Hermione's Suicide

Hermione and Ron looked at Harry in shock.

"You mean, you're friends?" she asked.

Harry nodded. "Draco and I, well, we had a little chat the other day, and--well, I wouldn't really call us friends," he said, "but we're not fighting any more. We've...we've reached an understanding."

"Harry, have you gone mad?" Ron demanded. "You know the second you turn your back he's going to hand you right over to either his dad or to You Know Who himself."

Harry grew quiet for a moment. "I'd take that over constantly fighting with him any day," Harry said softly. "I'd take having to watch my back, to risk everything, to save the life of one person, because Merlin knows I've been the cause of enough death."

"Harry, you haven't--"

"My parents wouldn't have died if it weren't for me, Hermione," Harry nearly yelled. "Cedric wouldn't have been in the graveyard if I hadn't insisted that we take the cup together; Sirius wouldn't have gone to the Ministry of Magic if I hadn't. I may not have been the one to do the killing, Hermione, but I was the reason they were in danger, so don't you dare tell me I wasn't the cause or that I wasn't the one responsible."

Hermione's eyes burned with tears. If only he could see, she thought desperately.

~|~

"Harry?"

Harry looked up from his half-eaten breakfast to see Professor McGonagall standing in front of him. "Yeah?" he asked.

"Headmaster Dumbledore would like a word with you after breakfast," she informed him.

Harry's face hardened. "Ask him how it feels to want," he said angrily, getting up and walking out of the Great Hall. Draco saw and followed, not having had a word with Harry since the night before.

"Harry," Draco said, jogging slightly to catch up to him. "Harry, wait."

Harry stopped walking and turned to face Draco as he caught up with him. "What?" he asked, surprisingly calm for the amount of anger in his veins.

"What happened?" he asked. "In Dumbledore's office," he clarified. "And just now with McGonagall."

"Dumbledore denied everything," Harry said softly, beginning to walk again. He led the way to the lake and sat down under one of the trees. "He said that I wasn't an object or a tool and that I would never be used as one. For the first time, I don't believe him," Harry said looking into Draco's eyes. "He didn't even look at me when he said that. That's the first time I've ever felt like this with someone I trusted. I don't know what to do...."

"So what did McGonagall want with you?" Draco asked.

"She was delivering a message from Dumbledore. Apparently he wants to talk to me."

"Are you going to talk to him?"

"I told her to ask him how it felt to want. I don't like this feeling. It's like they're not telling me something that is going to change my life forever, and I don't think I can take something like that twice. It was bad enough when Dumbledore lied to me about the prophecy, you know? I really don't believe him and that's what hurts. I thought I could trust him, but apparently not."

"Did you mention Hermione's journal?" Draco asked, rubbing circles on Harry's back, trying to calm him down.

Harry sighed. "I told him I knew about something--I didn't mention the journal, no--and he said that Hermione had overheard a conversation between him and Abram that she had misunderstood. But if that was the case, why didn't Hermione go back to trusting Abram again? She and Dumbledore would have set Hermione right, I know it! Maybe there's more that what's going on. Maybe she was threatened. Maybe it's in the journal...."

Harry pulled the journal out of his bag and flipped through the pages. The rest of the first entrance was clear now, but Harry ignored it. Draco assumed he'd already read it.

The next page was also clear. Harry paused and looked over the entry.

~|~

Dear Diary 12-21-96

I've just found out that Cho Chang has left the school. She's gone! No one knows where she went or if she's coming back, but I heard Padma Patil talking to her sister about it at lunch today. Did she leave because of Harry? Did she actually leave because he told her the truth? I guess I shouldn't be surprised. After her tragic love life, it seems only inevitable that she would do something rash, such as throw away her schooling, because the man she's in love with loves men.

It's enough to make me laugh.

Professor Abram talked to me today as well. She saw me on Christmas when she was talking to Dumbledore. She said that if I told Harry about anything that I had overheard I would be expelled and she would personally ensure that my name was further disgraced and that I would be labeled as the one who wanted to put Harry out of the picture for my own greedy reasons. I can't believe Dumbledore would hire someone as vile as that woman to teach us. It almost makes me wonder if the Ministry is yet again interfering with school affairs.

