The Weasley Sneezes

The Weasley Sneezes

By his sixth year of education at Hogwarts School for Witchcraft and Wizardry, Oliver Wood thought he had seen it all. He had ventured into the Forbidden Forest as a first year to retrieve a wayward broom from Flying Class; he had visited the kitchens after-hours after nearly unending prodding from the Weasley twins. He had even seen Professor Snape showering in the Quidditch locker rooms after he refereed a match last year, a sight that he would be glad to erase from his memory. Yes, Oliver had seen everything; everything, of course, except for two sights still miraculously unseen to his eyes: he had never seen Percy Weasley sneeze, and he had never seen Percy Weasley naked.

And, suddenly, as Oliver was studying alone in the dorm room the two boys shared, he saw both.

In Percy came - not through the door, no, but popping into the room out of thin air, with a noisy sneeze that bounced off the stone walls. Reflexively, he mumbled a polite "pardon me," as any respectful young wizard would do after they sneezed so rudely. He straightened his glasses - the sneeze put them slightly off-centre - and said, presumably to himself, "I am going to lynch those twins when I get my hands on them..." It took about five seconds before Percy realized that he was in his dorm room, six to realize Oliver was there with him - in his boxer shorts, no less - and seven to realize he was stark naked.

"Oh, by Merlin - !" he exclaimed, and reached up to cover his nether regions with his hat - which had also disappeared. "Oliver, why didn't you tell me I was...starkers???"

Oliver shrugged his shoulders. "I thought you knew," he said weakly, failing at all attempts to look away from the redhead. The rumors going around the Quidditch locker rooms about the prefect's shortcomings were blatantly wrong.

"Well, I most certainly did not," Percy's expression was a mix of shock and annoyance. He rushed over to his bed, pulling off the quilted crimson blanket and wrapping it around his slender frame.

The Quidditch captain, his gaze now no longer occupied with the sight of his naked roommate, soon became curious as to how Percy got into the room. "Y-you Apparated!" Oliver quickly concluded. "How did you Apparate into here? I didn't even know you had your license!"

Percy padded over to his trunk, the comforter still wrapped clumsily around his waist. "I didn't Apparate," he said. "I sneezed."

Now Oliver was very curious, and very confused. "You...sneezed?"

"It's a long story." He flung open his trunk, which he found to be empty. Spouting a word Oliver never heard come from Percy's mouth before, he said gloomily, "They're all gone from here, too. I'd wager all my clothes are down on the lawn...oh, the twins must be relishing in all this..."

"Wait, wait." Oliver stood and approached Percy. "What do the twins have to do with this? And...you sneezed???"

Percy sighed. Obviously, Oliver wasn't going to let this go. "It's called 'The Weasley Sneezes.' It's very rare; only me and Great Uncle Randolph have it, I believe."

"Well, what is it?"

The prefect massaged the bridge of his nose out of weariness. Oliver was quite pleased that Percy no longer seemed uncomfortable clad only in a blanket. "Whenever I sneeze...things happen. Objects disappear, reappear somewhere else, I get transported somewhere, even...I never know what will happen, and...and..."

Percy's eyes closed, and his nose scrunched up in irritation. Without any other warning, he gave out a loud "ACHOO!", and almost immediately, the books Oliver was studying from on his desk burst into flames.

Oliver yelped, and rushed to his desk. He grabbed his wand - thankfully unscathed - and with a mumbled incantation, transformed a rain cloud out of thin air over his books. They were soggy, yet saved; all Percy could say was a sheepish "sorry."

This was all a little too much for the Keeper to swallow. "You've never set my schoolbooks on fire before, Percy," Oliver noted, one eyebrow raised suspiciously.

"I usually keep this in check," he said, sniffling slightly. "I go straight to Madam Pomfrey whenever I feel the slightest ill, and she gives me a potion of 'Don't Sneeze Pleeze.' My parents have it at home as well."

"So, what happened today? Pomfrey out of the potion?" Normally, Oliver would have offered some of his own clothes to Percy - granted, if they hadn't disappeared as well - but he wouldn't dare cover up the surprisingly toned body of Percy Weasley, now that he full well knew that it existed.

"I was making my prefect rounds around the front lawn -" Oliver was surprised Percy didn't take the time to discuss more of his prefect duties, as he so loved to do, "- when I was attacked by an avalanche of snow, undoubtedly a trap set by my troublesome brothers. I was covered in snow from head to feet, and before I knew it I sneezed." He motioned down to his scantily-clad body. Oliver didn't need any encouragement for him to stare. "And this is where it got me."

Sadly, Oliver knew what he had to do, and it involved tearing his eyes away from the redheaded nude standing before him. "Well, better get you off to Pomfrey first," he said. "We'll worry about your clothes later."

Just as the Keeper turned towards the door, he heard a gasp from his roommate; Percy was about to sneeze again. But Oliver, being known for having snitch-quick reflexes on and off a broomstick, was upon him in a flash, covering Percy's mouth with a firm yet gentle hand. He waited until he felt the boy's breathing steady - and a few seconds after that as well, for Percy's hot breath felt so nice against his fingers - and then let go reluctantly, satisfied that Percy's sneezing emergency was avoided.

