Adaptations

Adaptations - Part 10

Gradually, the feeling of warm sunlight shining on his face began to make its way through the fog in Harry's mind, slowly melting it away and returning him to consciousness. Harry opened his eyes, expecting to see the barren off-white walls that made up his room on Privet Drive, and was momentarily confused by the variations of light and shadow, color and hue, that met him. Where was he if he wasn't with the Dursleys? He struggled to sit up and saw that he had been asleep on a couch. He fumbled for his glasses and found them carefully folded and resting safely on a side table. Able to see once again, Harry quickly realized that he was at the Burrow. He had been left to sleep in their parlor instead of up in Ron's room as he usually did.

Slowly, things came back to him. After returning from beyond the archway, he had barely been able to remain conscious. He had meant to return to Privet Drive but Dumbledore insisted that the Burrow would be a more suitable place. The Weasleys would certainly be more accommodating than the Dursleys towards Snuffles... SNUFFLES! Where was Sirius? Harry remembered pulling him back through the arch and seeing that instead of the human Sirius, he was Snuffles the dog. But where was he now? Did Dumbledore take him away again? He lunged to his feet and stood swaying for a moment before taking a halting step towards the door. Before he could get far from the sofa, he heard a familiar deep bark that told him Snuffles was outside. He staggered backwards and collapsed onto the cushions shaking with relief.

As Harry fought to calm himself, the door to the back garden opened and in bounded Snuffles. He ran up to Harry and stood with his front paws on the cushions and began to lick his face. Harry wrapped his arms around the bushy neck of the dog and hugged him close. The door opened again and Ginny entered the house. She was wearing muggle shorts and a loose t-shirt. Her hair was bound into a haphazard ponytail and she was thoroughly soaked.

"So, you're awake again?" she asked casually. "I hope you don't mind but he," she pointed at Snuffles who was also fairly wet, "needed a bath desperately and, since he refuses to take his human form, I decided to help him out with it. He certainly seemed to enjoy it, especially certain parts." She gave Snuffles a accusing look but the dog just looked back contentedly, his tongue lolling out of the side of his mouth and dripping onto Harry's lap.

Ginny came over and began to scratch Snuffles behind the ears; he responded by rolling over onto his back so she could scratch his belly. His tail thumped against the couch as she stooped and did so. Sirius had never been overly fond of this sort of thing before, Harry noted, and he certainly wouldn't be lying on his back with all four paws waving in the air in front of Ginny. Harry began to wonder.

"So, you decided to go after him all by yourself?" Ginny said with a forced casualness.

Harry stumbled to come up with an answer. He didn't want to tell her too much if she hadn't already heard anything. He didn't want to lie to her either. His mouth began to work but no sounds came out.

Ginny watched him search for a moment than snapped. "Don't bother; I already know that Cho went with you!"

Harry sat up and looked at her, wondering why she seemed so upset. Suddenly, her hand whipped out and slapped him across the face. Harry's head snapped back and he could do nothing but gape at her.

"How could you?" she asked accusingly. "I thought we were friends!" Her voice grew quiet. "I thought I was your friend."

"You are, Ginny," he began.

"Oh, don't even try." Harry could see that she was near tears. "I even sent you that owl, I told you I wanted to go with you. How could you just ignore me like that? Like I was nothing?"

"What owl? And you're not."

"Come off it, Harry, even Pig doesn't take three days to get from here to Surrey! You knew that I wanted to be there and still you left me out of it. You took Cho instead. When has she ever been there when things got rough? She even took Marietta's side when she ratted out the D.A. Yet you still trust her and not..." She drew a shuddering breath. "What's happened to you, Harry?"

"What owl?" Harry repeated, bewildered. But it was too late, Ginny had already turned and fled. Harry was left to sit and rub the burning red imprint of Ginny's hand on his cheek.

Snuffles thumped his head heavily onto Harry lap and looked up at him with dark soulful eyes.

"What did I do?" he asked the animal rhetorically. Snuffles just snorted, and sat down to scratch behind his ear with a back leg. Giving up on trying to understand Ginny's behavior, Harry continued to Snuffles, "Oh well, I guess we should get ready to head back to Surrey, huh? I'll bet Aunt Petunia will get a real kick out of you."

Harry looked around and pulled his trainers back on. He folded the throw that he had been covered with - it was one of Mrs. Weasley's handmade ones, he noticed - and draped it over the back of the couch. Snuffles began to sniff around the hearth as if trying to pick up the trail of some fallen crumbs. Harry looked at him and shook his head.

