Forsaken

Seven
In which the truth is learned.

Remus,

I must say I was looking forward to spending the holiday with you, it has been so long since I have spent any time with other people (save for business purposes). However, spending time with your roommate is good for you, especially given his family. I envy him not at all. In the meantime, Happy Christmas, enjoy yourself.

Quin

The letter was tucked into a copy of Practical Defensive Magick and Its Uses Against the Dark Arts. It was the first time I had seen the book, and it was that book that really intensified my interest in the subject. Quin also sent me a large box of Cadbury Chocolates.

'Did your guardian forget about you last year?' Sirius asked, nibbling on a Candied Cane. He didn't receive anything but a Howler.

'Didn't have one last year.'

'Oh?' he sat down next to me and sifted through my box.

'I only met him during the summer hols.'

He nodded, bidding me to continue. When I didn't, he did, 'so what happened to your parents?'

I looked into his crystal blue eyes, 'they don't want me, and I don't blame them.' He pried into my soul, 'I lived with my uncle for a few years until my guardian, Quin, came. That's all.'

'They didn't…' A mix of shock and outrage clouded his eyes.

'I couldn't be the son they wanted, so they got rid of me.'

'But…'

'Look, Sirius, it's over. It was years ago. I don't have to see the Lupins again; I don't have to think about them. I don't want to think of them.' À cause du loup. 'Let it lie.'

'Remy…'

'Please don't pity me, Sirius, I don't need that.' He nodded mutely, not understanding. He wouldn't understand because I couldn't tell him about who I am. I couldn't tell him because I would have been expelled and he would have hated me, hated the wolf.

We didn't perform any pranks. The Marauders were the four of us, and we only went against the Slytherins as a whole. Besides, Sirius thought best when he had James around to compare notes with. They were pranksters together. But, with me, Sirius didn't need to do that. He just talked with me. Often about classes or magickal theory. Sometimes, he would throw personal questions. He'd been trying that since Christmas our First Year. Forever he tried to divine me. I still felt his eyes on me.

The thing was, I didn't understand him any more than he understood me.

James was easy. He was the perfect Gryffindor. He was the Seeker on the Quidditch team and he delighted in making Slytherins miserable. He followed a strong lineage of Potters. He was bright and friendly, and it was easy to tell what he wanted. He was no where near growing up, but he was only twelve.

Peter had grown a lot since I met him. He was growing more independent as the days went on. He got help in every subject with one of the three of us. But he had a lurking intelligence that was brought out by our marauding. Peter idolised James. He did what he could to be like the pureblood. He himself was a Muggle-born, and he constantly wondered how he made Gryffindor. He needed confidence, but that would come with time.

Sirius was just an outlier.

'Remus! Have you seen any of my cousins lately?' he whispered loudly when he found me in the library.

'Weren't they at home?'

'They were but I think they're coming back,' he groaned. 'Too bad James took his cloak, we were going to get them when they got back.'

'Just wait, James'll be back in a few days.'

'But they'll strike first! They're always worse after they spend time in the Black Gathering of Death.'

'Sirius, don't be melodramatic.'

'Do you even understand the severity?'

'If I said "yes", would you believe me?'

'Remus!'

'We'll get them good when James and Peter come back. Peter was researching 360 Hexes, Pranks and Jokes. He was going to draft something and bring it back.'

'But… Remus!'

'Sirius, calm down. There's nothing you can do now. Just avoid them or something. Write your paper. Remember, twenty inches, "what is the importance of scarabs in Potions and how has the use changed over the years?"'

'I'll just borrow yours,' he shrugged. When I started to protest he told me that I could use his transfiguration notes and it was even.

When James and Peter did come back, they were ready with a solution. They had apparently talked about it the whole time on the train. The target was not one of Sirius' first cousins, but a more distant one: Severus Snape. It was ingenious yet simple. It was a Charm that would animate his quill. He would start writing and it would write something else. And then it would talk to him, driving him slowly crazy. They presented Sirius and me with the plans, Sirius decided the date and time while I smoothed the edges. I would perform the Charm, as I was both the least suspected and the most adapt at Charms.

The first day of school was Tuesday 6 January and I did it in History. Binns didn't even notice. It took a while to take effect, so we wouldn't be there when it started. That was Sirius' idea. We would have to wait to see the effects until later.

That evening I went to the library, finishing off my essay. It was late when I had stumbled back to the dorm. I was hungry. Not for food, really. But the moon was Wednesday and the wolf was tearing at me. Anyway, as I approached the room, I heard my roommates talking about something rather quietly, I only heard anything because of my enhanced hearing. When I entered the room, however, they shut up and looked like they were busy doing something alone. Sirius looked guiltily at me and Peter smelled vaguely of fear. James hid himself well.

The next day I battled with the wolf constantly, before I headed down to the Whomping Willow. I crawled through the passage to the Shrieking Shack, my cage of darkness. There I let the wolf free, I let him control me because I could not control him.

The sun rose and I crawled back, wounded and bruised, bleeding and pained, to the Whomping Willow, prepared to make my way to the infirmary. But my way was blocked by three people. Wordlessly the tallest of them came up to me and half carried me to the others. The second tallest then took hold of my other side. The four of us went together to the infirmary. Madam Pomfrey greeted me as she always did; with concern. The three didn't back off much as she cast her Charms and laid me in bed. Their eyes studied me as she fixed up what she could.

'Remus…' Sirius choked, speaking finally, 'Remus…'

I couldn't look at them. I couldn't let them see me like this. I couldn't let them pity me or hate me.

'Just… go… a… way…' I rasped. I felt Peter leave and then James followed.

'Remus… let me help you.'

'Nothing… you can do… leave… Sirius…' I felt a solitary tear trail down my cheek. He laid a comforting hand on my shoulder before backing off.