Percy smiled gratefully, and opened his mouth to thank his roommate - and perhaps also ask if he could borrow a change of clothes - but as soon as he let his guard down, his nose twitched again.

"ACHOO!"

And, before Percy could politely say, "Pardon me," both boys popped out of the dorm room without a trace.

Thankfully, with the blanket.

Oliver was hit with a wave of frostbitten air, seeming to come from all sides. It was colder, much colder than any of the dungeons inside of the school; they must have been outside somewhere. He wondered if they were even still on the Hogwarts grounds. Surrounded by dense wood, the two young wizards felt isolated from the rest of civilization. Where were they?

"Oh, d-dear," said a voice beside him; it was Percy, quickly taking the blanket around his waist and draping it over his shoulders. He was trembling slightly. "I've done it again, haven't I?" Oliver nodded glumly. Looking around, Percy gave a dreadful sigh, and pulled the blanket around him tighter. "Where are we?" he asked.

"Looks like the Forbidden Forest." Snow was still falling steadily; Oliver's hair was already speckled with white, and his snow-covered toes felt numb. "Can't see any sign of Hogwarts, either; we must be in pretty deep."

Percy looked at him askance. "And how would you know so much about the Forbidden Forest?"

"You should know," he replied with a smirk in the prefect's direction. "I've seen everything there is to see in this school."

A disgusted snort came from the redhead. "Obviously," he muttered, referring to the impromptu exhibition he gave to his roommate earlier. Oliver thought his voice held a tinge of shame, and he suddenly felt terrible for ogling as he did. He didn't regret it, of course...he just felt terrible about it.

Seeing Percy huddle himself within the large comforter, the brown-haired boy shivered as well; he was also not fully clothed, and the biting winter wind was nipping at his exposed flesh. Percy wasn't faring any better; he was now trembling visibly, and he looked paler than usual. Oliver had to get the two out of the blistering cold of the forest, and soon.

He gripped the magic wand in his hand. "I'll get us out of here," he said, holding up the wand. "Let me just -"

"ACHOO!"

And instantly, Wood's eight-inch long wand of wood was gone.

"I'm so sorry, Oliver," was the reply.

"It's not your fault," he said, undaunted. They were cold, and lost - and nearly naked - but they were not down for the count yet. There had to be something they could do... "Look over there," he pointed to a small alcove inside of a cliff only a few meters away. It wasn't much, but it would be better than standing in the middle of this blizzard. "We can stay under there, until the storm lets up."

Percy spoke up. "I think we should try to find someone first," he said, his voice turning pretentious as always. "So at least someone knows we're gone and we'll be sought after."

"Well, I don't know about you," Oliver was already making his way towards the alcove. "But I'm freezing my arse off in this snow. If we don't get to shelter soon, there won't be much of me to find."

The redhead didn't agree with his friend's reasoning - and remaining inside the Forbidden Forest any longer was deplorable, considering it was...well, forbidden - but he reluctantly went along with it. Oliver was already halfway to the alcove, and the thought of being lost in the Forbidden Forest alone was worse than the thought of their punishment once they were rescued.

The small alcove in the cliff was cold, but dry; no snow fell inside, and although not even the most desperate Muggle would have called it shelter, for Oliver and Percy it would have to do. Twigs and branches littered the ground from bare, tattered trees all around; if Wood had his wand, he could have started a small fire. Unfortunately, Percy had seen to it that the wand should disappear; only Merlin knew where his precious wand was now.

No, that's not right at all, Oliver thought as he stooped down low to brush away some of the twigs on the ground. I shouldn't blame Percy for all this. Sure, he got us into this mess, but it wasn't truly his fault. Besides, I've gotten to see him starkers. He smirked. That's enough for me to go through all this all over again.

"What are you smirking at?" said a shivering Percy, standing before him. "If you think this situation is funny, Oliver Wood..."

"I'm sorry," he quickly apologized, still smiling. "It's just..." Oliver paused for a moment, thinking of the right way to say this. He was a star at Quidditch, not public speaking. "...I never knew you had such a cute arse."

Percy blushed, but said nothing.

Oliver patted the ground beside him. "Now," he said. "Come down here and share that blanket."

The redhead blinked, and looked at Oliver like he had asked him to eat his prefect badge. "Are you mad?" he exclaimed, clutching the blanket tighter to his chest. "I'm quite naked under here, if you haven't noticed." Oliver noticed. "You are not getting under here with me."

"Percy," Oliver reasoned. "I'm not that better off than you. And that blanket isn't doing much to keep you warm, either."

"I'm perfectly fine," he stuttered. His teeth were chattering.

Oliver was quick to object. "But your lips are blue!" he exclaimed. "You're freezing, and so am I. We both need body warmth, or we'll be Popsicles by nightfall."

