The Journey of the Phoenix

-Chapter 5: Insistence-

Tonks and Remus worked separately on their assignment at the beginning. They met again on Friday, in the town the Death Eaters had attacked earlier in the week. By then, Dumbledore had obtained information on Bellatrix Lestrange's wand from Ollivander, the wandmaker, so they spent several hours scanning the roads for any trace of magic created with her wand. In the end, they spotted a path that led outside town, but it was soon cut short.

"She Disapparated." Tonks sighed. "We should scan the whole country to find out where she went from here."

Remus, concerned, looked at the dark sky - the sun had set at least three hours ago - then back to Tonks. "It's not time to be outside now. How about dinner? I never got to return that invitation."

Tonks exhaled heavily. Something inside her wanted to tell him to get lost, but she knew there was no need to be hostile. Awkward as it felt, it was actually nice of him. Who knew, maybe they could even discuss their issues - something Molly had thought necessary since the beginning.

"All right," she finally said.

He extended a hand and she offered him hers, letting him Apparate them to his favourite restaurant in Hogsmeade.

-----

The restaurant was quite crowded. They found a small table near the entrance, beside a window and sat facing each other. Both speechless, they grabbed the menus and went over them. A waiter soon joined them and they gave their orders. Afterwards, Tonks turned to gaze outside the window, while Remus's eyes were fixed upon her.

"Don't you think we should talk?" he asked, eventually.

"It depends," she said, her eyes still on the window. "If you mean that you'll be talking and I'll be listening, no, I don't."

"There are things you have to hear -"

"And there are things you have to hear," she said harshly, turning to face him. She then sat back, fake coolness in her face. "OK. Go first."

He exhaled noisily. For Merlin's sake, why did she have to make it so difficult?

"Listen," he said. "I'll be honest with you and myself. I don't know what's going on inside me. But I know I can't let myself get involved with you. No, wait," he added, seeing her ready to interrupt him. "I'm only being rational. You need somebody to make you happy and give you a family. What could I give you? I'm so much older than you, I turn to a wolf once every month, and I can't even afford a new robe!" He pointed at his shabby robe, which had patches all over. "I can't give you the life you deserve."

"Is that all?" she asked, her voice breaking.

"Yes."

"My turn, then." She sniffed. She looked ready to cry, but she spoke with unusual strength. "What if I don't care about all these things you just told me?"

"It just confirms my point that you're too young for me, and we can't think alike."

Her eyes darted upwards in resignation. "All right, then."

"Tonks, please..."

"What?" she asked sharply.

He sighed, but didn't speak.

The waiter brought their plates and they started eating in silence. They were almost finished when the door swung violently open.

Everyone turned towards its direction. Several people started screaming. Three Dementors had entered, and the atmosphere became chilly and miserable.

Tonks and Remus quickly pulled out their wands and conjured their Patronuses. Along with a couple of Patronuses conjured by other clients of the restaurant, they attacked the Dementors, who hastily backed off and exited the restaurant.

The Patronuses returned to their masters. Remus couldn't get his eyes off Tonks's one, a huge, silver wolf. Tonks herself looked rather embarrassed.

"I was just using it a few days ago, and it was still a tiger," she mumbled.

The meaning of the change did not escape Remus, but he preferred not to mention anything about it and resumed eating instead. Tonks now looked sick.

"I think I'm done," she said, pushing her plate away.

"You're leaving?"

She shrugged. "I think I can wait until you finish your meal."

-----

She kept him company until he was done eating. Afterwards, they exited the restaurant and he Disapparated, presumably going home.

Tonks wanted to visit the Burrow before returning to her place. It was very late, almost midnight, but these days Molly always stayed up late, waiting for Arthur to get back from his endless shifts at the Ministry.

She Apparated in the Burrow's garden. As she'd guessed, the kitchen light was turned on. Molly was doing some chore or other.

She knocked on the door three times and Molly invited her in. They had some tea together and, after Molly told her the news, Tonks proceeded with filling her in on her latest Remus-related news.

"So," Molly said, when Tonks had finished telling her story, "he basically admitted that he loves you."

"No. He said he doesn't know what's going on inside him."

"Which usually means, 'I love you, only I haven't admitted it to myself yet'."

Tonks shrugged.

"And then he said all that about how he can't make you happy?"

The younger woman nodded.

Molly took a sip of her tea. "That's ridiculous."

"What am I supposed to do?" Tonks asked, intently staring at the tea inside her mug.

Molly looked troubled. "Someone has to knock some sense into his head. I could give it a shot..."

"But you said -"

"Yeah, yeah, I know what I said, but after what you told me I'm seriously reconsidering."

Tonks's mind returned to something else. "I can't believe my Patronus!"

"You know how Patronuses work, dear," Molly said sympathetically. "Hopes, dreams, feelings of love and safety... that's what they reflect."

Tonks buried her face inside her palms. "I could do without the awkwardness of a Remus-shaped Patronus delivering my messages."

