Black Is The Colour

Chapter 2 - A Loss of Control

Breakfast was an entertaining affair. Sirius sat next to Remus and nearly choked on his bacon when he felt a roaming hand on his thigh not long into the meal. He recovered quickly, despite a quizzical look from James, and switched his fork to his other hand so he could reach down and clasp Remus' fingers under the table. A few stolen glances soon had them both sniggering, to the bemusement of James and Peter, sitting opposite.

When Sirius slipped off one of his shoes to slide his foot up Remus' trouser leg, causing the other boy to yelp in surprise, James finally demanded, "What's with you two this morning? Has someone slipped some kind of crazy potion into the ketchup?"

Sirius exchanged another glance with Remus, but neither replied. James merely rolled his eyes at them and went back to his breakfast. It wouldn't be long, though, Sirius thought, before James figured out what was going on, particularly if he and Remus were unable to control themselves.

Soon it was time to take the coaches to Hogsmeade and, before they knew it, they were boarding the Hogwarts Express, bound for London. The journey was long, but Sirius wished it could have been longer. In between games of Exploding Snap and swapping cards from Chocolate Frogs, he stored up memories of Remus' eyes and smile, and the way his elegant fingers shuffled the pack, all the time wondering why it had taken him so long to realise how beautiful Remus was.

All too soon, the train was pulling into the station and it was time to say goodbye. Peter gave a rueful wave as his parents dragged him off, his mother haranguing him over the state of his clothes as they went. Remus' mum and dad were waiting anxiously at the end of the platform, rushing forwards to meet him as soon as they saw him.

"Send me an owl to let me know when we can meet up," he called to James. He cast a long look over his shoulder at Sirius, and then he was gone.

Sirius looked around the station, but didn't see anyone who might be waiting for him - he wasn't surprised. Then he spotted Mr and Mrs Potter making their way over, and he smiled a greeting. He had always got on very well with James' parents; they were friendly and caring, and treated him almost like a second son.

"Hello, Sirius," Mr Potter said warmly. "Had a good term?"

"Yes, thanks," he replied.

Mrs Potter glanced around. "Isn't anybody here to meet you?" she asked. At his shrug, she offered, "We can see you home if you like."

"It's alright," Sirius assured her. "I don't want to take you out of your way. I can get the Knight Bus. I'll be fine."

"If you're sure," she answered, then turned to give James a hug. "We'll see you soon, I hope, Sirius," she continued. "You know you're always welcome any time."

Sirius smiled his thanks, grateful for her concern but pleased at her respect for his independence in not insisting he go with them. He said goodbye to James and watched the Potter family make their way to the magic gateway. Once they were gone, he heaved his trunk onto a trolley and wheeled it over to a different exit that led out into a secluded back alley. It wasn't possible to hail the Knight Bus outside the main entrance to the station as there were far too many Muggles about, but Sirius was well aware of the correct procedure. This wasn't the first time he'd been left to find his own way home. He halted the trolley at the side of the road and stuck out his wand.

Almost instantly, a triple-decker purple bus materialised at the kerb, screeching to a halt with a displacement of air that blew Sirius' hair back from his forehead. The doors opened creakily and a portly man in a conductor's uniform leaned out.

"Where to, young sir?" he asked.

"Number Twelve, Grimmauld Place, please," Sirius told him, manhandling his cumbersome trunk up the steps and onto the bus. Bending down, he grasped the handle of a small door behind the driver's seat, called out, "Sirius Black," and pulled the door open to reveal a storage space. He shoved the trunk inside, closed the door firmly and then turned to the conductor. Fumbling in his pocket for some change, he eventually pulled out enough coins to pay the fare, and handed them to the waiting conductor.

The man smiled at him and said, "Welcome to the Knight Bus, Mr Black. Please take a seat."

Sirius did as he was told, selecting a seat near the back of the bus where he could look out of the window. A few seconds later, the bus gave a lurch and the streets of a town Sirius didn't recognise started whizzing past at an alarming rate. Before too long, the bus came to a sudden halt, throwing Sirius forwards into the seat in front of him.

"Kings Arms, Newcastle Upon Tyne!" the conductor called out and an elderly wizard in olive green robes got up. He made his way to the door behind the driver's seat, grabbed the handle and said clearly, "Jebediah Rollingrock." Then he opened the door, pulled out two battered suitcases and clambered off the bus, calling out his thanks as he went. Then they were off again.

Sirius wondered how many more stops they would have to make before it was his turn. His desire to get off the uncomfortable bus warred with his lack of enthusiasm for getting home, and he wished he could have directed the conductor somewhere else. But he had nowhere else to go, so home was his only choice.

Several more wizards and witches were dropped off and picked up at places all over the country, until the conductor suddenly called out Grimmauld Place. Sirius scrambled to the front of the bus, retrieved his trunk and, before he knew it, he was standing outside his house. Taking a deep breath, he reached up and opened the door.