The redhead was nearly about to throw a fit at the mention of sharing body warmth. It was just not something an upstanding prefect like himself to do, especially while lost in the Forbidden Forest, especially when you're wearing nothing but a disapproving frown. But, Percy thought as he pushed his glasses up the bridge of his nose again, his roommate did have a point. The blanket covered his body from the Quidditch captain's spying eyes - why was he staring so much? - but it didn't do much for keeping him warm.

"And what if I sneeze again?" Percy said, trying to find a way to get out of Oliver's invitation - no matter how welcome it was. "I don't want to get you into any more trouble."

He smiled at him warmly, despite the slight chattering of his teeth. "Even if your sneezes do cause more trouble," he said compassionately. "It won't be any trouble to me." His voice took on a gentler tone. "You could never be trouble for me, Percy."

Sighing, Percy conceded - he was suddenly believing that sharing a blanket in the Forbidden Forest with Oliver Wood wasn't that bad - and sat down beside him, laying out the comforter to cover both teenagers. He instantly felt colder, now sharing the blanket with another, but then Oliver took his hand in his own, and he instantly felt warmer. He blushed a bright crimson; his face was warmer, too.

Shifting lower to lie on the ground, Oliver pulled Percy down with him; he followed suit. He shuffled closer to him; Oliver's skin was cold to the touch, but Percy's was slightly warmer, and he shivered as his palm touched his forearm. He was also surprised at how muscular that forearm was.

"You are cold," Percy whispered, ice blue eyes meeting Oliver's brown.

The Keeper could only nod in response. He nearly gasped aloud when Percy touched his arm, and he had been holding his breath ever since. Boldly, he took his right arm and draped it around Percy's slender waist; now it was Percy's turn to gasp. "I'm feeling warmer," he said, astonished and elated to find that the prefect wasn't backing away.

Touching a naked Percy Weasley was something Oliver had never done, either.

"Oliver," spoke up Percy; for the first time since becoming a prefect last year, Oliver noted no pretentious tone in his voice. "About this whole mishap...I hate that you've gotten into this mess. I'm sorry."

The brown-haired boy pulled him in closer; their full bodies were now pressed against each other, with neither boy objecting. "Don't be," Oliver said in a hushed voice; he was afraid that if he spoke any louder it would break this, destroy this little moment. He mused that Percy's head fit so well in the crook of his neck; how he felt so warm in his farms, and, oh...

Oh.

Percy saw the elation on Oliver's face. He shifted his body; he felt it in other places, too.

"Sorry," Oliver mumbled, his cheeks turning red. His gaze turned away from Percy's inent stare in embarrassment, even though it pained him to look away. He tried to move his body away from the redhead as well, but Percy held firm, and stayed close to Wood's muscular frame.

Touching the side of Oliver's face gently, he brought his soft brown eyes back to Percy's blue ones. With a soft smile, Percy whispered, "Don't be," and tilted his head up to meet their young lips in a kiss. Oliver's lips were dry and chapped from the cold, and Percy's lips were still icy and blue, but neither boy cared; in their minds this kiss was perfect. There was little the two could do about their situation, but, Oliver thought as he instantly brought Percy's temperature up a few degrees, if it weren't for Percy's terrible Weasley Sneezes, they wouldn't have been in the situation, and his lips wouldn't be as pleased as they were now.

When their mouths finally parted, Percy looked up into the eyes of his friend, and smiled. "Wow…" he breathed. He had never been kissed like that before, with such passion, such intensity. He was definitely going to kiss Oliver Wood again, and if he had to strand them both out in the Forbidden Forest again with no clothes to do it, by Merlin, he would.

From the tell-tale, deamlike look on Oliver's face, he could tell he felt the same. "I'll say." He leaned in closer, to claim the redhead's lips once more, but as soon as he did, the familiar twitching in Percy's nose flared up again, and both boys were powerless to stop what would happen next.

"ACHOO!"

And, suddenly, Percy no longer felt cold, and Oliver no longer had snow falling into his hair. There was silence all around them, but it was different than the cold silence of the woods; it hung heavy around them, and they had the strangest feeling of being watched...

Then, it finally came to Oliver.

Percy's last magical sneeze had instantly transported the couple straight into the Great Hall.

During dinnertime.

Right atop the Gryffindor table.

There was an eruption of gasps and giggles, sniggers and laughs. Penelope Clearwater over at the Ravenclaw table fainted. Angelina Johnson, Alicia Spinnet and Katie Bell squealed in delight. A disapproving look came from Professor McGonagall from the Professor's table. Percy ducked his head under the blanket, mumbling about losing his prefect badge for this.

"You go, Oliver!"

"Mr. Weasley, I hope you have an explanation for this..."

"I think I'm going to be sick."

"I am never sneezing again," Percy vowed from underneath the blanket, his face matching the crimson blush of the comforter.

"Well," Oliver noted, as he joined Percy. He kissed the redhead heatedly underneath, despite the scores of young wizards and witches watching. "At least we're warmer now."

And, as the wizards around them gawked, and the Professors stood flabbergasted, Oliver Wood knew that he had now seen and done everything in Hogwarts...even fall in love.

"ACHOO!"