"Snuffles," he said quietly and the dog dutifully come over and looked at him. Harry looked into its eyes and tried to see what was behind them. "Sirius? Are you there, Sirius?" Snuffles just shook his head vigorously as if a fly had crawled into his ear and looked back. "Can you turn human again?" There was no response. "You can't, can you?" Harry said sadly. "Cause you're not human anymore." Snuffles wagged his tail and rested his head on Harry's lap. "What have I done to you?"

Harry gathered up his bag and checked that everything was there. He noticed that the Ting had been wrapped in the jumper Cho had been wearing, the one she had used as a pillow for his head. His flannel shirt was missing as well but he assumed that Cho had worn that home since he had her jumper. There was still the small pouch of Floo powder in his bag, so he supposed they could Floo to Mrs. Figg's and walk home from there. The coil of rope he had gotten from the twins was sitting on a table so Harry stuffed that into the bag as well.

Throwing his bag over his shoulder he headed outside to say his goodbyes to the Weasleys, assuming that any of them would speak to him. When he got into the garden he was surprised to see Mr. and Mrs. Weasley sitting at a picnic table with Professor Dumbledore and Remus. Snuffles practically bowled Harry over in his hurry to run over the other Marauder. Remus welcomed him with a hearty embrace and began to scratch his back roughly. Something important must be up if Mr. Weasley was missing work, Harry thought as he went over to join the group.

Mrs. Weasley budged over into her husband on the bench, making room for Harry, and pulled him down beside her. Harry's heart was in turmoil as he looked at the faces around him. He was still furious with the headmaster for what had happened in his office a few days before, and Remus as well, but, on the other hand, they had both come to help him when he needed it. To be honest with himself, Harry realized that he likely would never have gotten back without them, and he certainly never would have been able to retrieve Sirius without their help. So he was grateful to them as well. Harry said nothing aloud. To avoid having to meet any of their eyes, he just sat staring at the rusting shed behind them all. Finally, Professor Dumbledore cleared his throat.

"Ahem," he began softly, "Harry, I realize that you are likely still rather tired after the events of last night but I think it is important that we discuss what happened."

Harry just looked at the table, waiting to find out how he would be punished for this latest act of rebellion.

"That arch has been there in the Department of Mysteries for as long as there has been a department. In fact, I believe, it was to study that very relic that the department was created in the first place. Until last night, no one has ever been able to find out anything about what lies on the other side. People are naturally curious."

Harry looked over at his headmaster. "So I take it that there will be another hearing? Am I to be really expelled this time, or just threatened again?"

Molly looked shocked and Arthur clasped her hands in his. Dumbledore, however, just smiled slightly.

"No, Harry," he said. "This time there will be no hearing. In fact, thanks to some quick work by some new friends within the Ministry and the Department of Mysteries, there has been no official notice that anything at all occurred last night. People are curious, however, to know what happened."

"You mean that Fudge doesn't know?"

Arthur spoke this time. "No, Harry, he doesn't. No report was made of what happened. The last person we want interested in the arch is You-Know-Who, and if Fudge gets wind of it, well, we might as well just place an advert in the Daily Prophet and tell You-know-who ourselves."

"You mean Fudge is a Death..."

"No, Harry," Dumbledore interrupted. "There is no indication that Cornelius is anything but a fool. However, his office is most likely riddled with spies." He chuckled lightly at his own pun before continuing. "The people who will hear about what happened will only be people that I trust completely."

Harry looked at the old wizard and wondered bitterly if there was anyone whom he trusted completely or anyone who should trust him. He also realized that, at that moment, he just didn't care anymore. They wanted the story, so he told them. Molly's hand flew to cover her mouth when he spoke of the family being killed in the car crash and Harry noted that Mr. Weasley pulled a scrap of paper and a muggle pen from his pocket to jot down a few notes. Harry told them about his striking on the idea of Sirius owing him his soul and how the Fates had seemed compelled by only that. He described their hunting through the fog to find the rope, then Sirius hearing his parent's wedding song and following the sound to the rope. He didn't tell them that he had to fight with Sirius to get him to come or that he had to use the rope to tie him up to stop him from running away.

"I was just about to try to climb out when I was yanked back through the archway. I woke up to find you two," - he indicated Remus and Dumbledore with a nod of his head - "and Tonks, and Mad-eye in the room, and I reckon you know the rest."

