It's All Coming Back

It's All Coming Back To Me

Song by Celine Dion

Written by Amanda_Kay_C

There were nights when the wind was so cold

I pulled my cloak around myself and headed out for my next destination. I hoped it would be home, but I didn't plan on it. I had become as cold as the wind, as fragile as a delicate moment held up in one's memory, as hopeless as the parent who will never see his child, as free-falling as a leaf as it floats towards the Earth in a chilly August wind.

That my body froze in bed

If I just listened to it

Right outside the window

I hadn't had a bed in who-knows how long. I dreamed of sitting there with him. I loved the wind, it's sound, it's passion, never ending and moving on like nothing had ever happened. But I also knew that the wind could pull us apart, separate us, so that we might never be together again.

There were days when the sun was so cruel

I felt so alone every time the sun would fade to the other side of the world. Everything changed at that time. It was always so unfair, each time I was left without warmth while someone else felt its joy. I never realized my selfishness.

That all the tears turned to dust

And I just knew my eyes were

Drying up forever

I was tired of crying. It wasn't me. That was someone else. Someone more deserving. Tears were for the lucky ones, the ones who could express themselves in emotion while I was so left behind.

I finished crying in the instant that you left

As he stood there, I stopped my tears, as if nothing had ever happened. It was hard. I knew it would always be, to break away from the one you loved. I knew I loved him, but did he love me? Running away might not uphold my Gryffindor upbringing of bravery, but it would help me deside if he loved me. Besides, I had always thought that I belonged in Ravenclaw.

And I can't remember where or when or how

And I banished every memory you and I had ever made

I don't remember much, just how every time I thought of him, I thought that he didn't love me. Every memory had to be erased, every moment deleted. Then the wind would whisper and remind me of something he said, something he did.

But when you touch me like this

And you hold me like that

Thoughts would flood my mind and tell me to go home, but I refused. It was my choice to run away after all. Although, I didn't see it as running away, I was waiting, testing, seeing if he loved me.

I just have to admit

That it's all coming back to me

Then, his smile would come back and tell me that he did love me. Something would crawl up my skin, and I would be reminded.

When I touch you like this

And I hold you like that

I would dream that, I would touch him, just touch him and see that he did love me, and he wasn't hating me for what I had done. Hatrid is such a strong word, I never want to use it, but what I did was wrong, to me and him, and it might be the one thing to force he and I apart. Could such a small thought cause so much wrong? How can you tell? Every doubt constantly runs through my mind. Every thought holds no for-sure meaning.

It's so hard to believe but

He told me he would forgive me. I wasn't sure.

It's all coming back to me

(It's all coming back, it's all coming back to me now)

Then, when it never seemed possible that he could even be existing, it all came back to me, his face, his hands, his eyes, his compassion, his everything.

There were moments of gold

And there were flashes of light

I would see flashes of the things he did to show me he loved me and it would change everything. One instant, I would be walking down the streets during the night, alone and tired, and then the headlights of a car would lead me into a flash of us together near the fireplace that I had always wanted in my home.

There were things I'd never do again

But then they'd always seemed right

There were nights of endless pleasure

I knew there would never be moments of such blissful love again. It was always so perfect, so right. It was so gratifying, so full of pleasure. I would always be proven wrong and I would see that he did love me, but then the present would sneak behind me, lifting me from my dream into reality, into now, not then.

It was more than any laws allow

Baby Baby

I could imagine Ron's thoughts towards my madness for him. It would be against any morals or ideals. Then I would realize that I didn't need his laws. I was a rebel looking for a lost cause, love. Pure, innocent, unfair, painful, tearful love. It would always be like this. I knew.

If I kiss you like this

And if you whisper like that

We were together. We would be alone. It was my turn. I took it and embraced it.

It was lost long ago

But it's all coming back to me

My remembrances would be so fast and furious. It would push down upon me with such ease and then let go with so much difficulty. How could you hold on to something so long that would just drop in the end?

