Damaged Goods

Left to themselves, things tend to go from bad to worse-Murphy's Law

One week later....

Severus Apparated at the edge of the Forbidden Forest just as the faintest hint of dawn pinkened the sky. Blood stained his cloak and his face was grim as he entered the secret passage into Hogwarts, striding hurriedly towards Dumbledore's office.

Albus was waiting, holding out a letter for him to read. "Severus what in the name of all that is sacred happened last night?" he asked, as Severus read.

Albus

You may already know what has happened by the time you receive this owl, however I for one DO NOT know how it happened.

We went to meet the delegates from the Ministry as planned, but earlier this day I received a note from Diggory that the agreed upon meeting place and time had been changed. My colleague and I thought nothing of this and arrived at the house of Mr. Baggins at the appointed time. A very confused Mrs. Baggins greeted us and told us her husband had gone for the evening to a meeting for the Ministry. We realized that something was terribly wrong and quickly left for the original destination.

It was to our horror that we arrived at the original location to see the house in shambles, windows blasted out and bodies in the yard, the Dark Mark clearly visible in the night sky. We were too late, the Death Eaters had already left and I deeply regret in telling you that no one survived their onslaught. The details of the carnage and subtle message left behind will have to wait until I speak with you personally at the next meeting, which I expect will be soon, considering this new development.

Apparently we have a leak. I will not even entertain the thought that it could be one of the Order but my suspicion lies within the Ministry. What perplexes me is why we were sent a false lead. Why not include us in the slaughter? To this I have no answer.

R. J. Lupin

"It would seem," Severus said acidly, "that the newest Death Eater has gained favor with Voldemort. He delivered those in the Ministry who were willing to support the Order into his hands last night Albus, though it appears he was not yet ready to allow his own flesh to be slain. Pity."

Albus glared at him. "Who?" Shock registered on his face as Severus told him of the eager young man who had joined their ranks last night after the successful raid on Amos Diggory's house. Even Severus had not known that he had taken the mark before then.

"We must owl those still supporting us in the Ministry immediately. Discretion is essential at this time, just let them know there is a leak in their midst, a dangerous one."

Severus knew that they could not reveal who the traitor was. It would point a finger straight back at him, for Voldemort would know he was the only one that could have passed on the information.

"It is more serious than you realize Albus," Severus said quietly. "Voldemort accompanied us last night."

There was silence for a moment as their eyes met in understanding. It was the first time Voldemort had joined in on the movements of the Death Eaters since his rebirth. He was growing stronger.

As they hastily wrote notes to owl to the remaining supporters in the Ministry, Severus remembered that it was Saturday morning. He quickly scribbled a note and summoned a house elf to take it to the potions classroom.

****

"See you at dinner," Harry called as he and Ron headed out the doors for Hogsmeade. Almost all the students who were old enough were taking advantage of the glorious late May day and were going. She really didn't mind staying behind. Keeping busy was her only salvation.

Pavarti and Lavender had asked her if she needed anything from the village. Normally they would not have been inclined to ask, however she knew they were still trying to placate her for last night.

****

They had cornered her in the dormitory as she was getting ready for bed. "Hermione," Lavender gushed, "why on earth did David Sebastian ask you to go to Hogsmeade with him?" Hermione wondered if she had ever heard of tact.

"Perhaps he lost a bet?" Hermione told them sweetly, imaging the look on their faces if she told them the real reason. His interest in her was due to the fact that she had shagged him in the broom closet Thursday.

I hadn't meant to; I hadn't set out to do anything like that. I mean I do not want another male touching me that way, ever. Or do I? It seems my body has other ideas as the tremendous sexual urges flow through me, mixed in between anger and sadness.

I had been in the library that night doing some research that Professor McGonagall had suggested. With all this excess energy and sleep still evading me, I had questioned her about the NEWTS the day after OWLS were finished. She seemed positively giddy when I had talked with her about this. I guess she assumes I am all right once more, now that the 'studious bookworm' has returned.

