A Kiss Can Mean a lot of Things

They were sitting on the bed, faces slightly too close to be comfortable. Remus was trembling while Sirius remained completely still. This can't be happening, Remus thought, Sirius likes girls. But somehow Remus couldn't stop himself from moving closer to Sirius. Heads almost touching now, Remus could've counted Sirius' individual eyelashes if he hadn't been so transfixed by those unreadable black eyes, staring at him.

Hell, Remus thought, there's no turning back now. Slowly, carefully, he brought his lips to Sirius'. He kissed him lightly, gently feeling the contours of Sirius perfect lips, scared that any sudden movement would break the spell.

They stayed still, held in that moment and then Remus felt Sirius tentatively kiss him back, ever so softly. Remus brought his hand to Sirius' face, tenderly stroking his jet-black hair in the way his hands had been aching to do since their fourth year. He heard a sigh of pleasure escape from Sirius and, encouraged, Remus delicately tried to use his tongue to part Sirius' lips.

But the fantasy shattered.

'Moony, what the fuck are you doing?' Sirius growled, sharply pulling back and looking at his friend in shock.

Remus struggled for words, feeling as though the air had just been punched out of him. 'I...'

Sirius was trembling and breathing hard. Needing to lash out at something he pointlessly grabbed one of the multitudes of books that lay on Remus' bed and hurled it at the door. The book made a sickening crunch as it slammed against the wood, before falling silently to the floor.

Silence settled on the room and, both too shocked to move, they were in stalemate. Still sitting so closely, that Remus could feel Sirius' heavy breathing on his cheek.

After what seemed like an endless time of waiting for the other to speak, Sirius got up quickly.

'Padfoot...' Remus grabbed Sirius' hand, trying to make him stay.

'Don't,' Sirius warned, his voice shaking and Remus let go. He watched Sirius leave. His face a mixture of forlorn confusion as the dark figure slammed the door in his wake.

Remus stared at the door, unable to understand what had happened. He half expected Sirius to return, swearing and yelling, explaining himself, but after ten minutes of silence he knew that Sirius wasn't coming back. Remus got up slowly and walked to the window. Pressing his hot, flushed cheeks against the cool condensation on the glass, he closed his eyes, trying to wish it all away.

Sirius almost ran down the staircase, trying to get away from that room, that bed, as fast as possible. He found the Gryffindor common room empty, apart from a girl.

Vanessa Lockhart lay sleeping on her Defense against the Dark Arts textbook. It was midnight and she had obviously been cramming for her end of year tests. Sirius stopped, and, tilting his head to one side, considered her sleeping form. Vanessa Lockhart was pretty enough; her pert little face resting on the book and her blonde hair spilling over the pages. She would do, he decided coldly.

'Hey wake up,' Sirius whispered, gently shaking Vanessa's shoulders.

'Donwannagouhschool,' Vanessa mumbled into the book as she turned, trying to shake Sirius off.

'Unfortunately that ship's already sailed,' Sirius informed her, grinning as she opened her eyes blearily.

Vanessa removed her head from the book with a groan.

'What ship?' she yawned, stretching to reveal a smooth, flat stomach. Yes, Sirius thought, settling himself into a chair opposite the sofa. She would do nicely.

'Never mind,' he said, smiling his most charming smile. James called it his crocodile smile. His crocodile smile for catching little fishies.

****

Entering the dormitory, James was greeted by the sight of Remus, who looked as though he were trying to push his head through the paned glass in the window.

'Moony, you okay?' he asked, smirking slightly.

Remus sighed, but made no reply.

'Mate, if you're contemplating on jumping, you know you should probably open the window first, right?'

Pulling himself together, Remus half-heartedly tugged at the window's handle and forced a smile on his face before turning to face his best friend. 'Damn,' he joked unconvincingly, 'my plan of self-destruction foiled by a window that can't open.'

James looked closely at Remus, brow furrowed. 'You could take a run at it from the other side of the room,' he suggested helpfully. 'I'm sure the impact would break it.'

Don't tempt me, thought Remus, though he merely laughed.

James noticed the strained laugh and observing the crumpled book on the floor - (to Remus' relief) - came to the wrong conclusion.

'Listen if you're worried about Defense against the Dark arts tomorrow, don't,' he said simply. 'You'll do fine. Hell, you even give Padfoot a run for his money in that class.' James walked across the room and threw himself down onto his bed, yawning happily. 'Speaking of the idiot, where is he? I thought he said he was going to get an early night.'

