Seamus is Seamus and You are Yourself

SEAMUS IS SEAMUS AND YOU ARE YOURSELF 5:

DRACO.

God, but Blaise is one sneaky bastard. I'm considerably unsurprised by the fact that he's a Slytherin. Of all the underhand, sly little tricks to pull...

After Harry ahem... showed more of himself than he would have liked (and yes, the fucking violin was still playing. Stop asking that bloody question!) Blaise's little obsession got completely out of hand. I told you he would go on the offensive in the end. And he did.

Friday afternoons we were having Potions as usual, and to his delight and everyone else's disappointment, Harry got partnered up with Blaise. I was with that Patil girl.

Still, it could have been worse. Might have been with Granger.

Anyway, I had to sit through Potions watching Blaise deliberately lean on Harry whenever he could get away with it. Harry, of course, was completely oblivious to the entire thing, but everyone besides Snape had noticed; oh my goodness yes.

Granger was scowling at Blaise at every opportunity. It was the first time since meeting her that I felt in any sort of agreement with her. She sees the importance of keeping Harry innocent, as do I.

Anyway, Patil kept tensing up whenever Blaise 'accidentally' touched Harry's hand or casually brushed their legs together. The girl was seriously pissed off, I'm telling you. I would have found it extremely amusing in any other circumstances.

But I had underestimated Blaise. Because what he did next, I admit, was rather inspired, if incredibly dangerous. As Harry looked away for another ingredient, Blaise pulled something out of his pocket and hurriedly threw it into the cauldron. A second later-

BOOM.

The cauldron exploded, coating most of the room with a slimy, green gunk. There were shrieks from all the girls and Harry Potter stood there looking completely bewildered.

"What happened?" he asked no one in particular. "I really thought I was doing it right for once!"

Blaise merely shrugged and smirked.

Then...

The wrath of the Potions classroom was upon them.

Snape was bearing down on them. Although he hadn't been hit with the potion, his classroom was still covered with the gunk. Needless to say he was completely pissed off and of course knew exactly who to blame it on.

"POTTER!"

"I don't know what happened!" muttered Harry, looking so downcast and sweet I wanted to hug him right there. Argh! NO! I must remain a Malfoy! No violins! And certainly no bloody tweeting birds!

"Detention, Potter, and twenty points from Gryffindor!" snapped Snape, eyes narrowing dangerously. He seems the only teacher able to turn his lust for Harry into pure, unadulterated rage.

Harry didn't even try to argue, but his eyes flashed as he glared at Snape. He looks even more bloody gorgeous when he's up on his noble high horse, I can tell you. Snape apparently noticed this as well, because he turned away extremely quickly.

Now Blaise was looking slightly panicky. It didn't look like he was going to get detention with Harry- which was of course what he had been aiming for all along. He should have known that Snape wouldn't give detention to one of his own, not if he could help it. So he did a very stupid thing.

He scooped up some of the potion gunk and threw it at the back of Snape's head, where it landed with a messy splat.

Snape turned around very, very slowly. Both Blaise and Harry gulped.

Bloody hell. I didn't know he had it for Harry that bad.

Needless to say, he got detention.

"That slimy, twisted conniving Slytherin!" Patil muttered for the rest of the lesson. For once I agreed with her. Look at me, agreeing with two Gryffindors in the space of an hour. Must be Harry's influence.

So, Blaise had detention with Harry on Friday night, cleaning up the Potions classroom. Lord, but you should have seen him. He got spruced up as if it was a fucking date. Combed his hair. Put on aftershave, for crying out loud. And all the time with a superior smirk on his face.

Did you get the fact that I can't stand Blaise?!

"Just wait, boys," he said. "Just you wait."

Well. What was I supposed to do? Of course I had to follow him. I wasn't about to let my Har... I mean, Potter get mauled by him, was I?

I sat outside the room, listening through the wall using a useful little charm I'd read about. It was quite entertaining, if nerve-wracking. Harry was obviously annoyed that he had to spend his entire Friday night cleaning up a disgusting, slime-filled room. After about ten minutes, Blaise hesitantly began to engage him in conversation. You could tell Harry was surprised; Slytherins don't usually go out of their way to be pleasant to him. But of course, him being Harry he didn't suspect any ulterior motives. And although I hated to admit it, Blaise could certainly turn on the charm when he wanted to.

The slimy bastard!

After several hours all of my limbs were numb and I was half-asleep. Then I heard Harry say tiredly:

"Well, that's that. We've finished, finally. We can go."

It sounded like Harry was moving towards the door. I scrambled up quickly.

" Potter, wait!" cried out Blaise, sounding increasingly nervous. Ah-ha. I knew all that bravado was just an act.

"Do you...like boys?" Blaise blurted out.

"What?!" said Harry, sounding completely shocked. "What kind of question is that?"

"I mean... do you like me?" stuttered Blaise, sounding even more like an idiot.

"Um." answered Harry. He seemed to have concluded that Blaise was demented. "I'm not sure quite what you're implying..."

Blaise seemed to have sensed that this wasn't working, so he decided to employ a different method. What a big mistake.

"Come on, Harry," he said, obviously trying to sound cool. "I want you, you want me. How about it?"

I almost snorted. Did Blaise really expect this to work?! And I take back what I said about him. He's really just a complete idiot with a few more brain cells than usual.

"Look," said Harry, sounding incredulous. "I think you're a bit tired, or something... so I'm just going to leave, right now, and pretend I never ever heard you say that, alright?"

