Theory

Chapter One - May the Show Begin

"But I don't need a higher degree. I mean, I did my OWLs well, didn't I? What else do I need to become an actress?"

"Talitha, there's no arguing this time. You will go to Hogwarts and finish school."

"Aber Mama -"

"Speak English to me, will you?"

Talitha frowned. "But can't you see that it's just waste of time? I could be starting at a great drama school in January and -"

"I said no and that's it!"

***

"London has so many wonderful schools, papa. Yesterday I visited the London Academy of Music and Dramatic Arts. It's not too expensive and there is even a chance I can get financial assistance towards my tuition fees. Of course, I could look for -"

"What sort of school are you talking about?" Talitha's mother interrupted, brow furrowed, she had caught the last words as she entered the room.

"That drama school you wouldn't let me tell you about," Talitha snapped. "By the way, I'm talking to papa."

"Talitha," her father sighed, "I know you want to become an actress and, of course, it's your life and you can do with it whatever you want -"

"Ah yes? That's news to me. I don't notice much of that."

"We just want you to finish your education first."

"I've got my OWLs!"

Her mother sneered. "Since when are you satisfied with something that has the word 'ordinary' in it, little princess?"

***

"Mama?"

"No!"

***

"Mama, Papa?"

"Yes?" her father said quickly.

"Have you got a minute to talk?"

"Of course, love," her father replied, before her mother could even open her mouth.

"It's about Hogwarts."

"Not again, Talitha! You are going!"

"Mama, would you please listen?" Talitha said, trying to keep a civil tone. Her mother was about to snap something back, but her father stopped her by putting his hand on her arm.

"We're listening, love."

"I've... I've figured out a compromise. I mean, the new school year starts on the first of September and the winter term ends at Christmas break." Frustration rose up in Talitha, as she watched the impatient look on her mother's face. Nevertheless, she knew, with certainty, that the battle would be lost if she let go of her temper now. So she kept her voice in check, as she carried on, trying to look at her father instead. "I could go to Hogwarts." She heard her mother's surprised sharp intake of breath. "I... I could go to Hogwarts," she repeated cautiously, "and we could make some sort of deal." Oh, how grateful she was that her father had held her mother back.

"What sort of deal are you talking about?" he asked warmly.

"Well, I thought... I think I've figured out that your main concern is that maybe I'll start at this drama school and discover instantly that I have got no talent or simply not enough determination to carry it through and become a good actress. Quite rightly of course, you'd be worried, because I wouldn't even have my NEWTs."

"How sensible of you."

Talitha ignored her mother's comment and went on. "That's why I thought, if you gave me a chance to prove that I have both talent and determination, and show you that it's not only a daydream, maybe then, you would allow me to start there in January. I mean, I'd start in Hogwarts in September, and after the first term, I'd leave. Only, of course, if I was able to prove my point that is."

"And how do you think you could take our worries away? I mean, how do you want to prove your... acting skills?"

"I thought I could prove them in Hogwarts."

"How?"

Talitha knew that now came the sensitive part. Her father seemed truly open to a compromise, and her mother was at least actually listening. That was half of the battle won. No matter what would come, she must not lose her temper now, if she wanted to get her point across successfully.

"If I were to go to Hogwarts pretending to be a boy and manage to keep the sham up until the end of term, I think that you couldn't deny that my skills must be up to par for a career as an actress. I -"

"That's ridiculous, Talitha!" her mother finally blurted out.

"Mama, please!"

"Margaret, will you hear her out!" Her mother opened her mouth, but closed it again at the look from her husband. "Talitha," her father began, "you will understand that we have certain reservations. I mean, did you really think about this?"

"I did, papa, I truly did. I planned it all out."

"I believe you, but -"

"Why, Margaret? I mean, it could work. And at least she agreed to go to Hogwarts. This way we could meet her half way. What have we to lose? If she fails, she agreed to stay at Hogwarts anyway. If you think she can't manage, there's nothing to lose."

Talitha felt a rush of gratitude and triumph - her father was fighting at her side now. But then... her mother gritted her teeth. Within second Talitha's spirit fell and she felt her anger well up.

"Have you both lost your senses now? How do you think that it would work? I mean, never mind that we'd have to bring her to school under a false name and everything, and that with Albus Dumbledore leading the school, but she'd also have to sleep in the boys' dormitory!"