But if that's the case, why would Abram and Dumbledore be talking about the Order and using Harry as a tool? I'll have to look into this further....

Hermione

"Abram said that she would make sure Hermione was expelled?" Harry asked in shock. "Dumbledore is lying to me, I know it. Why else would this have happened? Hermione wouldn't lie, not to herself and not to me. She heard something and they don't want me to know about it."

"But she hasn't said what it is that they said," Draco pointed out. "Doesn't that seem odd?"

Harry shook his head. "She was always cryptic like that," Harry said softly. "She would only tell us what we needed to know until it got to the point when we needed to know everything. She was threatened, probably with more than just her education."

Harry remembered something Hermione had told him once. I'd rather be dead that not have an education, Harry. It would be like I was only half-living anyway. And with this education--they're teaching us how to use the magic that's inside of us. Without this, there would be an emptiness inside of me that would consume me. I would rather die than be faced with that.

Harry sighed and rest his head on Draco's shoulder. "I wish she were here now," he said softly. "If she was here, she could tell me what was going on."

"Someday you'll know," Draco promised. He sighed. "Someday we'll all know...."

The next day Ron began acting strangely. He kept looking at Harry with eyes that betrayed what he was feeling: fear. Harry couldn't understand it. What had changed in twenty-four hours? What had caused his best friend to regard him with a fear that appeared barely under control?

Harry decided to confront Ron that night, but Ron did not return to the dormitory that night.

****

"Draco, I've got to tell you something," Ron said, walking quickly up to Draco in the library after dinner.

"What?" Draco asked, confused.

"It's about Harry," Ron informed the blonde.

"What?" Draco asked, suddenly fearful. He forced himself under control, remembering that Ron didn't know Harry and Draco were dating. "Is he okay?" he asked.

"I don't know," Ron said softly. "I talked to Dumbledore today," he continued, "and he said that Harry was...he said that Harry was going through...changes. He said that he couldn't keep Harry under control and he was afraid that Harry was going to turn."

"Turn?" Draco asked.

"To You Know Who."

Draco shook his head violently. "There's no way Harry would do that," he said. "There's no way in hell Harry would turn to Voldemort."

"But it makes sense," Ron said. "Harry doesn't listen to a thing Dumbledore says anymore. He doesn't help out in the war, he doesn't--"

"He doesn't help out in the war because Dumbledore won't let him," Draco whispered harshly. "Dumbledore insists that Harry's too young, that we're all too young! He says that after school, we can help--become members of the Order even," Draco reminded Ron. "Don't you get it?" he asked. "Harry's not going to turn, Ron, that's Dumbledore trying to manipulate you because he can't get to Harry anymore."

"Watch him," Ron said seriously. "Watch him when he loses control of his anger, when he gets so worked up about something that he's not thinking clearly. Watch him, you'll see the signs."

"I don't believe you. Harry wouldn't do that."

****

"Harry, I've got to tell you something," Draco said, sitting down next to Harry on the grass. Harry looked up from his homework and noticed the concerned look on Draco's face.

"What is it?" he asked.

"I think I know what Hermione overheard."

"What?"

"Dumbledore's is trying to manipulate us into believing that you're going to turn to Voldemort's side. That's why Ron's so freaked out around you lately."

"What?" Harry demanded. "That's ridiculous!" he nearly shouted. "I'm going to go set him straight."

Harry began to stand up but Draco pulled him back down. "Not a good idea," he said. "Ron's hell bent on believing Dumbledore right now, Harry. He says that you're not helping out in the Order because you're switching sides--"

"Mad!" Harry cried. "I'm not switching sides! I haven't helped because Dumbledore hasn't let me!"

"I know that, Harry," Draco said, sounding very much like Hermione. "I'm on your side here. He's also saying that you're uncontrollable, both by yourself and by Dumbledore. He's saying that Dumbledore's afraid that he's lost you completely."

"If he's saying all this--why would he say this?" Harry asked. "It doesn't make any sense. If he were going to use me as a tool, wouldn't he want me closer to him? Wouldn't he want me where he could manipulate me easier?"