"Fascinating," Dumbledore said quietly as he stroked his beard. Molly leaned over to hug Harry but he drew away from her. Remus got up from the table and motioned for the headmaster to join him. They walked a few paces away and spoke in tones too low to make out.

Harry thought for a moment about what to say and settled on, "Well, I reckon I ought to be getting on back to the Dursleys now. I appreciate your letting me stay the night." He tried to get up from the table but Molly engulfed him in her arms and wouldn't let him go.

"There's no way I'm going to let you go back to those horrid relations after what you've been through!" she told him. "You're staying right here for the rest of the summer and that's final. You can stay in Ron's room, or if you like we can fix up..." she sniffed lightly before continuing, "the spare bedroom."

Harry understood that there being a spare bedroom meant that Percy hadn't moved back home. He thought too of Dumbledore's words about having new friends in the Ministry as well as Voldemort having spies. He wondered which category Percy fell into.

"I'm sorry, Mrs. Weasley," Harry said, looking over at where Dumbledore and Remus were standing, "but I can't stay. I have to go back."

"Nonsense, Harry! I'll have none of that. I'm perfectly aware of why you have to return to that place every year, but you've spent quite enough time there this summer. It's time for you to come home and rest." Harry's heart swelled at the sound of Mrs. Weasley calling the Burrow his home. He wanted nothing more than for that to be true. But he knew it wasn't.

"I'm really sorry, but I can't. I have to go back. Please understand," Harry said almost pleadingly

"NO! I'll speak with Professor Dumbledore myself. There is no good reason for you to be subjected to those people for one more day!"

"It's not Dumbledore!" Harry exclaimed. "It's me." He looked over and watched as the shocked expression on Mrs. Weasley's face turned to sorrow.

"I... I didn't realize. I'm sorry, Harry, I thought you enjoyed being here," she seemed to be choking on the words as she spoke them. "If you'd rather not be here, I won't try to restrain you."

Harry grasped her arm to try to explain. "It's not that! Please, don't ever think that I don't want to be here. There's no place in the world I'd rather be than here with you all, not even Hogwarts."

Molly looked at him with her eyes shining as her husband patted her shoulder reassuringly. "Then why won't you stay?"

Harry shook his head and tried to find a way to explain. "You see, I can't stay now because... because I want to come back."

"Harry, I don't understand what you're trying to say. You're always welcome here. I want you to know that. If it's about Sirius... and those arguments we had..."

Harry shook his head. "No, it's got nothing to do with that! I know you were both just trying to do what you thought was best. I mean, I might not have wanted to hear what you were saying but that doesn't mean..." Harry thought for a moment, fighting to find a way to explain how he felt. "I want nothing more than to stay here, please believe me when I say that. But it's a tradeoff, you see?" Molly and Arthur shook their heads, so Harry tried to explain. "Do you know why I have to keep going back to live with the Dursleys?" he asked.

"Yes," Molly answered. "It's to keep you safe. The protections require that you return to your blood relatives every year. Albus told us that when we tried to adopt you a few years ago, after the twins and Ron had to sneak over in the dead of night to break you out of that horrible place."

Harry was shocked. He never knew that the Weasleys had tried to adopt him. Why did Dumbledore stop it? Harry knew it had to have been him that did. To maintain the blood protections, Harry reasoned immediately. His safety was more important to Dumbledore than his happiness. The Boy Who Lived, Dumbledore's secret weapon should Voldemort return, had to be preserved. Harry felt his anger towards the man who had kept him trapped flare again in his chest.

"I never knew that," he said quietly. "Thank you." Acting on pure impulse, Harry reached over and hugged Mrs. Weasley fiercely. "I wish it could have happened." He held on for a moment, dreaming of having this woman as his mother, but then, as always, he had to return to reality. "It was all about the protections... preserving them. And that's why I have to go back again now."

"But Harry," Molly began, "you've already spent more time there then you have other years. You can leave them again now, even if it is just for a short while."

"But that's really the point, don't you see? I don't want to leave them for 'just a short while'; I want to leave them for good. And that's why I'm going back."

"Harry, I still don't understand," Molly said, confusion written broadly across her face.

Harry looked at Mr. Weasley and saw he was equally bewildered. He thought for a minute. "You see, I have to reside there at least for some part of every year. I don't know exactly how long but usually a month or six weeks seems to be enough to keep the protections in place for the school year." The two Weasleys nodded. "Then, at the end of classes, I have to go right back to renew the charms or whatever. But the protections all expire when I come of age and that's next summer." Again, Molly and Arthur were nodding so Harry plunged on. "Well, if the protections are going to end next summer anyway, why should I go back at all?"

