A Nightmare to Remember

Chapter 1 The Unwelcome Letters

Remus stared quietly at the owl that sat on the kitchen table, a thick envelope tied to its leg. He carefully removed the letter from the owl's leg and sent it on its way with a bit of sausage. He picked up the envelope and turned it over slowly in his hands, his eyes sliding over the writing in one corner. It was addressed to him, of course, but he was still hesitant about opening it.

"Remus? You up?" a soft, sleepy voice called out.

"I'm fixing breakfast!" Remus called back. "It's almost ready!"

"I'll be there in a few," his father replied.

Remus lit the fire in the fireplace and watched the flickering flames for a moment. Then, after a moment's hesitation, he tossed the envelope into the flames, watching as it was quickly consumed by the fire. Remus sighed in exasperation. This was the fourth letter he had destroyed this week. Hopefully they would eventually realize he was not going to Hogwarts. He could study out of his father's old school books and learn just as much as he would have in a public school. In fact, he had already studied the first-year curriculum and had begun second-year studies. He figured it wouldn't hurt to be ahead.

Another owl flew in through the window. Remus relieved it of its burden and sent this one on its way as well. This letter was addressed to his father. This letter also had the Hogwarts seal stamped on it. Remus smiled and shook his head before sending that letter to join the first. What his father didn't know wouldn't hurt him, at least in this case. Remus picked up a wand and with a swish he got rid of stray feathers that would give away the owls' presence. He then hid the wand in the inconspicuous space behind the baseboard on the counter. He eyed the baseboard in distaste. Much as he despised his mother and anything to do with her, the old wand she had left behind by mistake all those years ago had come in handy.

"Smells wonderful!" said his father from the doorway.

Remus smiled and set a plate down on the table, reminding himself that everything he did, he was doing it for this man.

Maximus glanced questioningly at the window as he sat down. "No post today?" he asked.

"Sorry, none at all," said Remus, bringing his own plate to the table and sitting down. There was silence as Maximus stared at his plate. "Perhaps you could find a job in the Muggle world," Remus suggested.

"I'm not worried about that," Maximus admitted. "We have always managed to scrape by somehow."

More silence, then Maximus sighed. "You should have gotten your letter by now," he said, and Remus's stomach knotted up in guilt.

Remus forced the guilt away. I'm doing it for him, he reminded himself. One day he'll understand. "I guess they're prejudiced as well as the rest of the world," Remus said quietly.

"I thought- I thought Dumbledore was different," Maximus said softly.

"Don't worry about it," Remus said reassuringly.

"But-"

"I can teach myself," Remus said firmly. "I don't need to go to some silly school to learn magic."

"But you won't get anywhere without at least your O.W.L.s," Max protested.

"Sure I can," Remus forced a smile on his face. "There are plenty of jobs out there that don't require an education."

"But-"

"Can we just drop it?" asked Remus. "There is nothing we can do about it so-"

"Oh yes there is!" Max stood up, a look of determination in his amber eyes. "I am going to write to Dumbledore and demand an explanation!"

Remus choked on a bite of egg. This could be the undoing of all his plans for their future!

"Are you all right, Remus?" Max said in concern.

"Don't do it!" Remus snapped.

Max frowned. "Why not?" he asked.

Remus thought quickly. "You're a werewolf," he said. "Any letter like that can automatically be seen as a threat."

Max sighed and sat down. "You're right," he said sullenly. "I have ruined your life."

Remus's eyes flashed. "Don't say that!" he said fiercely. "None of this is your fault. This is happening because the world is filled with prejudiced b-"

"Language," Max admonished half-heartedly.

September 1, 1971, Lupin Cottage

Remus awoke early, a smile on his face. He had managed it. Today at 11:00 the Hogwarts Express was departing and he wasn't going to be on it. He reached under the bed and pulled out Hogwarts, A History. He ran a hand over the worn cover with care and opened the book. There inside was scrawled, Property of Max Lupin. Remus smiled sadly, wishing things were different, but he had made his choice. He was not leaving his father for something as silly as school. Remus was needed at home.

