Seamus is Seamus and You are Yourself

SEAMUS IS SEAMUS AND YOU ARE YOURSELF 7:

DRACO.

The birds and the violins were getting ridiculous. They just had to go. The only problem then was how to make them go.

So, whilst nobody was looking (and that was quite an achievement in itself- who wouldn't want to look at me? Except Potter, apparently. Dammit!) I snuck into- ashamed as I am to admit it- the Muggle Studies Section of the library.

Well, I was desperate!

I sat in a secluded corner and carefully read the books I had chosen. They had titles like: "Embracing Life" and "Understanding the Inner You." Yes, I was desperate enough to lower myself to this bloody level. The books were basically completely fucking worthless- well, what do you expect- but I decided to try a few of the ideas.

It said in order to gain control over my life, which, let's face it, has turned into one great bloody mess because of bloody Potter, I had to come up with a- theme tune. One that represented what I really was. I had to play the song in my head whenever I found myself... slipping.

I mean, what a load of crap! No wonder the Dark Lord wants to kill the lot of them!

But coming up with a theme tune that represented me was pretty damn easy. Weird Sisters: I'm a Cold-hearted Bastard Who Needs Nobody. Heh heh. Yup, that's been me all my life. And don't start trying to tell me it doesn't represent me any more. Just piss off, why don't you! I don't need a bloody lecture, especially from you!

I also had to come up with a mantra, something to write down and look at when things got particularly bad. I came up with: 'My name is Draco Malfoy. I don't need someone to complete me. And the noises are all in my head.'

Pretty fucking good, eh? Harry's got nothing on me now.

Yup. That's right. NOTHING.

HERMIONE.

Harry's become quite depressed recently.

I'm not quite sure why, but Harry's chosen me to be his confidante on all things to do with relationships. Ron may seem the more obvious person for that role, but, saying that, as much as I love Ron, he's not really the- er, type for little confidential chit-chats. He'd probably run a mile away screaming, quite frankly.

But Harry's confided in me. I know now that his sudden change in the looks department is something he hates, now that he's finally been convinced of it. You would think that looking like he does would be a complete godsend, open any door for you and get you anyone you wanted.

Although this is true, it's created so many more problems in Harry's mind that he wishes he could change back to the way he had been.

Blaise Zabini had completely failed in his attempt to seduce Harry. But the incident had been incredibly well-publicised throughout Hogwarts through the efforts of- who else- Seamus. So now several other people had decided that if Zabini plucked up enough courage, they certainly could. So far it's been about twelve people (that I know of, at least) mostly seventh years, and a few from sixth and fifth. They all flirted terribly with Harry. Let's just say that he could have lost his virginity status every single time. But he brushed them off, every one. I was rather surprised; he is a teenage boy after all.

But Harry doesn't want it to be like this, he's explained to me. "I don't want to sleep with someone because they like what's on the outside!" he's said on more than one occasion. "I want them to like me."

Harry needs- affection. That is really all he wants. And nobody seems to be able to realise this. He may be completely clueless when it comes to what goes on inside the bedroom, but he, extremely surprisingly for a 16- year-old- knows exactly what he wants outside it before he'll even venture in.

HARRY.

I'm not asking for big fireworks. I just want the other person to like me, want to know more about me. Not just take me at face value, only see the scar and whatever they find so attractive on the outside. I just wish I was normal again. Well, as normal as I could be with this scar, at least. Then I would only have to worry if the person only wanted to be with me because I was the Boy-Who-Lived. Now I can't trust anyone anymore.

I'm not so naïve that I only want to be with someone if they love me. Alright, so I am naïve, I admit it, but not in this way, about the feelings. I just want a nice person, girl or boy, who looks at me and sees someone worth havingperhaps staying with long enough to know me a bit more. Not a one-night stand. Not anything that makes me feel cheap and used.

So why is this so hard to find?

DRACO.

I hate Muggles. I fucking hate them!

I mean, I was sort of coming round to the fact that MAYBE Muggles weren't completely useless. Perhaps they had some things right... like the idea of theme songs, for example. I thought, for one stupid moment, that that might have been a good idea.

Oh, how bloody wrong I was.

So. I was trying to dispel the bloody birds and violins. Trying to replace them with my theme tune. Repeat my mantra. Generally get back to being the bad-ass Malfoy heir I was before I fell in- erm, Potter changed.

So, I tried it. Harry was walking down the corridor as usual, looking all sweet- erm... I mean- oh hell. All right. So Potter's sweet. And gorgeous. And lovely. Have you got a problem with that?

After shaking my head a few times vigorously, trying to get the bloody inhabitants inside it OUT, I started on my theme tune. Damn, but it's fucking good. 'I'm a Cold-hearted Bastard Who Needs Nobody... dun duh dun duh dun... I don't need no-'

But then something terrible happened. Right in the middle of the bloody wicked guitar riff, this- other beat started going off in my head! Then this other guitar started too- and then the voice happened:

'You ever want something that you know you shouldn't have, But the more you know you shouldn't have it, the more you want it...'

Oh God, NO.

I had somehow, unwittingly tapped into bloody 'Ain't No Sunshine.' At full volume in my head.

It's a bloody Muggle song, for fuck's sake! Why?! Why ME??!

It would not leave. It just wouldn't. I tried desperately to conjure up 'I'm a Cold-hearted Bastard...' again, but it just didn't work. The other song's there most of the time now, and increases ten times in volume when a certain Gryffindor's around.

Dammit!

I can't function properly. I could sort of ignore the violins and birds before- treat them as background music or something- but 'Ain't No Sunshine' is impossible to switch off to. Whenever I hear it in my head, I just start tapping to the beat. It's gotten very bad. Even Blaise's bloody noticed.

"Draco!" he's yelled at me on numerous occasions. "Can you stop the infernal tapping!"

But I can't.

I know what you're thinking. That the song's going round in my head because it actually applies to my situation. Well, you're obviously completely wrong. Of course there's sunshine around when Potter's not there. Well, not much, since this IS Scotland, but it's not a fucking total eclipse or anything.

And I don't live in a bloody house, so how it could it not be a home without Harry there? Who do you think I am? I'm bloody rolling in it. I live in a mansion. I'm a fucking Malfoy, for Christ's sake!

Nope. No significance at ALL.

HARRY.

Malfoy's been acting very strangely over the last week or so.

It's almost as if he's... avoiding me. Whenever he sees me he goes even paler (if that's at all possible) and scuttles off in the opposite direction. It's not as if I miss his company or anything, but- it just feels strange.

I actually think he's got some sort of compulsive obsessive disorder, or something. He keeps- tapping, with his arm or his foot. He always looks like he's thinking very hard about something, as if getting annoyed with his own mind, if that makes any sense. And the other day, when he thought nobody was looking, he started muttering to himself and then banged his head against a wall continuously.

I wonder what's wrong with him?