Hidden Emotions

The truth is rarely pure and never simple.
- Oscar Wilde, The Importance of Being Earnest Act I

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Hidden Emotions

Sometimes I wonder when they’ll end the charade. Like now, the common room is empty save the four of us and they’re sitting across from each other. We have a Transfiguration test tomorrow and we need to study – Padfoot’s idea… So the four of us are sitting in a circle near the fire, the girls might join us later and I think that’s why Wormtail is so jumpy, but for now it’s just us fifth year boys. Anyway, Moony is going over his notes with us, since he takes the most thorough notes, and we’re trying to decide what’ll be on the test. But Padfoot’s staring at Moony, not like Wormtail and I are, but really staring. Moony himself is gazing at Padfoot through his fringe. He’s pretty good at hiding his actions, but I’m not exactly blind.

At first I thought all this was purely my imagination; how could they possibly fancy each other? But there are more signs than I can count. So many are blatantly obvious, and there are even more when you start to look for them. Like how Moony is pausing every few seconds and looking at Padfoot.

I think I first noticed them, truly noticed them, a few months after Lily and I got together. We decided that there were eight Gryffindors in our year, and we were going to make sure that they all had a boy/girlfriend. Jenni wasn’t that hard, there was a Ravenclaw bloke she fancied, and Pete and Helen were easy too, they fancied each other. That left Vicky, Remus and Sirius. Vicky’s been swooning over one of the Beaters for the entire year, she’s at all the practices… I’m not sure if he notices her, but that’s their own problem (well, at any rate, it’s not mine. If something’s to be done, Lily will do the doing). That means Sirius and Remus were left over.

Sirius is my best mate and has been, well, forever really. His dad and mine went to school together and remained friends thereafter. Sirius’ mum is a Muggle, but that never stopped the two of us from spending time together. I’m not one of those thick-skulled purebloods. Being in a school like this one, where everyone is together all the time year after year, one kind of gets to know everyone. Padfoot began chasing after girls as soon as he realized that he was one of the most sought after boys in the school – that is to say, as soon as his ego was that much more inflated. A year or so after that he told the lot of us he was bisexual and started to peruse some of the boys gazing after him as well.

Remus, on the other hand, has only had one date in the entire five years he’s spent here. She was a Ravenclaw friend of Lily’s that was after him – and they went down to Hogsmede together. I don’t know all the details, but I do know that they haven’t gotten together since. When Sirius told us his orientation Pete’s face decoloured and I blinked a few times, Remus’ face, however, portrayed a look of hope. I guess that’s what it was. His face brightened up, and he looked at Sirius like he rarely looks at anyone – take that back, that look is reserved solely for Sear.

Sirius has entered the room way after curfew more than once, and we always know what he’d been up to. Pete ignores it, I think that he’s still a little shaken up by the whole ‘bisexual’ bit, stupid homophobic Muggle parents, even though Sirius promised that he wouldn’t come on to any of us. Depending on what time he waltzes in I’ll glare, yell or throw things at him – and I’ve even hexed him a couple of times. If there are any lights on, I’ve seen Remus look at Sirius sadly. He came back from yet another rendezvous with yet another student, and he’s never enjoyed that.

Sirius always manages to cancel all dates, detentions and Quidditch practices on the full moons.

It’s not like any of the girls or boys mean anything to Sirius, that’s so painfully obvious. He never stays with the same person for more than a week at which point he picks someone else from his fan club. The dating hurts him. I think I might be the only person he’s told, but he doesn’t like the members of his fan club that like only his looks. I know that I wouldn’t either. He told me that he’d play along with them, at least until he found someone that he actually liked. Personally, I don’t think that’s the way to go about it. He’s such a stubborn git sometimes.

If Padfoot is hurt by his excessive dating I can't begin to describe Moony’s reaction. Whenever he finds out that Sirius has gone to be with one of his fan club, he doesn’t talk until Sirius gets back. He gets all sad and mopey and Pete, the girls and I can't get him to do anything, not even for chocolate – and that’s saying a lot. He gets so jealous of them, once he’s even thrown things. If we happen to have a class with Sear’s newest catch, Remy will stare at them, I guess trying to figure out why he chose them and not him.

Neither of them will speak out though, and it’s driving us mad.

Moony and Padfoot know, I mean the canines. Whenever the full moon comes, the two of them play around the grounds, but it’s more than that. Wormtail and Prongs can only sit and watch, how can a rat and a stag possibly compete with two canines. Besides, they’re more than content together. The two of them know what their pigheaded human forms haven’t been able to figure out yet.

On top of it all, I think they’ve been after each other for longer than I’ve liked Lily, for longer than they’ve known what love is. If they don’t pull themselves together soon I believe that one of them will make a stupid chose, pair themselves up with someone they don’t care about and spend the rest of their lives wishing they had come out to each other. And werewolves mate for life, I don’t think Sirius realizes that yet and I think that Remus knows it all too well, but if Remus is the one to make a move on someone there will be no going back – no ‘what if’s.