Stammerer

Chapter Four

"There's a lot I will never do,

Some fantastic, I know it's true,

But not as much as my want to be with you."

Barenaked Ladies, "Some Fantastic"

Yawning ferociously on a bright Thursday morning, Zabini stepped into the shower. Blaise was not a morning person. Anyone who had witnessed him stumble into the Great Hall for breakfast would have been able to recognize that fact. His dorm-mates were all too aware of that fact. For not only was Blaise a non-morning person, Blaise was a vindictive non-morning person. If he was going to "bloody well be awake," so was everyone else within a 30-yard radius.

He squealed loudly when he realized the water was not quite warm enough yet. Ritual manly screaming accomplished (the opening act, don't you know), Blaise loosened up, rotating his shoulders, standing directly beneath the faucet head. Mentally rifling through his repertoire, Caroline appeared suddenly in his mind. He smirked as well as he was able to at such an early hour ("Seven o'clock?!?), and then began the slow, labor-intensive process of annoying the hell out of his fellow Slytherins.

"Now, who's that I see walking in these woods?" he asked himself seductively. "Why, it's Little Red Riding Hood!

Hey there Little Red Riding Hood,
You sure are looking good.
You're everything a big bad wolf could want.

Owwwwoooo!"

Blaise heard the loo door rattle and knew that that would be the first stages of annoyance, Draco lobbing his pillow at the door in an effort to get Zabini's attention.

"Little Red Riding Hood
I don't think little big girls should
Go walking in these spooky old woods alone.

What big eyes you have,
The kind of eyes that drive wolves mad.
So just to see that you don't get chased
I think I ought to walk with you for a ways."

"Fuck all, Zabini, shut up!!!" he heard a groggy Malfoy shout. But he ignored the plea, knowing that once you find something you're good at, you ought to just keep doing it. Can't let all that talent go to waste.

"What full lips you have.
They're sure to lure someone bad.
So until you get to grandma's place
I think you ought to walk with me and be safe.

I'm gonna keep my sheep suit on
Until I'm sure that you've been shown
That I can be trusted walking with you alone.
Owwwwoooooooo!"

"Fucking inconsiderate prick! Shut the hell up!" roared the pissed Malfoy.

"Seamus Finnigan?"

"Tiny. And rather prone to making things explode," responded Caroline, glancing at the boy in question.

"How about Dean?" asked Ginny, taking a bite of toast.

"Cute enough, and an artist, no less, but..."

"But what?"

"Deadly dull," declared Rosemary.

"Dean's so nice, though!" Ginny argued.

"'Nice' translating into 'deadly dull.'"

The Monthly Debate had begun, the one Colin couldn't participate in unless he suddenly became homosexual. Which he had asserted he sincerely doubted would occur. The discussion over the available, attractive men of Hogwarts, or rather, the lack thereof. They were either available, or attractive. Very few were both.

"Harry, then," continued Ginny.

"Oh, sure, if you're into arselessness. And no sudden movement or he will hex!" Caroline replied, chopping her banana into little pieces before skewering said pieces with a fork and eating them. Rosemary shook her head.

"I'll never understand why you eat bananas that way."

Caroline smiled mischievously. "Because it's dangerous the other way."

"Ew, gross," Ginny said succinctly.

Rosemary chuckled. "Enough Gryffindors," she went on, "Time for the Slytherins. Theodore Nott?"

Caroline shrugged. "Sure, if he'd put out."

"Ew, gross."

"Why is that gross?"

"Have you seen the way he eats?" Ginny made a disgusted face.

Rosemary rolled her eyes, but added, "Plus, he's a fire sign. Definitely not for you, darling. And next... I would ask Draco, but he's taken, so how about..."

A slight scuffle was heard at the entrance to the Great Hall and the girls turned their heads to see what was going on. It appeared that Ron Weasley and Harry Potter had been walking side by side out of the Hall while Blaise had been trying to go in and had found his way blocked by two sets of shoulders.

"Taking Gryffindor solidarity a bit far, I think," he muttered to himself as he was forced to go around the boys.

Potter and Weasley gave him sour looks, obviously contemplating whether they should take the matter further. Zabini ignored them entirely, heading straight toward the coffee at his table. Caroline snorted at his single-mindedness. The Gryffindors eventually shrugged and continued about their way.

Rosemary chuckled to herself. "Need I even ask this one?"

"Shut it," replied Caroline, returning to her banana.

"Would Caroline snog Blaise Zabini? Oh, wait, she already has!"

"Shut it."

"It wasn't entirely by choice," reminded Ginny, sticking up for her friend.

"Thank you."

"So then, what would she do if she had a choice?" pondered Rosemary, tapping her chin thoughtfully and grinning evilly at the Hufflepuff.

Across the Hall, Zabini glanced up from his mug, looking up just in time to see Caroline Hayes fling a bit of banana at Rosemary Flint. He smiled slyly. The girl was just too much fun to give up yet. Blaise quite looked forward to the next opportunity to kiss her, and he had a plan for just such an opportunity to arise.

"I don't suppose you know a way out of this."

"Don't you think if I did I would have done something by now? And, honestly, Hayes, if you wanted to get into my pants this badly all you had to do was say so."

"You bloody wanker! This is all your fault, and you know it!"

