passed by, while Remus just smiled. Peter shot Severus a panicked look before he laughed along with the others and skittered by. Helene's eyes widened and she was about to protest when Sirius threw an arm over her shoulder.

"Come on, Helene, let's leave this greasy little git to his own kind," he said in a haughty voice. "Gryffindors know never to even interact with the lowly lot."

"Wait, but I -" she tried to explain as she attempted to extract herself from his grip.

"Don't even bother with them," James interjected, looking over his shoulder to Severus, who was getting up and dusting himself off. "They're all double-crossers. This guy either wants something from you or is making trouble."

"He is doing neither," she spat angrily and finally pushed herself out of the confining grip, giving him a fierce glower. "I initiated our conversation and I shall end it when and how I want to. You are the ones who are meddling now. Please leave me be."

Black's eyes narrowed on the girl who - despite her two-year difference from them - had the gall to question their authority over their fellow housemen. Sneering, he folded his arms over his chest. "You may have become a Gryffindor, but you shall never really be one of us. Stay, then with your little slimy friend. Don't expect us to come running to your rescue when they deceive you."

He stalked off, along with his friends as Helene watched them warily. When they had turned the corner, she looked back at Severus, who was muttering to himself as he dusted his robes. "I hope you're okay," she said hesitantly, training her eyes on the Slytherin patch.

He stopped what he was doing and shook the silky black tresses from his face. "It's quite alright," he replied smoothly. "I think that you're in more trouble than I am now, though. They'll be after your hide along with mine."

"Merlin, are they always like that?! It's so - so malicious; so unkind! I'd hex them the next time I see them," she threatened. "And believe me; I know pretty bad hexes as well! I was trained by the best!"

He chuckled, the thought of a slip of a girl defeating one of the strongest gangs in school. Raking a hand through his hair one more time, he gave a little smile to her. "That would be the day... Anyway, I'd best be off before you get into even more trouble. I'll see you in Potions tomorrow."

"Oh! We have classes together?" she asked, clasping her hands in front of her chest as the joy returned to her eyes. "I thought we'd be separate once we were assorted. Do I have the same classes as you?"

He was relieved to see that she was back in the persona he was used to seeing her in, but hid it behind an exasperated sigh. "We may share the same subjects. At this point, we are basically on our own because we are given the liberty to choose what subjects we want. There is a set amount of credit that we must fulfill and since we've done all of that in the previous years... well you get the point. The thing is that it is mandatory that everyone take Potions every year, along with Transfiguration and an Arithmetic class. It's already known that Slytherins and Gryffindors end up together for Potions every year."

She clapped her hands and squealed in girlish delight and he shook his head even as a smile spread across his face. "Great!" she exclaimed with a wide grin. "So I'll see you tomorrow. Can I sit with you? Can you be my guide through everything?"

He nodded then made some salutation to her and turned towards the dungeons.

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Present:

"So in other words," Snape said, leaning back in his chair, "Helene and I grew close as the year continued. When we weren't in classes together, we would merely look forward to passing time between subjects where we could meet and chat for a few moments. We spent almost all our free time together, much to our houses' dislike. We didn't mind it much since we had each other. There was a special bond between us. Yes, I know it sounds quite tacky; however, this is an account as to what I believed at the time."

There was a slight pause and Hermione held her breath and pursed her lips. She was absolutely bursting to know what happened that finally hardened him. The girl was sensible, from what he was telling her. That made her all the more appealing and made Hermione all the more miserable. At the rate she was going, falling in love with him was inevitable. She looked at him then and he had narrowed his obsidian gaze on her.

Giving an annoyed gesture, he said, "I can see that you are on the verge of exploding so you might as well enquire what it is you desire to ask."

She smiled weakly and then questioned him, although still quite unsure. "Were you - Did you... did you love her?"

His whole disposition hardened and he flicked his head back to throw back his hair as he did when he was trying to get a hold of himself. He sat back up and folded his arms, trying to get more comfortable even under the gaze of the one opposite of him. He cleared his throat then, gave an answer. "When you are of that age, you cannot tell what love is and what infatuation is. However - However, under the circumstances, I believe that it is safe to say yes, I was in love with her."

Hermione could feel her insides twist painfully at that and she looked down at her hands. She nodded silently and absorbed it all feeling awful about even asking.

"Note that it's past tense, Hermione," he added and her head snapped back up as her chocolate gaze regarded him. He was watching her intently, as if scrutinizing her reactions. It was a short moment, however, and he was back in his storytelling mode, leaning back in his chair and talking in the lazy drawl she had become accustomed to after a while.

"By the end of the year, I was growing more apprehensive," he continued. "My mother was going to come for her annual inspection and what she would find was her son fraternizing with to her embodied the general opposing force she was constantly trying to battle. Helene was that embodiment. She told me about it, but I refused to acknowledge it, though it terrified me that I would go to such extent and disobey my mother's orders to stop my actions. This led to the final phase of my transformation from a naïve little boy to what I am today: a jaded individual who is just tired of fighting the inevitable. I was taking my N.E.W.T.S. for Transfiguration..."