I was hurrying back to the Gryffindor tower well past curfew, hoping not to run into Filch, when I bumped into David, a seventh year Ravenclaw prefect. Apparently he was returning from the prefect's bath. His hair was wet and he had that fresh soapy aroma. "Sorry" I said quickly not looking at him, as I felt my body respond to that simple contact. Not that it needed any reason, it was one of those particularly nasty days where I felt I was no longer in control of the lust that coursed through my veins.

"Five points from Gryffindor for being out past curfew," he said smiling, and I found that I couldn't resist looking at him. "Best run along before someone else catches you."

"And if I don't?" I asked, giving him a good once over. I knew he had a bit of a reputation of being a ladies man. One did not share a room with the two gossips of Gryffindor and not know things like this. According to them he had taken over half the girls in Ravenclaw to the Astronomy tower.

He was tall and lean, with a shock of sandy colored hair and blue eyes and a very pleasant face. Why did he have to have blue eyes, I thought, remembering another set of pale blue eyes. His smile faded a little and he told me he would take off more points and speak to Professor McGonagall if I didn't. I smiled sultry at him. "What fun would that be? Perhaps you think of a better 'punishment'?" Somewhere in my mind, I kept telling myself to run, but ignored it.

As his eyes flashed and a lopsided grin appeared on his face, I knew that the gossip had been true. He read my implication completely. And so after a bit I found myself in the broom closet.

I am still not sure if I enjoyed it or not, for by the time we were halfway through I remembered crying and fighting to get out of his embrace. I am sure it was a first for him, though he didn't seem to mind.

"Oh really Hermione, you know you aren't that bad," Pavarti said. "Or least you wouldn't be if you tried to tame that hair once in awhile and wore a little makeup." Add another one who has no concept of tact, Hermione thought.

They ignored me as I finished getting ready for bed. 'Shrews' I thought bitterly, fighting the tears lingering behind my eyes. Damn, I wish I would quit crying over ever little thing.

I lay there listening to them talk and giggle over what they would do if David had asked them out. "Perhaps you could finally put the Contraceptus potion to use," Lavender told Pavarti and they both giggled.

I felt a cold wave of fear flood over me. 'You are so foolish Granger,' I berated myself.

I had had unprotected sex. The Malfoys had taken care of that problem for me with that painful hex they used on me. But it had been over two months since the last time Draco had hexed me. Sighing I knew I would have to go to Madame Pomfrey and ask for the Contraceptus potion. I hope never to let another male touch me, ever again, but just in case. I cannot trust myself.

****

Arriving for her morning detention, Hermione was surprised to see a house elf waiting by the door to the potions classroom. He, she could only assume it was a he, for it is dreadfully hard to tell, handed her a message.

Miss Granger,

I have been unavoidably detained this morning. Your task for today will be taking a complete inventory of the potion ingredients. Take the necessary precautions when handling the supplies on the back shelf. The password to removing the wards on the door is 'Bothriechis schlegeli'.

Professor S.A. Snape

Astonished that he had given her the password to the potions storeroom, she was pleased that he trusted her that much. It also gave her the time to see Madame Pomfrey after lunch.

****

"Hermione," Madame Pomfrey greeted her warmly as she entered the hospital wing. "Something I can do for you?" Blushing Hermione told her what she needed.

Poppy frowned at her, perplexed. Didn't she know? She thought that Minerva would have told her by now. "Hermione," she said gently, "you do not need that potion."

Hermione stiffened.

Poppy put a gentle hand on Hermione's arm as she told her of the scarring of her womb, that she was barren, the result of the hex the Malfoys had used on her.

"I see," Hermione said quietly. "I think I need to be going now, thank you."

Noting Hermione's pale face and her voice devoid of emotion, Poppy grew worried. She wanted to talk more about this with her but her attention was drawn away as Professor Sprout rushed in with a young Hufflepuff girl who was crying loudly. "Got a little to close to the Snapping Dragon Lilies," she heard Sprout explaining. Examining the little girls bleeding hands, she quickly healed them and turned to find Hermione gone. She needed to have a word with Minerva, still uneasy about the look she saw on Hermione's face.

****

"That's everyone," Albus said, sending the last owl off. "I have called a meeting of the Order for tomorrow." Severus nodded. "Any inkling on when the attacks on the students' parents will begin?"

"No," Severus said wearily.

