Snape's Heart

Chapter Fifteen

(Open Mouth Insert Foot)

Weeks had passed since Julia had her encounter with Lord Voldemort. It was getting close to the end of the school year. Everyone was buzzing about. The weather was warm and the student's minds didn't quite seem to be on their work.

Julia had also begun to show, but it didn't matter. At that point, the whole school knew about the marriage and the impending new arrival.

Harry had begun to help Julia with her lessons. They would meet once a week to discuss the maneuver that he would demonstrate and she would help him perfect it. He was a quick study. In class she rarely had to correct his positions. She was content to just teach theory and weapons.

He was also improving in Occlumency, though not at first. Julia had to yell at both Severus and Harry, constantly. At first it was because Severus was still being way too hard on Harry, then Harry had turned the tables. He learned how to push Severus out of his mind and then invade right back. They would then start throwing hexes at each other. After getting struck in the arm by a freezing jinx, she decided that they didn't need her there any longer.

She began to spend more time talking with her favorite red head, Ginny. They would talk about boys and music, Ginny made Julia feel young again. And since she had no siblings, Julia enjoyed being the 'big sister' to the young girl. Ginny would also confide in Julia. She talked to her about all that she had been thru since she had started at Hogwarts. Julia allowed the young girl to spill her conscience, understanding all too well the need to talk.

So it happened that Miss Ginny Weasley became the first person, besides Julia, to feel the baby move.

"Ginny, do you want to feel something?" Julia asked. They were sitting in her chambers listening to music, looking thru some baby stuff that she had purchased.

"Sure," Ginny replied, putting down an armful of stuffed animals.

Taking her hand, Julia gently pushed it against the lower part of her belly. "Now just give it a minute. She was just rolling around over there and..." Julia was cut off by Ginny's squeal.

"Oh, Merlin!" she exclaimed. "Was that the baby?"

"Yeah, too cool, huh?" Julia replied.

"Has Snape...I mean Professor Snape felt this yet?" she asked.

"Nope, you're the first." Julia smiled at the young girl's beaming face. "But we won't tell him, will we?"

Ginny looked at Julia with a sheepish grin. "Tell him what?"

* * *

A few nights later, everyone was in the Great Hall enjoying their supper. Julia still hadn't had the opportunity to let Severus know that the baby could finally be felt. Not that she didn't want to share, more to the point, she was too busy to really think about it much.

She was sitting there pushing her peas from one edge of her plate to the other, in a bored manner. She hated peas, but that was neither here nor there. All of a sudden, the baby kicked her so hard she jumped. Peas flew across the table and rolled onto the floor. Severus looked at her as if she had gone mad. She just looked at him and gave him a huge grin.

"Are you okay?" he asked, not sure if he should start worrying.

"I think someone wants to meet you." She took his hand and placed it on her belly. Being five months pregnant, she looked like she was smuggling a small pumpkin under her blouse.

"I don't feel anything," he said, trying to move his hand to another position.

"Just wait for it. Trust me," she smiled.

Just then the baby kicked, and Severus almost jumped out of his seat. The expression on his face was hysterical, a mix of amazement and hysteria. Julia thought he looked like he wanted to do cartwheels.

"Was that?" he started, very loudly, catching the attention of some of the students and teachers. The he continued in a quieter voice, "Was that the baby? I...oh my..."

He was speechless, his thoughts ran in circles thru his brain. Yes, he had watched her stomach grow. Yes, he had even convinced Madam Pomfrey to allow him into the room when Julia was being examined, just to hear the baby's heartbeat. But this was completely different. He felt her move, and suddenly it all crashed down on him. He was going to be a father. He would forever be responsible for someone other than himself. It was such an honor and a burden. To top it off, she was special. He could not wait to meet her. September seemed so far away.

He looked at Julia. "She moved. I felt her move."

She raised her eyebrows and teased him. "Yes, Hon, that's what babies do, they move. And you know what? She moves so much, I think she is going to be born knowing how to do spinning kicks." Then she added, "She may just tap dance out of the womb, Fred Astaire style."

They smiled at each other. Severus still too lost in his thoughts to reply.

Julia noticed that a certain young blonde was watching them. She nudged Severus and said, "I think our little spy is gonna go report to Daddy."

Severus looked over and nodded. "We will be called soon. It's been too quiet anyway."

"I don't know what Voldemort is going to expect of me," she replied. "I'm too pregnant to be hunting, and my center of gravity is shot. I hate relying on magic."

"He may not ask you to fight. You can't worry about that now," he said sternly. "Besides, if he wanted you dead, you would be."