Arthur's eyes grew wide as he suddenly came to understand. "So you want to make sure that the protections are strong enough to last through to your next birthday."

"Exactly!"

"And you plan on staying there are a little longer than usual this year to ensure that everything is fully renewed." Now it was Harry who was nodding. "That way you won't have to go back at all next summer!"

Harry grinned from ear to ear. "That's it! I'll stay with the Dursleys all this summer because I have to, to keep them protected right up until I turn 17, but when I say good-bye on September the first, it's for good. I'll never go back there again."

Molly's happy countenance suddenly turned somber. "But where will you go next summer, Harry? You'll still have a year of schooling left. You're not planning on..."

Harry laughed. "No, I'm not planning on running away and skiving off my last year of school." He grinned wickedly. "Unlike some people, I rather like being at Hogwarts."

"Then where will you go?" Molly repeated.

Harry blushed and he looked down at the table as he spoke. "I was rather hoping that you'd let me come here."

Molly's arms were around him again in a heartbeat and Harry could feel tears on his neck as she spoke. "Of course you can, Harry! We'd like nothing better, isn't that right Arthur?" Mr. Weasley nodded, not only because he agreed wholeheartedly but because he understood that it would be safer to stand in front of the Hogwarts Express running at full steam than to try to stand between his wife and any child she chose to care for. "Oh, we have so much to do to get ready!" she exclaimed as she released him. "We'll have to paint the spare bedroom - I think a nice shade of green would do well, to compliment your eyes, dear - and new curtains too. I want everything to be perfect for when you come home! Oh, and you'll be coming for Christmas, too. Don't even think about staying at school, I won't hear of it!" Molly got up and dashed into the house; probably to start taking measurements for the new curtains, Harry supposed.

"Thank you, Harry," Mr. Weasley said as he stood as well. "You've made Molly quite happy. And me as well."

"No, Mr. Weasley, thank you. I wouldn't have any idea what a real family is like if it weren't for you and yours."

Arthur Weasley reached down and placed his hand on Harry's shoulder. It was a gesture that he had seen the man use countless times with his own children and now Harry, too, knew what it felt like; strong, trusting, and secure. With a final pat, Arthur left to join his wife. Harry rose shortly after, still feeling the warmth of the fatherly hand on his shoulder, and headed off to take a quick walk around the pasture before heading back to Surrey.

A quick whistle brought Snuffles out from under some bushes and together they left the garden. Snuffles bounded ahead, joyously barking at a bird as he flushed it from cover. Harry smiled at the scene. He might be a dog, but at least Snuffles was happier than Harry could remember ever seeing Sirius. Harry strolled through the line of trees that surrounded the pasture and watched as Snuffles nosed his way through the tall grass looking for anything that might be interesting. Harry sat in the middle of the meadow and gazed up at the clouds drifting by. After a few minutes, a shadow passed across his face and Harry turned to see who was causing it.

Professor Dumbledore lowered himself down into the grass beside Harry with an ease that Harry would have thought impossible for a man of his age. He folded his long legs underneath him and his robes formed a crimson puddle in his lap with his long silver-white beard making a bridge across it.

"Harry," he said calmly, "I'd like to speak with you about the things that have happened between us recently."

Harry tried hard to control his emotions and just stare back at the older wizard. He held himself still, as still as he was after they had hexed him back in Dumbledore's office. When they had put the truth to all the lies they had been telling him for so long. Harry felt his heart begin to pound loudly in his ears.

"I know some of the things that have happened may seem... untoward."

"Don't you really mean they were lies?" Harry snapped before he could stop himself. He struggled not to jump up and run. If Dumbledore wanted to talk, there was little Harry could hope to do to prevent it, but he also didn't want to lose his temper as he had so often in the last year.

The headmaster paused and seemed to choose his words very carefully. "You are correct, of course. Given hindsight, I have told you a great many lies of late, Harry, and made many promises that I have not kept. I regret them." Harry snorted but Dumbledore didn't react. "When I agreed to allow you to take control of your life, I had no intention of it becoming a lie. Things happened that I could not predict and I had to take action."

"Then what was the point of telling me that I could decide my own fate if you wouldn't let me actually do it? You said you didn't intend to lie to me but you did. The first time that I disagreed with you and what you wanted me to do, you... you..."

"I forced my will upon you?" Dumbledore suggested evenly. "I refused to allow you input into your own affairs and subjugated you to my control?" Harry just turned away, unable to respond. "But how was I to know that it was really your decision, Harry, your choice? How could I know that it wasn't Sirius already controlling your mind?"