"Then try to change it back, it can be done. Dumbledore always tells Snape to change his."

She shook her head. "That would take a lot of strength, and I'm completely useless lately. Yesterday Ginny and Hermione were asking me to metamorphose my nose, and I couldn't!" She hit the table with her fist. "I don't know what's happening to me."

"You're upset, dear, that's all. Come on, drink your tea."

Tonks sipped some. "You've been giving me so much tea I'll start growing tea leaves."

"Tea is good for the nerves."

Tonks preferred not to comment. She was not in the mood to argue tea's therapeutic qualities.

"What worries me the most," Molly said after a while, "is that people are beginning to notice."

Tonks looked up, alarmed. "What do you mean?"

"I noticed Mad-Eye's blue eye swirling from you to Remus during the last meeting. And I'd swear I saw Snape eyeing Remus very curiously. It's probably because you and Remus had been very close lately, and now you hardly talk anymore. It couldn't go unnoticed for long."

"You don't think he told them, do you?"

"Mad-Eye is hardly the person to ask love advice from," Molly said with a reassuring smile. "As for Snape, Remus wouldn't tell him if his life depended on it. Just make sure you behave normally around Remus and everything will be OK."

"Easier said than done," Tonks said sadly.

At that moment, three knocks were heard at the door. Molly rose and approached the door nervously.

"Who's there?" she called. "Declare yourself!"

"It is I, Dumbledore, bringing Harry."

She hastily opened the door. "Harry, dear! Gracious, Albus, you gave me a fright, you said not to expect you before morning!"

"We were lucky," Dumbledore said, ushering Harry over the threshold. "Slughorn proved much more persuadable than I had expected. Harry's doing, of course. Ah, hello, Nymphadora!"

Tonks looked up, forcing a smile. "Hello, Professor. Wotcher, Harry."

"Hi, Tonks," the boy greeted, eyeing her strangely.

Tonks knew there was no reason to stay any longer. "I'd better be off," she said quickly, standing up and pulling her cloak around her shoulders. "Thanks for the tea and sympathy, Molly."

"Please don't leave on my account," Dumbledore said courteously, "I cannot stay, I have urgent matters to discuss with Rufus Scrimgeour."

"No, no, I need to get going," she insisted, not meeting Dumbledore's eyes. "'Night..."

"Dear, why not come to dinner at the weekend, Remus and Mad-Eye are coming...?"

"No, really, Molly... thanks anyway... Goodnight, everyone."

She hurried out and Disapparated, to return home after a very long day.

-----

Dumbledore was in his office, idly reading the Daily Prophet while he waited for a visit he had been informed about by a very distinctive, grey, phoenix-shaped Patronus. A knock on the door finally signaled the arrival of the man.

"Enter," Dumbledore called.

The door opened and Snape walked in. "Good morning, Professor. Sorry to bother you."

"It is no problem at all, Severus," Dumbledore replied, leaving the newspaper on the desk. "Have a seat."

Snape sat on a chair opposite Dumbledore. "How are you feeling?"

"Very well, thanks to you. My hand is feeling a little fragile, but I can still use it."

"Oh." Snape frowned.

"And you? Your message worried me."

He hesitated for a second. "As I said, I have some bad news."

"Let me hear it."

"Narcissa Malfoy and Bellatrix Lestrange visited me last night, in regards to Draco Malfoy's issue. Narcissa asked me to take an Unbreakable Vow, to watch over and protect Draco during his mission." He swallowed hardly. "And complete his mission in case he fails."

"I hope you did take it, Severus."

"I did, Professor," Snape said, lowering his head.

"No reason to feel ashamed, then. You knew you would be doing it one way or another. The Unbreakable Vow changes nothing."

"I thought -"

"Will you be informing Voldemort?" Dumbledore asked, to prevent Snape from arguing.

"Only if he asks me directly. He would be angry with Narcissa if he found out."

"Do not, then. We do not want anyone to get hurt. Have you managed to gather any more information on Bellatrix Lestrange's whereabouts?"

"I am afraid I have not."

Dumbledore nodded.

"If you'll excuse me, I must return home now," Snape said and rose. "Pettigrew is left alone in my house."

"I understand. Have a nice day. Oh, and Severus?"

"Yes?"

"Let me remind you yet again that a phoenix is not a proper Patronus form for a Death Eater."

Snape looked impatient. "I have not forgotten, but Death Eaters rarely use their Patronuses."

"I insist."

He sighed. "I'll see what I can do. Take care of yourself."

With that, he left the room. Dumbledore returned his attention to the newspaper, on an article about a new defensive jinx developed by the Ministry's Magical Research Team.

