Gentle Rain

Chapter 5 - Enough

Hermione didn't want to bother Madam Pomfrey while she was still recovering from a nasty bout of intestinal flu. However she had been boiling inside the whole day Sunday and didn't want to meet anybody. First thing in Monday morning she marched into the infirmary and tried to control herself, so as not to explode at the innocent mediwitch.

"Poppy dear, you know how glad I am when I'm able to return a favour to you. I'd be happy to help you in the future too, but I am not going to go to Professor Snape anymore! I have had more than enough of his bad manners!" Hermione said, and saying it aloud tempted her to shed the rest of it too. "It's not as if I didn't know what kind of man he is, and what I was to expect, but enough is enough, I've done nothing to deserve his hatred, and now I have had it! I am never going to go to that snake's nest again. If you need help, I'll do anything, I'll even clean bed-pans or scrub vomit from the floor, just name it, but - I - am - not - going - near - him - anymore!"

A wide and understanding smile spread onto Madam Pomfrey's kind face. "Oh dear girl, I was expecting you to say that. I understand, and I very much appreciate what you have done, and so does he. It may be difficult for you to believe that, but he'll be very disappointed, he likes you very much."

Hermione was standing in front of her, amazed, and looked like thousands of questioning marks would have been tattooed on her face. "This is not how I would put it. He despises me, he always has!"

"That's what you might think, but you don't know Severus. Believe me; he really likes you, besides he is very grateful, because his recovery has taken a very unexpected and sudden change for the better. He said it himself. It's like miracle. You must have some natural healing skills that you are not aware of..."

Hermione couldn't believe her own ears. She felt as if someone had just said that in fact Dumbledore has always been a woman, and earns some extra pocket money working as a cabaret dancer. No way!

She needed some time to digest this. Madam Pomfrey wasn't someone, who liked to babble or to say inaccurate things to anyone. To get some more time to think, she fluently changed the subject.

"I've been wondering, why is he ill in the first place? What happened to him?"

Hermione could see a faint of sadness on Poppy's face, when she started to tell her about Snape. "A few months before his downfall, Voldemort started to question Severus' loyalty. He put him through series of hard testing, to put it mildly. Being a victim of many curses weakened his normally, almost impassable, energetic field and suffering from several long-termed and extreme Cruciatus' damaged his nerves very badly. Because of this, from time to time, he falls into their effects again, like some sort of flash-backs, but on a physical level." The old lady sighed and shook her head in an expression of unapproval and continued again.

"The man is as strong as a tiger, unbelievable as it may seem. Without his natural toughness and stamina, he would have been dead long time ago. Now, during these two weeks, his cramps and pain attacks have ceased, thanks to you. It seems as if there was something magical with your calls." Madam Pomfrey smiled a little mischievously and Hermione suddenly felt very hot as she was slightly baffled.

"But why does the recovery take so long? One would suppose that he'd be able to brew some potion that would heal him once and for all?" Hermione asked, puzzled.

"Yes, and he has. It just isn't capable of working perfectly as long as there is an emotional analogue inside of him."

"Could you please be more specific, I don't quite understand." Hermione moved nearer to Madam Pomfrey, so that not a word would accidentally slip over her ear.

"I mean, that this incredible liniment is based on a potion made by him, but it isn't able to remove all the effects of the curse, as long as he carries same kind of quality in his energetic field. It is the reason, he can't be completely healed, and it makes him liable for those awful residual effects. I have tried to explain it to him many times, and one would think that an intelligent man like himself would understand, but no."

"Maybe he is just not that bright after all..." Hermione muttered more to herself, smiling inwardly.

"You see," Poppy continued, "Cruciatus is a curse of torture. Inside himself Severus carries a tiny part of its quality, the quality that believes in torture and feels like it is deserved."

"You tell me, and it's not such a tiny part..." Hermione tittered quietly.

