Through Times of War

-Chapter 2: Down memory lane-

Harry's room in the house at number four, Privet Drive was small, but enough for him, Ron and Hermione. When they arrived, Hermione charmed all the broken toys and devices that were piled in the room to fit in the closet, then the three of them put their trunks together in a corner and moved the bed in line with the wall, so as to leave an empty space where they could practice magic during the day and lay a blanket to sleep on at night. Despite the insistent complaints from both Ron and Hermione, Harry made them agree on alternating nights in the bed. That settled, he locked the door, retrieved the Pensieve and sat on the bed, where his friends joined him.

For a moment, he watched the memories swirl around in the basin, silently wondering what was waiting for him, then pulled out his wand and lightly tapped on it. A memory of the Hogwarts Great Hall surfaced.

"I'm going in."

"Good luck," Ron and Hermione wished.

Harry took a deep breath and brought his face close to the Pensieve, letting himself get immersed in the memory. After a short fall, he found himself standing in the Great Hall, beside the Slytherin table. On the chair right in front of him was seated a teenage version of Severus Snape, and next to him, a girl with long, blond hair - Draco's mother, Narcissa. She and Snape were conversing, and Harry drew closer to listen.

"For example," Snape was saying, "the Forgetfulness Potion requires two drops of orange juice and lasts for twenty-four hours exactly. If you use lemon juice instead, which is akin to orange but more drastic, you will need one drop only and the potion will last about twice as long."

"But won't there be any side-effects?"

"Of course. There are always side-effects when we tamper with potions this way, sometimes for our benefit, sometimes not. In the case of Forgetfulness Potion, for example, using lemon juice can cause nausea. So, in order to avoid this, you need something to partly neutralise it. Tea leaves are known to absorb acids and are quite neutral in potions, so if you add some, you will avoid nausea. However, you will have to take care of how you handle them. It is recommended that you chop them before adding them..."

Harry frowned. He doubted that Dumbledore had wanted him to see this memory in order to hear some potion-making tips. He looked around, wondering what could be of significance in here, and straight ahead of him, by the back wall of the room, he saw his father and his friends sitting in the Gryffindor table. With one last glance at the two Slytherins, he rushed towards them.

"Come on, Remus, eat something," Sirius was saying, pushing a forkful of pasta towards his friend's mouth.

Lupin leaned back on his chair to avoid the fork, mouth firmly shut, shaking his head. Harry noticed he looked pale and ill and assumed the full moon was approaching.

"Remus, seriously," James said in annoyance. "You need a full stomach for the transformation, or you will be eating out your flesh again tonight."

"What difference does it make? I won't remember any of it anyway, and the wounds will heal themselves when I turn back."

"But you will be suffering the whole night!"

"I can't eat," he insisted. "My stomach is upside down."

"What about some meatballs?" Wormtail offered, holding up the tray. "Wolfie likes meat."

Lupin eyed the meatballs. "Maybe one," he said and picked one. He chewed it reluctantly and gulped it down, then put a hand on his stomach. "Enough."

"Come on, Remus!" they all protested in unison.

"Stop picking on him," a blond girl who was sitting across them said. The boys had been talking in a low voice, but what they had been trying to do was very obvious. "If he doesn't want to eat, he doesn't and that's it."

"No, that's not it." James said, somewhat harshly. "He's sick and he needs to eat. That's it."

"Potter cares about somebody's well-being," a redhead sitting a couple of chairs to the left said in a mocking tone. She was sitting with her back at Harry, but he had no trouble recognising his mother's voice. "How touching."

"Glad to hear you think so, Evans," he mocked back, but Harry thought he saw his cheeks redden slightly. He turned to Lupin. "Remus, for the last time... eat something!"

Lupin shook his head again, then glanced at his watch and his eyes widened. "Look at the time! I have to go, Madam Pomfrey will be waiting for me." He hastily rose and made to leave.

"No, no, no!" Sirius exclaimed. "Peter, pass me the meatballs, quick! Cronorum Imitatio!"

Half a dozen meatballs rose from the plate and positioned themselves in orbit around Lupin's head. Soon, most of the students had broken into hysterical laughter. A big grin spread on Harry's face. Sirius knew how to make his point clear when he wanted to.

