The Journey of the Phoenix

-Chapter 3: Nothing ventured, nothing gained-

At eight sharp, that same evening, the Order of the Phoenix was gathered in the Burrow's kitchen.

"Some of you already know it," Dumbledore said, his eyes flying around to spot Hestia, Kingsley, McGonagall, Tonks and Remus. "To the rest of you, I am very happy to announce that Sirius Black's will has been retrieved," he said with a broad smile. "Bill Weasley found it in a Gringotts account in Kenya."

Several heads turned around to congratulate Bill.

"As we already suspected," Dumbledore continued, "Sirius wishes that number twelve, Grimmauld Place, along with all his other possessions, passes to Harry James Potter. However, we have not yet confirmed whether this is possible, seeing how he is not a Black. I already have a plan, but we will only know in a week's time. It is impossible to have Harry removed from his current residence earlier."

Everyone nodded.

"You will be informed via Patronus about the next meeting regarding this issue. Now, Severus, I believe you have news for us?"

"Yes," Snape said. "The Dark Lord is planning to attack a Muggle town in the West Country tomorrow noon. He is counting on being helped by Holgen, the Gurg of the Iceland giants, who just settled in the area. In fact, I have been assigned to lead him to the town."

The news evoked a number of different reactions to the members of the Order: some gasped, some shook their heads in dismay and some grew anxious.

"I would like to suggest a plan of action," Snape said.

"Go ahead, please."

"It would be very suspicious to keep a number of Order members waiting for the Death Eaters in the town. I suggest that only one person stays there, in position to alert the others when the attack begins."

"Very risky," Moody commented.

"Severus has a point," Dumbledore said. "If the Death Eaters realise we knew about the attack before it happened, they will suspect that there is a mole among them." He murmured an incantation and the wall behind him turned into a map of the country. "Severus, which is the town in question?"

Snape shot a sparkle towards the location of the town. It started blinking red.

"How convenient," Dumbledore said, looking rather pleased. "The hometown of Professor Sinistra. I believe she would get in touch with me immediately should she notice any suspicious activity around there." He turned to face the Order members again. "I want as many of you as possible here, tomorrow noon. You will be waiting for my signal to Apparate to the town. Afterwards, I will be contacting the Ministry and asking for reinforcements."

Everyone nodded their approval.

"You are released," Dumbledore announced. "Severus, stay with me for a minute."

Most of the people left the Burrow, while some moved to the sitting room. Dumbledore and Snape stayed in the kitchen.

"Thank you for the information," Dumbledore said calmly.

"It is the least I could do, Professor."

"Tomorrow, you will be leading Holgen to the town as planned."

"But -"

"As reluctantly as you can. But you will. Voldemort must not suspect you are working against him. I shall make sure to alert the Department of Regulation and Control of Magical Creatures."

Snape nodded.

"Also, after the attack, he is bound to wonder how the Order and the Ministry got there so quickly. Kindly inform him that I let you know how lucky I feel for the fact that Professor Sinistra was spending there her vacation time and got in touch with me before it was too late."

"Yes, Professor."

Dumbledore looked intensely at Snape. His calm exterior remained, although the lines of his face were now twitching with anxiety.

"Be very careful, Severus."

"I will, Professor."

-----

Tonks walked to the Burrow's sitting room, staring at the floor absent-mindedly as she found a seat in one of the sofas. Several people around her were talking, but she was not paying attention to them.

There had gone her chance. The rummaging around Grimmauld Place was over, and she hadn't worked up the nerve to tell him yet. Now, who knew when they'd find themselves alone together again...

Of course, if Molly could listen to these thoughts, she'd probably tell her that all she had to do was to be brave and invite him over for a friendly chat. And she wouldn't be wrong, either. He'd have no reason to decline the invitation, so they could be alone together, she'd have a chance to talk to him, reveal her feelings, and maybe, just maybe...

"HEY, TONKS!"

Tonks covered her left ear with her palm, grimacing at the loud sound. "Wotcher, Ginny."

"You noticed I'm talking to you, at last?"

"Sorry," she mumbled. "I was thinking."

"Thinking, or sulking?" Ginny teased.

"Sorry," Tonks repeated. "I'm a bit... worried, lately."

