Draw the Veil

IX. Remus Lupin, First-Year

My New Friends

My trip to Hogwarts that first year was quite memorable. Getting away from my parents was a scary but wonderful feeling, and I was going to a great school, a wizarding school. How could it not be fun?

Before I left for school, I had worried about my lycanthropy and whether I would hurt someone. I had worried about whether I would make friends. But I had not thought of lycanthropy and friends in the same sentence. Would I tell my friends? How would I tell them? What would they say?

I met James Potter, Sirius Black, and Peter Pettigrew on the Hogwarts Express. We talked and laughed the whole way to Hogsmeade. It felt so good to be around boys my own age. It felt nice to at least pretend to be normal, for a while.

My transformations in the shack_which soon came to be known to Hogsmeade villagers as the Shrieking Shack_were not pleasant, but I managed. I had light, at least. Madam Pomfrey would walk with me to the shack in the evenings and press the switch to open the trap door in the base of the Whomping Willow's trunk, and I would disappear inside. In the morning, she would come out to tend to my injuries.

At first, the nurse's tight bun and severe clothes intimidated me. And they continued to do so whenever my friends and I were injured during horseplay. But she was a very different woman the mornings after my transformations. I soon learned that her bedside manner was dependent on the cause of the complaint_when students brought pain upon themselves through rule-breaking, she had no sympathy. But for someone like me, cursed to suffer every month through no fault of my own, she was kind, even motherly.

I was chuffed to find that my parents' tutoring efforts had not gone in vain_I was an excellent writer and was good at maths. However, I had missed out on so much by not having had wizard friends or being allowed to see Quidditch matches. Culturally, I was lagging behind. I dedicated myself to catching up during those first few weeks, learning about all the Quidditch teams and their odds for the season from my new friends.

Despite my newfound and wonderful friendships, I still found time to read by myself in the library and lose myself in those fantastical worlds. Madam Pince, the librarian, was obviously aware of my condition because she thrust several books on lycanthropy into my arms on my first visit. 'Maybe these will help,' she whispered. And they did, some. I learned a lot about the history of the condition and how it had affected people, werewolves and normal humans alike. It was good to know that I was not alone, at least.

Telling my friends I was a werewolf was a different matter entirely. They began to question me about my monthly disappearances early in our friendship; it was hard for them not to notice my absence when we shared a dorm room. I wanted to tell them, but what if they hated me or feared me? What if all the students found out? I really could not see how it was anyone's business but my own_and perhaps those adults in a position to help me. So I kept the truth to myself using a series of fairly plausible lies.

I ended up in the same house and the same dorm room as Sirius, James, and Peter, and we soon became good friends. James and Sirius had a reputation for being troublemakers and pranksters; they spent countless hours in detention. Peter was a nice, intelligent boy, but he lacked the ability to think for himself.

James, Peter, and I had one thing in common: none of us had siblings. Sirius had a younger brother named Regulus, but it was easy to see that he was much closer to James--they had been best mates for years.

'I have a feeling that my idiot brother is going to be sorted into Slytherin once he starts school,' Sirius commented one day. We were sitting in the Quidditch stands, bundled up in jumpers and coats, watching the first match of the year between Gryffindor and Slytherin.

'Slytherin?' Peter asked. 'Nothing but bad wizards in that house.' He thought for a moment. 'So we could end up playing against him.'

Sirius shrugged. 'If he plays, I suppose.'

The Gryffindor fans suddenly began booing and yelling. 'Did you see that? He knocked Jordan off his broom! Penalty! Penalty!' James shouted, shaking his fist.

We grumbled and cursed for a few minutes as we watched Jordan be carried off the pitch by Madam Hooch and Madam Pomfrey.

Peter turned to Sirius again. 'So how is it that the two of you could be so different if you're from the same family?'

'Sirius is the one who's different,' commented James. 'He's the family oddball, aren't you?' He gave Sirius a playful punch in the arm.

'Shut up, Potter,' Sirius replied, punching him back. James hit him again, and the two boys suddenly broke into a fight.

