Forsaken

audi
[email protected]

Ten
In which the wolf is taunted.

'You know I don’t want to let you go back this year,' Quin told me.

'Seriously?'

'Well, halfway,' Quin replied. 'Gets lonely without you. You're good company.' I can talk to you and you listen. 'It's great to talk to someone who actually listens to me once and a while.' He spent most of his time arguing for groups of people that most wizards didn't care about and therefore didn't listen. While I thought, at first, that it was bizarre that he was fighting for half-breds—monsters—I learned that his twin brother, a werewolf, was brutally murdered. In his blood his killers wrote 'Death to Werewolves'. The event touched Quin, and he spent his time avenging his brother. I think he saw his brother in me. I had chances that he never had and I tried not to let the wolf take over me. Whatever he saw, and whatever he thought, he pushed aside and just loved me. And that was okay with me.

'I think you're crazy.'

'Maybe so,' he retorted, 'but I'm okay with that.' He paused, took a drink of his tea – it was good, strong Earl Grey, his favourite and mine – before he spoke again; 'I'm going to France as soon as you leave for Hogwarts. There's a werewolf pack in the south that's being persecuted. The Alpha has agreed to speak to me. Remus,' he looked at me, 'Charlot Lupin is the head of the opposition.'

'Papa,' I whispered, registering the name. Quin nodded. 'I don't care. He hates me, Quin. He hates all werewolves. Defeat him. Do it for me.'

Quin reached over and ruffled my sandy brown hair. 'Somehow I knew you'd say that. You're sure?'

'Of course. I mean, what have the Lupins ever done for me?' I cupped my hands around my mug of hot chocolate, 'why would I ever need the Lupins when I have you, Quin? You're all the family I need. And that's the truth.'

His eyes danced in happiness at my confession. Did he still think that I would seek relocation? He was my guardian by law and my friend by association. I trusted him, truly and fully. 'Are you sure you don't want to skip Hogwarts this year?'

'Sorry, Quin, but I need to keep my roommates out of too much trouble, I owe them that much,' we grinned, I had told him about our Marauding and he had, in turn, given me more ideas. He was, after all, a Gryffindor at heart, and he had his fair share of battling against the Slytherins in his Hogwarts years.

At any rate, we made it to the train on time and I got my own cabin, again, this time hoping for James, Peter and Sirius to find me.

'Moony!' Sirius slipped into the cabin, followed shortly by Peter.

'Remus,' Peter greeted, taking a seat. 'Is James not here yet?'

'I haven't seen him,' I replied, 'but he's always late for everything.'

'I heard that, Moony,' James accused, entering and taking his own seat. His brown eyes told me it was all in good humour, even as he pretended to look hurt.

'We're Third Years now,' Sirius told us happily. 'You know what that means?'

'Upcoming OWLs?' I asked. Sirius swatted me. 'Well we have to start thinking about them sometime.' James kicked me.

'Hogsmede!' Peter answered happily.

'Yes! Indeed it does! Aaand, I actually got my parents to sign my letter.'

'They were probably so excited as they bought things for your brother that they would have done anything you asked, Sear,' James laughed.

'You just had to remind me about Regulus, didn't you?'

'I can't have you forgetting, now can I?'

Sirius groaned.

'Regulus?' Peter asked.

'Sirius' younger brother,' I reminded him. 'He's a First Year and the model Black. And,' I continued, 'he's like to go complaining to mummy every time Sirius gets caught marauding.'

Sirius groaned.

'He's mummy's little boy,' James added, 'always had been. He's been ratting Sear out for at least as long as I've known him.'

'The first bloody words out of his mouth were, “Sirius did it!”,' he groaned. 'Not only do I have to see him at home, but also at school. Who did I piss off?' he buried his head in his hands, his silky hair fell over him like a waterfall and I tried hard not to stare.

Regulus was, as expected, placed in Slytherin. We would have been surprised if it had happened any other way. He had the same black hair and blue eyes that Sirius did, but the same blue was different; evil. Sirius' were pure, if not mischievous, but Regulus' made my spine tingle. Maybe it was a prophecy of what was to come. I didn't know anything then, but I think that that might be the case. At any rate, he was the ideal Black, everything that Sirius wasn't. That in and of itself was a bad thing.

The Quidditch team started practising early, determined to win. They were good, or so I was told, hopefully they could do it. I hoped, for Sirius' and James' sakes, that they did. Quidditch was their life, although I didn't understand it at all. Nor did Peter. Every time they went of trying to explain it he would equate it to something called football and point at his Man U posters on the wall. That, in turn, confused Sirius and James. Peter would mutter something about purebloods and then the discussion would be over.

Peter was, more and more often, the shadow of James. I'm not sure why he chose James to shadow, but it had been growing more. If he needed something, anything, he went to James first, even if it was something that Sirius or I could help with more. James was never wrong in his eyes.

Quin, again, had given me some books for my birthday and I brought them with me to Hogwarts to read. None of them were wizard books and most of them were fiction. 'You spend too much time reading informative texts, your head will burst if you're not careful. Read these, I think you'll like them.' So I sat on the window seat, with The Complete Collection of Oscar Wilde on my lap enjoying the sunlight and his wonderful prose without intruption.

'Moooony,' Sirius whined as he discovered my hiding spot. I looked up at him, impatiently willing him to get on with it. 'I need a favour.'

'A favour?' I choked.

'I've a date with Jemmying on Sunday.' I knew that of course. He'd asked her, determined to be the first one to go on one in our year. They were going to go to Hogsmede. She blushed whenever he looked at her. Although, even at thirteen he was… beautiful, gorgeous… bloody godly! 'And well… I've… er, neverbeenkissed.'

