Dolor of a Pale Horse

'There's not much left to love,
too tired today to hate,
I feel the empty,
I feel the minute of decay'
~'A Minute of Decay' by Marilyn Manson~

Dolor of the Pale Horse

The fire that shook the house cast a sickly orange glow on his pale skin, giving him a sinister look. His dark eyes reflected the flames as they flickered in the air, but he did not move. His body was as rigid as the Wall of China, only his hair moved with the wind. His hands, long and spindly, were lax at his sides. His mouth was pressed into a smooth line of harsh contemplation.

Remus Lupin watched him as he stood just feet away from the burning home, and he saw the last gleams of hope flicker and die in his eyes. The Aurors cast him a glance as they arrived before moving on; Professor Snape was known in the world.

Remus longed to move to his side and whisper in his ear that everything will be fine. That it's not all lost, there's always Harry. Harry was fine and he was crying in Hagrid's arms. Harry James Potter was still living but with a bright red wound that marred his head.

Severus Snape did not seem to care about Harry, his eyes were still staring intently on the house, which was quickly becoming ensconced in flames. Creaking support beams could be heard falling every now and then, things breaking and splintering. Remus had already taken the liberty of removing anything he thought of importance from the house.

He held in his hands a leather-bound photo book, and the figures on the front of the book watched in dawning horror as their home fell to the ground. But Remus was not watching them, Remus was not worrying for them.

His eyes were fixated on Severus, who still had yet to move as the Aurors worked around him. Slowly, Albus Dumbledore approached him and spoke quietly for a few moments, but it seemed that Severus could not hear the Professor. His mouth merely twitched once, his eyes didn't blink and the fire raging in them did not dim.

Dumbledore stopped talking after a few moments and simply studied the man before him. He laid a supportive hand on his shoulder for a few seconds before he turned away.

Remus watched as Snape's eyes slowly slid from their spot on the house to watch Dumbledore as he moved towards Hagrid, who had tears in his eyes. As his eyes moved languidly, Remus noticed the fire died in his eyes and the blank stare of a man lost moved to replace it.

Instantly a knot formed in his stomach and with each passing moment it moved farther up until it rested in his throat, where he found it was hard to breath.

Severus turned his eyes back to the house, but his figure relaxed to a point where Remus was surprised he was still standing. His shoulders had sunk and sagged forward, his head drooped and his hair draped in front of his face, but his eyes watched as the house turned black.

He watched as the Aurors removed the gleaming skull that hung over the house.

Remus took a few steps forward, but he too felt the desire to watch the house burn. He was alone now, and it seemed that Severus was the only one who would understand.

"Severus," The name whispered from his throat, moving past the knot and nearly stumbling from his throat. Severus did not turn, but he blinked as if surprised. "I - "

Remus realized he didn't know what to say to him, he knew there was nothing to say to him that would help. He knew no one could tell himself anything that would take the pain and loss away.

So instead, Remus just turned his eyes to the house and watched in relative silence with Severus. The Aurors cast them a few curious looks, but many of them were dispersing.

Remus felt it before he realized what he was doing, his hand had found it's way to Severus's shoulder. It was thin but strong, he could feel the coarse cloth of his frock coarse and the sinew under the skin. Severus didn't move, but a quick intake of breath told him that he felt it too.

Remus knew that Severus had to do this alone, and the only support that Remus could give him was acknowledging this. Severus watched the fire die, and in turn that desolate look quickly took over as he stared at the smoldering pile of rock and black burnt wood. Pieces of charred glass and pottery scattered the ashes.

Suddenly Severus took a tentative step forward, startling Remus. He seemed to be collecting his resolve, after a moment he strode purposely towards the ashes, where he bent down and picked up a chunk of porcelain with black smears covering it.

Remus followed him, he remembered that vase. Lily had had it for a while and it always held her favorite flowers, tiger lily's, in the entryway.

"I gave her this," Severus muttered, holding the piece in his hands with loose fingers. Remus was alarmed at the lack of emotion that should have been laced in those words.

"Lily loved it," Remus said, kneeling down next to Severus. "She always had her favorite flowers in it, and she polished it every day. It was the first thing people saw when they entered her house."

Severus didn't say anything, but his features relaxed slightly, he slipped the piece of vase into his pocket and stood, brushing the imaginary soot from his robes.

"I must be going," Severus said after a moment, turning to look Remus in the eye. Remus nodded, giving him a hopeful half-smile.

Severus returned the favor.