The hallway was dark and uninviting, but Sirius didn't need a light to find his way. He dumped his trunk at the bottom of the stairs and went to the sitting room. His mother looked up at his entrance.

"Oh, it's you," she said with a total lack of interest, turning her attention back to the book in her lap.

The dismissal hit Sirius like a physical blow. He immediately berated himself for his idiocy; every single time he came home, it was the same, and yet, every single time, he entered the house with an insane hope that maybe this time it would be different. Maybe this time his mother would show some pleasure at his homecoming, or even simply acknowledge him with more than simple indifference. And every single time, he was disappointed. He didn't know why he continued to set himself up to be hurt, and he was determined not to let her see he was affected.

"Yes, mother, it's me," he said brightly, then continued with heavy sarcasm, "thank you so much for coming to meet me at the station."

She didn't look up. "I didn't think you were coming back until next week."

Sirius sighed inwardly, unsurprised. "No, mother, that's Regulus. His term finishes a week later than mine."

Now she did glance up at him, contempt in her eyes. "Ah, yes," she said, "they work the pupils much harder at Durmstrang, don't they? Not like the soft-headed Mudblood-lovers at your school."

Sirius felt his anger rising, but he fought to keep it under control, knowing that arguing with his mother would be utterly fruitless. "Is father not at home?" he asked.

"No, he's away on business until tomorrow," came the reply. "So," his mother continued, "I haven't heard any bad reports of your behaviour this term. Is there anything I should be aware of?"

Sirius knew she wasn't really interested; she just wanted to check that none of her friends would have any ammunition against her from their children passing on information about him. Suddenly, he felt a tremendous urge to share his all-important news. He knew nothing good could come of it, but he couldn't help himself - he had to tell someone, and she was the only one there.

"Actually, yes," he announced, unable to keep a smile from his face. "I'm in love."

This time, her attention was fully caught, and she stared at him for a moment in disbelief. Then she gave a snort of laughter. "Love is for the weak," she said. "It makes you vulnerable, easy to manipulate." Then a thought obviously crossed her mind. "I hope whoever you've latched yourself onto is of a family worthy to be associated with a Black."

Now that he had opened the topic, Sirius found himself unwilling to back down, no matter how much what he said might provoke his mother. "Actually, the mother of the person in question is a Muggle," he revealed.

His mother's expression grew stormy and she rose slowly from her chair. "A Muggle?" she intoned, her voice icy. "My son dating a Mudblood? Impossible! Who is this girl?" she demanded.

It had gone too far now for Sirius not to finish it. He kept his tone carefully neutral, though he felt his heartbeat speeding up in anticipation of the effect of what he was about to say. "He's a boy. That's right," he continued as his mother's mouth dropped open, "your son is a Mudblood-loving queer."

Without warning, she advanced on him and slapped him hard across the face. Then she grabbed his lapels and shoved him roughly backwards towards the door.

"How dare you bring such depravity into this house!" she shrieked. "Get out!"

Sirius staggered back a couple of steps, then stopped and stared at his mother in stunned horror.

"Get out of my house!" she repeated, at his hesitation.

Anger took over from shock; Sirius spun on his heel and stalked back out in the hallway. His trunk was still where he'd left it, so he picked up one end and dragged it back out into the street. His first thought was to go to Remus, but he dismissed that immediately as impossible. The reasons why he couldn't visit Remus in the holidays applied doubly to him randomly turning up on the doorstep late at night. His next option was eminently more sensible - the Potters.

For the second time that evening, Sirius stepped up to the kerb and stuck out his wand. The Knight Bus appeared exactly as before, the doors opening to reveal the now familiar conductor.

He peered out at Sirius and exclaimed, "Here now, didn't we just drop you off?"

"Yes," Sirius replied exasperatedly, heaving his trunk up the steps onto the bus, "and now I need to get back on again."

The conductor stepped out of his way, waited while he stowed his luggage, then accepted his fare and destination without comment. Then Sirius trudged to the back of the bus and slumped down into a seat. The bus was back on its way in no time.

It was much more crowded than it had been earlier, so Sirius knew he was in for a long ride. His face was stinging and he reached up to feel the heat of his cheek where his mother's blow had landed. His mind was still reeling over what had happened; he had known telling his mother about Remus would make her angry, but he had never imagined she would throw him out of the house entirely. And in all the years he had deliberately provoked her, she had never once raised a hand to actually strike him before. Still, it was the rejection rather than the physical blow that really hurt the most.

Sirius mentally shook himself out of impending depression; why should he care if his mother didn't want him any more? He would be perfectly alright on his own. He decided then and there that, even if she begged him to come back (unlikely as that was), he would refuse. He didn't like having to impose on the Potters, but he knew they wouldn't mind putting him up at least for a few days, and that would give him more time to formulate a plan for the rest of the holidays.

* * * * *