"But mama, they wouldn't try anything. I mean, they will think I'm a boy!" Talitha's voice trembled slightly.

"But you aren't! You are still a girl. And I don't want my girl getting all the wrong ideas, sleeping in a dormitory full of boys."

"Mama," she spat viciously, "maybe it's about time to tell you something. Remember me having been in that boarding school for years? Remember that girl's dormitory I slept in? Remember Katharina? She wasn't just my friend. She was my girlfriend, mama! I'm a lesbian! And I've practically lived all these 'wrong ideas' for over a year now!"

Her mother was stunned and looked at her wide-eyed.

"You are...?"

"A lesbian, yes!" Talitha repeated with malicious glee. "Still sure that you want to send me to Hogwarts, sleeping in a girls dormitory? I've heard Hogwarts has especially pretty girls. And -"

"Talitha, stop it," her father said calmly, "Spare your mother and give her a moment's rest."

"Well, now that all your worries are negated," Talitha said bitterly, believing that her outburst had certainly cost her victory, "what about the deal? Can I try?" The coming 'No' already rang in her ears.

"We will try, yes," he said. Talitha's look suddenly resembled her mother's as she stared unbelievingly at her father.

"We... we will?"

"Yes, but there is one more thing." Talitha rose her eyebrow in a silent 'That is?'.

"You've got to use Muggle means. That is, no magic is to be used where your little masquerade is concerned."

"No magic? At all?"

"Yes. You want to become an actress. Go to a Muggle drama school. Dump higher wizarding education. Well, then, if you want to prove your point, you'll have to use Muggle means, I say."

Talitha thought about it - for about one second - the incredibility of her success slowly sinking in. "Agreed," she said firmly. Then she fell around her father's neck and hugged her still speechless mother and left the living room for her own room, saying, "But then, I'll have to change a few things in my plans. See you at dinner."

The living room was silent for a moment.

"She... she is homosexual," Talitha's mother said quietly, shock still in her voice.

Her father laughed. "But Margaret. Oh my! Of course, she is not!" he said lightly.

"But..."

"She only said so to fight for her point. Didn't you see?"

Her mother felt somehow silly now that her husband pointed this out so clearly. A blush slowly rose to her cheeks. "Well... maybe she will become a good actress after all."

***

Talitha stood in front of the large mirror in her room, contemplating her reflection. "Muggle means," she murmured silently to herself. She had looked up several charms, spells, potions - loads of magical possibilities to make her look like a boy. But the deal had been fair.

And she could see that her father had a point, of course.

She sighed. It would be much harder though, using Muggle means. If she wanted to look like a boy by the first of September, she'd have to start now. Gritting her teeth, she took up her shoulder-length, chestnut hair in one hand in a ponytail, holding the scissors with the other. For a moment she felt like not watching, like closing her eyes, but she couldn't very well cut her hair with her eyes closed. She raised the scissors.

"Talitha, dinner," she suddenly heard the faint voice of her mother. Slowly she lowered the scissors and sighed once more.

As she sat down at the kitchen table, her mind was still pondering her reflection in the mirror. Her mother served dinner. She still seemed a little grumpily, but less so than before. Her father took seat and put his newspaper aside.

"This smells delicious, Margaret," he said, gaining a smile from his wife, who then turned towards Talitha.

"I've cooked one of your favourites, roast chicken, buttered rice and peas," she said amicably. It was obvious that Talitha's father had had quite a talk with her.

Talitha smiled back and gulped as her mother placed the food in front of her, swearing silently, but saying, "Thanks, mama."

"And?" her father asked. "Already came up with some ideas about your disguise?"

"Er, yes."

After her father and mother had helped themselves to food, her mother pushed the bowls and the plate full of chicken over to Talitha. The girl hesitated for a moment, then she took about two spoons full of rice and about the same amount of peas and pushed the chicken away from her. Her parents looked at her, questions practically written across their faces, as she began to eat.

"What's that?" her mother asked. "Why don't you take any chicken?"

"Well, Papa said, I have to use Muggle means. If I want to look like a boy by the start of term, I have to lose some weight."

Her mother's eyes widened slightly. "Talitha, if you lose anymore weight, you'll look skinny. People will think I'm mistreating you or something."

"I won't look skinny. I'll look tom-boyish. And that's what I want."