Annoyed, Lupin grabbed one of the meatballs and tried to drop it on the floor, but, instead of falling, it returned back to its orbit.

"The only way you can get rid of them is by eating them," Sirius explained with a self-satisfied smirk.

Exhaling loudly, Lupin sank back on his chair and started eating. He was so intent on finishing quickly and leaving that he didn't notice that Sirius was charming more meatballs around his head. When he caught wind of it, he turned to glare at his friend.

"Don't mind me," Sirius said casually and continued.

Lupin was still eating when Madam Pomfrey barged into the Great Hall and walked towards him with big, hasty steps. "Remus Lupin! Do you have any idea what time it is?"

"I'm sorry, Madam Pomfrey, they wouldn't let me go -"

"He hasn't eaten anything in two days!" James protested.

Madam Pomfrey gave Lupin a reprimanding look. "Is that true?"

"Yes, Madam Pomfrey. But it's not my fault, my stomach is very upset." He lowered his voice and added, "It's because of yesterday's lunar eclipse."

Her face became instantly more sympathetic. "You poor boy. You should have told me, I would have given you a tonic... but we're running late now." She blinked as she noticed the three meatballs that were left revolving around his head. "Take these... things off your head and let us leave."

He nodded and turned to Sirius. Without a word, the black-haired boy waved his wand and made the meatballs return to the plate. Then, Lupin followed Madam Pomfrey outside the room.

Harry wondered whether he should follow them or stay where he was, but then he noticed that Sirius was intently staring somewhere. He followed his gaze and saw Snape watching Lupin and Madam Pomfrey. The moment they left the room, he rose from the table and headed to the door.

"I'll be right back," he heard Sirius say. He then saw Snape go out the door and, for an instant, everything turned to black. When the image returned, he was in the entrance corridor, by Snape's side, while Lupin and Madam Pomfrey were exiting the building. When the door closed, the sallow-faced boy attempted to follow them, but Sirius had caught up with him already.

"Where do you think you're going?" Sirius demanded.

"Why are they going to the Whomping Willow?"

"And how do you know they're going there?"

"I heard them. Why are they going there?"

"Why don't you go see for yourself?"

"You expect me to go near the Whomping Willow?"

Sirius snickered. "Chicken. Anyway, if it's only the tree you're afraid of, take a long stick, press the knot on the trunk and it'll stop moving."

"And why would I believe you?"

"And who told you I care about whether you believe me or not?" Sirius said with a smirk and returned to the Great Hall, leaving a furious Snape behind.

Harry had known about that incident, but had no idea about the details of it. Before he had any time to ponder them, however, the image dissolved and he found himself in a dark passage, again by teenage Snape's side. The boy was holding out his wand to illuminate his path as he walked, and in the dim light of the spell, Harry recognised the passage that lead to the Shrieking Shack. So he was watching Snape follow Sirius's instructions... and he remembered that, any moment now, James would come to save him.

The light at the end of the tunnel was visible, when Snape heard hasty footsteps behind him and turned around to see a faint glow approach. When the figure of James Potter became discernible, Snape turned his back at him and continued his way, but James was soon near him.

"Snape!" He tugged at his robes in an effort to hold him back. "Stop!"

Snape merely pushed him away and continued forward.

"Stop! You're going to get yourself killed!"

"I'm not afraid of your and your friends' little tricks," he said and continued his way.

"Nox," James said. Realising that the boy had put out his wand in order to attack him with it, Snape hit him with the Disarming Spell with a swift move. James's wand flew backwards and disappeared in the dark.

Not having another way to keep Snape back, James gave him a violent push and threw him on the floor. Then he made his way to the hole and peered inside.

Harry, thanks of the transparent nature being in the Pensieve granted him, had no problem to swiftly position himself beside his father. He saw James's gaze fall upon Lupin, who was slumped in a corner, obviously in pain. His fists were clenched and his breathing was uneven and heavy.

"Remus, go away!" James yelled. "Get out of that room!"

"I can't..." Lupin breathed, closing his eyes as if he were ready to pass out.

Harry heard Snape's voice call "Accio Potter's wand"; so did James, probably, because he lowered his hand and took a couple of steps down the sloping corridor. Harry followed suit, and there, he saw his father come face to face with Snape; the sallow-faced boy was holding a lit wand in his left hand, and in his right hand, a wand that was aiming directly at James's chest, a smirk on his lips.

