Hermione's Suicide

"You want us to what?" Hermione demanded. "How can you be asking that of us? You, of all people, Dumbledore, should know how Harry reacts in situations where he is cornered. I won't do it. Ron won't either."

"Miss Granger, you must understand the importance of Harry's roll in this war. Were you not to do this he--"

"Would be better off!" Hermione yelled. She stared at the headmaster and the Defense professor in furry. "I can't believe you're even considering this, Headmaster. I can't believe I ever trusted you."

"You've known this was coming, Miss Granger," Professor Abram smirked. "You've known since Christmas when you listened to a conversation between the Headmaster and myself. Don't tell me you'll go back on your word now."

"Harry means more to me than my stupid name," Hermione spat. "You can do whatever you want to that, I don't care. But you're not going to have me help you destroy the best thing this world has to offer! You're not going to have me help you take his life and mold it into what you want it to be! I'm not going to do it, and no matter what you do, Ron won't either. I can guarantee that."

"Very well, Miss Granger," Dumbledore said sadly. "You've made your decision."

"Yes, I have."

The return to Hogwarts had been hard for all of them. Harry's Head Student duties would be shared with Ravenclaw Padma Patil and the twelve prefects (Hermione had been replaced with Lavender Brown and Lisa Turpin took over Padma's vacated place) were all shocked to see a non-prefect chosen to be Head Boy.

They were further shocked to see the absence of Hermione.

When seventh year Hufflepuff prefect Ernie Macmillan mentioned this during his surprise at the badge on Padma's robes, Harry excused himself from the compartment.

Draco took charge then, recognizing the need to inform the other and knowing that neither Harry nor Ron were capable of doing so themselves.

"I take it you haven't heard," Draco said as he watched Ron follow Harry out. "Hermione Granger...died shortly after the start of the holidays."

Everyone in the room audibly gasped.

"She died?" Padma asked, horrified.

Draco shuffled nervously on his feet. "Suicide," he whispered.

More gasps.

"How do you know all of this?" Anthony Goldstein demanded. "No offence."

"I found her," Draco said quickly, the sudden need to join Harry and Ron overwhelming him.

He closed the door behind him and leaned against it, very well aware that those still behind him were likely to be listening. Draco let out a shaky breath and looked to his friends for support. Was this what it was like to openly care? Was it always so hard?

"What did you say?" Harry asked in a low voice.

"Only the basics," Draco answered. "Is it always this hard?" he asked suddenly. "Caring and actually letting it out?"

Harry nodded and sank to the floor, burying his head in his arms.

"Sometimes it isn't," Ron said softly as he gazed out through the window. "Sometimes you get lucky."

Ron waked back in to the compartment, leaving Harry and Draco alone again.

Draco sat down next to Harry and sighed. He leaned his head back and listened to everything going on around him. Harry was crying again.

"Harry?"

Harry shook his head and looked up, unseeing, at the door opposite them, wondering what was going on in there. "I wish I knew why," he said yet again. This time, he wasn't just referring to Hermione's suicide.

"Don't we all?" Draco asked dryly. He studied Harry a moment and could not fail to notice that the Head Boy's gaze continued to linger on the door to the prefect's compartment.

"Patil can take care of them, you know," Draco said, trying to draw Harry's attention away from his pain. "She knows what to do."

Harry nodded and sighed. "Hopefully she's good at that.... Doing more than she has to, I mean."

"What are you talking about?" Draco asked, suddenly worried that Harry was thinking of following in Hermione's footsteps.

"I don't think I can do this," he whispered.

"Yes you can," Draco insisted, a lot more forcibly than he had intended.

Harry's eyes snapped over to Draco, the shock on his face rather apparent. "You really think I can do that job--a job she should have--now that she's gone and offed herself? Do you honestly think I can do something she would have done and do it well? I don't."

"Shows how well you know yourself, Harry," Draco muttered, forcing himself to look away from Harry. Those damn green eyes.... Draco was sure they could see thorough anything, even if Harry couldn't.