'You… I…' I realised what he was asking and my jaw dropped. He didn't ask James and he didn't ask Peter. He asked me. 'Why?'

'Don't want to mess up,' he smiled. 'Game?'

Unable to speak, I nodded slightly. He leaned forward and pressed his lips to mine in the most chaste of kisses. My heart skipped a beat. He pulled away and looked at me. He moved forward again, this time he parted my lips gently with his tongue in a more thorough kiss, a more definite and defining kiss. The kind that tells a story and the kind one can never forget. My heart sped up. We parted, for air, and our eyes met. He grinned, nonchalantly as if it meant nothing at all.

'Thanks,' he said. 'You're the best.'

'Sure,' I replied, equally removed. And I watched him leave, readying himself to go to Quidditch practice.

I watched him leave and I willed my heart to slow, begged myself to forget. I couldn't forget. The feel of his lips on mine. Merlin, how perfect! The wolf welled up, yelling at me. He screamed. He wanted more, he wanted me to unleash him. He wanted. I was so scared. I huddled up, where I stood, and cried. I was alone with the wolf, his was tearing at me and I felt s defenceless right then. So very weak and helpless. And I just cried.

The wolf is always there, he and I are two separate beings sharing the same body. He and I don't always want the same thing. Quite often we don't. Right then he decided he wanted Sirius. I didn't know why but he wanted me to go after Sirius. I told him to stop and to back down, I was at war with myself. Whatever the wolf wanted, whatever he craved, I couldn't give it to him.

I resolved to write to Quin. He knew more about werewolves that I did and he would understand the wolf's reaction to Sirius more than anyone else. I was sure of that. So I wrote my letter to Quin and ran to the owlery to send it to him

I then wandered the halls aimlessly. I was thirteen but I did know a thing or two about what two people do when they're alone, mind you. I mean, I did live with Sirius and James. But I never knew that a bloke kissing you could feel so good. I mean. I tried so hard to get it out of my mind. Sirius only did it so that he would know how to kiss Jemmying, if the situation arose. He did it because we were friends and he thought I'd dismiss it as quickly as he did.

At dinner we sat as we usually did, I was next to Sirius who was across from James who was next to Peter. They were talking lividly about the Quidditch practice and what have you and I focused intently on my food. Meatloaf. It wasn't my favourite by any means, but I did need the meat. The others knew this and, when they thought I wasn't looking, they shovelled more onto my plate.

'Oi,' I protested, 'there are limits to what I can consume.'

'But you need the meat,' Peter whispered, as always afraid that others would overhear and piece things together.

'I do, but not quite that much. My stomach is about to explode.'

'Moon's tomorrow night,' Sirius whispered, 'Wednesday, so you need it.'

'I know when the moon is,' I almost growled.

'So, Hogsmede,' James quickly changed the subject, 'since Sear's got a date, you two up for reeking havoc on new territory with me?'

He just had to talk about Sirius' bloody date! 'Always,' I grinned.

'Count me in!' Peter replied. 'Sirius doesn't know what he's missing!'

'More fun without him, right?' James joked.

'You're just jealous, Jim, that I've a date and you don't. And she's pretty.' James kicked him under the table, 'well, it's true!'

'You just keep saying that, Sear, we'll see who wins out.'

'Is there a competition, Moony?' Peter asked me.

'It's Sirius and James, Peter, who knows what's happening?' I sighed, 'one day they'll run out of things to row about and then the world will stop moving.'

'We do not row!' James declared.

'We bicker in a kindly manner,' Sirius finished.

Peter and I moaned.

The moon passed, and the boys took me to the infirmary, as they always did and I got healed and tried to make up my work that I inevitably missed. All-in-all, it was a standard moon in a standard month. Thankfully the wolf began to hide himself as the moon began to wane. That meant he didn't act up every time Sirius was in the same room as me.

On Sunday night, after we had thoroughly explored Hogsmede and gouged on more than our fair share of sweets, I received an owl. We were studying, or trying to, for our Potions test on Monday, and he just flew in an offered me his letter. I recognised the tawny as being Quin's as I opened the letter happily.

Remus,

I've good news. The Alpha spoke to me and was more than happy to have me help them. Their pack has about twenty werewolves in it and they live harmoniously in their own little village. They offer solitude to any werewolf fleeing from the harm that others give them. The Alpha is a wizard, but most of the others were Muggles. Their goal is to create a sanctuary for werewolves away from humans who they may harm. Charlot Lupin doesn't stand a chance, I'm proud to say. We had the initial hearing on Friday, after they had recovered from Wednesday's full moon, and most of the French Ministry seems sympathetic to the cause.

In response to your question I fear that my news is not so good. You may not like what I am going to tell you, but you need to know. Wolves, Remus, are very loyal and territorial creatures. Their pack contains a hierarchy. It is, perhaps, in order to maintain their order that they mate for life. Wolves keep their same mate through all, often even dying close to the death of their mate. Werewolves are no different. They, too, mate for life, often in the human form. I believe that Sirius' kiss, though it meant nothing to either of you, and I speak of you in your human form, it meant something to the wolf who decided that he liked Sirius. Be careful around him. You have awoken the wolf. It is probably too early to begin making assumptions, you are only thirteen, but if the wolf chooses Sirius as his ideal mate, you are going to have to fight him with all your will if you want otherwise.

I will do more research on this. I can ask the tribe and read up for you, but I don't believe the answer will change. I'm sorry if that's not what you wanted to hear, but I want to be truthful to you. Hang in there.

Love,
Quin