'He went out,' Remus said, the frozen smile still in place.

'One of his fishies?' James enquired.

Remus wishing that James would discuss any topic other than Sirius' girlfriends, shrugged, not trusting himself to speak.

'Well he better get back soon because I have a colossal victory to report.'

Lying on his back, James stared up at the ceiling contemplatively. His eyes took on a wistful, slightly glazed over expression that Remus knew would soon be followed by -

'I walked past her today.' There was no need to ask who he was talking about. There had only ever been one girl on James' mind.

'Lily?'

'Yeah,' James sighed. 'I said excuse me and she moved out of the way and let me pass, didn't hit me or yell at me, not even an insult, my friend.'

'Great,' Remus mumbled, his mind drifting from his friend's Evans-babble.

'Wait, there's more,' James declared. 'I was so encouraged by this conversation - '

'It's not a conversation if you're the only person talking Prongs.'

'I was so encouraged by this conversation,' James went on determinedly, 'that, after gathering my substantial courage in Professor Binn's class, I magnanimously offered my services as a tutor of Astronomy - she's having trouble in that class you see. And, drum roll please...'

Remus raised his eyebrows.

'Fine,' James sighed. 'Guess what she said?'

'That she'd rather fail Astronomy,' Remus guessed wearily. 'Or -' he added with a smirk, '- even strip naked and have an orgy in the astronomy tower with Professor Aspel?'

There was a pause as both Remus and James tried to shake off the sudden disturbing image of a naked Lily with her fat astronomy teacher.

'No Moony.' James was the first to get over the awkward moment. 'Her answer was only one word long.'

'No?'

'Yes,' James declared.

'Yes, she said no?'

James rolled his eyes, annoyed that Remus was being so slow. 'No Moony, she said yes.'

Remus looked surprised, but James, unhappy with such a mute response raised his eyebrows expectantly. 'Impressive, yes?' he asked.

'Yeah, she must be really desperate to pass Astronomy,' Remus muttered.

'Sorry, didn't quite hear that,' James said, casually bringing his wand out from his pocket and idly twirling it between his fingers.

'I said, she must really like you mate,' Remus supplied loyally.

'That's exactly the same conclusion I came to my friend,' James said, smiling as he replaced his wand.

'Prongs, I do see a slight problem in your little plan though.'

'My plan is flawless. But by all means Moony, try and combat my genius,' James allowed generously, leaning back on his pillows in a smug manner.

'Well, you don't take Astronomy,' Remus pointed out.

'Moony, Moony.' James disappointedly shook his head. 'Do you know why you haven't got a girlfriend?'

Because I like guys.

'No why?' Remus asked.

'You don't see things in the same way I do. You're just too pessimistic.'

'Prongs, you haven't had a girlfriend in two years. In fact you still don't have a girlfriend,' Remus reminded him, slightly exasperated.

'Let's take for example my wonderful genius at setting up this date,' James continued, unruffled. 'You see a tiny problem such as my knowledge of Astronomy or lack thereof and you blow it out of all proportions. I, on the other hand,' James said breezily, 'trust to fate and see only me, my little Lily Evans and the stars.' Closing his eyes, James started to hum softly to himself.

Remus, partly to stop James' toneless humming and partly because of the annoying smug smile on his lips, thought that it was time for a reality check.

'Prongs how many times have you asked Lily Evans out, excluding tonight?'

'Three hundred and fifty seven and a half,' James said instantaneously, keeping his eyes closed.

'A half?'

'You don't want to know,' James said darkly.

'Okay, but she's said no three hundred and fifty seven and a half times?'

'What's your point?'

'I don't think fate's on your side Prongs.'

****

'What do you mean?' he cried accusingly.

'Sirius we have been talking for over an hour,' Vanessa stated, looking amused. 'It is the middle of night and we have an extremely important test tomorrow. Why else would you be talking to me?'

'I am hurt that you mistrust my motives,' Sirius said, adopting a wounded manner.

'So you're saying that in the middle of the night you just woke up and thought, "Hey I think I might go down to the common room and make a new friend."'

'Amazing,' Sirius said, flabbergasted. 'Do you know that's exactly what I thought? It's like we're mentally connected somehow.' He sighed wondrously at Vanessa, who tried hard not to smile.