"Yeah, I noticed." Ginny pulled herself closer to Tonks, her face now serious. "What's going on?" she asked, genuine interest in her eyes. Suddenly, something occurred to her. "You've been like that since Sirius's death, does it have something to do with it?"

"Well... yeah," Tonks said, relieved to have found an excuse for her bad mood. Her cheeks, though, were turning pink. She didn't like lying to her friends. "If I had overpowered Bellatrix Lestrange when I was fighting with her, he'd be alive now."

"Don't blame yourself." Ginny put a sympathetic hand on her shoulder. "Only she is responsible for his death."

"Yeah, I guess."

"Come on, cheer up! Have some butterbeer." She reached for one of the bottles on the coffee table and headed it to Tonks. "Cheers!"

"Cheers," Tonks said with a feeble smile.

-----

'...Although not as potent as other wizards of his era, Rastabaragen had the rare gift of espirity, which made him famous among his contemporaries. Once out of school, he dedicated himself to researching the most effective ways for espiriting deceased wizards and witches. His first discovery...'

Remus left the book aside as an owl flew in from the open window and threw a letter on his face. It then perched on the sofa's back.

He opened the letter.

Hi Remus,

I hope you're doing well.

I'm fine, mostly, but I haven't had any company in a while and this makes me feel a little lonely. Would you like to have dinner with me tonight? Eight o'clock, my place. (Don't worry, I may be clumsy and messy, but at least I'm a decent cook.)

Waiting for your reply,

Tonks N.

Remus grinned, seeing the signature. 'Tonks N.'. She had got around the rudeness of signing only with her last name without using her first name, which she had always hated. He never understood why; Nymphadora was a nice, unusual name, with a beautiful meaning - 'gift of Nymphs,' if he still remembered well the ancient Greek he had once studied. And it certainly suited her; she was such a delicate and sweet young woman... He loved spending time with her, listening to her witty remarks or enjoying serious conversations, being able to see the playful sparkle in her eyes and that happy smile that always made him feel like everything was right in the world...

Stop it, he thought grimly. She is not for you.

He shook his head and read the letter again. Dinner, tonight. Why not? He didn't have any plans, and he could use the company.

He wrote a short note to let her know he would be there and tied it on the owl's leg. Once the bird was gone, he resumed reading.

-----

It was almost eight, he'd be here any minute. She glanced at the mirror again. Not a date, just a dinner between friends, she reminded herself. This lavender robe seemed to be perfect for the occasion, and the brown hair that fell on her shoulders made her look less like a rebel child and more like a woman. Those amethyst earrings, though... too much, weren't they? She took them off and healed the holes on her earlobes. Better.

The doorbell rang. Tonks drew a deep breath, put on the less stressed expression she could muster and went to answer the door.

"Wotcher, Remus!" she exclaimed. "So glad you could make it!"

"The pleasure is mine," he said and offered her a bag with the Fortescue Ice Cream logo on it. "I seem to remember you like pineapple ice cream...?"

"You're right, it's my favourite. But you shouldn't have. Come on in." She urged him towards the sitting room, while she hurried to the kitchen to put the ice cream in the refrigerator and quickly returned, just barely avoiding to trip on the rug. As they sat down, she noticed that he was staring at her intensely. "Something wrong?" she asked, her hand automatically reaching to brush her hair.

"No..." he said, his voice almost a whisper. He cleared his throat. "Have I mentioned how good you look with brown hair?"

"Yes, actually, but I don't mind hearing it again."

They laughed.

-----

It had been two and a half hours. They had long finished dinner and dessert, and were now seated in the sitting room, in two sofas opposite to each other, continuing their talk. Tonks was a nervous wreck inside. It was time to bring it up; he could be leaving anytime. If only she could find the words...

Her mouth felt dry. She summoned a bottle of butterbeer. "You want some?"

"Sure."

She summoned two glasses, served butterbeer and handed him one of them. After struggling with the words for a moment, she resorted to the safest cliché she could find: "I'm glad you enjoyed dinner."

"Of course I did. It was excellent, and having good company didn't hurt, either." He smiled.

She avoided his gaze as she spoke. "If you wanted, you could always have good company."

With that, she turned to face him, as if challenging him to see inside her heart. He met her eyes, intending to thank her for the kind invitation, but her look made him freeze. The words failed him for a moment, as the full impact of her words sank in.

"You can't be serious," he finally said.