"Don't go in there," James warned him.

"Why not?"

A horrific shrill came from inside the Shack; apparently, Lupin's transformation had just begun. James lowered his head to keep it out of Lupin's sight, his expression full of pain and sympathy for his friend, but his eyes flashing with anger as he kept watching Snape.

Snape forgot all about James and stared in shock at the hole, which was just barely visible from where he was standing. "What is going on in there...?"

James turned around to take a glimpse inside the Shack, then leaped at Snape, throwing him to the ground and landing on top of him. Snape, momentarily too stunned for words, just tried to look through the hole - the angle was giving him a better point of view.

James rolled to the side, quickly got to his feet and grabbed Snape by the collar of his robe, dragging him towards Hogwarts.

"Is that a wolf?" Snape asked, horror-struck.

"Yes, and unless you shut up he's going to hear you and come right after us!" James hissed.

"Let go of me!" Snape hissed back.

James stopped dragging him for a second and threw him a contemptuous look, then violently pulled Snape's collar upwards. Once forced to his feet, Snape locked eyes with James. The same revulsion was written in both boys' faces.

"Lupin's a werewolf, isn't he," Snape spat.

"Yes, he is," James spat back. "Now move it," he said and shoved him forward.

"Don't touch me!" Snape said, disgusted, as he started to walk. Harry started to follow the boys.

"And give me back my wand," James said and, without waiting for a reaction from Snape, snatched his wand from Snape's left hand.

Snape threw James a look full of hatred and continued his way. James followed him, every so often turning to glance to the back of the corridor, relieved to see that Lupin hadn't gone after them.

"It's lucky his howls covered our voices," he mumbled to himself, once they were safely away from the hole. "We were very close."

Snape ignored that comment; he was busy feeling and massaging his neck. "You almost broke my neck there," he accused James.

"You have the nerve to complain!" James exploded. "You'd be dead if I hadn't come to save your butt!"

"Nobody asked you to," Snape spat.

James threw him a harsh glare. "Don't make me think Sirius was right to send you there. Now get a move on, I don't plan to spend all night in this tunnel."

Snape glared back at him, then continued his way. As Harry made to continue behind the boys, the image dissolved again. This time, he ended up in Dumbledore's office. Dumbledore was sitting in his desk, brandishing his wand in a very determined matter. A silver, phoenix-shaped Patronus flashed in and out with every attempt, but the elder man didn't seem to be satisfied.

Someone knocked at the door. Dumbledore made the Patronus disappear and left his wand on the desk. "Enter."

Severus Snape opened the door and entered the room. He was a few years older than in the previous memories, maybe in his early twenties. He looked paler than before and seemed to be trembling. His expression revealed a strange mixture of fear, shame and something Harry never expected to see on Snape's face: guilt.

"Come in, Severus," Dumbledore and offered him a seat. "What brings you here?"

Snape, silent, pulled up his left sleeve and rested his hand on the desk. The Dark Mark was carved on his left wrist.

Dumbledore observed it with a frown. "I was afraid of that, but I hoped I was wrong. I always thought you would know better," he said in that quiet voice that Harry had heard before and knew to be a sign of great disappointment.

Snape lowered his head and spoke, his voice very low. "I told him about the prophecy. He said..." He gulped and looked up again, his eyes wide with urgency. "...It's the Potters, Professor. He wants to kill them."

Dumbledore nodded, looking at Snape concernedly.

"You have to do something, Professor!" Snape pleaded. Harry could not believe his eyes. "You can't let him kill them! James Potter... he... he saved me. I owe him."

It must be an act, Harry thought. He can't possibly mean that.

"If it makes you feel better, Severus," Dumbledore said in an unnervingly calm manner, "I promise you I shall alert them as soon as possible. I would not want them to get hurt either."

"Professor, I... he... the Dark Lord... I can't let them get killed..."

"I know, Severus. Calm down, please. I told you I shall take care of it."

"I want to help you too. I can't let him kill them. I will do everything in my power... Professor, let me help you..."

Harry felt a shiver run him over. Snape's remorse, his anxiety, everything seemed so... honest.