Albus walked with him into the hall. "I will send some lunch to your quarters son, as it appears we have missed it. I suspect you will be called tonight?"

"Most likely. If for nothing else to train the new recruits that have joined," Severus said bitterly.

Albus patted him on the shoulder, noting the dark circles under the younger man's eyes. "Then rest. I will have Minerva look on young Granger for you."

"Speak of the devil and she appears," Severus said dryly, noting Minerva hurrying up the hall towards them.

"Albus, Severus," Minerva's voice was strained as she greeted them. "Have either of you seen Miss Granger?"

Severus raised his eyebrows, studying her tight lips. "No, have you checked the potions classroom?"

"Of course," she said, giving him a look she reserved for first years when they asked inane questions. She looked at Albus sheepishly as she told him what had happened in the infirmary.

"Damn Minerva," Severus said angrily, "why didn't you tell her about that before now?"

Standing taller, she glared at him. "I felt she had enough to deal with. The matter could wait until she was stronger."

"Oh yes," Severus said sarcastically. "Let her get over the devastating ordeal with the Malfoys and when she thinks everything is going to be alright, then tell her, so she can go back to the despair she started with."

"Severus," Albus stepped between them, "I am sure Minerva did what she thought was best. Miss Granger is undoubtedly upset, but she has a good head. The young lady probably wanted some time alone or perhaps to talk with a friend."

Rolling his eyes, Severus snorted. "I am sure that the boy wonder and his sidekick will be great help in that particular area. Typical Gryffindor logic. May I also point out that most students are in Hogsmeade as we speak."

"At least Gryffindor's have hearts," Minerva began but Albus silenced her.

"Severus go, eat, rest. Minerva, I will ask Filch and the staff to search the grounds for Miss Granger."

Severus gave Minerva a mocking bow before he left for the dungeons.

Walking down the hall towards his private chambers, he ducked as a glob of smelly mud past over his head.

"Peeves!" he roared at the ridiculous ghost who was carrying a bucket of said mud.

"Sorry your professorship," Peeves cackled maniacally, "thought you were one of those smelly Slytherins."

"I am a Slytherin," he growled.

Peeves eyes widened. "Oh forgive Peeves, mighty smelly Slytherin. Its just Peeves is positively happy today. Its not everyday a new spirit may join our numbers."

Severus' eyes narrowed. "A new ghost? Explain."

"I am not saying nothing greasy haired professorship. Slythern's ghost has been most rude to me and I am not telling what I know." He laughed. "Poor little thing, might have already happened. Sir Nick will be so sad," he said gleefully.

"Tell me what you are on about," Severus said coldly, pulling out his wand. "The Headmaster may tolerate your disgusting presence but be warned Peeves, if you do not cooperate this instant your afterlife will become a living hell for you."

Peeves stuck his tongue at him.

"Crucio Phasmatis."

Peeves eyes widened in horror as he felt the pain course through him. "Yes professorship sir, Peeves will tell you," he cried.

Severus released him from the spell, waiting.

"Poor little thing, I saw her up on the north tower walkway. Was going to douse her with my mud, but stopped as I heard her talking to herself." He gestured at his head. "Mental she was, talking about having nothing left to live for. Expect the little Gryffindor chit was going to try to fly, standing on the ledge and all..."

Peeves saw only Professor Snapes' billowing robes as he raced up the corridor.

****

"That would be a very foolish thing to do Miss Granger." Hermione twitched at the silky sarcastic voice. "Think of the mess you will cause, not to mention the pain you will feel if you survive."

She had climbed onto the parapet that encircled the tower. He could see her precarious situation as she swayed on the narrow ledge.

Sobbing, Hermione put her face in her hands. "I am damaged beyond repair."

"Really?" His voice was still sarcastic though he had softened it. "What makes your pain so unique that you think yourself unworthy to live?"

She was sobbing harder now, teetering on the ledge of the tower. Severus moved swiftly and silently towards her.

"You know," she said between sobs, her voice catching, "you know what I am. A filthy whore, a barren filthy whore!"

Severus grabbed her around the waist pulling her down off the ledge. He wanted to shake her, scream at her for being so foolish, but instead found himself holding her tightly. She struggled against him as he held her in his arms, stroking her hair. She cried out in anger, fighting against him.