'Truth, now please,' she demanded.

'Fine,' he sighed, 'but you're not going to like it. It's very ugly.'

'I think I'll manage.'

'I had a fight with Moony.' Sirius tried to keep his voice nonchalant, though the muscles in his face tightened and his eyes looked upset.

'Big fight?' Vanessa asked, noticing the sudden change.

Sirius shrugged. Then, seeing her concerned look, made a face and laughed.

'So,' he continued breezily, 'I had to get out of the dormitory. I found you here and thought I'd bother you a bit. I mean,' he added grinning, 'there are worse ways to spend a night.'

'Flattering,' Vanessa commented wryly.

'What's your excuse?' he asked.

'Studying,' she grimaced, making a nasty face at her Defense against the Dark Arts book.

'Oh,' Sirius said grinning, 'you call sleeping on a book studying.' He quickly dodged a punch from perfectly pink, manicured nails.

'Vanessa, by your standards I must be one of the hardest working students at Hogwarts. I constantly fall asleep at my desk in class. Hey,' Sirius stopped as if suddenly struck by an epiphany, 'maybe that's why I'm so smart.'

Vanessa rolled her eyes.

'No listen, the knowledge in the books diffuses in to my head while I'm asleep,' Sirius explained earnestly. 'That's why I'm so brilliant.'

Vanessa, trying hard not to laugh, put her arm over Sirius' shoulder. 'You know with all that knowledge filling your brain, it's pretty impressive that you're not at all arrogant or big-headed.'

Sirius smiled as Vanessa's arm continued to rest on his shoulder. 'It is pretty impressive actually,' he murmured to himself.

****

It was now silent in the dormitory and Remus was alone, staring blankly at his books. After waiting ever-so-patiently for Sirius' return for forty-five minutes, James had left again with the invisibility cloak to go and research N.E.W.T. level astronomy. Just to make sure his flawless plan had no flaws.

Not wishing to be left with his thoughts, Remus was very glad to see Peter burst into their dormitory.

'Hey mate,' Remus said yawning, 'I haven't seen you all day.'

'That's right you haven't seen me all day!' Peter yelled. 'Do you want to know why you haven't seen me all day? Why I wasn't in the great hall for lunch or dinner? Or maybe why I wasn't in potions or any of the other three classes that we shared today?'

Remus, wondering if all his friends were completely insane, humored him. 'Sure.'

At Remus' calm reply Peter seemed to swell like a bull frog before bursting with, 'BECAUSE I HAVE BEEN LOCKED IN A SUPPLY CLOSET SINCE 8 O'CLOCK THIS MORNING! DO YOU KNOW WHAT TIME IT IS NOW?'

'Two in the morning,' Remus informed him, slightly shocked.

'YES, TWO IN THE FUCKING MORNING MOONY! WHICH MEANS I HAVE BEEN IN THAT STINKING CUPBOARD FOR SIXTEEN HOURS!' There was a pause as Peter made an obvious effort to calm himself.

Remus couldn't help himself. 'Actually mate, I think it's eighteen.'

'Eighteen what?' Peter asked in dangerous voice.

'Hours.'

Peter threw Remus such a poisonous look that - if the world were fair - would have killed him on the spot.

'I was gone for eighteen hours and my best friends didn't even notice I was gone,' Peter cried, seeming to address a third party in the room. 'That's friendship for you!'

'Sorry mate,' Remus said apologetically, though still unable to hide a slight smile.

'I mean,' Peter continued, 'didn't you notice I wasn't there in potions, Moony? We share a cauldron for fuck's sake! And afterwards when you were walking back through the dungeons, less than ten meters from the closet where I was trapped, didn't you notice that there was rather a lot of banging going on?'

'I did actually,' Remus defended himself. 'I thought it was Peeves playing with the water pipes.'

'THERE AREN'T ANY WATER PIPES IN THE DUNGEONS!' Peter yelled, unable to contain himself any longer.

'To be honest I didn't think about that much,' Remus admitted.

'WELL NEXT TIME MAYBE YOU SHOULD,' Peter bellowed.

Remus couldn't help smirking. 'Planning on going in there for some more quality time, are we?'

Peter just scowled and started to change his clothes, which smelled quite a bit after his day in captivity.

'Wormtail, what were you...er ... doing in a cupboard?' Remus asked a few moments later, his curiosity getting the better of his wiser self.