"I can't do this anymore..." Snape continued in a broken voice. "All the torturing... the killing... and the Potters... Please, Professor, let me help you, I don't want to stand by his side anymore... You're fighting him... I want to fight by your side. I will take the Unbreakable Vow if you want me to... Please, believe me, Professor. I will do whatever you want. I will follow your command till my last breath."

"I don't want you to take an Unbreakable Vow, Severus," Dumbledore said with a small smile. "All I shall ask you for is your word."

"You have it," Snape said eagerly, a sparkle of hope in his eyes. "I promise you I will stay by your side, Professor. I will do everything I can. I can't let him win."

"I am glad you feel that way, because I have a difficult task for you."

"Anything you want, Professor."

"I need you to be a spy for our side. I want you to pretend you are still a supporter of the Dark Lord and provide me with information about what he is planning."

Snape's face paled even more, if that was possible. Harry was not surprised; spying was far more dangerous than simply switching sides.

"I will, Professor," Snape finally said.

"Thank you," Dumbledore said. "I shall soon be on my way to a meeting of the Order of the Phoenix. If you are agreeable, you can join us and take the Order Oath tonight."

Harry never found what happened next because the image changed again. He found himself outside a house he didn't recognise. He looked around, but no one was around - or so he thought, until he heard Snape's voice cast the Muffliato spell.

Confused, he turned towards the direction where the spell had come from. Snape wasn't there... or, at least, not visibly so. Could he be under a Disillusionment Charm, or wearing an Invisibility Cloak?

Suddenly, the door opened and Voldemort came out. He closed the door behind him and pulled out his wand, presumably to lock it. Harry heard Snape's voice again, this time performing the Killing Curse. A jet of green light appeared as if from nowhere, passed inches behind Voldemort's back and through Harry's immaterial body. Voldemort turned to see where the curse had come from.

Harry heard only the beginning of a loud crack and was suddenly transferred to Dumbledore's office again. As Dumbledore was going through some paperwork, Harry contemplated the memory he was seeing moments ago, but before he could make any sense out of it someone knocked on the door.

"Enter," Dumbledore called. It was Snape again, and he was carrying an Invisibility Cloak. He closed the door, walked by a chair opposite Dumbledore's and left the cloak on its back.

"I failed," he stated, his tone bitter. "I missed."

Dumbledore looked at him sympathetically.

"The Potters are going to die because I was unable to aim properly at a fully grown man, while standing ten feet from him."

Harry detected the heavy load of guilt underneath Snape's even voice and felt sorry for him. He knew the feeling of failure, of letting down those who relied on you, of knowing that if you had done things just a little bit differently, everything would have been so much better...

What am I doing, pitying Snape? he suddenly thought and turned his attention to Dumbledore.

"Do not feel bad about it," the elderly wizard was saying. "I warned you that it would not be easy to kill Voldemort. You are lucky you did not end up killed yourself."

"He probably has no idea what happened," Snape mused aloud. "But what are the Potters going to do now?"

"I received a Patronus from them earlier. Apparently, they have decided to seek the protection of the Fidelius Charm."

Snape's expression lightened somewhat, but he noticed Dumbledore wasn't too happy about the news. "You do not approve of the idea?"

"I do. I am only concerned about their choice of a Secret Keeper."

"Who have they chosen?"

"Sirius Black."

Snape made a face of disgust.

"James insists that Sirius would rather die than betray them. And while I was of the same opinion until recently, I would rather they avoided having anyone from their inner circle perform the Charm."

"You are afraid there is a mole?"

"Yes."

"You could offer to do it yourself. They would surely be safer with you as their Secret Keeper."

"I intend to," Dumbledore said.

Snape then let out a short yelp and grabbed his left wrist. "He is calling us," he told Dumbledore. "I have to leave."

"Be very careful, Severus."

"I will." He walked to the door and opened it. "Be sure to give the Invisibility Cloak back to James Potter," he said and left, shutting the door behind him.

Harry looked at the cloak that Snape had left on the chair, the cloak that belonged to his father and now to him... but then the image changed yet again. Harry was now in the kitchen of number twelve, Grimmauld Place, with Dumbledore and Snape, who were having a cup of tea. It was a much more recent memory; Snape looked exactly like his present self.

"I thought about what you told me on Wednesday and came up with a plan," Dumbledore told Snape. "I believe it is our best shot."

