Snape's Heart

Chapter Nineteen

(Never Say Goodbye)

Rose grew and thrived on her parents' love during those first few weeks. September 1^st got closer and closer, until it was time for everyone to return to Hogwarts. Julia was excited to be returning to her work. She had been getting herself back into her pre-pregnancy form as soon as her body had healed.

Julia decided to take the train with the kids. She didn't think that portkeys and floo travel were the best for a one month old. They arrived at King's Cross and quickly boarded the train. She was afraid of seeing Lucius Malfoy at the terminal. She didn't want him to be near Rose. She had persuaded Severus to go on ahead. She knew that she could take care of herself.

The train began to move and her heart settled down. She looked into the infant's face. "We are on our way to your home. You'll like it there, Rosie." The baby looked at her as if she really understood.

Even though she didn't sit with the others, she was still getting checked on every few minutes. First, Ginny appeared asking if Rose was okay. Then Hermione and Ron stopped by to see Julia on their way to the Prefect's compartment. Eventually, Parvati and Lavender heard that the baby was on the train and they stopped in to coo at Rose. The one that shocked her the most was when Neville Longbottom had peeked around the corner to see the baby. He commented that he had never seen anything so small.

Julia had enjoyed her company; it made the ride go faster.

Soon enough they were stopping at Hogsmeade Station and Julia waited for all the students to leave the train before she even tried to move. She didn't want to get crushed in the mass rush to get off the train. As soon as she stepped out, she could see the carriages heading toward the castle.

"Hmmm...I guess we have to find our own ride," Julia commented to the baby. But as she looked up again, there was Severus, waiting for her.

"Hello love, did you miss us?" she said, to her husband. He looked tired and worried.

"Did I miss you? What do you think? I stand here and watch all the students pass by me and no Julia," he scolded. "It is not as if trouble doesn't constantly circle your head like an albatross. For all I knew..." He stopped. He realized that he was reprimanding her when she did not deserve it. Unfortunately, he had gotten scared when she didn't appear immediately with the other students.

"Hon, stop, we're fine. See..." she held the tiny bundle out so he could take it.

He pulled his daughter close to him, smelling her baby scent. "Julia, I'm lost without the two of you. I know it sounds foolish, but I can't help but be afraid for us all."

She stepped closer to her husband, careful not to crush the baby and kissed him. "Severus, I know. You don't have to explain. Again, it's not like I don't deserve to be knocked down a few pegs."

He took her hand and walked her over to a carriage that was waiting on the side of the road. She climbed in, Severus handed her the baby and then climbed in. Julia leaned her head on his shoulder and sighed. She was home again, Severus was her home.

They traveled up to the castle in silence.

* * *

As soon as the Sorting Feast was over and Rose had settled down for the night, Julia walked to her classroom. She had to prepare for the next day.

She walked in to find everything was perfect. Severus must have come here and set up all her equipment. She walked up the stairs to her old Chambers, opened the door and smiled. Her exercise room that she had planned was complete. Everything was exactly the way she had planned it. She decided to work out for a little while.

It felt good to be back, like she was home again. She couldn't believe that the last time she was in this castle, she had been going mad. She shuddered to think of it. All her memories had returned and she didn't want to think of the pain she had caused. Not only for the madness, but also for the pain she inflicted on everyone during her selfish romp through her psyche.

Sometimes she would think about maybe leaving everyone. Let Severus raise Rose, go off and start hunting again. She knew that she was a caged animal, waiting to attack in a moments notice. She had thought that she had conquered that side of herself. Unfortunately, Voldemort's little curse put an end to all that. Her dark side was not buried, it actually resided just under the surface, waiting to spring back to life. She was afraid that she would hurt those that she loved. She was even more afraid that she would hurt Rose and Severus. They were her world, Rose was too important to the world to have such a dangerous mother.

It's funny how a former Death Eater turned spy is more of a stable parent than she was. Sad but true.

She finished her workout and returned to the dungeons.

Severus was asleep on the bed, a little baby asleep on his chest. She kissed him on the cheek. She loved this man so much. She hated herself for all she had put him through. She wished she could go back and wipe the slate clean. She knew she couldn't, she knew that things had changed. She grabbed her clean pajamas and quickly went to take a shower.

She returned to find Severus awake, the baby back in her cradle.

"I'm sorry, sweetie. Did I wake you?" she said, apologetically. She was combing out her long brown hair. She was thinking of cutting it short.

"No, Rose woke up and I changed her and settled her back down," he smiled, patting the bed next to him, inviting her to sit.

She looked suspiciously at that smile. She just noticed that he wasn't wearing his pajama shirt. She could only assume that the pants were missing underneath the blanket. "Professor Snape, are you trying to seduce me?" she said, raising an eyebrow.

"I didn't know I had to try...I thought it was a done deal." His lips curled into a seductive smile.