"He wouldn't have done that!" Harry screamed. "Sirius isn't evil!"

The old professor waited a moment for his student to catch his breath, which was now coming in ragged gasps. "How much experience do you have with possessions, Harry? How much first hand knowledge?"

Harry wanted to snap but he controlled the impulse. He thought about it. "There was Voldemort, when he tried to possess me in June and I drove him out."

"Yes, Harry, you did drive him out, but then again you didn't want him there in the first place, did you? Any other?"

Harry thought back. "There was Ginny back with Riddle's Diary, but we know that that was completely different."

"We know that now, but, at that time, could we have told the difference?"

Harry ignored this line of argument. "And then there was Professor Quirrell, when Voldemort possessed him back in my first year."

Dumbledore nodded his head at this memory. "Looking back at those incidents it is obvious what was happening, but while they were happening, could anyone really tell if the person possessed was in control at any given time, or the possessor?"

"It was plain at the Ministry," Harry stated.

"Yes, indeed it was. But did you realize that Ginny was being possessed?" Harry shook his head. "Please don't feel any remorse at this Harry, none of us did. Neither did we realize it with Professor Quirrell, and I had known and worked with him for several years before he encountered Voldemort."

Voldemort! That was the key, Harry realized. "But in all of those cases the person doing the possessing was evil, it was Voldemort each time. Sirius isn't evil! He would never have caused me harm... Or do you think that maybe he was? Even after everything that happened, do you still think Sirius is evil?" Harry couldn't keep the accusation out of his voice and Dumbledore heard it clearly.

"No, Harry," he said plainly. "I never felt Sirius was evil. That was why it was so hard to believe that he betrayed your parents. He may have been impetuous, and reckless, but he was never evil."

"Then why did you just assume that he would act like Voldemort?" Harry's tone was sharp and cut deeply.

"I didn't assume that he would act that way; I felt that he could and I acted to protect you from that possibility. Harry, over the long course of my life I have seen a good many cases of possession. Most were as you have also seen; a Dark wizard takes possession of someone weaker and tries to take control of their lives. In your particular instance, and in other rare cases, the Dark wizard misjudged the strength of his intended victim and was driven out. In some instances, as with Miss Weasley, others are able to save the victim of possession. In far too many cases, no one notices the possession in time and the victim is eventually killed one way or another, as in what happened with Professor Quirrell. If I had only known," Dumbledore seemed to age before Harry's very eyes as he remembered this failure, "perhaps he could have been saved as well. Ah, but that is a topic for another time. I have also seen several cases where the original possession seemed rather benign." He paused for a moment to make sure that Harry was still following the conversation. "However, even when the possession began on the most cooperative of terms, eventually it always became a battle for dominance. Two personalities dwelling within a single body? It's not a healthy situation and I have never seen an occurrence where it ended happily."

"That wouldn't have happened with Sirius," Harry said, his anger putting a cold edge on his words.

"Possibly, but I was unwilling to take that chance."

"You had no right!" Harry shouted.

"I couldn't allow you to take that risk."

"BUT IT WAS MY RISK TO TAKE!"

Dumbledore took a deep breath before he continued. "As Headmaster, I am charged with the welfare of all the students in my care. It is a very grave responsibility and one that I take quite seriously. As the head of the Order of the Phoenix, I am also responsible for many lives. I take that responsibility very seriously as well." Harry nodded stiffly, acknowledging the statement but not fully trusting it. "I also feel a special responsibility when it comes to you, Harry. Your parents died as members of the Order. Voldemort has made repeated attempts on your life over the years and he will continue to do so. Your role in his defeat is vital to our success." Harry's face grew hard. Here it was at last; the admission that Harry was nothing more than a tool to Dumbledore, a weapon. "And lastly, I care very deeply about you personally. Harry, I've never married, for various reasons that are not germane to our discussion. I have never had children and, obviously, I have no grandchildren. But I tell you now, Harry Potter, I could not care for, or love, a child of my very own more than I care for you." Harry snorted at this. "I know it may be hard for you to believe now, given what has gone on between us, but it is none the less true. I will do anything in my power to keep you safe. Sirius was a member of the Order. He had shown on numerous occasions that he was willing to lay down his life in the struggle against Voldemort. I knew he was not evil and I also knew that he would make any sacrifice he could to keep you safe. That is why he followed you into the Department of Mysteries in the first place. He was willing to give up his life..."