Snape nodded, waiting to listen to the plan.

"It is very simple indeed," Dumbledore said. "You will have to kill me."

Snape's eyes widened and his jaw dropped open, not unlike Harry's. "What?!"

"Yes. So that Draco will not be forced to become a killer."

"But you will still die!"

"This is exactly our goal. Please," he added, seeing Snape ready to interrupt him. "Let me explain you the full concept first."

Snape took a deep breath and waited. Harry wished he could sit on one of the chairs. His knees felt wobbly.

"I doubt that Voldemort gave that task to Draco because he thinks he is the most capable of killing me. I know him well, and he would never think an underage wizard could be powerful enough to kill somebody like me. I believe that he is actually leading Draco to failure, in order to punish Lucius for letting him down at the Department of Mysteries. However, he does want me dead, and if Draco fails his mission he will need somebody else to kill me. Somebody who is a very powerful wizard, who has access to me, and whom I do not consider a threat, so as to have the element of surprise."

"Me."

"Exactly."

"But why would you let me kill you, and not Draco?"

"Because I want to spare Draco the stain of becoming a killer."

Harry wondered whether that meant that Snape had already committed murder sometime in his life.

"Besides," Dumbledore continued, "you have told me yourself that there is a number of Death Eaters who are suspicious of where your true loyalty lies. And although Voldemort claims to trust you, I can assure you that he trusts no one. He is just waiting for the perfect opportunity to force you into a situation where your true colours will show. And here it is."

"So killing you will relieve me of any doubts the Death Eaters may have about me."

"Exactly."

"But I can only do it if Draco fails. And if Draco fails, the Dark Lord will have him pay for his failure."

"This is where our plan comes in. Instead of standing by until Draco fails, you will offer to help him. You are his head of House, he knows you well and he trusts you. So, once he agrees to that you will kill me in the pretext of helping him. Therefore, Draco will avoid the dire consequences of failing his mission, and you will prove beyond the shadow of any doubt that you are a true Death Eater at heart."

"Even so, you don't have to die," Snape said. "There are other ways... Peter Pettigrew faked his death, and so did Bartemius Crouch... We could surely figure out a good plan. I came up with some ideas yesterday..."

Dumbledore smiled sadly. "I am not afraid of dying, Severus."

"But the Order needs you!"

"The Order can go on without me. In fact, I often think that I am actually impeding them, instead of helping them."

Snape looked at him incredulously, and so did Harry.

"Action is for the young," Dumbledore explained, still smiling. "The war is not for the old."

"Experience is a valuable tool," Snape countered.

"You are experienced. And so are Remus, Sturgis, or if you are looking for someone older, Minerva, Elphias, Alastor... I have nothing more to offer."

Snape took a sip of tea. Harry could tell he had given up.

How wrong had he been... how wrong had everybody been... Dumbledore had not been murdered; he had chosen to die. And Snape... Snape...

His train of thought was interrupted as his surroundings changed yet again. He was with Dumbledore, outside his office door. The elder man opened it and entered, and Harry followed him in. Snape was already there.

"Professor!" he exclaimed once he saw Dumbledore. "I was afraid something bad happened to you."

Dumbledore gave him a sad smile. "Not yet." He made a move towards his chair, took off his travelling cloak and haphazardly hung it on its back. "But I suspect that something will, very soon, which is why I wanted to see you."

Snape nodded, his face full of anxiousness.

"I shall be leaving with Harry very shortly," Dumbledore continued. "There is a very dangerous venture I have to make, one I am not certain I will survive. If I do, though -"

"I shall heal you."

"You will kill me."

"No!"

Dumbledore's face became stern. Snape lowered his head.

"It is time," the elder man went on. "Time for you to shatter any scepticism about your loyalty to Voldemort, and make yourself the most respected among his followers. The Order will miss its spy, but your new status will render you safer, while putting you in the perfect position to help our side during the final battle."

"But, if the Order is not aware of my purpose -"

"Harry will be, and he is the only one who needs to be. The Order is merely seeking to contain Death Eater attacks and help keep everyone safe. The one who will act directly against Voldemort will be Harry, and it is his team that you will be joining from now on. Which brings us back to why I originally called you here."

