Snape's Heart

Chapter Eighteen

(A Rose Blooms in Adversity)

They had moved Julia to the Burrow. They felt that safe familiar surroundings might be the thing that could bring her out of her catatonic state. The healers all agreed that there was nothing wrong with her. The curse had been lifted and she was in great physical condition. She had just shut down, blocking the pain, not caring anymore.

Julia knew where she was, she wasn't a complete vegetable. She just didn't respond to voices. She wouldn't look into faces. Voices told lies and faces carried pain. She had hurt too many of the people she loved. She had decided that when the baby was born she wouldn't hurt anyone ever again.

Severus was constantly at her side, and in her mind that was the worst. He showed loyalty and dedication to her. She wanted him to hate her. Then everything would be easy. So she would just lay on the bed, or couch, or lounge chair outside, or what ever else they propped her up against, and pretend that none of them existed. They would talk to her, and plead with her. They cried and yelled, even bribed her. She just stared thru them as if they were made of glass. It was better this way, she knew it. She wished that they would just give up.

Severus would lie next to her on the bed in Ginny's room, holding her and telling her he loved her. He fought with every ounce of his being to not go to Voldemort and confront him with what he had done. But that would only be suicide, and she needed him. Rose needed him. He only hoped that this would end before the baby was born.

It went on this way for a couple of weeks. Everyone was trying so hard to bring her back. Harry even brought some Muggle music that she liked, hoping that she would be happy to hear it. Nothing worked. Not even the swirling, cramped movements of the baby growing inside her could make her react.

Severus had been downstairs getting tea when the baby decided to join them. He had planned on bringing some up for Julia, though he knew she wouldn't take any. Molly was sitting at the table, knitting a blanket for the baby. Ginny was innocently playing cards with Arthur, hiding from Ron, Hermione and Harry. They were planning on retaliating on the prank she had pulled on them earlier, something to do with a pair of Ron's underpants and a flag pole.

Severus then returned upstairs with the tray of tea. He entered the room he shared with Julia and froze. She was sitting up in the bed, her face contorted into a mask of pain. She was holding her stomach and breathing quickly. He immediately ran downstairs to get Molly.

Half tripping over Crookshanks, he ran into the kitchen, frantic. "Molly, something's wrong. She is in pain. You need to come with me."

Molly dropped her knitting, looked at Severus and said, "It's time." She rushed up the stairs with Severus in tow.

When they got into the room, Julia was still sitting up and she was sweating profusely. Her breathing was rapid and shallow. Molly turned back to Severus. "Contact Dumbledore, we are about to have a baby."

Severus looked at her as if she had gone mad. "The baby isn't due for another month. How can this be?"

Molly only looked at him with the soft caring eyes of a woman who has answered this question more than once. "Babies come when they are ready. They do not work by our schedules."

She then shooed him out of the room and began to tend to Julia. "Calm yourself dear, you need to breathe deeply." She then forced Julia to look into her face. "You are going to work with me. We are going to have this baby. You need to stop this foolishness right now and snap out of it. Yes, you hurt. Damn it, we all hurt. We have all hurt others. That man loves you and you love him. All you are doing is prolonging his pain, while you hide from yours."

Julia still didn't respond. She had heard this all before. The thing is, she had only felt emotional pain, not physical. She had caused physical pain, but it had been along time since she felt any. All the outside forces, all the people she loved could not bring her out of this. It was only the next contraction, the pain of her daughter being evicted from her womb that made Julia 'wake up'.

She felt the pain rip thru her. She didn't know if she should focus on it or react to it. Molly had turned her back on Julia. She was getting some extra blankets out of Ginny's hope chest. "Molly, help me."

Molly dropped the blankets and turned back to Julia, kneeling next to her. "I'm here dear. Tell me what you need?"

"The pain!" she said, thru clenched teeth as the contraction coursed through her abdomen.

Molly smiled, "That, my darling, is a pain you will have to endure. But trust me, seven children and I survived. The trick is to remember, the pain will end."

When the contraction passed, Julia said, "We live in a world of magic and you're telling me that there aren't any magical epidurals? How barbaric, I want a Muggle hospital." She then gave her a strained smile.

Molly took her hand and held it during the next contraction. They were real close. She looked at Julia, actually reacting to something, she said, "Welcome back, love. We have missed you." A tear ran down her cheek.

She then stood up, taking charge of the situation. "Well, this is the way this works. You are going to labor for awhile. I am going to prepare the room for the baby. You need to tell me when you need to push." She could see Julia about to protest. "Don't worry, you will know."