"And you made sure that he did! You were willing to sacrifice HIS life to safeguard mine!"

"Yes, Harry, I was. I would make any sacrifice necessary to protect you. And I will continue to do so in the future." Dumbledore said calmly.

"Except your own life," Harry said bitterly.

Dumbledore shook his head sadly. "Harry, we both know that sacrificing your own life is an easy thing, because we are not the ones who would have to deal with the consequences."

"So, now you're calling him a coward, too!" Harry was so angry that he was shaking. His fists were clenched and his knuckles stood out white with the strain.

"No, I am doing no such thing," Dumbledore replied, still speaking in an unnervingly calm tone. "If you had been given the choice in that graveyard, would you have died in place of Cedric?" Harry sat back in shock, his mouth hanging open. Dumbledore nodded slowly and sadly. "I know that you would have. You are nothing like a coward, Harry, and neither was your godfather. Sacrificing your own life is easy; what is difficult is living with what you are forced to sacrifice instead." Harry closed his mouth and sat there, staring at the ground. "I do not ask your forgiveness for what I have done to you. It was unforgivable. But I felt that you deserved an explanation." With this he rose and walked away, leaving Harry alone with his thoughts once again.

The clouds continued to drift across the sky but Harry no longer saw them. His mind reeled with what Dumbledore had just told him. Was it all another pack of lies intended to keep him cooperative for a bit longer? Was he just being manipulated once again? Or, could it possibly be the truth? Did it matter, since the end result of either was that Harry still wasn't allowed any control over his own destiny?

Harry couldn't begin to answer these questions and so he set them aside. He picked up a stick and, waving it, caught Snuffles' attention. Harry threw the stick as far as he could and watched as all that remained of his godfather bounded through the grass to retrieve it. As Snuffles returned, Harry reached out for the stick only to watch as the dog ran straight past him. Harry turned in time to see the dog leap onto the chest of Remus Lupin and knock him sprawling. Harry couldn't help but laugh as he got to his feet to see the extent of the damages to his former teacher.

When Harry got to them, he saw Remus and Snuffles rolling around in a tangle of arms and legs and fur. He heard Snuffles yip and mock-growl at Remus, and was shocked to hear the normally staid intellectual reply in kind. When the pair rolled up against his legs, Remus looked up and finally noticed Harry watching them. He had a mouthful of Snuffles' fur and was shaking the ruff of the dog's neck as if he was an errant pup. Remus sprang to his feet and, shamefaced, began to wipe the hair from his mouth. Harry laughed out loud and Remus replied with a broad grin. It seemed to take years off of his appearance.

"Sorry about that," he managed to say while still picking hair off of his tongue. "It's just that I thought I'd never get to do that again, and then last night..." Remus was actually blushing with embarrassment.

Harry sat in the grass again and began to scratch Snuffles, who still seemed to want to wrestle. Remus plopped down next to them and joined in rubbing Snuffles' fur.

"I suppose I really ought to thank you, Harry, for bringing him back to me."

"Hmm?"

"Sirius," Remus said. "You brought him back to me, Harry." Harry raised his eyebrows in shocked misunderstanding. "Being a werewolf, I've never had that many friends, Harry. In fact, except for the Marauders, I haven't had any."

"But what about all the other members of the Order?" Harry asked. He knew what loneliness was like and he didn't want to think of Remus, however much he might be angry with him at the moment, as being alone.

"They are compatriots, certainly, but friends? I don't know. I can still see the fear in their eyes when the moon starts turning full. I've seen Shacklebolt double checking and reinforcing the wards on the room in Grimmauld Place where I used to lock myself up. Can people really be your friends if they're afraid of you?" Again, Harry knew exactly what the werewolf was speaking about. He saw that same fear in the eyes of his classmates. "Sirius was the last true friend I had. Prongs and Lily are both gone. Peter... was he ever really a friend? No, Padfoot was the last and I thought I had lost him again. You brought him back, Harry, and I thank you from the bottom of my heart." He looked down at Snuffles, who was wagging his tail to beat the band. "I think he's rather grateful, too."

Harry's face suddenly took on a serious cast. "I wouldn't be so sure of that," he said quietly.

Remus gazed at the young man intently. Harry was looking more solemn than Remus thought possible. After all, he had just done what the best magical minds in England thought was impossible and rescued his own godfather from death. He should be ecstatic, why was he so glum?

"What's wrong, Harry? You should be beside yourself that he's back," Remus said.