"Huh?" Harry asked, sounding rather stupid, even to his own ears.

"You don't get it do you?" Draco demanded, turning back to look at Harry again. "You're strong, you're the only one who really can do anything. You're an excellent flier--makes me wonder why you're not Quidditch captain--you're the best duelist I've ever seen, and I've grown up watching Death Eaters. You are one of the most passionate people I've ever met. You're self-sacrificing, determined, resourceful, noble...you're everything people dream about, Harry," Draco said, his voice full of emotion even he didn't know he was capable of. "And you're far too stubborn to fail."

"I don't want this," Harry muttered, taking off his badge. He looked at it a moment then handed it to Draco. "You deserve it, not me," he said, standing.

"No," Draco protested, pulling himself up as well. He pinned the badge back onto the front of Harry's robes. "And don't you ever take it off again. You deserve this. You keep this."

Harry was grateful to return to his old dormitory that night. He changed quickly and flung himself on his bed long before his dorm-mates made their way up the staircase.

Harry was surprised, and grateful, that the headmaster hadn't mentioned the new appointments or absences. He didn't think he'd be able to handle one more person mentioning Hermione's absence. On the train, at the table, again in the common room...Harry wondered if Hermione had known what an important part of this school she was. Even people from other Houses noticed that she was gone.

"Harry?"

"Yeah?" Harry asked from behind his closed scarlet curtains.

"McGonagall want's to talk to you," Ron informed him quietly.

Harry sighed and got out of bed. After pulling a shirt on, he followed Ron down the stairs to see the Head of Gryffindor standing in the common room.

"Professor?" Harry asked as he approached her at the fireplace.

"I hear you don't want to the job of Head Boy, Potter," she said softly, announcing the reason for her untimely presence.

"Nope," Harry answered rather rudely. "I hate the badge already."

"Why?" she asked, turning away from the fireplace to face him.

"Hermione," Harry answered simply, feeling that the one word provided all the explanation needed.

The Transfiguration professor nodded her understanding. "You may be interested to know that Miss Granger's choice is precisely what led Professor Snape to nominate you for the position. You won the vote by one person."

"Then take it back and give it to the other person, please!" Harry begged. If it was just one vote....

"Draco Malfoy has already declined," Professor McGonagall confessed. "We discussed the matter when he brought your feelings to the attention of his Head of House."

Harry made a noise of contempt at hearing that Draco was the one that ratted him out.

"You will be expected to perform--"

"No," Harry said strongly. "Hogwarts can either be short the Head Boy this year, or you can find a new one."

Harry turned and walked back to his dormitory without another word.

Harry's refusal of duties caused an uproar in both the students and the staff. There were a few, such as Ron, who blamed Snape for the problem, being that Snape was the one to suggest that Harry become Head Boy in the first place. These people sided with Harry on his decision to refuse the job. Others in the school thought that Harry should just tough it up and take the job, but these were the people who didn't know what had befallen Hermione and thought that she had just decided to refrain from attending her last year of Hogwarts. It happened to a lot of students, why should she be any different? After all, these people thought that she had been accepted to some other school that was better and she was continuing her magical career early.

Padma, it seemed, took the responsibility she had been appointed with, as well as all of the jobs Harry had dumped into her lap, with a grain of sand. She did well as Head Student (the name had been unofficially changed) and the student body admired her for it. Many of them said that she had been kept under Hermione's shadow and that it was a good thing the Gryffindor had gone to that other school so that Padma could have her share of the limelight.

It took Harry months to get the DA up and running for it's third year. He had been so busy with Quidditch practice and homework, not to mention his after school training with Professor Abram (the only Defense professor to return for a second year in a row since Quirrell).

The first meeting of the DA wasn't until early November. Harry watched as all of those who were still at the school for the previous DA returned, each of them bringing someone younger with them.

Harry stood up at the front of the room and watched each of them find someone to work with.