She then ran downstairs, informing Arthur of the situation. She then gathered a basin with water and some towels. As she was leaving the kitchen, she turned to Ginny, "Would you like to help me?" Her daughter smiled, broadly and nodded. "Good, run upstairs and grab the relaxation potion out of the cupboard and bring it to your room." Ginny got up and bolted out of the kitchen.

After retrieving the potion and she ran back to her room, her mother was in there setting up some blankets and the basin. She handed the potion to her mother and then grabbed a washrag and began to wipe off Julia's forehead.

Molly offered the potion to Julia, who in turn drank the pink concoction, "This will not take away the pain, only allow you to relax in between the contractions." Julia nodded and closed her eyes.

Severus returned, looking panicked. "What should I do?"

Molly smiled at him, "Nothing, not until that little girl is ready to come out. Why don't you go and sit with Arthur? He can explain the process to you." She wasn't exactly asking him. He read that and gave Julia one last fleeting glance and retreated downstairs.

At the bottom of the stair he was greeted by a shot of firewhiskey being pushed in his direction. Arthur held the glass out to him, "Trust me, Severus, you are going to need it."

Then walking back to the kitchen he continued to talk over his shoulder, "Seven. Seven! I don't know how that woman did it. By number three, *I* would have gone after me with an ax." He stopped and sat down at the table, pouring himself a shot. He smiled, "Women are amazing creatures. They endure so much pain, just to bring life into this world. Bill was a long birth, she was so nervous. Charlie was painful, I remember her crying. Percy was the worst," he paused, shaking his head, remembering. "He had a large head. The twins, well they just didn't want to come out. Ron was quick and Ginny," he stopped and smiled, "well she was perfect. We had wanted a little girl and she was such a joy."

Severus just sat across from Arthur, staring at him, completely horror struck. After the man was finished with the birth countdown, Severus picked up the shot and downed it, slamming the glass on the table, "Hit me!"

* * *

Julia could feel an urge to bear-down; she quickly looked over at Molly, "I'm ready. I think it's time to push." The older woman smiled at her and then looked at her daughter. "Ginny dear, I think it is time to get Professor Snape. This is his part of the process. Then go and wait with Ron, Harry and Hermione."

"Okay, Mum," then turning to Julia, Ginny said, "we missed you. I'm glad you are better." Then she swiftly left the room.

She found Snape sitting at the table with her father. Professor Dumbledore, Remus Lupin and Tonks were sitting with them. The table was littered with shot glasses. Severus looked up at her when she entered the kitchen. He looked too happy. She flashed a scornful, knowing look at her father. He smiled right back at her. "Sir, Mum would like you upstairs. She said it was your turn to help."

Snape looked as if she had struck him. He looked over at Arthur, hoping that he would say that this was a joke. Instead he nodded toward the kitchen door, smiling proudly. Severus bowed his head and stood up to leave. Slowly he crossed the floor and headed out of the room, he turned back to look at the faces watching him. They beamed at him. He closed his eyes and shook his head, imbeciles. He then continued upstairs, to his doom.

As soon as the door to the kitchen shut, they all erupted into slightly drunken giggles. After listening to Arthur prattle on about his birthing experiences, even the most war hardened man alive would have pitied Severus. Of course, none of them did.

Inside the room was a different story. Julia was lying on the bed, her knees drawn up and she was sweating. Molly immediately began to tell him what to do, and he blindly did it. After about twenty minutes of pushing, there came a faint cry from the bottom of the bed. Molly smiled as she quickly wrapped the newborn. Severus cut the umbilical cord, completely in awe of the whole situation.

After a few minutes, Molly handed the baby over to Julia, and turned back to tend to her healing. She looked at the small infant, taking in her scent. She had a head full of thick black hair. Julia thought, Severus' hair. Her eyes were blue, but all newborns have blue eyes, they could still turn dark like his. She was perfect. She was beautiful. Julia began to cry, but for the first time in awhile they were tears of joy. How could she have ever thought of killing herself, she must have been insane. This tiny little creature needed her.

Severus was crying also. This was his daughter, and he felt that she looked just like Julia. He looked at the two of them, his girls, he smiled. Julia looked up and saw the smile. "Do you want to hold her?" she asked.

He was so nervous; he had never held a small baby. He sat on the bed next to her and she slowly lowered the baby into his arms. He looked at her, amazed. She was a part of him; she was a part of Julia. She was theirs. His mind just spun round and round on those three thoughts. Then he looked at Julia and said, "Rose." Julia nodded. "I must take her to meet the others." Before Molly or Julia could protest he got up and left the room. Molly looked at Julia, fixing the blankets over her legs, "You'll be fine now, dear. You rest; I'll keep an eye on the new daddy."