Sometimes all he had to do was speak. She didn't care what he said. It was his voice that drove her wild. He was just so sexy.

She didn't need a second invitation. She put down her brush and began to unbutton her top. She knew he loved it when she stripped for him. He reached up and gently touched her breast. She melted; it had been a while since they had been together. He pulled her to his warm body and they kissed, soft and sweetly. Julia reached down under the blankets and found the one thing she had missed. He moaned at her touch and kissed her even deeper. He tried to roll her over onto her back, she fought a little.

"What makes you think I'm just gonna roll over and let you take advantage of me?" She smiled, mischievously. Her blue eyes glimmering with excitement, she wanted to hear his voice. She wanted him to tell her what he wanted.

"It's simple," he replied, raising an eyebrow. "I'm the Potions Master, and I stress the word Master. I always get my way," he sneered. The he pushed her onto her back and they kissed. Merlin! She loved this man.

* * *

They were sitting on the sofa, drinking tea and cuddled together in blankets. It was warm and nice to be with her husband. She loved him so much. He was nuzzling her ear, whispering, 'I love you,' every few minutes. These were the moments that she would remember forever. She would remember them because they almost always ended either too soon or badly. Tonight's moment ended badly and forever only lasted a few hours.

Julia put down her cup and turned to face Severus. She just wanted to feel his body next to hers, to drink in his warmth. She loved breathing in his scent and tasting his skin. He belonged to her. She was his. They were a family and they were home. Then he moaned.

She thought it was from her kiss, but realized it was different. He fought the pain. He didn't want her to see, but it was too late.

She shook her head. "They have the best timing. Don't you think, love?"

He looked at her with horrified eyes. "They'll kill you."

She smiled at him sadly, but how could she explain that she was not afraid of dying. How could she explain that it might be for the best if she did die? She kissed him, kissed him like she would never see him again. He realized this and pushed her away.

"Don't do that to me. Don't kiss me and leave. I'm coming. I will get the Weasley girl to come and stay with Rose. You cannot go alone." He stood up, his eyes were burning with anger and fear.

"Severus," she whispered. "Stay here." She closed her eyes, fighting the tears that threatened. "Don't be like this, don't get angry, and don't hurt."

He just stared at her. How can she willingly want to go alone? He couldn't fathom this. She had almost lost everything last time. What was she thinking?

Julia stood up, letting the blanket fall to the floor. She stood there, naked, in front of him. "Severus, look at me. What do you see? Do you see your wife? Do you see a mother? Do you see a killer? Or worse, do you see a child?" Her eyes pleaded with him.

"Damn it, Julia. Don't make me do this. Don't make me choose, you or us. I want us. I want our family. If you leave, I know I'll never see you again." He lowered his head in defeat. He knew she had to go alone. No one could protect Rose if they were both dead, and Voldemort didn't want Severus.

She walked close to him, wrapping her arms around his body. He pulled her into him and wrapped the blanket around her naked form. "I will always love you. No matter what, that will never change. You are mine, I am yours. Just hold me once more, before I leave," she sighed.

* * *

Julia arrived at the mansion, an hour later. Why should she rush to her death?

Malfoy was waiting for her, standing in the doorway, looking arrogant as always.

"You are late, again. Where are Severus and the newborn?" he demanded.

"Ya know, you would seem a lot smarter if you just didn't talk," she spat, as she pushed past him. She walked straight into the sitting room. She didn't really know if that was the right place, but she didn't care.

Malfoy followed. As she entered, she saw that the room was full of Death Eaters, and Voldemort was sitting at his desk.

"Julia, my pet, you look well. You have recovered from your pregnancy. Where is the sweet child," the Dark Lord hissed.

"I'm here. I'm all you need. I just have one question," she said, dryly, through narrowed eyes. "What the hell was with the curse? I am here willingly and you didn't have to coax me with magic."

Voldemort laughed, it was like shards of ice through her heart. "Oh, that? I wanted all of you. I didn't feel I was getting one hundred percent. I wanted the killer, not the simpering mother. Which do I have now? Father, I would say, since Severus is not here."

"I would have fought hard for you. You saw my abilities. Now, why did you call me? Obviously I'm supposed to die, but I'm really not comfortable with that." She stood there, defying him with every ounce of her being. She only braced herself in expectation of the final curse.

"You? I don't want you to die. You are not my goal. I knew you would never bring your daughter to me. I needed to get you away from the castle. My lovely Nagini will do the rest." His eyes burned right through her.

Her heart sank and she felt her hatred and anger rising. She was about to lose control. She rushed Voldemort. She had her knife pulled and she was almost over the desk when she was caught by the arms by two Death Eaters. She kicked furiously, she needed to get back. Severus had no idea....she needed to...

Her thoughts were cut short by the blow that Malfoy had given her across the face.