"Dead! Who said anything about dead?" she asked defensively. "All I was concerned with is my performance. I was the one who offered him my talents. Ya know, physical talents. Not just the ability to mix up some potions." As soon as the words left her mouth, she knew they cut him.

He winced, his eyes narrowed. "Apparently your brawn highly outweighs my knowledge," he said coldly.

"You know what I meant, Severus," she hissed at him.

"No, Julia, I don't. I never agreed to allow you to meet him," he said. He then spitefully added, "I knew that your blood lust would get the better of you."

"Blood lust!" she cried, her voice getting louder. "I went to save your ass. Apparently your vast knowledge didn't keep you from getting the shit kicked outta you." She then stood up, knocking her chair over. The sound caused a rush of heads to turn in their direction. She started to walk away. Then she turned back and continued, loud enough for everyone to hear. "Next time, I just won't help. Obviously, my brawn hurts your pathetic male ego. Why don't you go hide in your dungeon, Severus? Maybe you can mix yourself up a potion to remove whatever it is that has crawled up your ass and died." There was a collective gasp in reaction to her words as she stomped out of the Great Hall.

Severus stared at the oak doors, completely taken aback by her venom.

McGonagall leaned over to Dumbledore, "Looks like Severus just got his first taste of pregnancy hormones."

Dumbledore smiled and nodded his head. "Minerva, I have known Julia her whole life. She has always kept tongue in check. I believe that this pregnancy is bringing out a side of her that none of us should cross." Then he added, "Severus' acid tongue has just met what American's call 'East Coast Attitude'. I'll pray for him."

They both chuckled quietly, not wanting Severus to hear them. The students began to whisper with a renewed fervor. Severus finally snapped out of his thoughts and stood up to leave. He walked along the Slytherin table and as he passed Draco Malfoy he heard him whisper, "The honeymoon must be over. Oh, I forgot, they never had one." Then the blonde burst into loud, sarcastic laughter.

Severus stopped in his tracks and yelled over his shoulder. "Twenty points from Slytherin, for Mr. Malfoy's cheek." Then, he too stomped off.

Dumbledore and McGonagall waited until the oak door shut and then burst into gales of laughter.

* * *

Severus angrily stomped down to the dungeons and headed for his class. As soon as he got into the room he slammed the door shut.

"What has gotten into that woman?" he said, loudly to himself. "She has never attacked me like that, what would possess her to be so horrid?"

He madly shuffled thru some of the parchments on his desk. He was going to attempt to grade some essays, hoping that it would get his mind off his wife's madness.

Silently he sat there hunched over his work, his head leaning on his hand. Then he slammed his quill down. "Damn! How can I use this as a distraction? This is going to put me into an even fouler mood." He exclaimed, loudly, "How many times do I have to tell them, Aconite, Monkshood and Wolfsbane are the same freakin' thing!"

Then he stopped, he realized he had just used a word that he knew would never have even been a part of his vocabulary if it weren't for Julia. This thought caused him to smile. She was a strong woman, definitely a little strange, but strong, in body and mind. He couldn't stay mad at her, though he wanted to. She meant so much to him, and this was really their first row. He knew he wasn't the easiest person to be with. Unfortunately, he didn't know how he could make it up to her.

"How am I to explain to her that I deserved that?" he questioned, out loud. "I ruined the most amazing moment of my life by biting at her. I felt our daughter move and then I proceeded to get snippy with her about her worries." He put his head in his hands, coving his eyes. "I am such a fool."

"Yeah, well, I'm a hormonal mess," Julia said. She had been in his chambers waiting for him. She came out when she heard him yelling at no one. Her face was streaked with tears and she looked pitiful. "I don't know what came over me. I just saw red and began to attack."

"Well it is not as if I wasn't egging you on," he admitted.

"Yeah, you're a jerk. But I've always known that," she teased. "I can usually keep my anger in check. Sorta scares me to think of what will happen if Voldemort pisses me off."

Standing up, he turned to face her; she was wearing a billowy night shirt that made her look even more pregnant than she was. The fire light, coming in from the other room, shown through the gauzy material. Her hair was hanging down her back with a few pieces pulled into a barrette on the top of her head. She took his breath away.

Completely unaware of his staring, she continued, "I guess you could always step on my foot, or put your hand over my mouth."

"I would rather put my mouth over your mouth," he replied, hungrily.

"Oh," she said, catching on, "you want to have make up sex?"

"Are you stating a fact or asking?" he teased. He then walked up to her and kissed her deeply. He could feel her body beneath the thin sheath. His mind was spinning madly with desire.

