Therefore, I Dance

Chapter Two

I wanted to run away, to hide.

"I'm sorry sir," I said, knowing he would be upset.

"Yes, well... you did have this day off, but I would have preferred you to have stayed in your common room. The headmaster will know that you have found this room. He may close it," my professor said. I was sad at these words, but I gathered my things and went back to my common room to study, just as my father had told me to, countless times.

The next few days in Professor Snape's classroom were worrysome for me. I didn't know whether I would be in trouble or whether there would be any reaction at all.

However, Snape never mentioned it during his class. I don't think he knew how much power he held over me now. If he told my father, I would be brought home and punished until I could understand that I was not to stupidly twirl about the room like a child. I don't know whether he told Dumbledore or not, because I went back to the room to see if I could still get to it. I pulled on the handle of the door and it opened easily.

At least once a week, most of the time four or five times a week, and twice every weekend, I went to dance. I had few friends so they never noticed my disappearence, and if they did they assumed that I was in the library. I gave off such a work-work vibe to my teachers and fellow students that they assumed me to be perfect, and I wasn't. Even though I was only eleven, I knew that I would never be perfect, because perfection is an impossible dream. My father demanded it of me and my school expected it. But any dreams of perfection were taken away in my early childhood.

In the end of the year, we were suprised to know that our Defense Against the Dark Arts teacher was hiding You-Know-Who within himself. At the ending feast was when I noticed a certain boy. He was in First Year, like me, but he was somehow above us. He was different, he was amazing, he was Harry Potter, and he had fought against You-Know-Who. I wasn't exactly falling over him, but I was hoping to get a chance to meet him. I didn't have to courage to go talk to him at the final feast.

The next morning, I got on the train taking me back to my home, where my father hated me, where I was never liked, where I was not Lisa Turpin, where I was simply the girl who did whatever she was told. Through that next summer, I was taught how to properly do everything that a young rich man's wife was taught. My father hired a woman who taught me how to sit, how to eat, how to clean, how to speak, how to walk, how to dress, how to act, how to smile, and even, how to think. I thought of this time as a time of blankness for my mind, a time of doing whatever I was told.

I had no time to myself during the day. Every minute was carefully planned out for me and every night I was left alone in the dark, as tired and afraid as I could ever remember being. I recall thinking how unfair this was... how unright it was... but I never opposed. Fear was always working against me and my father knew it and used it well.

As my second year came along I studied harder and learned more spells and protected my room even more. Only once did someone find me there in that room, dancing.

"Lisa?" I turned around surpised. I had put a locking charm on this room to protect it, but then there was this girl, one of the smartest of my house, watching me.

"Lisa, I followed you and I wanted to know what you were doing and where you were going and...." she seemed embarrassed to have been here.

"It's all right Penelope," I said, acting more calm than* I really was. I put on a fake smile even though I was crying inside."Well, I guess you found my secret," I said.

Penelope Clearwater was a sixth year and a prefect and I was afraid that she would take points away from Ravenclaw because I was out of bed at night or send a letter to my father to let him know. I didn't want to start crying, but for some reason, I did, and it was like she didn't have to know why, she just came to me and gave me a hug, like a big sister. She felt sorry for me and I didn't want pity, I just wanted... I didn't know what I wanted... not this... just not this.

I looked at the mirror and saw myself, how pathtic and worthless I was, crying for reasons that I had delt with all my life.

I got up, leaving Penelope alone and confused and ran, ran as fast as I could to get to my dormitory. I didn't worry about getting caught out of bed by Filch or another teacher, I just ran. I didn't think anyone heard me or saw me.

The other girls in my dormitory were fast asleep and so when I slammed the door, they didn't wake up. I was thankful for that and when I got in my bed, I lied there crying. I fell asleep suddenly and in the morning I thought it was all a dream until I saw Penelope sitting in a chair near the exit to the common room. I knew she wanted to talk to me to see if everything was alright, but I decided that I didn't want to talk to her. I walked right past and when she called my name I ignored her and went on with my daily routine, out the door to get some breakfast and go to Transfiguration.