If Only I Were Ignorant

I want to say that I didn't know. I want to say that if I did know I would never have gone with him. The only problem is I did know. I knew everything. I knew it was wrong. Everything he did was wrong, evil even, but that just made everything feel even better. I want to say I'm ashamed, but I'm not. That will always be the period of my life where I felt the most alive...

I woke up to just another day; work in an hour and a break in six. I used to love my job but for the last three years or so it just became so monotonous. Everyday, same people, same orders, same tables. Even if the regulars ordered something different for a change a thousand others had ordered it before and a thousand more would order it after so how was I supposed to feel anything less than disappointed?

I wanted a change so desperately I was willing to pursue any flittering passion that came my way. I tired playing the flute for a while, turns out they annoy me. I tried poetry but I had no one to share it with. Well, I shouldn't say 'no one'. I have friends but habits I hadn't noticed in them before started to pop up and irk me. Not to mention that their lives were going exactly how they wanted.

Martha had two kids with a third on the way and a wonderful husband, who I wish I hadn't dumped in my fourth year for that Ravenclaw boy. What was his name again? James Harrison! We had so little in common but he was so cute. What a fool I was. Kevin had just proposed to some dragon trainer. I barely ever saw him. His letters were entertaining though. Lucy would prattle on and on about whatever had her attention at the moment. I didn't even try to remember every boy toy's name anymore I just listened for a new one. She's probably been with most of the male staff at St. Mungo's. And Elliot, oh Elliot, we dated on and off for three years, broke each other's heart each time we broke up. We finally decided we weren't meant to be. We're still friends, at least we were at the time, and contentedly so, but I harbored a bit of hatred for every girl he dated. They were never good enough. I never said anything and he seemed content.

The last time we all got together, except Kevin of course, I left early saying I had too much to drink then went home and cried. What's the point of graduating from a prestigious school if it doesn't get you anywhere? I could have dropped out of Hogwarts to become a waitress in my fifth year if that was what I wanted! Anyway, only books were able to drag me out of my depression for a significant period of time and even books have to end eventually.

It wasn't until that Saturday, that beautiful miraculous Saturday, that my despair finally flew away faster than a scared Snidget. It wasn't until I saw him. I will never forget him. The Dementors can't take that away from me no matter how hard they try.

Anyway, I'll stop crying and tell you all what happened. I'll tell you all how I fell for arguably one of the worst Death Eaters history will ever see.