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Past:

The test was quite easy, to say the least. He had finished the quickest out of everyone and he idly looked around, pleased to see Sirius Black scratching his head in frustration as he tried to finish. If you had accepted the help that Helene offered, you wouldn't be in this fix, you damn lummox, he thought, almost sneering outwardly. Severus and Helene had spent the last few afternoons and evenings together in the Astronomy Tower studying furiously. When they were not studying, however, they spoke fondly of their plans for the near future. She had said that she was looking forward to the University of Magical Studies. She loved to learn and having more years in school proved to be a big highlight for her.

He was desperate to just get out of Hogwarts and he had told her anywhere but there was fine. She merely smiled at him and kissed him lightly on the cheek, earning her a blush from him. She had been quite open with him and this proved to be helpful as he became outwardly kinder, despite the fact he tried hard to conceal it. She was a great influence on him and his mother hated the idea. Little did he know that Helene would soon lose that role and would be replaced by someone far more vicious than the young 7th year girl.

"Will all those who have finished please hand in their exam papers quietly and file out in the same manner?" Professor McGonagall placed a small basket on the top of her desk and waited as the few individuals who were done placed their papers in it. She gave a tight-lipped smile to Severus, who, during the course of his career as a Hogwarts student had cause a few riffs with the Gryffindor House, still made her feel uneasy around him.

He returned her smile in a warm manner and quietly said 'Thanks' to her and he walked out as she raised a brow at that. He had just left the premises when a figure clad in a dark robe grabbed him. He let out a yelp of surprise and let out a muffled cry for help. The figure muttered and punched Severus unconscious. Slinging the limp body onto his shoulder, he ran down to a secret passageway and disappeared from public view.

When Severus's eyes were opened again, he realized that he was no longer within the walls of Hogwarts but in the dungeons of his home. He twitched slightly and realized he was bound and on his knees in the centre of an ominous area. There was light illuminating off of the walls but his eyes were still out of focus. He heard the clanking of chains somewhere in front of him and tentatively he looked up. He struggled to make out the form there, chained on the wall, but he could not see properly.

"Ah, it seems that my dear boy has finally woken up," his mother's reedy voice called, reverberating off of the stone enclosure.

He turned blindly towards what seemed to be the side she was standing. A soft hand turned his head and there was his mother, smiling coldly at him. Her hair was unusually unbound and she wore a black cotton cloak that drifted fully from the base of her neck to flare around her feet. He made a muffled sound and realized that there was a piece of cloth stuck in his mouth. He could not take it out, however, as another strip that was tied around his lower jaw kept it in place.

His mother circled him with folded arms, looking down at his pathetic form. He looked back at the wall before him and cried out in fear. There, bound with arms and legs spread, head lolling on the shoulder, was Helene. She had bruises on her face and blood had trickled down from her mouth. He saw her try to swallow and in the process wince. She was being tortured by his mother! He turned to his mother and silently asked her, 'Why?! Why would you do such a thing?!'

She stopped and with a swiftness that left him stunned, grabbed his hair and yanked it painfully. He grimaced but made not a single sound. He couldn't help the tears that sprang into his eyes, however.

"Look how weak you have become, Severus," she hissed angrily. "The Dark Lord will want nothing to do with you when you finish school at the rate that you are going. And all of this is thanks to that no good little bitch on the wall there."

Her grip on his hair lessened and she smiled serenely, causing him to shiver. "It won't be that way for long, Severus. In due time, she will be out of our lives and no longer a bad influence on you."

His eyes grew wider and his breathed more rapidly as his mother let go of his hair. She beckoned for someone to come and to his horror five cloaked individuals slinked out of the darkness. From behind, Persephone held the boy's head and forced it to watch them. He knew what was coming. They swiftly made their way over to Helene and they unlatched her from the shackles on the wall. Helene came through at that moment and cried out in fear, screaming as two held her down and three others began to rip her clothes away in haste.

Severus struggled against his mother's hold but she was stronger than he was and his twisting was useless. He could not look away at what was unfolding before him - he could not move as the first man mounted her and the others held her struggling limbs in place. The man violently thrust into her and she cried out in agony as he repeatedly forced himself into her. The man on top groaned in sheer delight as he found his climax and poured himself into her womb. He disjoined himself from her and the next man took his share upon her. She still struggled, but it was weaker then, her eyes streaming with heavy tears as the second one rammed into her.

An impatient fellow unbuckled his trousers and embedded his shaft into her mouth, moaning in delight as she made no protest to spit it out. The other ones who still had a hold of her arms and legs moved in on her breasts and began sucking and biting on them delighting themselves in the sheer torture they were inflicting on her. Severus watched the whole thing with out so much as blinking the tears that had streamed unnoticed from his eyes - each man having their turn on the innocent girl that he loved and cared for.