-----

It was a long summer, full of bad news and few successes for the Order and the Ministry. September came bringing changes for several of the Order's members: Tonks was now residing in Hogsmeade, as part of the guard watching over Hogwarts during the school year; Remus was back to spy upon the werewolves; Molly, no longer needed to take care of her youngsters, left away on Order assignments more and more often; McGonagall had returned to Hogwarts; so had Snape, who was now teaching Defence Against the Dark Arts, and was additionally loaded with constantly keeping an eye on Draco Malfoy. As for Dumbledore, although he made sure to be up-to-date with everything that happened in Hogwarts, he didn't give up on his mission to find and destroy Voldemort's Horcruxes, however many they were.

By now, though, he knew he didn't have much time left. It was just as well; his age had become too much of a burden, and proof positive was his slow reaction towards the curse Voldemort had protected Marvolo's ring with, which had almost cost him his life. There was, though, a great task lying ahead of him he had to take care of before his time was over: to train Harry Potter. Harry was talented, without a doubt, and had proven he was quite competent in a duel despite his early age. However, he would eventually have to face Voldemort and, most likely, kill him. There was much more he needed to learn before he could be in position to face him as an equal, and it was Dumbledore's responsibility to teach him some of these things.

Now that he felt his end nearing, Dumbledore had come to realise how much knowledge he had gathered through his life and, most importantly, how many things he knew about others; things he was often the only one to know, apart from the people they concerned directly. Specially in his attempt to defeat Voldemort, he had collected an important amount of information that he now ought to pass to Harry.

The bad part was that he didn't have the luxury of taking his time anymore; he had to hurry. He knew Draco would be unable to kill him unless Dumbledore himself allowed him to. But, with Voldemort behind Draco, and Snape involved, he could not guarantee that he would be able to decide when it would be time to die. One thing was for sure: he wouldn't live to see the end of this school year. Not if he wanted to keep Draco and Snape safe.

-----

"But there are other ways to get you out of the Dark Lord's way without -"

Dumbledore sighed. "Severus, we have discussed this too many times already. Please accept my decision."

"I shall never accept, Professor, that my life is worth more than yours."

"You will have to. You had known long before taking the Unbreakable Vow, and it is time that you finally face it." Dumbledore firmly crossed his hands upon the desk and looked at Snape severely, indicating that this discussion was over. "And how are you doing with the Defence Against the Dark Arts classes?"

"Excellent, Professor. Thank you for granting me the job."

"Horace is better off teaching Potions," Dumbledore explained, although that was only half the truth. He would have been more than happy to have Snape teach Defence earlier, but with Voldemort's curse upon that position he did not dare risk one of his most valuable assets. "What do you think of the sixth year NEWT class?"

"I never expected to see that many students qualifying for it."

Dumbledore tried to hide a smile. "So Harry did a good job teaching them?"

"Potter?" Snape asked, confused for a second. Then he remembered. "Oh, Dumbledore's Army, of course. Yes, it seems so, if even Longbottom managed an Exceed Expectations in his OWL."

Dumbledore now let his smile show.

"Potter is indeed quite talented at Defence," Snape continued. "In our first class, he produced such a strong Shield Charm I doubt the Dark Lord himself would be able to penetrate it. But he remains the arrogant and disrespectful boy he has always been."

"You are exaggerating, Severus." It wasn't a reprimand or an accusation; simply an observation.

"I had to give him a detention for Saturday evening, because he mocked me."

Dumbledore did not intend to interfere with Snape and Harry's relationship, since he knew its background, but his face darkened at this piece of information. "Saturday evening, you said?"

"Yes." Snape was slightly taken aback by this question.

"I intended to have a meeting with him on Saturday evening. Would you mind putting off his detention for next Saturday?

"Surely not, Professor, if you need him."

"I do. Thank you."

"You are welcome."

-----

He stood waiting outside the Dark Lord's door... the Dark Lord would be out anytime now... and he would kill him...

Indeed, the Dark Lord opened the door... the man had already cast the Muffliato Spell, so that the Dark Lord wouldn't hear him cast the curse...

Quickly, he pulled out his wand and called, "Avada Kedavra!"

The curse missed the Dark Lord by inches... but he felt it passing near him and turned around... the man was exposed in front of those terrible, red eyes...

"YOU TRAITOR!" the Dark Lord yelled. "AVADA KEDAVRA!"

Snape jolted awake, sweaty and short of breath. Just a dream, he told himself, just a nightmare. It had been fifteen years, and Voldemort still didn't know who had attacked him that day... He had been wearing James Potter's Invisibility Cloak, and Disapparated before Voldemort had managed to cast a curse towards him...

He summoned a glass of water and drank greedily. Yes, he had got away with it, but he had failed nonetheless... and he had allowed Voldemort to kill the Potters...

He would never forgive himself for being responsible for their deaths. James Potter had been his torturer for years and Snape hated him with all his might for what he'd put him through, but he couldn't forget that he had saved him from the werewolf Lupin, he would be dead now if it hadn't been for him... and he had returned him the favour by informing Voldemort about the prophecy that signaled the death of both him and his wife. At least little Harry had survived the attack; and Snape was going to do everything in his power to spare him the fate his parents had suffered and, finally, pay off his debt to James Potter.

-End of chapter 5-