She pushed him back a little and looked sorrowfully into his eyes, "I'm sorry."

At first, he thought she was telling him no. He stopped, and then realized she was apologizing.

"I'm the one who should be sorry. You are right to worry. We have no idea what Voldemort is going to expect of you. I shouldn't have jumped on you like that." His mind clicking back to his libido 'jumped on you'. He kissed her again and this time she willingly allowed him to lead her back into the chamber.

* * *

In a fit of guilt, Severus decided to do something special for his wife. She never got her honeymoon and it didn't look as if it was going to happen any time in the near future. Julia was beginning to feel a bit awkward with the pregnancy. She was getting pretty big. She also had the added stress of knowing that Voldemort had something planned for her.

He had wanted to do something bigger and better than he had on their first night together. Unfortunately they couldn't leave Hogwarts, not for a few weeks at least. The end of the school year was coming fast. He decided that he would have to do something drastic. He asked Lupin for help. They sat together at the kitchen table at Grimmauld Place.

"You want me to do what?" Remus asked, still not believing what he had heard.

"It is very simple, I need you to write a poem for me," he replied. "I know you used to help Potter write them for Lily Evans. I need...help." He loathed admitting that he, a Potion's Master and professor at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry, couldn't write a poem.

"I still can't see how I can help. I used to give James old song lyrics," he explained. "None of those were my words."

Severus thought about this for a minute. He needed a poem, it was pivotal to his plan. He gave in, "Could you help me find song lyrics?"

Lupin smiled, "You have come to the right place. Tell me what you want to say to Julia and I will go check my old albums."

"Your what?" Severus replied, looking at him suspiciously.

"Albums, Muggles used to use them to listen to music," he explained. "Now they use CD's."

Severus just looked at him, remembering the small discs that Julia had. Severus explained exactly what he wanted the poem to say.

Remus looked at the dark man sitting across from him and smiled. He didn't say anything. He just looked at the man he had known since childhood.

Severus could feel him stare. "What?"

Remus shook his head. "She has done something to you. She made you more...human."

Severus narrowed his eyes, he felt put out by that statement. "I'm sorry, I never knew you cared. I thought you were too busy pretending you didn't see all the asinine things your best mates were up to."

"Look here Snape, I never did anything to you when we were at school," he responded.

"Yes, and you never did anything to stop those that did," Severus replied, feeling his anger rise. He forced it down, closed his eyes, and took a deep breath. "But as Julia tells me over and over again, that was in the past. I cannot change the past, only learn from it and move on." Sometimes, he really hated his wife's insightfulness. Too bad she rarely practiced what she preached.

"Again," Remus began, "my point exactly, she has changed you. Trust me, it's definitely a good thing."

Remus then stared off into space for a second and cried out, "I've got it! I'll be right back." He quickly ran out of the room. After about fifteen minutes he returned with a square of cardboard with what looked like it was a piece of wood with a rose on the cover. Remus pulled a square piece a paper out of it that held a round disc with a hole in the center. He looked at the words on the paper and then began to recite one of the songs to Severus. The words were perfect; this was the one he would use.

* * *

By the time the next Saturday rolled around, Severus' plan was complete. He worked hard to get everything perfect. He told Julia at lunch that afternoon that he had something special planned for them. He needed her to meet him in her chambers at 8:00 p.m. She looked at him as if he was nuts, she had been packing her chambers up so she could move into his. Why her chambers, she thought, why not his? Hers was littered with boxes. But she didn't feel like starting another fight at that moment, so she agreed.

So, at 7:55 p.m. sharp, Julia stood in the doorway to her chambers looking across the classroom waiting for Severus to show up. She was wearing a dress made out of two saris she had found in India a few years ago. They were gold with beautiful detail around the edges; they accentuated her exposed belly nicely. She even went so far as to add little crystals around her belly button. Her hair was pulled back in a high but loose pony tail.

She decided that she would wait inside the room. As soon as she turned, she heard a scratch at the window. She turned to see a brown owl sitting there. She quickly went to the window and let the owl in. It jumped onto her desk and stuck out its leg waiting for her to take its burden. She untied the note from the owl and read it silently.

Julia,

Please go to the Astronomy Tower.

Severus

"That's it?" she exclaimed. "Please go to the Astronomy Tower? What is he playing at?" She eyed the note suspiciously, as if it was going to answer. So she threw it on the desk and grabbed another wrap for her shoulders and headed to the tower.