Draco leaned against the table a few feet behind Harry and watched the Boy Who Lived very closely.

Both boys walked between the students to watch them as they practiced the newest spell of Harry's teaching: the Disillusionment Charm. Each group was supposed to be casting the charm on an object of their choice. Not many were getting it though....

Draco stayed after the meeting had ended to help Harry clean up and restore many of the objects that had been, in some way, modified by the charm.

Draco wanted nothing more than to take Harry into his arms and kiss away his problems, but he held himself back. They hadn't been alone together in months and hadn't been closer than a foot since that last night of August that hadn't escalated to anything beyond an extraordinarily great snog session for fear of Ron's waking up.

They hadn't even talked about it.

They weren't even talking right now.

"It was a good meeting," Draco said, desperate for Harry's attention. He placed the last restored object on the table. "There were a lot of new faces."

"You and Pansy sure had a lot to talk about," Harry said in a low voice as he turned away from Draco.

"We hadn't really had a chance to catch up since I ran away. She and Blaise were curious about how the summer was."

"Do they know?" Harry asked.

Draco didn't even need to ask about what Harry was talking about.

"Yes," Draco said softly. "I told Pansy in a letter just after...."

"Everyone came back, did you notice?" Harry asked, skillfully changing the subject.

"Do you think it'll last after we're gone?" Draco asked, following Harry's lead. Anything to keep the pain away....

"I'm thinking of having Ginny take over teaching for me. I still have to talk to her about it, but I think she might do it. If not, I'll find someone else. They can pass the job on when they leave.... It'll be better for the school if the DA stays."

"Not to mention the general public and everyone's grades," Draco said with a small chuckle.

"Maybe," Harry agreed, sounding thoroughly depressed.

"What's wrong?" Draco asked, sitting on one of the beanbags in the room.

Harry shook his head but Draco could easily see that he was close to tears again.

Closer than Draco thought, for suddenly tears were falling down Harry's face and a sob was escaping him.

Draco rushed to Harry, the need for comforting the other teen far surpassing the, as of yet, undying need to be proper.

Harry tightly wrapped his arms around Draco's waist and continued to cry.

"Shh," Draco whispered in Harry's ear. "It's all alright," he swore. "It's all going to be alright."

"When?" Harry asked thickly.

"I don't know," Draco confessed. "Soon, I promise."

Unable to resist, Draco kissed Harry's forehead.

"Draco?" Harry asked.

"Yeah?"

"What are we?" he asked. "We're not just friends, so...."

"We are what we want to be, Harry," came Draco's cryptic answer. He knew exactly what he wanted, but he wasn't sure about Harry.

"If I ask you if you'll be my boyfriend, what will you do?"

"Gladly accept," Draco answered honestly. "And tell you that you sound like a pre-teen for having to ask."

Harry chuckled. "Can I ask it anyway?"

"How about we just skip that part?" Draco asked. "We'll pretend that you did and my answer is yes, so here we are, a couple."

Dear Diary 12-31-96

I've just found out that Cho Chang has left the school. She's gone! No one knows where she went or if she's coming back, but I heard Padma Patil talking to her sister about it at lunch today. Did she leave because of Harry? Did she actually leave because he told her the truth? I guess I shouldn't be surprised. After her tragic love life, it seems only inevitable that she would do something rash, such as throw away her schooling, because the man she's in love with loves men.

It's enough to make me laugh.

Professor Abram talked to me today as well. She saw me on Christmas when she was talking to Dumbledore. She said that if I told Harry about anything that I had overheard I would be expelled and she would personally ensure that my name was further disgraced and that I would be labeled as the one who wanted to put Harry out of the picture for my own greedy reasons. I can't believe Dumbledore would hire someone as vile as that woman to teach us. It almost makes me wonder if the Ministry is yet again interfering with school affairs.

But if that's the case, why would Abram and Dumbledore be talking about the Order and using Harry as a tool? I'll have to look into this further....

Hermione