Talitha's mother stared at her just for one more moment, then turned to her husband, her eyes narrowed in an unmistakable 'that's all your fault' fashion. She pulled the bowl of peas towards her, took a great spoon full of it, slammed it onto Talitha's plate and did the same with another spoon full of rice. Talitha was about to reject.

"You'll eat that," her mother said shortly, closing the matter.

***

About a week later Talitha had decided on what to do with her hair. "I'm going out once again, Mama. D'you need anything from the supermarket or the drugstore?"

"No thanks, Tally."

Her mother's mood had lightened considerably, since she'd finally come to terms with the new deal. Maybe it had also something to do with Talitha having decided to eat more again. She had doubled her sporting activities instead.

Talitha left and headed for the chemist's, musing in front of some shelves of hair products, she had never used before. Back home she hid the stuff in her cupboard until next morning. She got up an hour earlier, so her mother wouldn't run into her, while she dealt with her hair. Her haircut was completely finished by the time her mother called her for breakfast.

It struck. This time both her parents wore a look of shock on their faces. That of her father though soon was traced with some sort of hidden amusement. He was the first to speak.

"Good morning, love. Um... nice new haircut."

"Thanks. Good morning to you too."

"What did you do?" Talitha's mother breathed helplessly, sinking down on a chair.

"Well, I had to change my hairstyle. No boy wears his hair like I used to."

Talitha's mother just stared at her, taking in her daughter's new look. Her hair was a good deal shorter now. About two and a half inches in length, gelled up, looking somehow spiky and much too untidily cut for her mother's liking and to top it off, she had dyed her fringe dark red.

"And... and boys do wear their hair like that?" her mother asked at last.

"No, not quite like this. But still it's much more suitable this way."

"You could at least have let me cut it...."

***

The evening before they planned on going to Diagon Alley, Talitha again stood in front of her mirror. She had got her letter some time ago and September the first wasn't far away anymore. They had to buy her stuff. Tomorrow, it would be the first test, so to speak. They wouldn't only buy books, but naturally her school robes. School robes for a boy. Her body had changed considerably the previous weeks, since the day of her great success. She had lost weight, which was ... okay. But whereas she was proud of the amount of muscles she had been able to build up, she looked at her breasts with mixed feelings. They had never been especially big - medium sized, so to speak. Now, however, they looked even smaller. Talitha gave them a sympathetic look.

The next morning she said good-bye to the last obvious signs of her femininity and bandaged her breasts. It didn't hurt and under a loose T-shirt, they became practically invisible. She gave herself a last look in the mirror and was quite satisfied. In T-shirt, jeans and trainers she actually looked like a boy now. Still a rather feminine looking boy, but a boy all the same. Even her parents blinked once, as she came down into the living room, from where they were going to Floo to Diagon Alley.

Diagon Alley - that was a new experience all together. Talitha had only been there twice before. The last time was years ago on a school trip with her previous school friends. The street itself was, of course, fascinating, yet even more fascinating was the feeling she got, every time a boy's reflection looked back at her from the shop windows. She'd asked her parents for money and said her good-byes to them at Florean Fortescue's Ice-Cream Parlour, walking off on her own. Somehow she had anticipated people staring at her - maybe looking right through her. And some actually did stare, not, however, because of her disguise, that apparently went unnoticed. The attention she received was for other reasons. Firstly it was because of her Muggle clothes. Few wizards in Diagon Alley wore Muggle clothes, and if they did they had always some sort of obvious sign of them being of wizarding kind, like their wand sticking out or some sort of odd hat. And then she found several people looking curiously at her hairstyle. She bit back a grin. Even her mother had somehow seemed not too keen to accompany her today. One wouldn't think so, but many wizards and witches were much more conservative than most Muggles. They were often caught up in tradition.

She went to buy her books first. Trying to keep her voice low, she ordered the books on her list. It seemed to work quite well so far. On her way out a tall red-haired boy accidentally brushed her on the shoulder. He turned around to apologise with a casual, "Sorry, mate." Talitha shrugged it off to show that it didn't matter and left the shop grinning broadly.

As she stood in front of a huge window displaying the latest racing broom, she heard some girls behind her giggle and whisper. For a moment she closed her eyes and took a deep breath as she was aware of an uncomfortable feeling rising in her chest. Naturally she knew that not every whisper or laugh behind her back was about her, but it always gave her a feeling of deep discomfort. A feeling that there must be something wrong with her. A feeling she hated and despised, because she had allowed others to get to her.

