The Other Side

The Other Side

I learned the truth at seventeen

That love was meant for beauty queens

And high school girls with clear skinned smiles

Who married young and then retired

The valentines I never knew

The Friday night charades of youth

Were spent on one more beautiful

At seventeen I learned the truth...

And those of us with ravaged faces

Lacking in the social graces

Desperately remained at home

Inventing lovers on the phone

Who called to say "come dance with me"

And murmured vague obscenities

It isn't all it seems at seventeen...

We all play the game, and when we dare

We cheat ourselves at solitaire

Inventing lovers on the phone

Repenting other lives unknown

That call and say: "Come on, dance with me"

And murmur vague obscenities

At ugly girls like me, at seventeen...

-At Seventeen by Janis Ian

Life is ugly and I am reduced to listening to depressing angst-filled muggle music.

The good thing is that I have nothing to worry about. I don't have to fuss about what my fellow schoolmates would think if ever they found me listening wholeheartedly to a muggle song that I could no doubt relate to. I do not have to be concerned about other people thinking how cool I'm not, because I already know that that is the understatement of the century.

That is the problem with the students of Hogwarts.

They are narrow-minded. They prejudge people even before they know enough to have the right to do so.

I'm living a life in hell wrapped in a seemingly perfect facade and I could do nothing about it.

People not from Hogwarts look at the school in general as a haven, a sanctuary for the warriors of the greater good. And with Albus Dumbledore heading our highly reputed school and the famous Harry Potter roaming its halls there is no reason why people of the wizarding world would believe that the Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry is anything but innocently perfect.

But they are wrong.

The blame should not be thrown to the professors and the staff though.

The students themselves are the problem.

It's amusing for me to hear other wizards talking about Hogwarts students as if they are so great, so wonderful... so damn perfect.

They see my schoolmates as if they're red shiny juicy apples with no flaw whatsoever. Ha, on the outside maybe, but what they don't know is that rotten cores could be concealed by a spotless cover, that maggots and the decayed insides are well hidden beneath their pure and flawless facade. But I couldn't really blame them for being so utterly mistaken. People tend to be different on the outside, putting on a show for the whole world to see.

My classmates are not flawless. They are not pure or perfect. They're not even remotely kind.

They are monsters trapped in an angel's body.

Beautiful.

Heavenly.

Deadly.

They are insolent little beasts.

Presumptive, and downright cruel.

Tyrannical masters they are, leading on other people from seeing their true selves.

Do you actually think that Harry Potter and his ever-loyal sidekicks are that great and noble, being all-modest about various conquest, as they look? Oh please! What a big scam!

They sulk in their own act of heroism that their being humble is not working all that well anymore. Do you really think that that Granger girl always put her hand up in mostly every question a teacher asks her just because she's worried about her grades? Oh, no, grades don't matter at all. They are just numbers and letters right? And besides, she's probably going to pass even if she doesn't have any recitation grade at all with her almost perfect test scores.

That show-off bitch.

What she is actually concerned about is proving to everybody else that she is far more superior than we are. That she's far more intelligent, far better than the mediocre crowd.

Her main goal is to outdo everybody. To excel in everything that she does just to show everyone who threatens her status that she can't be beaten. She wants to surpass everyone, to outshine all of us.

She's the best and she is willing to do anything to stay on that throne.

That stupid know-it-all! The way she looks just after answering a question in class, oh it drives me crazy! She looks so innocent, as if she's just trying to help but I see right through her. She's satisfied with another job well-done in throwing at our faces how smart she is.

Well then, how about that Weasley? Acting scared of everything and living his role of being the ever-faithful, not-really-there sidekick of Harry. His whole existence is dedicated to making him happy. Now that's just pathetic, don't you think?

But what's more pathetic is how he brags about his job as if he's very loyal but very stupid house elf. His classmates on the other hand fall into the trap over and over again and think of him as the valiant best friend that would go to the ends of the earth for his great and noble master. Harry Potter certainly couldn't do without him! That makes him the best friend of all time!

Stupid.

They all are.

Falling into Harry Potter's scheme of being seen as a hero when what he really is is a coward hiding behind his prized scar. People look at him and think about how heroic and fearless he is but when I do, I see the thing that most people tend to ignore.

Well, well, look at that. He has the same rotten core like every one of the ordinary students making up the school's population. He thinks he's wonderful and majestic just because he is so famous and legendary. But I know better than to fall into his trap.

After every battle, after every combat fought, he goes back to Hogwarts, acting all bruised up and weak, in pain, both physically and emotionally. He acts as if he's been in hell and back and even though it's hard for me to admit, he probably has been. But then, people starts talking, gossip tends to travel the Hogwarts' walls in lightning speed. Maybe even faster. People feels sorry for him, they think he's a hero. Then, Harry Potter starts to act all humble and meek, saying that he really didn't do anything yadda yadda yadda...

But then I see it.

He's enjoying it. Enjoying the attention that everybody willingly gives to him. He still tries to act modest though. But then, the irresistible pull of power and superiority kicks into his brain. And even though how brave and unassuming he may look, as I have seen through his sidekicks, I see through him also.

It drives me insane how people just go through life like this. How they put up fake enchanting masks to hide the hideousness beneath such leading disguises.

How they threaten and abuse me like there is no tomorrow and like it's the funniest thing in the world to do then smile angelic smiles immediately the moment a professor passes by. How they look at me and avoid me like I'm a plague.

"Oh my god, look at her face! It's disgusting! I wonder how she could look at her own reflection!"

I have no problem looking at the mirror thank you very much; I've had 17 years of reluctant practice.

"If anybody actually dared and asked out Fern to the Yule Ball I'm going up to the Astronomy Tower and throw myself out the window!"

I was deeply tempted to bribe somebody to ask me out just to see somebody jump out of the Astronomy Tower, but thankfully for them I didn't go through with it.

"Hey, Fern! Has anybody watered you yet?"

No, nobody has watered me yet but I distinctly remember some Slytherin trying to dump water on my head in Herbology class.

No, don't gasp. I'm not talking about the oh-so perfect Hogwarts trio. It's the other students that treat me like dirt. Those three don't even see me. They don't even know I exist much more than to waste time taunting me in the hallways.

And you know, maybe that is actually worse than being mocked and ridiculed day in and day out. Not being noticed at all. It makes you think that you don't matter to the universe and it would be better if you aren't even here in the first place.

Maybe the reason why I hate them so much is that they're the epitome of everything perfect and ideal that I just refuse to believe that they're anything as such.

Do you know how it feels like to be in the opposite side of their glorious existence? Overshadowed by their brilliance and perfection? Where I am now is definitely not a pretty place. And it's getting worst every minute.

Sometimes I wonder maybe this world is another planet's Hell created to torture people in it without any sense or reason. But that's just me thinking too much about things I can't control and people I can't change.

I'm going to stop ranting now. I'm tired, not just of thinking, but of it all. I'm exhausted from dreading every day and wishing that it is my last.

I'm going to stop now and go to my happy place, in my dreams where people are actually nice to me since they're just a product of my imagination. I'll just close my eyes in surrender and maybe when I open them the world would be different. That's all I could do anyways... Dream and wish upon a star, hope against hope that maybe tomorrow, all my problems could be solved with just a spell, a potion or an incantation...

~ THE END ~