But Blaise had now realised that this was probably the only chance he would ever have of seeing Harry alone. There was a crash.

"Zabini!" Harry hollered. "What the hell-"

He was cut off. I tensed, ready to come flying in to the rescue, when there was a scuffle, and Harry's voice piped up again.

"Jesus! Get the hell off me!"

Blaise had now turned into his whiny-but-incredibly-turned-on mode. I suspected that he had tried to kiss Harry. If kiss was the right word.

"But Harry," he moaned, obviously not knowing quite what he was saying, "I really want you... you're gorgeous, I..."

Harry's voice broke in, sounding even more incredulous than before, "I think you've been breathing in too many fumes," he said. "I'm leaving. I really hope you sort your head out soon!"

There was a noise, and I had just enough time to duck into the shadows when Harry came out of the room. His hair was even more messy than usual, and his mouth was red and raw against all that porcelain skin. His eyes were glowing in the light. Christ. I just get achy even thinking what he looked like just then.

He also looked completely spooked. After running a hand through his hair, he started to walk off very quickly down the hallway.

Heh heh. Stupid Blaise, I thought, as I walked in the other direction to Slytherin. Always... OOF.

I had run into someone. I raised my wand and muttered, "Lumos." The other person did the same. We stared at each other.

It was that Patil girl.

"Malfoy!" she said, picking herself off up the floor, "what are you doing..."

"And what are you doing." I countered. Then we looked at each other and mutual understanding flashed between us. Evidently I'm not the only one who seemed to think Harry needed to be spied on.

The girl was laughing. "You, Malfoy?" she asked quietly. "Beloved enemies, eh? Who would have thought it... did you hear all that in there?"

"All what?" I replied smoothly. "I've been in library all evening. And you've been in the library as well. So how could we have possibly met here?"

She smirked. She's pretty quick on the uptake, that one. She nodded slightly, muttered "see you," and walked off.

I hurried away to Slytherin. I so wanted to see Blaise's disappointed face.

HERMIONE.

Ron and I were just relaxing by the fireplace when the portrait door opened and Harry came bustling into the common room, looking completely out of sorts. He immediately spotted us and came rushing over, plonking himself down in a chair.

"Alright, mate?" Ron asked cautiously. "Cleaned up all the slime, did you?" Harry nodded absently, his mind clearly on something else. After a few seconds he said in a low voice, "have either of you heard the Slytherins plotting anything against me? Like something... humiliating?"

"No," I said, intrigued at once. "Why, what happened in detention, Harry?"

"Well." began Harry, clearly very embarrassed. "It was fine until... the end of it."

"Why?" asked Ron. "And how can any detention be fine?"

"Well, it was normal," answered Harry. "But then, at the end. for no apparent reason, Zabini tried to stick his tongue down my throat!"

"WHAT??!" came a voice from behind us. We all jumped and looked around.

It was Seamus. Oh dear.

"BLAISE ZABINI TRIED TO SNOG YOU??!" he yelled.

"Shut up, Seamus!" hissed Harry. But it was already too late. The entire Gryffindor House had turned round in their seats to look at them, whispering quietly.

"So, did you snog him?" asked Seamus excitedly.

"No!" said Harry. "He jumped me. Plus the fact I don't like him that way."

"Hmm..." said Seamus, looking at Harry closely. "Was that because you didn't like him? Or boys in general?"

Everyone was now staring at Harry tensely. Seamus had just asked the question everyone had been dying to know the answer to for six months.

"No, I don't mind he was a boy," said Harry. "Not that I don't like girls. I mean... Seamus! Shut the hell up!"

Both the girls and boys in the room looked considerably happier to know that they were all in with some sort of chance.

"Anyway," said a reddened Harry, swiftly moving on the conversation, "do you think it's a joke? Why else would he kiss me?"

"RIGHT!" screamed another voice. "I've had bloody enough of this!"

It was Parvati. And she looked extremely annoyed. She rushed over to where Harry was sitting and sat opposite him.

"Harry," she said. "Hermione's been trying to tell you this for months. Ron's been trying to tell you this for months. Will you listen to me? And TRY to believe me?"

Harry looked at the new, non-giggling Parvati rather apprehensively, but nodded.

"The reason that Blaise Zabini kissed you," continued Parvati, carefully accentuating every word, "is because he fancies you, Harry."

There was a silence. Then Harry laughed. "Don't be silly, Parvati," he said, shaking his head.

Parvati was temporarily stunned as you are when you're close to Harry and he smiles. But she shook herself out of it and started shouting at him again. I was rather impressed; after six years Parvati finally seemed to be showing why she had been put into Gryffindor in the first place.

"Shut up, Harry!" she said rather crossly. "It's not just Blaise Zabini who fancies you, you know! EVERYONE does! You might not have noticed, but you are now the best-looking boy in the school. But it's really frightening, it's not down-to-earth beauty... it's like you're untouchable! Why do you think foreign girls want to come to this school? Why the big media frenzy? Why would someone steal all your clothes and try to nick your underwear? Everyone would leap at the opportunity to get into your pants! Just look in the mirror sometime soon, Harry Potter!"

With that she stormed out of the Common Room, amid cheers and claps. Harry seemed flabbergasted, and stared round at us all.

"Is that... true?" he asked us nervously.

"YES!" shouted the entire common room.

Harry looked stunned.