'Hey, come on, mate! I was just joking!' James exclaimed, trying to push the other boy off.

'You think my family's something to joke about?' Sirius landed a punch in James's stomach.

'Fellows, please! Stop!' I begged, watching Professor McGonagall out of the corner of my eye. I grabbed Sirius by the arm and pulled him off. The two returned to their seats on the bench, glaring at each other and rubbing their bruises.

'I'm sorry, mate,' James muttered. Sirius stuck his tongue out at him, and the two broke into laughter.

A few hours later, the game ended (Gryffindor 200, Slytherin 80). We walked down the rickety steps of the Quidditch stands, and Peter and I headed for the castle, but we soon realised that our two friends were not with us anymore.

We turned to see James and Sirius standing together by the stands, whispering and rubbing their hands together mischievously. They noticed us staring at them and waved us over. 'Come here.' Peter and I glanced at each other, shrugged, and moved closer.

'What's up, fellows? What are you doing?' Peter asked.

'You remember how Higgs knocked out Jordan with that bludger bat?'

'How could I forget?' I asked. 'That bloody git! Cheating! And landing Jordan in the hospital wing. Those damned Slytherins!'

'Yeah,' Peter muttered. 'If only there were some way to get back at him.'

Sirius grinned, revealing gleaming white teeth, and brought us into a huddle. 'Oh, but there is, my friend, there is.'

'The Slytherins never get in trouble. It's up to us to take care of it,' James added.

'But what are you going to do?' I asked.

James and Sirius laughed. 'Oh, just a little spell or two,' James said.

Our First Prank

The next afternoon, the three of us quietly made our way towards the Quidditch pitch once again. This time, we did not go up in the stands. We headed straight for the locker rooms instead.

Sirius reached into his pocket and pulled out a little brass key. He noticed my expression of surprise and mild disapproval and chuckled. 'I'll put it back, don't worry.'

The four of us slipped inside and headed straight for the Slytherin brooms hanging on one wall. 'Which one is his?' Peter asked, running over and stroking the shiny wooden handles lovingly.

'Stop fondling them,' James muttered.

'Oh, but they're so nice.' Peter pouted and moved away.

Sirius turned to me. 'Remus, would you like to do the honours?'

'Me?'

'Sure! You know how to dispel a braking charm, don't you?'

I stared at him in disbelief. 'No, of course I don't. Why would I?'

He shrugged. 'Well, fine then. I guess I'll do it.'

He looked so disappointed. I suppose that is why I said what I said next. 'No, wait. I'll do it.' My voice quavered slightly.

'You sure?' he asked, putting a hand on my shoulder.

'Yes.' My stomach was doing somersaults. What if Higgs was injured? Or worse? But I wanted so much to belong.

Sirius grinned, and I felt a tingle go up my spine. 'It's a simple spell to learn,' he said. 'Remember the wand movement for Finite incantatum? You do the same thing, only you say Disconfuto virga instead.'

'OK,' I replied, and gulped. I faced Higgs' broom and flicked my wand. 'Disconfuto virga!' A yellow light shot out, but it sputtered out in midair.

'Hurry up!' said James. 'They'll be coming soon!' He glanced at the door.

'I know!' I said, screwing up my face in concentration. I tried again. This time, the spell hit the bristles of the broom, causing them to jiggle slightly and then settle back down.

'Brilliant!' Sirius grinned. 'Now let's get out of here, quickly!' We crept back outside, blinking in the bright sunlight, and hid behind some nearby shrubberies only minutes before the team walked out onto the pitch.

'Well, I don't know why I bother,' said Michael Nott, the Slytherin team captain. 'Beaten. Again. What were you cretins thinking out there?' He slapped another player on the back of his head. 'We can't let those bloody Gryffindors beat us. I want that trophy!' He sighed. 'Go get changed. We clearly need to practise.' Nott led the players to the locker room, and they all disappeared inside.

Peter giggled. 'Oh, this is going to be so funny!'

I looked at Sirius. 'What if Higgs gets hurt?'