Harry just shook his head. "I am. It's just that I'm not so sure Sirius is."

"Look at him, Harry. I've never seen him so happy, at least not since we were at Hogwarts and pranking the Slytherins."

Harry somehow looked even sadder. "Yeah, look at him. He's a dog."

"Sirius always was a dog," Remus joked, trying to lighten Harry's mood and failing completely. "Listen Harry, just because he isn't changing back right now, that doesn't mean that he never will. Maybe he's just getting used to things again. Remember, after he got out of Azkaban, he spent a lot of time as Padfoot."

"Look at him, Remus, really look." Harry scratched behind Snuffles' ear and the dog rolled over in pleasure. "Sirius would never do this, even in his dog form. He never acted this way. This morning, he let Ginny give him a bath!"

"He did?" Remus responded. He thought for a moment before continuing. "Then even if he never regains his human form, he's still back and that's a good thing."

"I'm not so sure," Harry said cryptically.

"What do you mean?"

"He didn't want to come back, you know. I practically had to carry him back to look for the rope, after they let me take him anyway. He didn't want to go. He told me to go back and to just leave him there. It was where he belonged, he said."

"Harry," Remus said, reaching over to grasp the young man's shoulder. Harry shrugged him off and leaned back out of reach, "maybe he was just trying to protect you still, to get you to save yourself instead of wasting energy trying to save him?"

Harry looked into Remus' eyes - both sets, green and hazel, held a depth of sorrow and loss that few others would ever plumb - then replied, "You know, Dumbledore once told me that death was just the beginning of the next great adventure. Do you believe that, too?"

Now Remus turned somber as well. "You mean, do I believe in an afterlife?" Harry nodded. "I suppose so; I reckon that most folks do, one way or another."

"Then Sirius was ready to move on and I forced him back. He didn't want to come but I made him. I forced him to come back against his will."

"Harry," Remus almost pleaded, "don't beat yourself up over this! You saved him."

"I saved him from WHAT? Finding peace? Making a new life for himself where he didn't have to run and hide all the time? Where people weren't looking to punish him for crimes he never committed? Maybe meeting up with my folks again? Is that what I saved him from?" Remus was stunned, he couldn't begin to reply, and Harry continued notwithstanding. "I was selfish. I was greedy. All I could think of was that I wanted him back, that I didn't want to be alone again, and that I didn't want to be responsible for his death, too. So, I dragged him back. I didn't save him."

Remus leaned forward, meaning to embrace Harry, to try to give him the support physically that he didn't know how to give verbally, but Harry just collapsed back into the grass and stared up at the sun.

"Maybe we're all going about this the wrong way," he said at last.

"I'm not following you at all," Remus answered.

"Voldemort," came the reply. "We're all trying to find a way to kill him. Maybe that's just the opposite of what we ought to be doing." Remus shook his head in bewilderment. Harry continued, "If you believe that there is a life after this one, then it stands to reason that there is another one after that, right?"

"Yes," Remus said tentatively.

"Then one after that and again after that." Remus was nodding. "Then this life is just one short step among many. There are countless lives to come and countless more that we've already lived." Harry sat up and looked at his old professor. "So what's so special about this one? Let Voldemort have it. He's so afraid of dying; let's just give him what he wants."

"Harry, Voldemort seeks power..."

"Only as a means to an end," Harry interrupted. "The power he really seeks is the power over death, immortality. A couple years ago, Hermione did some research over the summer. It was after our second year, after the Chamber of Secrets, when we first learned that Voldemort's real name was Tom Riddle."

"You've got me totally baffled here, Harry."

Harry began to explain. "Riddle chose a new name for himself. He chose Voldemort. Do you know what that means?"

"It's derived from Latin. It means 'to defeat death', I believe."

"To defeat Death; that's what Voldemort really wants. All this pure-blood nonsense doesn't mean anything really. It's just a means to an end, and that end is to become immortal, to never die."

"And you're saying that we ought to let him do that?"

"Why not? Let him kill everyone. Wizard, muggle, mudblood, pureblood, he'd have to kill us all. If he left anyone alive, he'd be risking that they would someday be able to kill him, even his own Death Eaters."

Remus was in shock. Harry couldn't possibly be serious. "You'd actually let him do that?"

"Like I said, why not? We'd all just move on to the next great adventure. Isn't that what the afterlife is for? Moving on? Let him have this life while we all move on to the next one. Maybe, it will be a better one? Let's leave him behind, all alone on a barren planet for all eternity, just Tom Riddle on a cold dead rock in space forever. Can you think of a better punishment for him that that? Giving him exactly what he wants?"