'I am glad that you asked,' Peter glowered. 'I was walking to potions this morning; you know potions don't you Moony? One of the three classes that we shared today?' Peter paused to throw another petulant look at Remus. 'I came across Snivellus lounging against one of the doors to a supply closet. So I naturally asked what he was doing there. He said that he'd managed to lock Prongs in the closet and was making sure he couldn't get out.'

'And you actually believed him?' Remus scoffed.

Peter glared at Remus. 'Listen Moony, one more jibe and that's it. I am a man on the edge.'

'Okay,' Remus said, trying desperately to straighten his face. 'I apologise, please go on with your story.'

'Well,' Peter started, 'I was obviously concerned when I heard Prongs was in the closet. So I drew out my wand and told Snivellus to 'step aside' - you know in that really low, menacing voice I can do.'

Remus who had been nodding encouragingly, couldn't help but let out a strangled cry at Peter's last words. Remus had heard Peter's 'low, menacing voice' before and knew from experience that it sounded less threatening than a dying goat.

Peter, with the air of a martyr, ignored his friend and continued. 'Anyway, he was obviously scared as he stepped aside immediately. So I walked to the door and opened it using that really difficult Alohomora charm that I can do.' Remus snorted at the last boast and Peter scowled.

'Do you want to hear the story or not?' he demanded.

'Yes,' Remus said in a repentant tone. 'I'm sorry Wormtail do go on, please.'

'Because one more interruption and I stop, got it?'

'I understand.'

'That was an interruption!'

'Wormtail, I'm beginning to think this story isn't worth all of this, just carry on for Christ's sake!'

'Where was I?' Peter asked a little sheepishly. Remus groaned and threw a pillow at him.

'Oh wait, yes, I remember. I had just opened the cupboard, but it was dark inside and I couldn't see Prongs. So I stepped inside, to try and find him. And that's when, BAM! The door slammed shut behind me. Anyway, I tried the Alohomora charm again but this time it didn't work, and so I was stuck.' Peter concluded.

'So how did you finally escape?' Remus asked, trying very hard not to surrender to fits of laughter.

'That's the worst of it,' Peter whined. 'Filch and that stupid cat of his found me in the cupboard and he thought that I was trying to steal cleaning supplies. So now I've got two weeks worth of detentions after my end of years.' Peter huffed his way over to his bed, and sat down so abruptly that the springs groaned loudly before shuddering to a halt. Peter gave the bed a concerned look, before producing his own groan and flopping, face first, onto his bed, head deep in his fluffy pillows.

'Wormtail, can I give you a bit of advice?' Remus asked, now having calmed himself down so that he could talk without feeling as though his sides would split with laughter.

'Shoot,' Peter said, his voice muffled by the pillows.

'Don't ever tell Padfoot and Prongs about your little closet fiasco. They would never let it die. If they ask, just say you spent the day in Hogsmeade because you were tired of the N.E.W.T.s and that you were caught by Filch sneaking back in.'

Peter looked up at Moony. 'Good idea,' he agreed, before burrowing his head back in the pillows.

****

Three hours (and many, many chocolate frogs) later, Sirius and Vanessa were cuddling on the sofa, flirting shamelessly with each other. This rapid wooing of girls was nothing new for Sirius. After one Christmas party James had drunkenly pointed out that Sirius could seduce a girl in the time it took for a guy to go to the toilet, and have the girl head-over-heels in love by the time they'd finished washing their hands.

After victoriously throwing the last chocolate frog wrapper onto the table in front of them Sirius' seducee made an attempt to move.

'I should go back to the dormitory,' she said regretfully, loosening Sirius' grip around her waist.

'It's because we've run out of chocolate isn't it?' Sirius said, suspiciously eyeing the last empty wrapper. 'You were just using me for the food. The old 'I-fell-asleep-studying-so-would-you-be-a-dear-and-get-me-a-chocolate-frog' routine, hmm?'

Vanessa, who was trying to standing up, laughed. 'No, it's because we've got an important exam tomorrow,' she reminded him, 'and I should...'

'Stay with me. I agree completely,' Sirius interjected, pulling her back onto the sofa with him. 'I've got lots of tricks up my sleeves that'll make you ace that exam,' Sirius said earnestly whilst tickling her mercilessly.

'No, I've been warned about you and your tricks,' Vanessa giggled, extracting herself from Sirius' hold. 'I think it would be best if we both went to bed,' she decided.