Dumbledore walked to the cabinet beside the door to retrieve the Pensieve, which he then placed on the desk.

"In order for Harry to be assured of where your true loyalty lies, we shall put here some of our memories for him to see. I shall then enchant the Pensieve, to ensure that no one else has access to them."

So that's what I've been watching, Harry thought. He kept watching as they started placing some of their memories in the Pensieve.

"As soon as you leave the room, I shall also add the memory of this conversation," Dumbledore said when they were done. "Now please return to your study."

The image dissolved and turned into the first memory he had seen in the Pensieve. Harry figured the trip was over and tried to leave. He had never before exited the Pensieve without someone's help, but he concentrated and managed to drag himself out, through the darkness and back on the bed, between Ron and Hermione, where he had been sitting.

"What did you see?" Ron asked him anxiously.

Harry stared at the Pensieve intensely. Now that he had had some time to absorb everything he had seen in there, the impact of it was even more overwhelming.

Those memories had shown him things he would have never imagined. He knew that Snape felt he owed James for saving his life that night - Dumbledore had told him that, to explain why Snape had tried to save him when Quirrell had tried to kill him back in his first year at Hogwarts. But he had no idea about how far that debt reached... far enough to make Snape switch sides so as to protect his saviour's family... far enough to make him try to murder Voldemort...

And Dumbledore's death... they had all thought it to be murder, while it was really self-sacrifice. They had all thought Snape's act to be the ultimate treason, while it was exactly the opposite... a manifest of loyalty. Yes, things were so different than they seemed...

"Harry?"

He felt Hermione's hand squeeze his arm.

"Are you all right?"

"I think so..."

"What did you see?" Ron asked again.

Harry gulped and, with a quivering voice, started narrating them everything he'd seen in the Pensieve. Ron and Hermione listened without interrupting him, the shock on their faces more apparent with every detail Harry added. When Harry finished his narration, they had been left dumbstruck.

Ron was the first one to find his voice again. "Are you sure?"

"I told you exactly what I saw."

"And what if it was a trick?

"How could it be? I saw the memory of them storing the memories."

"What if these memories are fake?"

Harry pondered that for a moment. "I don't think so. If it was possible to create fake memories, Slughorn would have created one about the Horcruxes, instead of giving Dumbledore one that was so obviously tampered with."

"Hermione?"

The girl looked at them thoughtfully. "We all know that Dumbledore trusted Snape, right? And didn't you -" she addressed Harry "- tell us that he trusted him because Snape told him he was sorry to find out that the prophecy he gave to Voldemort was about your parents?"

Harry nodded, starting to see her point.

"And don't all these memories agree with what Dumbledore has been telling you all along?"

Harry nodded again. "And in the last memory, he said it clearly that they're leaving these memories for me, so that I can see where Snape's true loyalty lies."

"If we accept that these memories are genuine," Hermione concluded, "I think everything's crystal clear."

"I'm not sure they're genuine," Ron insisted. "Besides, even if they are, what's the point of all this? Why should Harry be the only one to know the truth about Snape? Why not tell the Order? You think they wouldn't keep it a secret?"

"The more people know, the riskier it is," Hermione reasoned. "Snape's cover is better if the whole Order, not to mention the wizarding public, thinks of him as a murderer."

"Besides," Harry added, "Snape, as a spy, would have to pass on to Voldemort some information about the Order's plans. Now he's lost all access to them."

"And the Order has lost all access to Voldemort's plans," Ron countered.

"The Order has more spies," Harry said. "There's Lupin among the werewolves, for one."

Ron frowned. "I'm still not convinced," he eventually said. "What if Snape was playing Dumbledore all along? If he wanted to kill him and Dumbledore wasn't going to resist, it would be all the best for him."

Harry quickly discarded that thought as well. "I don't think so. Ron, these memories went a long time back. Snape couldn't have foreseen what would happen and stage all that."

"OK, boys," Hermione interjected, "I don't think we need to worry about that yet. I mean, whether Snape's on our side or not, this doesn't change what we have to do."

"Right," Harry agreed. "Snape's not our problem now."

Ron nodded his agreement as well. "Let's get to the pressing matters."

"First of all, we'll need a plan," Hermione said and summoned a big quantity of writing supplies on the bed. They sat around and began their planning.

-End of chapter 2-