Reasoning that the giggles certainly weren't meant for her, she turned around to look at the girls. One of them turned to look away instantly - the other one blushed slightly. Talitha turned away again her eyes slightly widened. Did that girl blush because of her?! This was beginning to get strange.... She heard the two girls giggle again, one of them saying something that sounded very much like, "Did he smile at you?" and then watched their reflections in the window as they walked away.

Having bought everything else she needed, Talitha finally made her way to Madam Malkin's to get her school robes. There were no other customers inside, when she entered the shop and Madam Malkin immediately came over to greet her.

"Hogwarts, dear?"

"Yes. I need everything new. I'm starting there this term."

Madam Malkin raised an eyebrow. "But you're no first year, are you?"

"No. Sixth year. I transferred."

"Good for you, dear," the witch said with a smile. "Stretch your arms out, please. I need to take measures."

Talitha stood in the middle of the room and did as she was told, while Madam Malkin wrote down everything she needed. She felt slightly nervous. She had hoped the witch would do it by magic, but she measured her by hand.

"You don't have to be so nervous, lad," said Madam Malkin, as she was just about to measure the boy's chest, "A new school is always exciting, but most people do well at Hogwarts. Besides you'll look good in the robes."

"Hope so," Talitha murmured, feeling relieved, as she was allowed to let her arms sink again. "When can I collect the robes?"

"You said you need everything?" Talitha nodded. "Then be back in an hour and it will all be done."

When she left the shop Talitha felt the warmth of success spread through her body. This was working out really well. At this rate in six months time she might very well be sitting in a café in London, having lunch and discussing dramas with fellow aspiring actors.

***

Her parents had taken her to the Hogwarts Express, her mother had been giving her a lot of good advise on the way - too much for Talitha's liking - and her father had handed her a letter for the headmaster. On their way to King's Cross Talitha's mother hadn't stopped talking about the school, the houses, the headmaster and what a wonderful time she had had there herself and what a wonderful time Talitha might have there, if she only behaved a little. In the end she even said with a cheer up smile that Talitha might even be lucky enough to meet Harry Potter. Talitha then had pointed out that she'd have to be tremendously lucky not to meet him, as the boy was in the same year now as she would be. To this her mother hadn't replied anymore.

Sitting in an empty compartment at the front of the train, she toyed with the letter in her hand and watched the scenery passing by. She had locked the compartment door by magic and only opened it to buy packet of Every Flavour Beans from the witch with the trolley.

The journey ended far too soon for her liking. She had no desire to actually arrive at that school. To her mind it was still waste of time - just a means to get somewhere else.

Leaving the train, she looked around and saw a huge man with a wild beard call for the first years. She knew that maybe she should follow him too, but felt no wish to travel the rest of her way with firsties. Then she saw that all the older students were heading for carriages and decided to follow them.

She avoided talking in the carriages by pretending to be engrossed in the scenery outside. There didn't have to be much pretence though. Even she had to admit that the castle looked absolutely stunning. For a split second she understood her mother's fascination with the place. She could imagine this to be the perfect scenery for a marvellous 17^th or 18th century play.

As the carriages stopped in front of what was obviously the main entrance to the castle, she followed the chattering crowd inside, through a magnificent Entrance Hall into what must be the aptly named Great Hall, as the ceiling was reproducing the sky outside. She had already read about that in Hogwarts A History but it was still a fascinating thing to actually see.

What was she to do now? She had been told that the new students would be sorted in a ceremony, but all others to be sorted were first years and she saw none of them in the Hall. She saw the older students take their place at long tables - apparently the house tables. Still standing as most students had already taken seat, she began to feel awkward. She looked around, searching for some clue as to what she was to do. She didn't feel like heading directly to the staff table, so she looked for a friendly face at the nearest table. To her greatest delight she spotted the tall red-haired boy, who had brushed by her the other day. He had seemed likable enough back then.

She went over to him. He was talking to a black haired boy, whose face Talitha could not see, and a girl with a bushy brown pony tail. She tapped him on the shoulder and he turned around.

"Yes?"

"Sorry to bother you, but -"

The boy's face lit up with recognition. "I know you! You were at Flourish and Blots the other day, weren't you?"