If you want me like this

And if you need me like that

If he really wanted me to come home, needed me to try to make it better, make it work, he would forgive me. He would wait for me. I have to test him. I have to wait.

It was dead long ago

But it's all coming back to me

My eyes would close, if only for instant, and I would remember. I was dead the instant I left, but my memories would push more life into it, making it more fair, more wonderful, more...

It's so hard to resist

And it's all coming back to me

It is so hard to push away, to battle, to duel against, those memories. They are now flooding my mind, driving me to a degree of madness and hopefully a loss of sanity, for I would not like to be seen in a condition of this sorts when in a full mind. My self would be lost.

I can barely recall

But it's all coming back to me now

But it's all coming back

My memories come back so much faster, so much clearer, never fading, always introducing some new fact. Those lost memories are all coming back to me. They're all coming back to me now.

Thought you were history with the slamming of the door

I recall him slamming the door of my hopes of marriage, love, and family, leaving me on the other side, defenseless against my feelings. I wanted tomorrow, he wanted now, and eventually never. Or did he? My doubts prove me wrong and right with any argument.

And I made myself so strong again somehow

And I never wasted any of my time on you since then

As I walked away I made myself come back stronger, wiser, more aware of myself and the possibilities of love, then I would believe myself to be out of that convalescent period of emotion. I would find another place to go, further away, until finally, I was decided. But I could never know I would ever decide.

If you forgive me all this

If I forgive you all that

We forgive and forget

We could forgive each other. He could forgive me, and I would forgive him. Would it work if we both forgot? Or would those just be mistakes, regrets, all over again.

And it's all coming back to me

When you see me like this

And when I see you like that

We depend on each other to promise...

We have to promise. Promises can't be broken, except by lies, deciet.

We see just what we want to see

I would see him as my hope, my love, and he would look past my faults and love me.

All coming back to me

The flesh and the fantasies

All coming back to me

I can barely recall but it's all coming back to me now

(It's all coming back to me now)

And when you kiss me like this

(It's all coming back to me now)

And when I touch you like that

(It's all coming back to me now)

If you do it like this

(It's all coming back to me now)

And if we...

He lived through his denial, while I loved through my acceptance. Such a difference created such a togetherness. Our existence is so powerless, yet so powerful in the same instant. My dreams brought me hope as I opened my communication link. Had he been as crazy as I?

I had to know.

"Harry Potter here," he said.

"Have you missed me?" I asked, hopeful.

"Hermione, I thought you left. I've been waiting."

"You've been waiting for me?"

"When are you coming back?" he countered my question with one of his own.

"Soon Harry. In your home?" I wanted to know where to meet him.

"No, in our home," he whispered. I breathed for the first time as a different person. Our home. We were together again.

"Expect me," I stuttered, thankful for every breath I took. "I'll be there soon, but later. Every step will be closer." Yes, I thought, every step will be closer.

"When you left, I started remembering," he said, his words creating me again.

"Remembering?" I asked.

"Yes, remembering you, the way you laughed, the way you talked, everything..." He seemed breathless. I couldn't blame him. So was I.

"When I realized that you had left, I started thinking. I tried to reason, I tried to find reasons that someone as brilliant as you would just disappear. Then it came to me." He stopped for a second. He sounded a little confused, as if he couldn't place his words. Then he spoke again. "It all came back to me, and ever since you left, it's been coming back to me," he said.

I smiled, the first time in such a while. "It's all coming back to me too," I said.

Some how, I recognized his smile through his voice.

"Just come back, alright?" I knew his worries were flying away, like ravens kept in a cage for too long, ready to join the safety of the dark trees once again.

"Every step I take will be closer." The quote now held so much meaning.

I didn't want to close the link, but I knew I had to.

"I'll be coming," I said.

"And I'll be waiting," he said, and just like the last time we spoke, I closed the link first.

I turned around and took my first step towards home. Imagine, I thought, Hermione Granger Potter. I smiled as I remembered him.

Yes, it's all coming back to me now.