Sorrow and Solace

Chapter 4

Harry walked back to the Common Room, feeling less depressed, but more angry.

Stupid, arrogant git! Malfoy thinks he's so smart. What new game is he playing? I'm sure he doesn't care a knut if I'm alive or dead! Why would he? And what about that thing he said about me being selfish? I'm not selfish! I wanted to jump so my friends wouldn't have to die...

He walked up to the Fat Lady and said "Scampering Squirrels" and entered. The room was empty except for Hermione, studying of course. Without really thinking, Harry sat down across from her and asked:

"If I were dead, what would happen?"

Hermione gave a little shriek. "What!?! Harry don't even think of such a thing!"

"I want to know, Hermione. What would happen if I were dead?"

"Harry, why...?"

"Just tell me!"

"But..."

"Now!"

"Um...well...if, if you were, you know, d-dead, Harry, well, V-Voldemort would win. He would take over, and...I don't know, Harry why are you asking me?"

"Would you be better off if I was dead?"

"Harry!"

"Answer me!"

"Of course not!"

"Why the hell won't you answer me?"

"That was my answer! I would not be better off if you were dead! I would be sad and lonely and lost and miserable and...oh Harry, how could you even think such a thing?"

"Are you sure, Hermione? Voldemort is killing off the people closest to me. That puts you and Ron in incredible danger. Wouldn't it be better if I were dead? He wouldn't have a reason to kill you."

"First of all, Harry, yes he would have a reason to kill me. Second, I would be in danger from V-V-Voldemort whether I was your friend or not. Same goes for Ron. We don't support him and we never will. We need you to help us, Harry. We would be much worse without you."

"Really? You think so?"

"I know so. Harry, please promise me you won't do anything to intentionally hurt yourself. Please?"

"Ok, I promise."

"Thank you, Harry. I never realized that you felt so badly. Oh, Harry, if there's ever anything I can do to help you, you know I will! Don't ever forget that!"

Ron wandered down from the Boy's Dormitory.

"Hey, Harry's back! I told you, Herm, he just needed some time, right mate?"

Harry smiled to himself. Good old Ron. Clueless as always. How could I have thought of leaving him and Hermione? She's right, there's nothing to be gained from dying. I have to be strong; they are all counting on me. And they will be there for me if I need help.

"Right, Ron. Hey, are you still up for chess?"

Harry woke feeling well rested, something that he hadn't felt since the year began. He stretched and got out of bed, reaching for his glasses. As he put them on, he looked out the window and saw,

"Hey, it snowed!" Harry went to the window and gazed down on a glittering white wonderland. The lake had frozen, and the ground was almost blindingly bright. It was the most beautiful thing Harry had seen in a long time. He was enchanted.

"Morning, Harry."

Harry turned towards the tousled redhead who had spoken.

"Ron, it snowed last!"

"Really?" Ron scrambled out of bed and looked out the window.

"Blimey! It's so white!"

"Snow usually is, you know," teased Harry.

"Yeah, yeah. Let's go eat, I'm starving."

Harry had a decent appetite that morning. He wasn't looking forward to his fist class of the day, though: double potions with Slytherin. Why were the two houses always together for Snape's class? Maybe Snape just loved torturing the Gryffindors. Harry was especially apprehensive today because of what had transpired with Draco Malfoy the night before. Harry looked over to the Slytherin table and noticed that Draco was looking at him. Harry quickly averted his eyes and concentrated on his eggs.

Snape strode into the dungeon classroom, scowling as usual.

"We will be creating Veritaserum potions today. After last week's lesson, I have decided that I will assign your partners. Granger and Goyle; Weasley and Crabbe; Longbottom and Parkinson; Potter and Malfoy..."

Bloody hell. Just what I needed.

Harry gathered his things and sat down next to Draco. Draco immediately rose and walked to the back of the room to collect their ingredients. The two boys worked silently on their potion. Snape prowled past them, looking at their work.

"Good," he said curtly, before moving on to Neville and Pansy Parkinson, whose potion was an unusual neon orange.

"Typical," he snorted. "Going into color theory, Longbottom?" And he walked to the front of the class. "Fill these vials with your potions for grading. Be sure to label them properly."

Harry went to the front of the class and had a sudden idea. He walked up to the row of vials and, after checking that Snape wasn't looking, grabbed two of them. He returned to his table and filled both vials, slipping one into his pocket while Draco took the unused ingredients to the supply cabinet.

Snape dismissed the class and Draco turned to leave.

"Malfoy, wait a second!" Harry called. "I need to talk to you."

Draco stopped and turned.

"What is it?"

"Hang on, I'm coming." Harry grabbed his bag and headed for the door. "Follow me." He walked down the hallway and turned into the first empty classroom he passed. Draco followed wordlessly.

Harry closed the door and then sprang into action. He pushed Malfoy against the wall and as the blonde boy opened his mouth to protest Harry poured the vial of Veritaserum down his throat. Draco's eyes glazed over and Harry closed the vial again as he spoke.

"Why did you save me last night?"

"Because I saw you fall," answered Draco in a wooden voice.

"Why didn't you want me to kill myself?"

"Because I didn't want you to."

"Do you..." Harry felt foolish asking the question. "Do you want to be friends?"

"Yes."

"Why?"

"Because I have been wrong all these years," Draco intoned. "I want my life to be better. I'm not happy. I've been wrong all these years. I want my life to be better. I'm not happy. I've been..."

"Stop! Um...do you work for Voldemort?"

"No."

"Do you work for your father?"

"No..." Draco's grey eyes suddenly lost their vacant look.

"Harry Potter, what the hell was that for?" he snapped.

"I needed to know. Now I do." Harry shrugged.

Malfoy's eyes flicked to the vial in Harry's hand. "The Veritaserum...you...shit, what did you ask me?"

"I asked if you wanted to be friends and you said yes."

"I did? Well, you must have screwed up the potion somehow, Potter, because I certainly don't want to be friends with you!" Draco's words were harsh, but his eyes revealed his mental struggle.

"Then why did you save my life?" Harry countered. "Look, Draco, I'm willing to start over. We've hated each other since you offered to be friends on the Hogwarts Express in our first year. Now it's my turn to ask. Do you want to be friends?"

Draco stared at Harry for a few moments, thinking. His whole relationship with Harry until last night had been a façade that Draco had painstakingly maintained. He had had such confidence in his abilities as an actor, but now, what was the use of pretending? Draco Malfoy was sick and tired of lies. How ironic that it was a truth potion that made me realize this.

"Yes." He extended his hand, and Harry shook it warmly.

"Friends."