The deed was done and Persephone, snorting in disgust let go of his face and walked over to the naked girl as the men retreated to the darkness once again. She lay listlessly on the ground, her hair disheveled, her body bruised and bleeding. Her eyes were glassy as if already dead. The only sign that indicated she was still alive was that she watched Persephone make her way over. The older woman crouched down and smiled, stroking the girl's cheek in an almost loving manner.

"Kill - me," Helene whispered, inaudibly.

Persephone raised a slim brow and brought her head lower. "What is it you want, child?"

"Kill... me..." the younger one replied in a slightly stronger voice, though it was already faint.

The widow smirked and stood, making her way towards Severus. He looked up at her dazedly and, with a flick of her wand, the bindings upon him were taken off. Urging him to get up, she pushed him towards Helene. He stumbled but regained his balance and looked at her and regained some semblance of his wit. He let out a short cry and ran towards her, anchoring her shivering body to him. "Oh, Merlin! Oh Merlin, please forgive me!"

He rocked the both of them back and forth for a long moment, howling his regret. He was taken by surprise when Helene screeched and wrenched herself out of his grasp. He looked at her, bewildered beyond belief. He made a move to hold her again but she sprang away like a scared animal. Her lips were curled back, baring her incisors.

"Damn it, Severus! Leave me be!" she snarled and began clawing at herself, frantically, as if trying to scratch of the remnants of the memory. "Leave me. LEAVE ME ALONE!" She screamed over and over again.

Persephone walked over to her son and leaning over said in a low voice, "The girl is in pain. You must save her from it, boy. Kill her now."

"No!" he screamed vehemently shaking his head. "She has a future! She has to live to fulfill her dreams! She told me!"

"The only dream she has is for her to die, Severus!" Again, she took his face in her hands and forced it on the hysterical girl before them. "Look at her! She's broken, boy! Kill her now!"

"Helene!" he cried and stepped towards her. She was beyond hearing, though, and she curled herself up in a ball and began to rock herself back and forth as she scratched her skin. He turned and shot daggers at his mother. "It's entirely your fault! You did this to her!"

"No! It was you! You did nothing and that ultimately caused this outcome!" she declared.

His eyes went back and forth from his mother to Helene, as he desperately tried to sort the disarray of thoughts rolling through his mind.

"Let me die," she sobbed pathetically. "Just let me die. Please, let me die. I want to die." She said it like a sad chant, making him feel all the more helpless.

"Listen to her plea, boy," Persephone urged, shaking his shoulders. "She wants it all to end. Do it and you will free her. She'll only want you to do it. No one else..."

Severus stood still, watching Helene as she shed her tears. It took him a long time, but he finally nodded and jerkily took out his wand. Closing his eyes and wiping the tears away, he breathed to disconnect himself from the moment. His eyes opened and they were shuttered and aloof once again, the way Persephone had taught him. Raising his hand, he pointed the tip of the wand at Helene and she stopped sobbing and looked at him.

"Severus," she murmured, and brought herself to a kneeling position.

His hand wavered but he did not relent and opened his mouth. "Avada Kedavra!"

The green light shot out of his wand and just before it hit her exposed body, she smiled and was able to mouth, "Thank you..." The light burst suddenly as it crashed into Helene. Her body stiffened under the curse and as the light faded, her body slumped to the ground. She was dead. Persephone Snape won.

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Present:

Hermione said nothing. A cold silence had come over the both of them, Snape becoming pensive as she tried to hold the bile from her throat down. Closing her eyes, she inhaled slowly and exhaled, repeating the motion to remain ahead of herself. The urge to hurl had calmed to a more tolerant level and she opened her eyes to find him looking at her in an unsure manner.

"I'm... I'm sorry," she said, her voice coming out hoarse.

He nodded and looked away. "So am I, Hermione. So am I."

"But please know that it really wasn't your fault," she added taking hold of his hand in order to comfort him.

He shot her a disbelieving look and pulled away from her. "It was my fault. I could have prevented her death -"

"You were sixteen!" she burst.

"Ah, correction," he replied dryly. "I was seventeen. My birthday is in October."

"That still makes no difference whatsoever," she insisted.

"I was there," he seethed. "When you're there, you should be able to do something! I was helpless! I just watched as all five of them fucked her brains out and did nothing, just like my mother said!"

"Anyone would have been in the same state as you were, unless they were not human!"

An awkward silence washed over them once again and it was a while before Hermione spoke to excuse herself. She walked to the door leading to the hallway. She paused and looked back at him as he sat quietly mulling over the memory, or so it seemed. She sighed inwardly and walked out. Snape gazed after her, feeling so tired. From the timepiece on his wall, it indicated that they had been there in the kitchen for over four hours. Rubbing his eyes he made a move to get up when there was a slight tug at his navel.

"SEVERUS!" Hermione yelled suddenly.

Alarmed, he shot out of his chair and ran to where she sat on the floor just a few meters from her room. She looked up at him in a bewildered manner. Scowling down at her, he pulled her up. "What is it now, Hermione," he asked in a dangerously low voice.

"The distance," she informed breathlessly. "It's closed in."