'Together?' Sirius grinned. 'Great idea. Yours or mine?'

'If you can manage the girl's trick staircase be my guest.'

'Actually, I was always told a gentleman always took a girl to his place.'

'Sirius,' Vanessa complained, trying to decide whether she was charmed or annoyed.

'Vanessa,' he pleaded, running his hand lightly up her arm.

'No.' She pushed his hand away. 'I'm going to go to bed now,' she decided resolutely, 'and, I'm asking you to do the same thing.'

'Well, I can't refuse a pretty girl,' Sirius admitted, holding his hands up in defeat.

Vanessa blushed slightly, and Sirius went in for the kill.

'Goodnight,' Vanessa said turning to leave.

Sirius quickly caught her arm and pulled her back to him. 'Goodnight kiss?' he suggested. Vanessa mock-sighed dramatically.

'Oh all right,' she agreed. 'But just a small one.'

****

Remus looked at his watch for what must have been the hundredth time that night. It was 4.00am.

Sirius hadn't come back yet.

James had returned half-an-hour ago, crest-fallen in the realisation that he couldn't learn the whole N.E.W.T. Astronomy course in a weekend. But after loudly complaining that even the stars were out to get him, he was now asleep muttering about what sounded like 'Cepheid variables....no Pulsars.' Peter was also asleep and snoring loudly, completely exhausted from his traumatic day in the cupboard.

Remus however was wide-awake, still thinking about Sirius.

Did I do something wrong? he wondered, the memory of the kiss continuously circling round in his head. Am I such a bad kisser that I scared him away for good?

Remus, remembering the kiss, had thought that Sirius had liked it just as much as he had. And God, had Remus liked it. Fantasizing about a guy and then finally kissing him was... well it was fucking great. The people in books who talked about violins and fireworks didn't know what they were on about.

When Remus had kissed Sirius it was just the two of them. Forget the violins or fireworks, a rhino could have crashed into the room and Remus wouldn't have noticed. All Remus remembered was the feel of Sirius' lips and the taste of him. His Sirius Black, the jealous part of him added, trying to fend off the thought of the other girl that James had seen Sirius making out with.

When James had returned from the library and said knowingly that he didn't think they'd be seeing Padfoot until the morning, Remus had felt a physical pain in his chest.

I'm such a loser, he thought, remembering with a sinking stomach the disgusted look Sirius had given him as he left. He can barely stand me now.

****

'Mmmm,' Sirius sighed, as he ran his hands under Vanessa's top.

Ten minutes later and the 'small' kiss hadn't turned out to be small. Neither of them had really expected it to. One small gentlemanly peck on the cheek had quickly been followed by a second, in Sirius' opinion much more satisfactory, kiss. The third had found them on the sofa, making out.

Sirius kissed Vanessa harder, almost biting her in his frenzy to forget what had happened earlier. She in turn met fire with fire and with a little moan of lust tried to take off his shirt. Sirius helped her eagerly. This was how it was meant to be, he thought, slightly reassured. This was comfortable and right. Not that he had anything against homosexuals, it was just he wasn't one of them. He liked girls.

Deepening his kisses, he tried to convince himself that what had happened with Remus had just been an experiment, a disastrous experiment. But somehow, even with Vanessa in his arms, he still couldn't seem to let it go.

Sirius felt uncomfortable just remembering the way it had felt, but that didn't seem to stop him from seeing Remus in his mind. His tawny eyes staring at Sirius in disapproval.

Sirius shook his head, trying to clear the image, but Remus seemed to fill his senses until -

'Sirius.' Vanessa was looking up at him, concerned.

'Sorry, what?' Sirius asked confused.

Vanessa laughed. 'You stopped kissing me. Are you tired?' she teased him sweetly. 'Need a time out?'

Sirius looked down at her and smiled, ready to continue. Then he did a double take and for the first time really looked at the girl he'd spent the last four hours with. She had blue, pale, watery eyes and a slightly turned up nose that gave her a pert look. She was good looking, he knew that. But, all of a sudden, he wished that he were anywhere other than making out with this pretty blonde. Feeling as though he'd just woken up from a dream, he was disgusted. What the hell was he trying to do? Sharply he pulled away and sat up, breathing heavily.

Vanessa's smile faltered. 'Sirius, what's wrong?'

Sirius shook his head, unable to answer.