A Midsummer's Journey

Neglect me, lose me; only give me leave,
Unworthy as I am, to follow you.
What worser place can I beg in your love,

And yet a place of high respect with me,- A Midsummer's Night Dream

Sunlight streamed across her face as she rolled over and stretch languidly. She felt so relaxed and so... Oh! She sat up quickly, the covers falling away. Snatching them back up, she blushed as she remembered where she was, what she had done. Glancing around the room, she saw no sign of Remus. Cheeks burning, she smiled as she thought of last night. Never had she felt such emotions. It was like magic had filled her being, and she was part of that magic that sang from every cell of her body.

"Good morning."

Hesitating shyly by the stairs, she called "morning" to Remus, who had his back to her as he was flipping eggs expertly in the pan.

"Hungry?"

"Famished," she said a little too quickly as she moved to sit down at the small table. She glanced at him and saw that his cheeks were flushed as he gave serious attention to finishing the breakfast.

Turning to the table with plates in hand, he smiled at her as he sat a plate down in front of her with a "milady", then moved to sit down beside her.

Though she was very hungry, she stared down at the plate, picking up her fork and putting it down several times.

"Most interesting way of eating. Is it a new style?"

She looked at him and saw he was leaning on his elbows, chin in his hands, looking at her. His eyes sparkled as they met hers.

Biting her lip, she wondered how she was going to ask him the question that was burning in her mind. It was too intimate, but after last night, why was she so shy?

"It is healthier to ask the question than try to think it out. So often the recipient only gets part of the thought being sent and disastrous things can happen. I do believe that is how Blast Ended Skrewts came into being."

Laughing with him, she felt more at ease and blurted out what she so desperately wanted to know.

"Why didn't we make love?"

Remus' smile deepened as he watched her go scarlet.

"Didn't we?"

"I... don't... think so," she stammered, wishing she could Disapparate.

"I think," he said, gently standing and offering her his hand, "this conversation is more suited for the couch rather than over eggs and bacon." She gave a strained laugh as she allowed him to lead her to the small sofa.

Sitting there close to him, she felt she would faint from the heat of her face. His hand gently cupped her chin to bring her eyes up to lock on his.

"What makes you think that I did not make love to you?" he asked softly.

"Well I have never... you know... been with a man... but I do know how a man and woman... comes together... and... well, we didn't... I mean, unless I fell asleep..."

Remus coughed, interrupting her.

"Hear me out, then ask me the question again if you must. What happened last night was much more than I had the right to ask, I, who was, and am your protector, and it shouldn't have happened."

She started to protest, but he pressed his finger to her lips. "I could blame it on the stress of the situation we find ourselves in, the poison that coursed through my veins last night, but I would not blame it on anything except a man being consumed with the thoughts of a sweet, beautiful, wondrous woman."

"I knew you had never been with another man, and that was too precious to take from you until a time when you fall in love with all your heart." She could barely stand the look of pain in those wistful eyes as he said that. "I could only love you to the best of my ability after that. And I did. Every inch of you." He finished, grinning wolfishly.

Hermione could have sworn even her hair had turned red from the heat rising from her face as she thought about him loving every "inch" of her. The kissing that had travelled all over her body stopping to bring her to a feverish pitch not once but many times last night.

Remus waited for her to finish having her thoughts before speaking again softly. "So, my sweet Hermione, do you want to ask the question again?"

"No," she said, grinning mischievously at him.

"Good." He leaned in and kissed her quickly on the lips, "I do hate cold eggs."

__________________________________________________________

They ate in silence. Glancing at him, Hermione noticed that he seemed deep in thought and didn't like the seriousness she saw in his face. She knew what was coming. After clearing the table, he sat down beside her and leaned over, taking her hand in his. "Hermione, we must talk."

"Oh no, Remus Lupin," she said angrily. He blinked, startled. "I will not hear it. Don't give me the 'it was wrong, it's all my fault, sorry it happened' bit. What happened last night happened because I wanted it also," though I wanted even more, "and I won't let you take full responsibility for it."

His mouth gaped a second before he grinned. True, he was going to say something in those lines later this evening, though not right now. Seeing her determined face and eyes flashing at him, he couldn't help but chuckle.

"What?" she demanded flushing.

"Well, thank you," he said gently. "But I was just going to tell you what happened last night out in the woods and things that have come to my attention from the Order."

"Oh," she mumbled, her face burning hotter. "I do want to hear what happened."

Telling her of the goblin attack, he told her the Order had thought someone knew where they were. Whether they worked alone or with someone else, he did not know.

"Why?" she asked. "Why do they want me?"

Giving her a sly grin, he grew sober once more. "It's not just you, but many things. Hogswarts students were targeted because it was a way to prick Dumbledore. It's a sordid game they are playing," he told her, remembering the list that Severus had presented to the Order. "They offer points for each student they can get their hands on. But it's not just students, many wizards and Muggles alike are targeted. What is so ironic is when they took the Greenberg girl, they didn't realize her relationship with Harry." His voice dripped with sarcasm. "It would have been worth a lot more points. You and Ron are Harry's best friends, thus the added bonus... and," he hesitated, then continued, "they also want you because you are the brightest witch to grace Hogswart in a century."