"Yes, that was me." The girl and the other boy had stopped talking and had turned to look at her. Talitha gave a look at the boy and recognised him immediately, thinking 'So much about being lucky.' She turned to the redhead again. "Maybe you can help me. I have to be sorted, but I don't know where to go."

"Well, the sorting takes place in this Hall," he said. Just then a door opened and the students began to calm down, as some nervous looking first years filed in. The boy pointed at them. "Look. They line up over there and when their names are called out they go to the front to be sorted. Best if you line up with the first years." Talitha nodded and said thank you.

Lining up with a bunch of first years, where she'd naturally be the centre of attention, simply because of the obvious fact that she was older and taller than the rest, was not exactly what she was yearning for, but still she did as she had been advised. Luckily the sorting was in alphabetical order, giving the students not much time to stare at her. She was the fourth to be called.

"Callidis," said a stern looking witch. Talitha went over and sat down on a three-legged stool. The Sorting Hat was placed on her head and she heard a voice in her mind.

'What have we got here? A girl in boy's robes. Tut, tut, tut.'

'You are supposed to sort me, not to comment on my clothes,' Talitha thought back.

'A little rude, aren't we? Rude and trying to deceive everyone - you could be a Slytherin, you know?'

'You think so?' she thought dryly.

'I see, you do not.'

'I won't stay long, so put me wherever you want.'

'Won't stay long, eh? So smart, you think you can skip some years? Maybe Ravenclaw then?'

'As I said, I don't care.'

'Well, you're certainly not good-natured enough to be a Hufflepuff. That much is obvious.'

'Can you get a move on?'

'Short-tempered, eh? You must be either very brave or rather disrespectful to talk to me like that, as my word will undoubtedly influence an important part of your future. ... A certain disregard for rules, I see. Well, you shall get along rather well then with the GRYFFINDOR!"

Talitha heard the last word out aloud and took the annoying hat off and went over to the cheering table that must be the Gryffindors, where she sat down near the redhead and his friends. The rest of the Sorting went quickly and after the ceremony and a short speech by the headmaster, food was served. Talitha was hungry. Her lunch - delicious Bertie Bott's Beans - had left her starving.

"Hi, my name is Ron," said the redhead.

"My name is Theo," Talitha replied. "Thanks once more for your help."

"You're welcome. Good for you to making it into Gryffindor."

"Which year will you start?" asked the girl. Talitha noticed that she was the only girl sitting in the midst of boys. The other girls sat somewhat apart. Talitha took an immediate liking to her for not sitting with them. "I'm Hermione by the way."

Talitha smiled and said, "I'm in my sixth now."

"Then you'll be with us," said a sandy haired boy. "I'm Seamus. We'll share a dormitory."

'Good for me,' Talitha thought with a grin, looking at the handsome Irish. She blinked the thought away, remembering her role and asked casually, "Just the two of us?"

Seamus and the other boys laughed. "Sorry to disappoint you, mate," said another boy, sitting next to Seamus, "all boys share just one dormitory."

"All?"

"Yes, we'll be six this year then. I'm Dean."

The boy directly opposite her, smiled and said, "I'm Neville."

"And I am -"

"I know who you are," Talitha interrupted the black haired boy, whose fringe revealed a lightning-bolt shaped scar. "Even us half-bloods can't help growing up knowing your name, story and face."

Harry was slightly taken aback by the boy's tone of voice. Had he said anything wrong? The boy had seemed almost offended. Harry shrugged it away. "Yes, I guess, you're right," he said lightly. But Theo had already turned his attention away from him and back to the food. Harry couldn't help feeling somewhat confused.

***

First night in a new bed. Talitha lay in her four-posters, leaving a wide gap in her curtains, so she had free view out of the window and could look out. The night sky was dark blue here, sprinkled with stars. Stars much brighter than those in London, which were dulled by the city lights.

A whole term, about four months at this school. Talitha sighed and let her head fall back into the pillow, closing the curtain with one hand. Just as she was about to fall asleep, she heard someone leaving his bed, passing hers, walking over to the window. She pushed the curtains aside again, glancing out. Harry Potter sat on the windowsill, looking outside. Talitha didn't give it a second thought, but fell asleep almost instantly.

Harry turned as he heard the curtains fall back into place, a soft rustle.

***