For Her Sake

***

Huh?

What time is it?

Three seventeen am already?

Why am I not sleeping?

Never mind - just turn around and sleep.

***

Go on... SLEEP!

***

Argh!

***

That Gryffindor-Slytherin class yesterday was a big disappointment.

Again I didn't keep my promise. Before every lesson with him I promise myself I'll be nice to him, for her sake. But every single time I'm trapped by his appearance.

He really looks way too much like his father. When I was still a student here, everyone thought I hated James.

I didn't.

Really, I didn't!

At least not in the beginning.

In the beginning I just disliked him, because he was a Gryffindor. I was supposed to dislike him, since I was in Slytherin. But all of that changed...

He never knew I loved her; I don't think anyone knew. If he would have known, he would have killed me, I'm sure.

No one will ever know how much I loved her. No one will ever know that their relationship is why I do what I do. They will all think I favor the Slytherins because I'm the head of their house. That I hate the Gryffindors, because they won the House Cup several times in a row now. Let it be that way. It's easier, less painful.

But one thing is for sure: today will be different. I will once again try to be nice to him and his friends, no matter how much they will remind me of the Marauders.

Yes, they really remind me of them.

Harry is James of course - that goes without saying.

Hermione, she's Remus; always the best of the year, a straight A student. Quiet, hard-working, seriously serious most of the time. Always reading something no one else would even bother to pick up or read the cover title of.

But let's go on to the three Weasleys: Ron, Fred and George. They're Sirius, all three of them. Short-tempered, smart, but too much into pranking about to show it. Very touchy about their friends and family, and extremely loyal to both of them.

And last and maybe also least, there's the Longbottom-boy; Neville. It's uncanny, how much he reminds me of Peter. Not very talented with a severe lack of self esteem, to name a few things. Of course Neville's lack of self esteem is hugely my doing. I'm sorry about that. I really hope he'll end up better than Peter did. If only he hadn't been so easy to convince. But Peter always took the easy way out. He would follow whoever was in the lead at that moment. The perfect follower. I hope Neville has more spine when in the face of danger. More like James or Lily.

Lily...

Every time I see Harry's eyes I think of her. And then the pain just becomes too much.

But I swear that today I will look him in the eyes and be friendly. For her sake.

~ the end~