'He won't. Well, he won't get hurt any worse than Jordan did,' he replied, frowning. 'He deserves it.'

I knew in my head that Sirius was right; Higgs deserved a taste of his own medicine. So why did I feel so queasy? 'I don't want to get in trouble,' I said, envisioning the look on McGonagall's face when she heard what we had done. 'What if they find out it was us?'

'They won't, mate. James and I have pulled plenty of pranks in our time, and we never get caught.' He paused. 'Well, not very often.' James coughed. 'OK, we get caught all the time. But what's the worst they can do to us? Give us detention? We'll be there, anyway, for one reason or another. And this time, it will be worth it!' I remembered all the other times it had been 'worth it' to Sirius and James to get in trouble and rolled my eyes.

Sirius glanced at the house tapestries all around us. 'I hope Regulus does make the Quidditch team. It will give us plenty of opportunities to take him down a peg, which he's needed for years.'

'He's a real pain, isn't he?' I asked.

'Oh yes. But then my whole family is. Nothing but trouble, the lot of them. And they give me nothing but trouble, day and night. I just wish I could live here all year.' He grabbed James in a bear hug. 'You're my real brother, aren't you, James?' James coughed and pushed him away.

'Hey, what about me?' Peter whined.

'Oh, you're all my family!' Sirius said, grabbing each of us in turn. My cheeks turned pink as he wrapped his arms around me, and I wriggled out of his grasp.

'So what is it about your family that's so bad?' I asked. I remembered my mother's overprotectiveness and my father's drinking and wondered if the Blacks had similar troubles. But then, they don't have any children like me, I thought.

'We're purebloods,' said Sirius. He spat on the ground. 'And according to my parents, purebloods are the only "true" wizards. They refuse to associate with anyone whose blood isn't pure, they don't want us marrying anyone who's not pure, and we're all expected to be "proper" and behave ourselves all the time. Clearly, there was no way I could ever fit in.'

'So are you Death Eaters?' asked Peter. He inched backwards, worried.

'Just Death Eater wannabes,' joked James.

Sirius glowered at him, but then his expression softened. 'They're sympathisers, but they're too cowardly to actually commit. Regulus, however...I think he'll join Voldemort when he's older. He won't shut up about what a "great" wizard Voldemort is.'

Just then, the Slytherin team emerged from the locker rooms and walked back onto the pitch. 'Shhh!' said James, unnecessarily.

The players took their positions, and Nott blew a small whistle. 'Play like you mean it!' he called up to them as they each took off from the ground. He launched the quaffle, bludgers, and snitch into the air.

Randolph Higgs' troubles began immediately. He flew up into the air until we was level with the other Beater, but his broom did not stop--it did not even slow down. 'What the bloody hell?' he yelled, grabbing the broom handle and pushing and pulling on it in all directions. 'Um, someone? Help?' But his cries went unnoticed by his fellow players, who were busy pursuing the quaffle and dodging the bludgers ripping through the air.

The unfortunate Beater soon discovered that he at least had control over the broom's direction. He soared around the pitch much too fast, valiantly avoiding everything and everyone in his path.

Nott finally noticed the trouble. 'Higgs! What the buggering bollocks do you think you're doing up there?'

'It's my broom!' Higgs called back. 'It won't stop!'

James laughed as he watched Higgs fly around and around. A bludger came within two inches of the Slytherin's head.

'Maybe you should take the jinx off,' Peter said, fidgeting. 'He's suffered enough, hasn't he?'

'Not quite enough yet,' Sirius replied. He raised an eyebrow at me. I swallowed hard. I really did not want to hurt Higgs. But Sirius's eyes were boring into my skull, so I cast the only spell I could think of that might be helpful, Accelero. I had heard my mother use it often in the kitchen when she was running late making dinner.

We all turned to see what my spell had caused--Higgs' broom had now doubled its speed. 'Excellent,' breathed Sirius.

Higgs was headed straight for the Hufflepuff stands. He tried to pull up, but it was too late. He careened into the hanging black and yellow tapestry, losing his grip on the handle and dropping from the air.