As Molly was leaving, Julia called to her, "Molly, thank you. Again." Molly just smiled and left.

Downstairs, Severus was holding the baby high against his chest and looking into her sleeping face. Everyone had huddled over to him to see the new arrival. He then looked up and proudly announced, "Everyone, I would like to introduce Miss Rose Astraea Snape."

Ginny shyly asked, "Astraea? Where did you find such a pretty name?"

Severus instinctively looked at her with the face he used during lessons. Then it softened when he answered, "I was to choose her middle name. I took the prophecy into consideration and chose the name of the Greek Goddess of Justice, Innocence and Purity. Astraea was the last immortal to leave Earth, she was the bearer of the scales that weighed opposing parties claims. When she joined the Gods in the stars, she became the constellation Virgo." He then smiled at the young girl, proud of his decision. Then, he had a thought that would have made Trelawney proud. "Remember, she wasn't due until September."

Albus walked over and looked at the little bundle, "She is beautiful, Severus. I hope Julia can now find peace."

Molly, standing behind Severus, interrupted, "Speaking of Julia, Severus, please bring Rose back to her Mommy so that she can feed her." She then walked toward the kitchen. She opened the door, looked at the table and then said, "I'll send up some sandwiches just as soon as I clean up after the booze-hounds."

Re-entering the room, Severus carried the infant over to Julia. She had her eyes closed; the birth had tired her out. He sat at the edge of the bed and began to rock his new daughter. Julia opened her eyes, watching the two of them together. Severus hadn't noticed that Julia was watching him. He began to hum. It was the song Julia had sung during her pregnancy, The Rose. She placed her hand on his arm; he looked over at her and smiled.

"She is...perfect." He had so many words running thru his brain, so many descriptions for the newborn. He had never felt this way. He was at a loss.

"She is ours, we made her," Julia responded. Her heart was so full, watching the two people she loved. "Severus?"

"Yes, dear," he replied, not able to turn his head away from the sleeping babe.

"Severus? Please look at me."

He slowly turned his head to face her, "I'm sorry, she is just..."

"I know, Love. I just need something from you." She looked at him, her eyes pleading. She had spent the past few weeks trying not to look at him. She needed to look into his eyes.

He felt panic start to boil in his stomach. His mind started racing, oh, Merlin, what now.

Julia saw the look on his face, that look made her feel so guilty. "Severus, calm down. I just need you to kiss me." She closed her eyes as once again, tears began to fill them. "I need to kiss you."

Relief washed over his face. "I think I can help you." He gently placed the tiny bundle on the bed next to his wife. Then he leaned into Julia and placed a hand on her face. "I am so sorry for everything. I should have never let you go to that meeting. In honesty, I should have never let you into my life..."

Julia placed a finger to his lips. "Don't...just don't. I have said this before, I am a big girl. You are not supposed to protect me, not from everything. I am not a damsel in distress..." she looked down at her body, smiled and then continued, "...at least not all the time. I...I hurt you. I did things and said things that I hate myself for. If things are to ever be good, I need to tell you how much I love you. I need you to know that I didn't mean to hurt you..."

Now it was his turn to interrupt. "I know. I know that you were not in control of yourself. I know what it is like to have that Bastard walking around in your mind and controlling you like a puppet. He opened doors in your head that you would never have even looked into. Just know that thru it all, I loved you. I love you now."

They both turned their heads to look at the tiny blanket that had begun to move. "Look at what we made." He then turned back to Julia and kissed her. A soft, gentle kiss that was slightly salty from the tears that they were both shedding. Then they just held each other. They only drew apart when the baby began to let her presence be known.

"I think she is hungry. I'll try feeding her." Julia leaned over to pick the baby up.

"Oh, can I?" Severus asked. His face lit up at the prospect of feeding the newborn.

Julia giggled a little and then said, "Umm, Severus? You don't have the equipment for the job." She giggled some more.

He looked at her, slightly confused. Then it dawned on him as she lifted the baby to her breast. A bit embarrassed, he replied simply, "Oh. Do you want me to leave?"

"Why would I want you to leave? It's not like you haven't seen my breasts before. Does this bother you?"

"No...just...I'm..." he stammered, running his hand over the back of his neck. "I haven't seen them in awhile." His face flushed with a color bordering on Weasley red.

"Well, let me recover and you can see them all you like." She smiled her winning, tease of a smile, and began to nurse her newborn.