"Is it? Hmm. I must have blocked that bit out."

"How very convenient," commented Caroline, voice laden with sarcasm.

Blaise ignored her. "No, no, perhaps I didn't block it out; perhaps I was merely distracted by the softness pressed enticingly against my chest."

"Shut up."

"Actually, I do believe that was it."

He was referring, of course, to her cleavage.

They were well stuck... together. A variation on the body-binding charm, as far as Caroline could tell, only two bodies were bound together in her case, fronts smashed against one another, arms attached to arms, legs attached to legs so that if one person moved the other was forced to copy. And it had to have been Zabini. As if she hadn't gotten disturbingly close to the dark Slytherin prat already.

"All right, so let me get this straight: you were practicing your charms, in the middle of the hallway, I might add, when I happened to walk by and was somehow in hitting range and direction of your wand and now we find ourselves stuck together."

"That's fairly accurate, yes." Of course, she had left out the part where he had done this intentionally, but she didn't need to know that bit just yet. He certainly wasn't going to tell her that part.

She sighed heavily, her chest expanding, rubbing against his ever more so. Blaise strove to contain his grin. "And, as would be my luck, I can't reach my wand."

"Damn."

She narrowed her eyes suspiciously at him. "You're noticeably unconcerned, Zabini. Why is that? Don't you want to get unstuck?"

"Dearest darling Caroline, I can't think of anything else at the present moment."

That wasn't exactly a positive response, but after another thoughtful look, Caroline seemed to accept it. "What charm did you use, exactly?"

"Oh, it was quite advanced, all the way at the back of the textbook, right before the index and bibliography. There was a whole page dedicated to it and its counter-curse, as well as a great deal of warning about its misusage and the negative effects it could have. Pictures, too, diagrams of nasty, failed attempts that had happened in the past, but, as you can clearly see, I did not fail, which is something to be grateful for."

Hayes stared at him. "You don't remember the spell, do you?"

"Beyond the Latin and the contorted unfortunates, no."

"Fuck all!" exclaimed Caroline, thoroughly pissed voice resounding throughout the empty corridor. "What do you suggest we do, Zabini?!?"

"Well," Blaise began, pretending to be considering the matter carefully, as if he hadn't planned this all along, as if he hadn't been waiting for her to ask that exact question. "The book is in my dorm room, so we-"

"We couldn't possibly get all the way to the dungeons like this!"

"Sure we could, there's a hidden shortcut right behind that suit of armor over there, and it's not all that difficult to move, just a bit of coordination is all. Come on, sweetheart, do you want to get back to normal or not?"

She sighed again, and played right into his hands.

I'm gonna keep my sheep suit on
Until I'm sure that you've been shown
That I can be trusted walking with you alone.

Glancing around her, Caroline was not at all surprised to find a tastefully appointed room, formal and draped in yards of exquisite green silk and dark cherry furnishings.

"Where are you dorm mates?" she asked curiously, shuffling along, trying to keep her limbs steady with his longer strides.

Zabini shrugged nonchalantly, making Caroline's do the same. "Not here, obviously." Because he had told them to be elsewhere. But she didn't need to know that. "Here's the textbook," he added, switching the focus. Lifting his arm (and Caroline's), he flung it open, riffling through the pages until he had found the spell toward the back of the book. "Eureka! At last, I have discovered-"

"Spare me and perform the counter-curse," interrupted Caroline, not in the least amused.

Zabini pouted. "You're no fun."

"Cast the damn spell!"

"Fine, fine, impatient wench." He murmured the magical words, which he actually had known all along (not that she would find that out), and felt the spell slip off, Caroline's body moving away from his, a relieved breath escaping her. Which was when he lifted her around the waist and tossed her onto his bed.

She squealed. "What the hell are you doing?"

"Since we're here, you know," he replied, climbing on the bed himself, pulling Caroline toward him, "might as well take advantage."

"You bast-" His lips landing on hers effectively halted her maligning his heritage. She struggled a bit, but he was able to get her to relax, coaxing her mouth open. When he attempted to get her to lie down, however, she pulled back and glared at him.

"I wish you would stop doing that."

"Doing what? Thoroughly disarming you with my incredible good looks, sexy personality, and delicious kisses?"

She growled, shoving him away, and stormed out of the room, glaring back at him from the doorway.

He didn't seem offended, a satisfied smile on his face. "You really are adorable when you're angry."

She screamed in frustration, turning on her heel and departing. Only, that scream of frustration turned into a scream of surprise, and Blaise jumped to his feet, rushing to the stairwell to see what was wrong.

"Otis?!?" Hayes cried, one hand pressed to her heart, eyes startled, staring at the odd feline sitting on the step below her, gazing at her with its bright blue eyes. "What are you doing here?"

Zabini watched the cat, shocked himself that it had gotten into the Slytherin dungeons, wondering if it had followed them down. The cat turned its eyes upon Blaise, an unreadable look in them, tail swishing slowly back and forth.

"May I kick it?"

"No, of course not," replied Caroline hotly, though she seemed a little unsure of the cat herself. She bent down, picking it up and carrying it in her arms. "Come on, Otis, let's go back to my dorm."

The Slytherin dungeons were normally quite chilly and damp, but Blaise didn't think the shiver that ran down his back was from the air around him.