She gaped at him. "I would never consider joining them; they must realize that."

"Perhaps they do; either way, it would be a bonus to lay their hands on you."

Pausing a moment, he allowed her to think about what he had said. Reaching over, he gripped her hand with both of his. "I have something else that I must tell you," he said quietly, and told her about what had happened to her parents.

He had been afraid that she would break down once more, perhaps even blame herself. She paled, however fire flashed in her eyes and her face grew set once more. "All right?" he asked.

Looking at him, she gave a sardonic smile. "Yes, but I might be asking you to teach me

the Cruciatus before long." He gave her a wolfish grin.

Spending a pleasant day together, holding her in his arms, they sat on the sofa as he read to her from a book of Shakespeare he had. She had been amused that he had such a book. "I have always enjoyed his works, especially the tragedies," she told him. "He was truly a gifted Muggle," she teased.

He raised an eyebrow at her. "And who told you he was a Muggle?"

"You don't mean..." He leaned over, silencing her with a kiss.

______________________________________________________

As they stopped at the top of the stairs that evening, she hesitated. What did she do? Did she move to join him or should she wait for him to ask her? Sensing her hesitation, Lupin looked at her. "I do not expect you to share my bed again," he smiled softly. "And even if you wanted to, I must warn you that I may not be so noble again."

She stood there, biting the corner of her mouth.

Kissing her forehead, he solved her dilemma for her. "Good night, sweet angel. I am very tired. Sleep well." Then he turned and closed the door. Still biting her lip, she stared at the closed door for a long time before going into her own room.

Lupin lay on his back staring up into the darkness. Two more nights until the full moon, he thought offhandedly. For once he was glad of that. To turn into the wicked, evil despised creature that he felt like. How could he have done that to Hermione? Though sweet beyond belief, he was disgusted with himself.

He had let his lust run away with him. Really? a sarcastic voice replied. No, when he had realized she had never been with a man, it had taken a lot of control not to continue, but he had stopped because of concern for her. Concern? Damn it, he did it because he loved her. Bloody hell, when had that happened? He had thought the walls he had placed around that part of his heart was impenetrable...

"I think we should make this thing a double ceremony," Sirius said, raising his glass of scotch towards Remus, while Peter nodded his agreement, choking on the pungent cheroot he had just lit.

"Bugger off," Remus told them flushing. James caught his eye and he saw his friend wink at him. "How about it, Remus? I don't want to be the only sensible one around here, and if I wait to marry Lily until one of these two prats are ready to settle down, I am afraid I will be too old to go on the honeymoon."

"Sensible?" Sirius snorted. "What good is sensible when there are so many women in this world to chose from? So many pleasures left to explore..." His eyes were glazing; James and Remus chuckled at the sight of him getting aroused as he thought.

"I agree," Peter said, "besides, Black here still hasn't had a chance to catch up with me."

"In a pig's eye," snarled Sirius, "you only dream about outdoing me, you git."

They began arguing back and forth.

James sighed, smiling and shook his head. Putting an arm around Remus, he led him to the kitchen of the small flat the four men shared. "Those two and their competition for women. I do believe I meant what I said. If I wait for those two..."

"You will wait for no one," Remus said, his eyes twinkling at his friend. "You and Lily will have your day together."

"I know," James said, returning the smile, "it's just I think I would like to see you as happy as I am. Don't tell me you haven't thought about asking her."

Remus looked down at his hands, grinning. "Of course I have imagined the ways, circled the day I would, but then I remember..."

"That you are a werewolf?"Â James finished for him.

"Yes."

"You are a man, who loves her dearly and would be the best thing that ever happened to her."

Remus was silent, looking at James who held his eyes. "Tell her, then you will feel free to live your life. If she truly loves you, it will not matter."

She was one Jade MacNair, a black haired, Ravenclaw beauty who had earned the name Ice Maiden from Sirius as she had turned her icy blue eyes on him for the hundredth time and told him in not-so-polite terms what he could do with himself and his assumption that she would be interested in him. It had been Sirius's only failure in school.

Remus remembered clearly that first class in Potions during their seventh year. Jade had walked over to the table where he and Sirius sat. As she approached, Sirius had turned to Peter and gave him a 'I told you she'd come around' wink. When she had asked if Sirius would be so polite and allow her to team with Remus this term, Sirius had been so dumbstruck he couldn't say anything. As he made his way to sit with Peter, who had fallen of his stool from laughing, he kept shaking his head muttering.

That had been the start. Soon, she was helping Remus with Potions homework in the evenings, which had led to holding hands, to kisses, to love.

