Seamus is Seamus and You are Yourself

SEAMUS IS SEAMUS AND YOU ARE YOURSELF 9:

HARRY.

I'm... rather confused.

I'm really quite positive that Draco Malfoy kissed me. ME! I mean...!! This is not something he DOES!

The problem is, I was under the influence of this miscast love potion at the time. Some Ravenclaw put it in my pumpkin juice (how, I'll never know- she's obviously very crafty...) and nobody noticed until I thought that everyone hated me. At first I thought it was just my imagination, because the first class was Potions and Snape does hate me- but then I began to think all my friends were whispering about me behind my back. It was awful!

So, perhaps because I thought all my friends had turned against me, I in turn thought that my enemy liked me... but then, come to think of it, wouldn't I have thought Snape had kissed me as well? Urgh. URGH! I really did not need that mental image. Oh God, it won't go away now!!

All I really remember of the night is crying on Malfoy's shoulder, then a sort-of-maybe kiss and then him adamantly denying that he had done it. Oh God- I actually cried on Malfoy's shoulder! He has enough ammunition to humiliate me for the next six months!

But did he kiss me, or am I just going mad?

Come to think of it, 'Mione was positive that he fancied me in Fifth Year. She said that he kept staring at me. Of course, I didn't believe her at the time... but she's been right about all these other people liking me for some reason, perhaps she was right about this as well. Still, even if she was, that was last year. Malfoy wouldn't still have feelings for me.

Would he?

It's just really strange to think about- Draco Malfoy liking me. ME! It's funny, but when I don't see him I always forget why I should hate him. When I DO see him, however, he usually does something to remind me. If he just left me alone, I'd be quite content to let him be. I wouldn't mind him really. In the summer, when I'm not at school and I do think of him, he's just like this presence that's always just there in my life.

It would be so, so strange if he wasn't there.

And I have to admit that he is good-looking. He's got that rebel-without- a-cause thing going on. Perhaps if he wasn't such an utter bastard, I might just like him.

But he's horrible. He really is. And I'm not sure he even kissed me. And what if he didn't, and I confronted him about it and made a complete fool out of myself?

I have been looking at him a bit more over the last week. He hasn't really been nasty to me in the course of it, which sort of makes me forget to hate him as is expected of me. And he has got quite a sexy walk, when he isn't tapping some rhythm out with his foot. I still don't know why he does this. Hmm.

I've decided to leave him alone, not to talk to him on the subject. And to stop thinking about it! It probably never happened and he's obviously got his mind on other things.

DRACO.

Right. I think I'm safe. Potter, apart from staring at me with a puzzled expression several times a day this week, has made no move to speak to me about- The Incident.

I think it might be safe to start unpacking my Quick-Escape-From-The- Country bag. I'm glad. The robes in it were starting to look very rumpled.

And I can't have that, of course.

HARRY.

That night I was in the dormitory getting ready for bed when I did a very stupid thing.

I asked Seamus for advice.

"Seamus," I said, "how do you know if someone likes you?"

Immediately Seamus being... well, Seamus, decided to flirt with me yet again. He does this every day! I mean, he flirts with everyone (except Ron, who always tries to punch him if he tries it) but he flirts with me about a thousand times more than anybody else.

"I like you, Harry," he starts purring and tries to grab me. I mean, I like Seamus and everything, don't get me wrong. And he's quite good-looking as well. And he likes me. But he is well... he's Seamus. There's no getting away from the fact.

"Seamus, I'm being serious!" I say to him. That usually puts him off- he hates that word. "Get your bloody hand off my leg!"

He does so, thank goodness, and sits beside me on my bed, staring at me in a really freaky manner.

"I mean," I elaborate in one breath, "what if you think a person that you hadn't thought of in that way before likes you but you're not sure if the person is just joking around or actually means it and you don't want to ask in case you're completely wrong but you don't not want to ask just in case... Seamus? Are you listening? Seamus?"

Seamus is looking confused. I'm not surprised.

"So," he says, "you fancy someone, do you then Harry?"

"Erm," I say. I'm not sure. It's just weird to think about. I start thinking, whilst Seamus is still rambling on at me. I'm not really listening.

Then he says, "we could talk about this in more detail on the Hogsmeade weekend, eh, Harry?"