"Do not think that, do not feel that way," he said angrily.

"Who would ever want me? I'm disgusting!" she wailed, trying to pull away.

"Stop that! What happened to you was not your fault."

"I could never have a man touch me without remembering. And who would want to?" she screamed pulling away, looking at him with haunted eyes.

"You are a beautiful young woman, and many men will be honored to be with you. And there will be those who are caring, kind, who will take away the pain, I promise," he spoke soothingly now, putting his hand to her cheek, caressing it gently.

"No," she argued, "I'm just a slut..."

"Please Hermione," he said softly, pulling her close once more. His heart was breaking for her, for her pain, familiar pain he knew so well, "you are much more. Don't you realize you are so much more? You have so much yet to live for, so much to offer." Grasping her chin, he lifted her face to look into her eyes. "Give life a chance Hermione, it may surprise you."

He leaned down to kiss her forehead, but before he realized it he had moved lower and brushed her lips gently. Freezing he pulled his head slightly away. What the hell had he done? He waited for her outcry. Her eyes looked into his; he saw her pain there, the pleading for normalcy to be given to her once more.

"I am sorry," he started and was surprised to find her lips on his, her kiss urgent. He allowed their lips to meet, feeling the fullness of hers, letting her kiss him knowing somehow she needed to, until he felt her tongue flick over his mouth wanting entrance. He pulled back. "Miss Granger," he said gently. Her eyes blazed.

"See I told you! Even YOU don't want Malfoy's cast offs," she cried, pulling out of his arms and running back into the castle. Damn, that had gone terribly wrong.

****

"Minerva has informed me that Miss Granger is safely tucked away in the Gryffindor tower," Albus told Severus, who had come straight to his office from the North Tower. "She will be fine, she is a Gryffindor after all," he said, trying to lighten Severus' dark mood.

"I am sorry Albus," Severus said. He sat there holding his head in his hands.

Dumbledore looked at the younger man, wishing he could take away his pain. "Severus, you know as well as I do that Miss Granger is very confused about how to react around men. She feels revulsion when she is touched, but yearns for it, wants it. In some warped sense, it is the only love she perceives she deserves. I think you did admirably dealing with her."

Severus snorted. "She accused me of not wanting her Albus. Why should a child even concern herself over an old man wanting her?"

"You are not old," Albus snapped. "And I thought I just told you, you thickheaded mule."

"Oh you are so correct Headmaster," Snape said, sarcasm dripping from his words. "After being in the hands of Death Eaters, what woman would want anything else?"

Severus felt a hand on his shoulder, squeezing it. "I know you are suffering from your own guilt, for the those who have suffered from your hands," Severus stiffened. "But it is not your fault, as it is not young Granger's fault; you both have been abused so."

"I hardly call what I subject myself to the same. She was abused against her will."

"As are you, every time you must play the obedient Death Eater! Damn Severus, if that isn't abuse I will give up my chair here and allow Peeves to run the school."

Snape almost smiled at that.

"Severus what am I to do with you?" Albus said soberly. "I want to protect you, to stop this charade of a life you are leading..."

"No," Severus said sharply, "what little I can glean from my Death Eater role is too important if can help us to defeat Voldemort."

Albus knew he was right, though he hated what it was doing to the younger man. Penitence, Severus had told him, when he had suggested the role of a double agent. He was afraid Severus would sacrifice his life to try to atone for the wrongs he had subjected others to.

"You look dreadful," he told him, noting he was still wearing the blood stained robes. His face was sallow, his eyes drooping as he sat there.

"Flattery will get you no where."

"You are going to get some rest if I have to stupefy you and tie you to a bed," Albus said seriously.

Severus stared at Albus as he winced slightly, resisting the urge to put a hand on the mark that was burning hotly under his skin. "Sorry to disappoint you Albus," he said bitterly, rising to his feet. "It would seem that Voldemort means to keep me busy this weekend."

"So soon?" Albus asked gently.

Severus nodded. It was rare that he was summoned before dark and could only assume that it bore ill.

"Akana mukav tut le Devlesa," Albus said quietly as Severus opened the door.

"Indeed," Severus answered skeptically.