Remus slid the book back under the bed and headed into the kitchen and started fixing breakfast. Just as he started mixing batter in preparation of a big pancake breakfast, he heard a flutter and turned around. There, sitting on the table, was yet another Hogwarts owl, a thick envelope tied to its leg.

"Isn't it a bit late for this?" he scowled, removing the letter from the bird's leg. He made to toss the letter in the fire like he had done countless others, but the owl flew in front of him, blocking his way. Remus waved it aside, but this time the owl snapped its beak at him. Remus made a dive for the wand, intending to curse the blasted bird into oblivion, but the the feathered thing bit him.

Remus froze for a moment, glaring at the owl that had finally grown still, watching him with its yellow eyes. Remus glanced at the letter in his hands, and finally he understood. With a humorless laugh, he slit the envelope open. "Now go!" he snapped at the owl.

The owl haughtily flew out the window and Remus stared at the open envelope in his hand. Was he going to have to deal with this for the next seven years? He shook his head. That was ridiculous. They had to give up eventually. Remus turned towards the fire, intending to finally burn the troublesome object, until he heard a shuffling in the doorway. He hastily slid the letter into a drawer under the pretense of getting a whisk out of the drawer.

"Breakfast isn't quite ready, yet, Dad," Remus said, grabbing the mixing bowl and turning around to face his father.

"No post?" asked Max.

Remus shook his head. "No post," he said quietly.

A pained expression crossed the man's face. "Maybe I should let your mother have custody," he said. "They might let you in if you're being raised by a human."

"You are human," Remus retorted.

"Not by Ministry standards," Max responded.

"The Ministry doesn't know anything," Remus snapped.

Max didn't respond and Remus frowned worriedly. "You aren't serious, are you?" he asked. "If you gave her custody, I would only come straight back to you, so don't even think about it!"

"But, Rem-"

"No!"Remus snapped.

Max's shoulders slumped in defeat. "I just want you to have a chance in the Wizarding world in spite of what I am," Max sighed.

"I'll take what chances I do have," said Remus. "There are plenty of places that will hire a Squib."

"But you're not a-"

"That's not something we can just shout out," Remus interrupted.

Max stared as his son, startled. As the boy's words sunk in, Max realized the boy truly was mature beyond his eleven years, especially if he had apparently been thinking about the distant future. "So this is what it comes to," he said in resignation. "You do realize your mother will not give up until she has full custody of you?"

"In seven years it won't matter," Remus replied. "Why don't you go get dressed? I'll have breakfast ready in a bit."

Max nodded and shuffled his way to his room. Remus whipped out the wand (he refused to think of it as his wand) and vanished away all evidence of feathers in the kitchen. Then he pushed back his sleeve and muttered a quick healing charm. He knew quite a few spells already, but the Vanishing Spell and the healing charm were the only ones he used with regularity. The Vanishing Spell was to clear away anything incriminating when officials from the Werewolf Registry came for their monthly checkup, and the healing charm he used to heal milder injuries his father acquired during transformations, though the man didn't know it.

After breakfast, Max mumbled something about a job interview and Disapparated. Remus sat down at the kitchen table and opened the envelope and scanned its contents.

Dear Mr. Lupin,

We are pleased to inform you that you have been accepted at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry. Please find enclosed a list of all necessary books and equipment.
Term begins on September 1. We await your owl -

Remus laughed in relief. So that was the problem! They needed an answer. That was easy enough.

Remus ran up to his father's study, grabbed a quill, an ink bottle, and a piece of parchment and sat down at the desk.

Dear Professor Dumbledore,

I truly appreciate your offer, but I am afraid I shall have to decline your invitation. Please do not bother us on the matter again.

Sincerely,

Remus Lupin

Remus grinned proudly at the parchment and brought it to the kitchen, where he sat expectantly. While he waited he scanned the contents of the list of books and equipment. With a shrug, he threw all evidence of his acceptance letter into the fire just as another Hogwarts owl flew in from the open window.

"Hello, there!" he said cheerfully. He carefully removed the letter from Hogwarts addressed to his father, attached his own reply to its leg, and sent it on its way.