The four of us laughed, but Sirius laughed a little too loudly, attracting the attention of a couple Slytherin players, who looked up from Higgs' broken form and pointed right at where we were hiding.

'Bollocks,' Sirius said. 'Run.'

We wasted no time, scrambling to our feet and racing back to the castle as if our lives depended on it, which they probably did. 'Bugger, bugger, bugger,' James repeated as we ran. 'You git! Did you have to laugh so hard?'

In a few minutes, we were back inside the castle, and we headed straight for the Gryffindor dormitories, bumping into students as we went. 'Chizpurfle,' breathed Sirius, and the painting of the Fat Lady began to swing open noiselessly.

'What did you do now?' the Fat Lady asked, frowning at us.

'Nothing,' gasped James. He ran through the doorway and collided with Lily Evans, a pretty, red-haired first-year. The spellbooks she was carrying went flying as she fell to her knees.

'James Michael Potter!' she exclaimed. 'What the hell do you think you're doing, running in here like that?'

'Lily!' he said. He was almost wheezing from his run. 'I'm...so...sorry! Let me...help you...'

'Get your hands off me, Potter,' she retorted, picking up her books. She looked at the rest of us and frowned. 'I don't even want to know what you've been up to. I'm sure it doesn't matter. A point deduction is a point deduction. And I so wanted to see us win the cup this year.' Her eyes blazed. 'Wankers.' She stormed off to the girls' dorms.

'Lily!'

'Let her go, mate. She doesn't understand the beauty that is pranking,' said Sirius, slapping his friend on the back. 'What will points matter, years from now? Or detention? But we'll always have the memories of how we got back at that rat bastard, Higgs. We can tell our grandchildren about that one!'

'Lily,' James whimpered, staring in the direction of the girls' dorms.

I laughed. 'Can't you say anything else?'

'Awwww, I think he's in love,' teased Peter.

'Shut up, Pettigrew,' James replied.

A strong hand suddenly grabbed James by the shoulder. 'James and Sirius, I expect this sort of behaviour from you two,' came McGonagall's voice. We all gulped and turned to face her. 'But Remus and Peter? Oh, I had such high hopes, especially for you, Remus. I thought that somehow you could avoid their influence despite sharing their dorm room. But clearly, I was wrong.'

'I didn't want to do it,' Peter protested. Sirius glared at him.

'Come with me, boys,' she said.

Caught!

'The four of you were seen. Seen and heard, I should say.' She looked at us sternly over her glasses. 'Do you know where Higgs is now?' We shook our heads. 'He's in the hospital wing, and he'll probably be there for at least another day. Madam Pomfrey's having a devil of a time repairing his injuries.'

'But she will be able to, won't she?' I asked. My heart was racing. I had come to Hogwarts anxious to avoid hurting my classmates, and now I had landed one in the hospital wing--on purpose.

'Of course she will. But that is not important. What were you thinking, all of you? What on earth gave you the idea to jinx the boy's broom like that? You not only hurt him, you damaged school property! We still can't find it, you know. That'll be one less broom for our students to practise on in flying lessons.'

'He knocked out Jordan!' protested Sirius. 'He deserved it!'

'You have no business taking the law into your own hands, Mr Black,' she replied. 'Now, which of you did it? Which of you cast the spell?'

An uncomfortable silence fell over us. I swallowed hard.

'No matter. I can find out easily enough,' she said. 'Give me your wands.'

The four of us glanced at each other. What was she going to do? Peter and I shrugged, but I noticed that Sirius was grimacing. Clearly, he had encountered this particular forensics technique before. 'Don't bother, Professor. It was me. I cast the spells,' he said.

He's taking the fall for me? I thought.

'I wish I could say I was surprised,' she commented. 'I'll expect to see you all in detention, of course. And 10 points from each of you. Sirius, I expect 12 inches from you on why jinxing brooms is dangerous, due tomorrow.'

'Awww, but--' he protested.

'I don't want to hear it. All of you, go back to Gryffindor Tower. And stay there for the rest of the day. And yes,' she said, seeing Peter's panicked expression, 'you may come down for dinner.'