"He'll probably be more or less sadistic for the rest of his life, but somehow he should get rid of the most part of it. Most of the bouts of pain for him are a result of negative thoughts that concern him. They are like an iron cage, where he is shut in by himself. He knows it, but doesn't admit it to anyone. He has such a very complicated psyche. He acts like he is confident and self-assured, not to mention self-satisfied, but he can't allow even a tiny bit of gentleness for himself." The old mediwitch started to look somewhat regretful that she had shared so much of her patient's personal matters to Hermione. "I wouldn't be telling you this, if I wasn't absolutely sure that you needed to be told. I also know you will keep all of this to yourself."

"Of course, you can count on my loyalty," Hermione hastened to confirm.

"And the other reason for telling you this is that I still foster a hope that you'll change your mind, as difficult as it may be, and agree to take care of him at least one last time. You can't imagine what a difference it would make to his condition."

"Yes, you're right, I can't!"

"I know it's a lot to ask, but it would be so important, and he knows it himself too. There's something in you, just the right kind of inner quality, what he needs to get better -"

"A better person? Yeah, right," Hermione interrupted sarcastically.

"I meant to get well. He needs to forgive himself," Poppy continued in a calm voice, only to be interrupted again.

"It's very hard for me to believe that he is anything less than perfect in his own eyes. I think he needs to forgive the rest of the world not to be as flawless as he is."

"Yes, that's what he wants us to see... Although I have come to believe that he uses these painful after-effects as a self punishment, as unconscious as it may be. So, it needs to come from outside of himself, and there you come into the picture."

"But, but... I can't give him anything, I don't even know if I can forgive him..." Hermione stammered.

"You don't have to forgive him, nor do you have to give him anything, except your time... The magical ointment we are using is a very incredible substance, while spreading it onto his skin, the delicate information needed to balance his systems will shift from the energetic centres of your hands into his neurones," Madame Pomfrey explained.

"Doesn't the information move both ways, I mean, will it leave me open to get some unwanted information from his aura to mine." Even the thought of it gave shivers to Hermione. Right then she couldn't imagine anything more unpleasant, then getting something of Snape's inside her own body. "What if I get an amount of his quality, and began to kick my poor old cat, execute flies in my bedroom and sneer to my pupils? No thanks!"

Poppy Pomfrey dried tears of laughter from the corner of her eye. "No, don't worry, the liniment is made for Severus and Severus only, it is very personal, and won't work for anyone else. So, it's not possible that it could affect you in any way."

"Unfortunately, you can't say the same about his behaviour," Hermione sneered, in very much the same way the master of sneering regularly did so. It seemed to amuse Madame Pomfrey even more.

"So, will you agree to do it?" she asked the younger woman in a hopeful tone of voice.

"So, you promise me it would be beneficial for his recovery, and it would be the last time?" Harry will drop his ears when he hears this... Hermione thought, not even believing it herself.

"You'll do it!?" Madam Pomfrey couldn't hide the huge relief and contentment gleaming on her face.

"It has always been easy to talk me into the most precarious and uncomfortable situations. Why else would I have found myself fighting against mad Death Eaters in the darks corridors of the Department of Magic, winding my way past a three-headed monster dog or have a nice evening chat with a murderer, a runaway from Azkaban and a werewolf, only to mention few of my past situations... Yes, I'll do it. I'm sure I'll regret it later, but heck, I've been there, done it before, and here I still am."

"Oh dear, how marvellous, I'll let him know immediately. He'll be so pleased!" Madam Pomfrey chuckled enthusiastically.

"I don't think so, but anyway, could you be so kind and emphasise that I wasn't willing to do it, and you absolutely insisted?"

"Of course, anything for you my dear, but now, off you go, your lessons are about to begin any minute now."

Hermione walked down the stairs towards her classroom, words frantically circulating in her head. She had never been more conscious about her traits of masochism. There has to be something really badly wrong with me... or maybe I just can't resist a good challenge. And I never meet a challenge without decent training...