"But what about all the pain he's caused, and will cause?"

Harry shrugged. "Isn't birth painful? Maybe the pain of death in this life is nothing more than the pain of birth in the next? Fleeting, but necessary."

"So what you're saying, Harry, is that maybe the best way to fight Voldemort is by killing..."

"Myself?" Harry shrugged again. "Or, I could just walk up to Ole Tom and let him do it. Hell, maybe I just ought to turn Dark myself and start killing all of you? I'd just be helping you all to move forward into the next life, after all. What's the harm in that?"

Remus was beginning to become truly worried. "Harry, I'm way out of my depth here. What if you're wrong? What if there isn't anything else? Or if it's worse?"

Harry chuckled and it sounded nothing but sad. "And thus conscience doth make cowards of us all." He stood up and made to walk back to the house. Remus jumped up after him, not wanting to let it end on that note.

"Harry, this is pretty heavy stuff. I think you ought to talk to somebody about it. Maybe the headmaster?" Harry sniffed derisively. "I know you aren't too happy with him at the moment. He's going through a pretty rough patch as well." Harry shook his head at the idea. "He was really set back when you pointed those things out about Severus."

"Those things?" Harry exclaimed in shock. "Don't you mean the truth?"

"Yes," Remus agreed, "truths that he hadn't realized. And then to recall that he was the one who let on to Voldemort about the link between you two."

"He let on to Voldemort?"

"Yes, he recalled that he had talked to Moody about your scar back during the Triwizard Tournament but then Moody turned out to be Crouch Jr, a Death Eater. He was stunned to realize that he had been the one who put you in so much danger."

Harry shook his head and laughed. "And people accuse me of being self-absorbed!"

"Harry! The man is sincerely..."

"WRONG! He's sincerely and totally wrong." Once again, Remus was baffled. It was fast becoming a habitual feeling but he still didn't like it. Harry went on. "Remus, Dumbledore didn't tell Riddle about our link, Crouch didn't tell him, and certainly Snape didn't tell him. Nobody did. Nobody had to. He found out about it all by himself. He knew about it before Dumbledore did, before I was even really in Hogwarts."

"What do you mean, Harry? How?"

"It happened when we all of us were waiting to be Sorted." Remus stopped dead in his tracks and Harry turned to look at him while he spoke. "Everyone was talking about which house they wanted to be in, and gawping at the ceiling, and wondering when dinner would be served." Harry grinned but Remus didn't see the humor. "I was looking up at the staff table. Hagrid and Quirrell were the only two professors that I had met, and Quirrell already had Voldemort inside his head at the time. Quirrell was turned away from me, talking to Snape..."

"Professor Snape, Harry."

Harry snarled, "Be glad I don't call him worse. Anyways, Snape was glaring at me like I was trying to murder his mother or something. Suddenly, my scar starts to hurt and I grab at it. Ron noticed and asked if I was all right. It was the very first time my scar ever hurt like that and Voldemort, looking out of the back of Quirrell's head, was watching it all happen. He knew right from the start that we were linked."

Remus' brows were knit in amazement. "Well, I'll be buggered."

"And even if Voldemort was too dim to realize what he had seen, Ron, Hermione, and I spent the next three years talking about how my scar hurts whenever Voldemort acts up. And who was sitting right there in Ron's vest pocket all the while? Scabbers, that's who."

"Peter..."

"Wormtail," Harry added then spit into the grass. "So even if Tom didn't know about the link, I'm sure that Wormtail was delighted to tell him every little thing he knew, when he went crawling back. Dumbledore didn't do a thing! As usual."

Remus was too busy digesting all of this to admonish Harry. "Would you mind if I told the headmaster about this?"

Harry shrugged; he had been doing a lot of that lately. "Why not? If I can't do anything useful, I might as well just play the fool and tell King Albus where he's bunged it all up."

Remus' reply was cut short by Molly's voice calling up from the house that lunch was ready. Remus raised his eyebrows at Harry and said, "Might as well eat. You never know when you'll get your next chance." Harry knew that for the werewolf the sentiment was more than just an idle thought. Side by side they made their way down the path. After a moment, Snuffles came barreling along and ploughed into the back of Remus' legs, sending him sprawling again. Remus laughed as he checked himself for injuries and then stood.

"Harry," he said seriously, "never stand between Padfoot and food."

Harry shook his head and replied, "Then he ought to fit right in here at the Burrow."