"Maybe he's going about this in a different way. Just make sure that I'm normal if I ever get called in to see Dumbledore. There was something about Ron last night.... I don't think he would have believed it unless something had happened to him."

"Wouldn't they have done something to Hermione then as well?"

"Maybe they never got the chance. Or they've taken a page out of the book and are going about this in a different way this year. Maybe Hermione was a trial and when she didn't work, they learned that using magic was the only way to get to the rest of us."

"Maybe," Harry sighed.

Harry slammed his bag down next to Ron at the dinner table that night.

"I'm not switching sides," he said bitterly. "I don't know what Dumbledore told you to make you believe that, but even your evidence is weak. Either you believe me, Ron, or you don't, it's your choice, but remember what you choose when you need a friend one day."

Without even reaching for food, Harry got back up and walked out of the room, sending a glare that promised death to Dumbledore.

He sat alone in his dormitory that night, wondering how safe he really was at Hogwarts. Should he trust the people around for him to go anywhere alone? Should he stay with someone who was safe for him to be around at all times?

Hermione's diary began to glow again and Harry picked it up from the surface of his bed. He opened it up to the third entry and read what was written there for him to see. It answered all of his questions. No, he shouldn't go out alone; no, he shouldn't trust anyone. And no, there was no one safe for him to be around at all times, at least, not anymore. Not now that Dumbledore knows that he and Draco are close friends. Though Harry was sure that the closeness of Harry and Draco's relationship had not yet reached Dumbledore's ears.

"Harry?" It was Seamus.

"Yes?" Harry asked, looking up at the scarlet hanging in front of him. He reached out and moved it so he could see his roommate.

"Malfoy's outside, he says he wants to speak to you."

Harry sighed, wondering if Draco had been captured and modified, but went to him nonetheless.

"Yes?" he asked when he reached the blonde.

"Harry, you mind coming with me for a minute?" Draco asked.

"Where to?" Harry asked, becoming more and more worried by the second.

"The Astronomy Tower," he answered. "The sky's really clear tonight and you can see all the stars. Come on," he said holding out his hand.

Harry bit his lip. This didn't seem like Draco at all. Harry looked at Draco's eyes and what he saw confirmed his worst fears. They had gotten to him.

"Draco, wake up," Harry whispered, near tears. "Wake up, please!"

"I am awake, Harry," he said simply. His voice was so odd--almost too happy. "Come on, Harry, it's an amazing night outside! Just come see!"

"Do we have to go to the tower?" Harry asked. "Can't we just go outside by the lake and see the sky?"

"You don't see it the same way as you do in the tower," Draco said. "Up there the stars are so close that you can practically pluck them from the sky, and the moon is so huge that you can almost touch it! Come on, Harry, please? Why are you stalling like this?"

Harry sighed. "You don't see it do you?" he asked, helplessly.

"Come on," Draco said, holding his hand further out to Harry. This time Harry took it, hoping that he could break the spell over Draco before it was too late.

Dear Diary, 2-20-1997

Death. That's what they're planning for Harry. Death. I heard it with my own ears this afternoon as I passed Professor Abram's office. She and Dumbledore were talking to someone I can't name and I heard them say that they were going to find a way to kill off Harry before it was too late. Before his power grew so strong that they couldn't control him anymore. They said that they'd found a way to take the power of the Boy Who Lived from him and use it to kill Voldemort, but the only way to do it was to kill Harry first! Merlin, it's so horrible! I'm still shaking with the fear of it! How can they expect me to keep this from Harry? How can I not tell him?

And they want Ron and I to help them end Harry's life! I heard that today as well. They're saying that since I've been so cooperative with them about keeping what I know from Harry they can count on my help.

But they've got to perfect the spell before they can do it. They've got to perfect it so they don't lose the power of the Boy Who Lived and lose all hope of wining the war.

How can Dumbledore agree to such madness? How can he even believe that I would go through with helping this? How can any of them think that it'll work?

Dear Merlin, Harry, don't you ever trust that man again.