"Why not?" she asked simply, her heart pounding.

"Because... because you can't! I'm so much older than you. I'm poor... I'm a werewolf!"

"So what?"

He sighed and hid his head inside his palms. Tonks let him gather his thoughts and did not press him. Eventually, he faced her again and spoke, his tone soft yet somber.

"It is a difficult time for all of us. I understand that you are looking for something to hold on to, but this is not the answer."

He rose, and she followed suit. "What are you talking about?"

"I mean -"

"You don't believe me, do you?" she accused.

"No, I do believe you," he said, without losing composure. "I just don't think you know what's best for you." At her disbelieving stare, he continued. "Sometimes we are quick to judge things by appearance. If you gave it some more thought, you'd see you don't really feel what you think you do."

"Are you calling me shallow?"

"No -"

"I know what it is I'm feeling, and it's nothing you can dismiss so easily!"

"Tonks -"

"You cannot deny something I know is right here." Her fist came up to her heart. "Say anything else you will, but not that."

He stared at her sadly for a moment. "You don't know what's in your heart, Tonks. It takes time to learn."

"I've had enough time."

"You obviously need more."

"Remus -"

"Nymphadora," he said emphatically, approaching her. "I'm asking you this as a favour. Think things over."

"I don't -"

"You need to. Please. For your sake and mine." He patted her shoulder reluctantly, then withdrew his hand. "I shall say goodnight now. Thanks for the dinner."

"You're welcome," she mumbled dumbly, standing rigid as a board as she watched him leave the house. For several minutes she stayed there, staring at the door, her eyes stinging with tears that didn't want to come out. Then, longing to forget, she grabbed her broomstick and her cloak and went flying.

-----

She had no idea how long she'd been flying, wandering aimlessly around the country in a fruitless attempt to cope with the bitter effect of his words, when she realised she had arrived at the Burrow. The kitchen light was on. Maybe Molly was up...

She landed and knocked lightly on the door, three times.

"Who's there?" Molly's voice was heard from inside. "Declare yourself!"

"It's me, Tonks," she said weakly.

"Tonks, dear!" Molly exclaimed, opening the door. "Is there something wrong?" she asked, worried - it was almost midnight, she couldn't have just dropped by...

"Can I come in?" Tonks asked hesitantly.

"Sure, dear... Merlin, look at yourself!" Molly exclaimed, as Tonks walked into the lighted room. Her hair was a mess, her face was red and her eyes swollen. "Have you been crying?"

Tonks nodded and sank in a chair.

"Would you like some tea?"

Tonks nodded again, sniffing. Molly put some water in a mug and cast a quick spell to make it boil. Then, she reached for a teabag.

"I told him," Tonks blurted out.

Molly turned around, but Tonks was sitting with her back at her. She proceeded with preparing the tea, giving her some time to collect herself. Once it was ready, she handed it to her. Tonks sipped thankfully, as Molly sat near her.

"Bad?"

"Horrible," Tonks said. Tears started streaming down her face. "I could have dealt with a rejection, but not with that..." He sniffed. "I never thought he wouldn't even believe me!"

"Remus?"

"Yes." She wiped her face with the back of her hand. "He said that I don't know what's in my heart, that I'm just looking for something to hold on to."

"And what did you tell him?"

"What could I tell him, when he obviously thinks of me like a silly schoolgirl with a crush on her teacher?"

"It's all new to him, he probably needs some time getting used to it."

"He doesn't want to get used to it, he wants me to get over it." She summoned a tissue and blew her nose. "I wish he'd at least understand."

Molly patted her on the back sympathetically.

"Do you think it's crazy?" Tonks asked, looking up to Molly. "My being in love with him, I mean?"

Molly gave her a friendly smile. "No, dear, I don't think so."

"Then why does he?" Tonks threw away the tissue in frustration.

"Give him some time, I say," Molly said, handing her another tissue. "It's too early yet."

"Maybe you're right." Tonks glanced at her watch, and was not surprised to see how late it was. "I should get going now."

"Will you be all right?" Molly asked worriedly.

"I think so."

"Well, if you need someone to talk to..."

"Thanks."

"Would you like to come over for dinner tomorrow? We'll be celebrating Fleur's arrival."

"All right, I will." She rose. "Goodnight."

"Take care."

"You too."

-End of chapter 3-