"Yeah, whatever, Seamus," I say, still not really listening. That's about to change.

"YES!" yells Seamus, leaping up, his thoughts of molesting me apparently forgotten.

"What? What?" I yell back, obviously slightly scared by his sudden outburst.

"You agreed to go out with me!" yells Seamus joyously back.

"What! No I did NOT!" I shout. "When in God's name did I agree to any such thing??!"

"Just now, Harry!"

I think a minute, before replying, "all I said was 'yeah' to seeing you in Hogsmeade! That does NOT constitute a date!"

"Aye, it does Harry! You said you'll go, so you'll have to now!"

"NO!"

"Yes! And you know it's the right thing to do to let your date kiss you afterwards!" said Seamus.

"Seamus, NO!"

"See you on Saturday, then Harry!" Seamus is still bouncing about. "I'm going to go tell everyone now!" he fled the room.

"Argh!" I say, head in hands. All the shouting has attracted Ron, Dean and Neville, who soon come bursting into the room.

"What's going on?!" yells Ron, brandishing his wand. He always thinks You- Know-Who is going to infiltrate the school and try to kill me.

"Seamus tricked me into agreeing to go out with him!" I yell back.

I'm really pissed off, but they just started laughing at me!

"You'll never escape him, Harry!" snorts Dean. "Now he'll think he has a real excuse to kiss you whenever he sees you!"

"NO!" I said, head in hands.

"Sorry Harry- it's too late to say that now," returned Ron, smiling heartily. Some friend he is!

"I'm going to see Hermione," I snarled, getting up. I think I vaguely heard Ron say something like, "you can't go in there looking like that!" but I didn't pay him any attention.

I stalked up to the girl's dormitory. I really needed to speak to Hermione. Since none of my male friends- especially Seamus- seems to be able to give clear, unprejudiced advice (or even understand what I say, in Seamus's case) I am once again throwing myself on the mercies of the female sex.

This always seems to be happening! I really, really need a father figure who's not an escaped convict!

I knocked on the Sixth Year girl's door and received no answer. I waited outside for a bit, hopping on foot to foot (the castle floor is really cold- they really need to put some carpeting down) before I hesitantly pushed open the door. Lavender and Parvati were in there, staring at me. At least they had some clothes on, however. I mean, they hadn't just got out of the shower or anything- that's my main fear if I ever enter a girl- dominated area. Even if the clothes the girls did have on were rather low-cut. Then Lavender muttered something that I didn't catch and they both started giggling furiously. Well, what else is new?

PARVATI.

We were just getting ready for bed when the door swung open and there Harry was, framed in the doorway. Oh my goodness me. He only had a pair of boxers and a very figure hugging grey vest on. Then Lavender whispered, "is this my birthday present? Parv, you shouldn't have." Well, I couldn't help but laugh! I just wished she was speaking the truth and was willing to share him...

HARRY.

These girls are always laughing at me for no apparent reason. Always! I just don't understand it! I could have sworn I hadn't done anything embarrassing in the ten seconds I've been standing here!

"Is Hermione here?" I said quickly. I swear that they looked disappointed.

Suddenly 'Mione appeared, wearing these really cool red and gold pyjamas, Gryffindor colours. She looked very surprised to see me. Well, I don't usually make a habit of visiting girl's rooms late at night. Or ever, actually.

"Harry!" she said. "Is something wrong?"

"I just needed to talk to you," I said. "In private," I added. I definitely didn't need two members of the Giggle Gang to hear any of this. 'Mione nodded and followed me out of the room.

"I like your pyjamas, by the way," I said to her as we were leaving the dorm. This seemed to start Lavender and Parvati off again. What is wrong with those two?! 'Mione rolled her eyes and slammed the door on their high-pitched fits of giggles, before following me downstairs to the Common Room.

Well, she didn't find it funny that Seamus had tricked me into going on a date with him, thank God! She looked quite pissed off, actually. Alarmingly, however, she couldn't think of a way to get me out of it either.

"If you refuse and hide in the dorm, then Seamus will probably just see it as an invitation to jump you," she said, frowning. "Or at the very least, drug you and drag you down to the Three Broomsticks. I suppose you'll just have to go, Harry, and make the best of it."

She's probably right.

I have to go on a date with Seamus.

Oh, dear GOD.

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