Blood ran from her mouth from the split lip he had just given her. She spat it into his face and hissed at him. "You smug son of a bitch."

She smiled through her ruined lip. "Funny how you can only hurt me when I'm incapacitated. No matter." She used the Death Eaters for leverage and swung her legs up and kicked Malfoy in the stomach and face. She flipped herself up and over the Death Eaters and they lost their grip. Then she ran.

Pulling out her wand she shot curses behind her as she went. She could hear them chasing her. She was faster, but she could feel their curses barely missing her.

She got to the field and used the portkey that she had received from Dumbledore. Then after the tugging feeling was over, she stood in Dumbledore's office.

She ran through the castle like a mad woman. She called out to the ghosts, knowing that they could travel to the dungeons faster. None came.

She was in a panic. She passed many people on her mad rush, but she stopped to talk to no one. She only continued to call for the ghosts.

The run felt like it took forever. She finally rounded the corner and there was Severus.

"Oh Merlin! Where is Rose? The snake will kill her," she rambled. Severus grabbed immediately into a tight hug, he thought he had lost her. She pulled away and stared at him. "We need to get to the baby."

"Julia, Rose is sleeping in her cradle. I have Ginny with her. I was just coming to meet you, the Bloody Baron said you were hysterical, but he refused to say why. Useless spirit." He tried to calm her; instead he felt his own fear rise.

"Severus, Voldemort sent Nagini here. She is after Rose." She pulled from him and ran to their chambers. Severus was hot on her heels.

They heard a scream, and Julia's heart fell.

They burst into the room to find Ginny standing on the bed with the baby in her arms. A huge snake was attempting to climb onto the bed. They both turned to look at Julia when she came in.

Her wand was out and she threw a stunning curse at the beast. It did nothing. The animal had been charmed to resist attack. Julia then ran over and kicked the damned thing away from the bed. She grabbed Ginny and Rose and pulled them toward the door.

Nagini was fast. She regrouped and headed back for another attack. Julia had just gotten the girls to the door when she felt the sting in her leg.

She screamed and turned. She pulled out her knife and grabbed the snake. Nagini bit her again, on the arm. Julia could feel the poison running through her veins. She took her knife and cut the snakes head off. It disappeared in a puff of smoke.

She staggered over to the bed and steadied herself. Her heart was pounding. She was really going to die. Her thoughts raced, I'm not ready. I thought I was, but I don't want to die. I can't die. Tears were streaming down her face. Severus came in, carrying Rose. He saw the blood marks on Julia's arm and leg. He knew she had been bitten. He placed the baby on the bed and pulled Julia into his arms.

"Look at me. You are not going to die. We are going to get you to St. Mungo's. They fixed Arthur Weasley, they can fix you. Don't leave me Julia." He had tears in his eyes. He leaned in to kiss her bloodied lips.

She weakly shook her head. Arthur was bitten once. She had twice the amount of poison in her and her adrenaline was pumping hard, making it all work faster.

"Don't hate. Love her. Make her strong," she said, through the pain. She looked over at the sleeping baby, her beautiful Rose. She began to cry.

She would never see her crawl; never see her walk or talk. She would never help her with homework or with her first love. It was all over. She reached a hand out to touch the infant. She felt so warm against her cold hands.

Severus held her tighter as Dumbledore burst into the room. Madam Pomfrey was with him.

"Julia, here is a portkey to St. Mungo's, we need to get you there, immediately," Dumbledore said, he looked frightened.

She shook her head. "Thank you, Uncle Albus. I love you." She felt so weak. Her legs were useless and she was so cold. She shivered and Severus pulled a blanket over her.

She looked up into his eyes, "I love you, and I will always love you. Please let her know that. Please tell her how much I loved her."

She closed her eyes, her body hurt; she wanted the pain to end. Severus leaned in and kissed her. He could taste the blood on her lips. She was slipping away and he couldn't stop it. Nothing in his stores could reverse this. He wanted to scream. He could feel her fading away. This strong woman, this woman who loved him, was dying. His heart was breaking. He held her, as if holding her would keep her life close to him. Make her essence mingle with his own.

He kissed her again, tears falling onto her beautiful face. She didn't feel them, she was already gone.

Everyone stood around the room in shock. No one could believe that this bright light was put out. No one could fathom it; she looked as though she was sleeping. The only one to register any loss was Rose. The baby had begun to cry.

Severus laid Julia's head down, stood up and picked Rose up off the bed. Everyone watched as he walked over to the rocking chair and sat with the babe. He tried to console the tiny creature by doing the only thing he could think of. He began to sing in a soft baritone voice.

Some say love, it is a river, that drowns the tender reed.

Some say love it is a razor that leaves your soul to bleed.

Some say love it is a hunger, an endless aching need.

I say love it is the flower, and you, it's only seed.