Therefore, I Dance

Chapter Three

Now, Penelope and Snape knew my secret. I never realized that just because someone else knew, it wasn't a big deal. I was always afraid that each time. Each time I retreated to my dance room, I was afraid that the door would be gone forever or closed by Dumbledore. It never was, though, like he was teasing me. I easily dismissed the thought each time I went into the room. Dumbledore would never tease me.

My main goal of my second year was to learn the spell that would prevent sound from coming from the room, so I could bring real music. I was thrilled at the thought and eager to find some form of music. I befriended Mandy Brocklehurst, a Muggle-born girl from my dormitory. She taught me Muggle music notes. I went to the library to get a book on it and studied it hard. Within a week or two, I thought that I was ready to compose my own song to dance to. I was excited but afraid at the same time. I wasn't really confident about my sound-breaking spell.

It took me three weeks to complete my first song. I named it Alone. I had put a lot of effort into this song, so I made a lower grade than normal on one particular Potions test. Professor Snape didn't say anything to me, which suprised me because he always liked to pick on Ravenclaws. When I went around that weekend to collect my grade update to send to my father, I wanted to cry when I saw my Potions average. It wasn't like I was failing, or anywhere near it, but the lowered grade could be a source of great unhappiness from my father.

My hands trembled slightly as I put my grades in the envelope and attached it to my owl. The next morning at breakfast, I recieved his response. I picked up the letter and took it to my dormitory and opened it.

Daughter,

You have found imperfection. It will not be tolerated. Know that you will be punished when Christmas break comes.

His words were painful. I didn't want to come home for Christmas, but I knew that any directions given by my father were to be followed. I went back down to the Great Hall to finish my breakfast. My stomach was upset and I couldn't eat a bite.

*

That night, I went to my dance room. I put the charm on the room to prevent any sound from leaking out. I played the song and my every action showed it.

I'm somewhere in between today and tomorrow,

Each and every thought brings me down,

I'm a girl who does nothing but follow,

I'm cold and I feel so close to the ground,

I stepped out from my beginning pose and I let my hair fall from my ponytail. I slowly fell to the floor as I the lyrics reached the word ground.

Suddenly, I looked into the mirror that covered half of the wall. The music continued to play, but I no longer danced. I stood up and walked toward the mirror. There was less than and inch between the mirror and my face. I looked directly at my face, so cold and pale. My grey eyes seemed to have more pepper black than salty white, making my whole eye seem colorless, simply all black. I realized how stupid I was, dancing, taking away from my studies to do something so pointless, when all I was meant to be was a simple wife. I was created to have children and take care of my husband. Intelligence was only a special addition that would make me stand out so that my husband would choose me.

I could see myself, standing in a line beside six or seven other young women. A man with cold, hard, expressionless eyes walked slowly down the line we had formed, stopping at each of us, judging our looks and attitudes. He also looked down at a folder to briefly read at each stop. When he came to me, I looked deeply into his eyes. I saw nothing but power, greed, money.

I came out of my dream and just started crying. I knew this would be my future. Any resistence would just cause me pain and I knew it from my years before Hogwarts. My tears came slowly and silently, but they never stopped. All through the night, I cried and I never stopped until I decided that I would need to go to class. But I didn't go to class that next day. I just stayed in that room. I had no friends, so no one came to look for me. Not even Mandy, who taught me about music.

Although my song had stopped many hours before, it still roared through my head, over and over again, telling me that I was alone, and that I would always be alone.