Pray to the Moon

Disclaimer: If they were mine, not only would i have money for gas, but there’d be a lot more yaoi in them. The Random Oscar Wilde quotes are his own from various of his works.

Pairings: sb+rl (want of, ‘preslash’) sbxocs. If you understand that you like yaoi and are therefore cool.

Summary: MWPP. Remus’ thoughts on other people’s sympathy for him. Remus wants Sirius, but Sirius can’t seem to see past all of his admirers.

Beware the writer’s block!! This is the sixth one! Yeah, once i swore i wouldn’t write Harry Potter fanfiction… Once… So, yeah. This one takes place in-between my James and Peter POVs, before Sirius and Remus get together… but there are thoughts thereof.

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In this world there are only two tragedies. One is not getting what one wants, and the other is getting it. – Oscar Wilde, Lady Windermere's Fan

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Pray to the Moon

Summer always ends so quickly. People would probably not expect someone like me to say that. No, not gentle, studious Remus! Oh! but I do! I love Hogwarts, I love the way that everything is unexpected, even to someone that grew up surrounded by magick, and I love studying and I love the fact that I have friends. The last few years it’s been my friends that make it so that I don’t want to go back, though. Well, one of my friends.

I might be a dark creature in a prejudiced world. Dark creatures like me shouldn’t have friends, shouldn’t be allowed to go to school… shouldn’t be treated as if they were normal. When my friends found out second year, our friendship only grew with the knowledge. Last year they showed me a project they’d been working on – they became Anamagi. Anamagi! For me! I know that that wasn’t a project easily completed, they’d probably been working on it since they found out. So I have great friends, but I’m still a werewolf.

Pretty much every Gryffindor in my year knows that I want him. Everyone, that is, but him. I’ve only told Peter, he seemed so worried about me, and I felt that I had to tell someone – so I did. Peter was more than a little shocked, but I blame the way that he was brought up. James knows, there’s no doubt. He’s always giving me these looks of pity. I don’t want pity! It’s bad enough knowing that I can't have him, but to know that others pity me… The girls won't date him, I guess that means that I have their support. Kind of. The only people that he hasn’t asked out are the Slytherins, Prongs, Wormtail and me. I guess he thinks that we’re his best friends (Prongs, Wormtail and myself, not the Slytherins) and therefore off limits. I don’t want to be off limits, though.

I’m a coward. I may be in Gryffindor House, but I’m a right coward. I can't tell him. It’s not that I haven’t tried, because I have. Honestly I have! It’s just… the words never seem to flow. It’s as if there’s a voice in my head saying “what if he’s disgusted? What if he laughs? What if he doesn’t talk to you anymore?” I was all set to tell him the last week of last year, just after we had finished our OWLs. Then I saw him as I was heading to the common room to look for him. He was at the place you turn off to either go to the Ravenclaw common room or Gryffindor tower. He was with Cadman Bricriu, a Ravenclaw, and they were snogging – without a care for anyone that may have been watching. Cadman was a nice bloke, too, and he was desired by the student body almost as much as Sirius himself was. I vaguely remembered James telling me that Cadman was Sirius’ newest pet, something that I had conveniently forgotten only to be painfully reminded. I ran all the way to my bed, where I flung myself and drew the curtains. I cried. I think that James and Peter checked on me at some point. I don’t know… I don’t care…

I keep telling myself that everything will work out, but I’m starting to think differently. All summer I’ve been telling myself that he’ll realize that he loves me and everything will end happily ever after. I should tell myself that I’m lucky. Wolf and human have chosen the same boy to be their mate. I should count my blessings. There’s often a conflict, a conflict which the wolf wins. Wolf and human can live in their joint misery. The human isn’t going to make any advances, he values his friendship too much and the wolf… anything he does would be with Padfoot the dog, and Padfoot the dog thinks everything is in play. I guess Sirius does, too. Even if he does tell me he fancies me, I don’t know if I could reciprocate. Sirius has a new boy or girl nearly every other week (sometimes more often) and with that record, I would feel guilty binding him down. “Werewolves mate for life”. That’s one of the few true things written about us. we mate for life, and aren’t allowed to have children – whether we can or not is unknown, it’s forbidden. Not like I could have children with my chosen mate.

Summer ended four days ago, when we walked into the Great Hall for the feast and Sorting Ceremony. We sat together, the four of us. Peter and James looked at me like they had the year before. I ignored them, pretending that I didn’t notice. He sat next to me, he always does. Ever since first year he’s sat next to me, across from James who sits next to Peter. It was easier to plot that way, all clustered up. Peter and I decided that it was safer for the two of us with a table in-between the other two, as well. Also, Peter’s always had this weird case of hero-worship surrounding James, so he sits next to him. Whatever. So, we watched the ceremony and ate – all was normal, something that was routine.

The required classes are always organized by House and we chose the unrequirsed classes together. I can't help but feel a little sorry for our professors… All four Marauders in class together, for some of them this is the sixth year running. Oh, but we’re perfect angels! Three of us are in the top ten of our year and one of us is a prefect. Oh, yes, we’re angels. Most times, Sirius sits next to James, but if Peter claims that spot first, he sits next to me. At least I know that he’s not playing footsy with anyone. I know about Sirius’ reputation, but hate seeing him with anyone. It’s a wake up call. Whenever I see him so much as eyeing someone all my dreams crash. That’s why I’m so depressed all the time.

They’re asleep now. The three of them walked in after dinner, did minimal homework and crawled into their beds. With so much on my mind, I can't sleep, I haven’t even tried. My bed’s next to his and he never sleeps with the curtains closed unless it’s too cold not to. If I lay on my side, I can see him sleeping. I’m not in bed, though. I’ve since walked over to his, and kneeled down, to look at him properly. He’s gorgeous. I always knew that others would admire him as well. I always knew that others would want him as I do. This isn’t the first time I’ve sat at his bedside like this.

At moments like this he’s mine alone. There’s no random boy- or girlfriend that’s in the way. He’s mine to watch, in his venerable sleep state. By day he’s Sirius Black, the infamous Gryffindor prankster who’s desired by over half the student body. Now he’s just a teenager sleeping peacefully and I can imagine that, instead of looking upon him, that I’m curled next to him. A kiss may ruin a human life, a Muggle author once said, but, oh!, how I long to kiss him. The same author said that one could resist everything but temptation…

And so I give into that temptation.

Sirius, how I long for this to be real! How I long to kiss you by day, and not by night. How I long for you to realize how much it’s hurting me to see you with all your playthings. How I long for you to realize that I want to be yours, yours and only yours. Forever. How I long for you to realize that I will wait for you forever because all I can do is wait for you.