Now after two years, they were still together much to the chagrin of her father, who had gotten her a job at the Ministry in Control of Magical Creatures. Though Remus only had odd jobs here and there, she accepted him and didn't berate him for turning down the job her father had offered him.

That evening, after his talk with James, he had determined that he would tell her.

Sooner than he had hoped, they were strolling through a park. She was holding tight to his arm, talking animatedly about work, while he went over and over in his mind how he was going to break the news to her. Sitting down on a bench, he reached over and kissed her gently.

"Jade, there is something I must tell you."

She leaned against him, nuzzling his neck. "Go on."

"Jade, I... I am a werewolf." There. He had said it.

"And I am a vampire," she giggled, nipping at his neck.

Pulling her away from him, he held her at arm's length, staring into those eyes that were the colour of a pale clear dawn. "I am serious. I am a werewolf."

She frowned at him. "Oh, go on, did those silly gits you live with tell you to say that?"

"No, think; use that Ravenclaw mind of yours. Didn't you ever think it odd that I am always unavailable every month? Like clockwork? Or maybe like the pull of the moon?"

He could see her working through this in her mind. Eyes widening, she looked at him with shock. Then he saw it. Those eyes, cool and hard, the ones that had told Sirius to go fuck himself.

"You can't be!" She rose, trembling. "You just can't be."

"But I am, Jade, I am so sorry..."

Smack! She had struck him with all the anger she was feeling. "You filthy bastard! How dare you... how dare you play with me... all this time..."

"Jade." His voice was calm, though he was shaking inside. "I didn't play with you. I love you..."

"Don't say that! Don't even think that!" she screamed. "To think that I felt anything for you! Get away from me, you filthy, disgusting creature! Just stay away!" She turned and ran up the lane. All he could do was just watch her retreating form.

If she truly loves you, it will not matter.........

He had never seen her again.

The walls had been built high that night in his heart. When Lily and James had been killed, and Peter supposedly had died at the hands of Sirius, he had added the last stone to that wall. Though he cared deeply about others, he never wanted to be vulnerable to loving someone again, not because of the pain; pain he could tolerate for himself, but the pain others may have to bear loving him.

And now he had let a bit of a girl slip through. Not a girl, he corrected, a woman, beautiful and loving. It was just the situation, she was here, vulnerable, so loving and giving. He was a wretch. She would look back later and hate him for this time in her life. Stop it, Moony, he heard his Sirius-conscious tell him. You have every right in this world to be loved and have a normal life. If I catch you having another pity party, I will crash it with a hundred dung bombs in your pillow, I swear.

The door opened to his room and he sat up quickly. "Hermione? Is something wrong?"

He started to rise but heard her say, "Everything is okay. I came to talk to you."

He wiped his eyes with the back of his hand. "Hermione, we can talk tomorrow. I think it's best..." His voice trailed off as he looked up as she crossed in front of a patch of moonlight. He caught a glimpse of shimmering skin.

"Hermione, I think maybe..." But she had knelt down on the side of the bed.

"Shhh." She put a finger to his lips. Climbing into the bed he felt the heat of her body as it neared his.

"I don't think this is wise..." She silenced him as she kissed him sweetly on the lips. Cupping her face with his hands, he meant to push her away, but groaned, capturing her lips with bruising intensity. Hands tangled in her hair, he kissed her hungrily, with desperation.

Pulling back suddenly, he looked into her face, her eyes half closed, lips swollen, her cheeks flushed. "You need to leave," he said coolly, turning away from her.

He felt her hands as they moved to rest on his shoulders, kneading the tight muscles underneath. "No," she whispered.

Turning to face her, he grasped her wrists, holding them away from him though he longed for nothing more than to have her touch him. He looked at her face in the moonlight. It was open and honest and full of tenderness. "I warned you that I could not have you here..."

"I heard what you said today," she said softly, "and I am not leaving." She gave him a half smile, eyes sparkling.

She saw a tear run slowly down his cheek.

"Werewolves are not suppose to be able to cry. Did you know that?" he asked her, shaking his head. Here, he had shed more tears in a few weeks than in a lifetime.

"I ..." She was a little startled at his words, but had the perception that he was somehow telling her not to forget what he was. "All I know is that the man I see before me is sensitive enough to do so..." Blushing now, she tried to finish, but he reached out and gently kissed her.

"Are you sure?" he murmured.

"Yes," she said, wrapping her arms around his neck.

He hugged her tightly, marvelling at the beautiful woman who had indeed driven him to madness.

______________________________________________________

Later as they lay there, holding her close, listening to the soft rhythmic sound of her breathing as she slept, he nuzzled her hair. "I love you," he whispered in a barely audible tone.

O, take the sense, sweet, of my innocence!
Love takes the meaning in love's conference.
I mean, that my heart unto yours is knit
So that but one heart we can make of it;
Two bosoms interchained with an oath;
So then two bosoms and a single troth.
Then by your side no bed-room me deny