'Sirius, you didn't have to do that,' I said when we returned to our dorm room. 'You shouldn't have taken the fall for me.'

'I didn't exactly see you volunteering,' James commented.

'I would have!' I exclaimed, although I wondered if that were true. 'I just panicked when she asked.'

'You were scared is what you were,' James replied.

Sirius sat down on his bed and waved his hand nonchalantly. 'It's no bother. She expects it from me. There's no point in damaging Remus's reputation, too.'

'It's already damaged,' I said, sulking. Then a thought struck me. 'She's not going to write our parents, is she?' Although I could have got into trouble for a lot worse than this, I thought, imagining the damage I could do to the school while transformed.

'She might,' James said.

'Well, if you're worried about it, tell them I made you do it,' Sirius said to Peter and I. 'James's parents are used to getting owls from teachers, I think. And my parents...well, how could I possibly disappoint them any more? They almost disowned me when they found out I was sorted into Gryffindor, for Merlin's sake.'

My heart went out to him. I knew what it was like to be a disappointment to one's parents. 'I'll write the parchment,' I said, pulling a sheet of parchment and quill out of the top drawer of my desk.

'It's my punishment!' Sirius replied. 'I'll do it!'

'I was the one who cast the spells on the broom. You already took the fall for me. I'm not going to let you do this, too.'

'She knows my handwriting, git!'

That had not occurred to me. 'OK, well...How about I write it up, and you just copy it out?'

'How about I write it myself?'

'How about you go jump in the lake?'

Sirius got up from his bed and walked over to me. He made a grab for the parchment. 'You're not writing it!'

I held fast to the thick paper. 'Let go! It'll tear!'

'So? Give it here!' He snatched the parchment and pulled.

'So it's a bloody waste of money! Parchment doesn't grow on trees!' I stopped. We looked at each other and burst into laughter. Sirius released the paper. 'Please let me do this,' I said. 'It's my responsibility. I'll feel bad if I don't.'

Sirius pulled out a second piece of parchment and sat down on the bed next to me. 'How about we do it together?'

I grinned; this seemed like a good solution. 'Sounds good,' I replied.

Heading Home

During my first year at Hogwarts, I developed a bit of a taste for mischief. I could never match James and Sirius's level of troublemaking, however; sometimes, they were almost too cruel. I served as the occasional voice of reason for the group, trying to keep us from getting into any real trouble.

Most days, our primary target was a greasy-haired, sulky first-year named Severus Snape. We had tripped him in the corridors so often I was surprised he could still walk. And Sirius had once snuck a pot of Cursing Ink onto Snape's desk right before a major exam, an ink that changed every word the person wrote into a bad word. A small part of me felt pity for 'Snivellus,' as we called him, but I decided that one difference between he and I was that he could choose to be different; I could not. I may have been poor, I may have been a monster, but even I bathed.

The summer holidays came too quickly for all of us. Sirius and I both sulked for days, but I knew that he at least would be able to see his best friend over the break. I would be going back to my parents, to my dark cellar.

'Hey, mate, we'll owl you over the holidays,' James said to me as we sat on the train, buried under sweets wrappers. 'You can come over, and we can get up to no good!'

I shifted in my seat. 'Um, I'm not sure if my parents will let me.'

'Why the bloody hell not?' James asked.

'I think we're a bad influence on him,' Sirius said, chuckling. 'They probably don't want him hanging out with us.'

I stared out the window, watching the trees and houses go by and hoping my friends would change the subject. They did not.

'So?' James asked. 'Why can't you come visit?'

'My mother's really overprotective,' I said. 'She worries someone...she worries I'll get hurt.'

Sirius coughed. 'You can't hang out with your friends? Because you might get hurt? Sorry, mate, but you shouldn't stand for that. Your mother's insane. Isn't your father any help?'

'No,' I muttered.

'Well, this is why "sneaking out" was invented. It's the reason children's bedrooms have windows. Whether your parents like it or not, you're going to come visit us,' James said.

I smiled weakly. Perhaps they were right.