* * *

Once at the top of the tower, she took in a quick breath of air. It was so pretty up there, she loved it. She looked around, but no Severus. Julia could faintly hear a tune playing on the wind, it sounded like the song she sang to the baby.

In the center of the towers circular floor, stood a small table with a silver tray upon it. On the tray was a bowl with a lid and spoon, a small box and a note. Inside the bowl was what looked to be a brandy poached pear with rosemary syrup, and a dollop of cream. She took the spoon and tasted the pear, eyeing the box.

She picked up the box and opened it. Inside was a necklace with a tear shaped diamond pendant. It sparkled in the moon light. She quickly grabbed the note and tore open the envelope. This is all it said:

In the attics of my life, full of cloudy dreams unreal.

Full of tastes no tongue can know, and lights no eyes can see.

When there was no ear to hear, you sang to me.

(Please go to the Quidditch Pitch.)

She looked at it wonderingly, taking another bite of pear. Apparently, Severus still had more surprises for her tonight. She quickly placed the necklace around her neck and headed for the pitch.

* * *

When she arrived at the Quidditch pitch, she was again amazed by the site before her. The quartet that had been at the wedding was sitting on a platform in the center of the pitch playing her song again. That's what I was hearing, she thought to herself. Another table sat nearby, this time the silver tray held another box and another envelope. She picked up the box first again, inside was another necklace and pendant, exactly like the first only much smaller. She closed the box and picked up the note. This one read:

I have spent my life seeking all that's still unsung.

Bent my ear to hear the tune, and closed my eyes to see.

When there were no strings to play, you played to me.

(Please go to the Library.)

Here I go again, she thought, and smiled to herself.

* * *

Inside the Library, she found a single candle sitting next to a simple red leather bound book and another note. She walked over to the table and tore open the envelope first:

In the book of loves own dream, where all the print is blood.

Where all the pages are my days and all the lights grow old.

When I had no wings to fly, you flew to me, you flew to me.

(Please go to our chambers.)

She immediately opened the book, inside were photos of Julia and Severus together. Some taken at the Yule Ball, others from just everyday life, but the ones that gave her a lump in her throat were the ones of their wedding. She had forgotten all about her wedding photos, but Severus hadn't. She smiled, big and broad, as she turned and headed toward the dungeon.

* * *

She opened the door to Severus' classroom. Nothing special here, she thought as she crossed the room to the chamber door. She stopped and held her breath, not quite sure what to expect, she then opened the door.

Severus was not there, so she walked toward the bedroom. Inside the bedroom, still no Severus, but the bed was covered in pink rose petals. Floating in the corners were bundles of pink roses and candles. She also noticed that the coverlet was made from that purple iridescent material she had purchased in Hogsmeade back in February. On the bed lay a fifth note:

In the secret space of dreams, where I dreaming lay amazed.

When the secrets all are told, and the petals all unfold.

When there was no dream of mine, you dreamed of me.

(Please turn around.)

She spun around and Severus was standing in the doorway. He was holding a huge bouquet of pink roses.

"You amaze me," was the only thing Julia could think of saying.

"Good!" Severus replied. "Then I know I did a good job."

"You definitely did, but what do I owe this special treatment?" she asked, tilting her head quizzically.

"You don't owe anything, I owe you. You have changed me. I had forgotten how to feel and you gave me a reason to remember," Severus replied, walking over to Julia.

"You gave me love when I did not feel I deserved it. You gave me hope when I did not have any left. You gave me life when I couldn't live. Most important, you gave me a child that I never knew I wanted," he stopped, and kneeled down before her. "For that, I owe you everything."

She pulled him back up to standing and looked at him. He was pouring his heart out to her and she couldn't even say anything. For the first time that Julia could remember, she was speechless. So she kissed him, the only way she could think of to respond to his beautiful words was to show him how much she loved him. She pulled him to the bed and started to express herself.

* * *

"Severus?" Julia called in a soft husky voice. "I'm just curious, and am in no way complaining, but why did you give me two identical necklaces?"

"Oh, I had forgotten," he responded, rolling over to face her. They were both lying together watching the fire in the hearth. "One is for you and the other is for Rose." He leaned down a bit and kissed her belly.

"What a beautiful idea," she replied, in a sleepy voice. The only thing that she was currently still wearing was the pendant, and of course Severus.

He began to stroke down the side of her face with his hand and traced it down the side of her body. It was very relaxing, putting Julia to sleep. Severus noticed this and kissed her goodnight, snuggling up tightly next to her, he allowed himself to fall off. Only the faint chirp of crickets and the crackling of the fire could be heard. It was bliss.