Until Then

I've been staring at the sky tonight
Marvelling and passing time
Wondering what to do with daylight
Until I can make you mine
You are the one I want, you are the one I want
~ Arithmetic by Brooke Fraser

"Er...so, Lily -"

"No, Potter, I don't want to go out with you," Lily Evans said curtly. Ignoring him, Lily walked away from the Gryffindor Common Room's notice board, which was currently advertising a Gobstone-Set to sell, a lost purple boot, and the next Hogsmeade weekend.

James watched Lily as she walked off, mouth agape. To the curious onlookers, James said with feigned casualness, "That wasn't what I was about to ask her, you know." With a charming grin at one of the fifth-year girls who had been making eyes at him for the past year, James continued, "In fact...er...Nell, would you honour me with your company at the next Hogsmeade Weekend?"

The girl in question turned bright red at James' attention.

His grin broadened. "I'll take that as a yes." As he walked away, his smile fell off his face. Racing up the stairs to the sixth-year dormitories, James grabbed his broom, his face tight with anger.

The moment he made it out of the castle doors, he leapt onto his broom and away from Lily Evans.

***

It wasn't until the sun had set that James' feet touched the ground. His flying had made him feel somewhat better, although the alternative option of having Lily Evans date him or do anything with him really, was so much more satisfying. It would also, James thought irritably, reduce the need for him to have cold showers so often.

"Oi, Prongs!"

James turned just in time to see Sirius Black, hurtling towards him. As his best friend barreled into him, Sirius toppled them both onto the ground and James' broom went flying. When the two of them had finally got themselves untangled, James started to stand. Sirius wrenched him back onto the ground again. "Leave it, Prongs," Sirius said. "We need to talk."

"It's not going to be one of those embarrassing 'It's-not-you-it's-me-conversations' is it?" James joked awkwardly. Sirius grinned, and in quiet companionship they sat and watched the last sun rays fade before Sirius spoke.

"Heard you got shafted by Evans again."

James shrugged nonchalantly, although he knew his face was going bright red. "Nothing new. I just asked Nell to Hogsmeade instead. The pretty blonde fifth-year, you know the one..."

"You mean Nutty Nell?" Sirius asked. "Yeah, I know her. Suicidal she is."

James grimaced at Sirius' casual description of his date to Hogsmeade. "She's not that bad is she?"

"She's a lot worse than Evans." Sirius paused dramatically, and grinned when James viciously elbowed him. "She went out with Regulus."

James glared at his friend, who sat sprawled out, his weight on his elbows. With only the lights from the castle, James couldn't tell what Sirius was thinking. Considering how he loathed his younger brother, Sirius seemed to be uncharacteristically calm on this particular topic.

"Why didn't you tell me sooner?" James said accusatively.

Sirius shrugged. "Can't help it if you have terrible taste in girls, Prongs." He paused in thought, rolling onto his stomach as he contemplated his friend. "Bar Evans of course. Which is why you're such a git around her."

James flopped down beside Sirius with a groan. "Thanks for that, Padfoot, it's nice to know I have no chance of going out with Lily."

"Did I say that?" Sirius asked testily.

James glared at him. "You just said I'm always a complete git around Lily. Who wants to go out with a git?"

Sirius smirked. "Who wants to be seen being friends with a git?"

By the time James had managed to retrieve his escaping broom, Sirius had already retreated into the castle grounds, almost collapsing with laughter as James tripped over his feet several times in his wrathful need to take vengeance on his best friend.

***

"Sirius is right," Remus Lupin pointed out. "It really does pain me to say that, James, but your love life is pathetic."

James glared at his friend, who was calmly decimating Peter Pettigrew in a game of Wizard chess. "You three have too much time on your hands," James muttered. "Go find yourselves a girlfriend so you can stop bothering me about my love life."

"Lack of, actually," Peter said. Small and chubby, Peter Pettigrew was often overshadowed by his friends, although he was always a very willing partner in crime.

James whacked Peter across the head, almost causing Peter to upset the chess pieces into the Gryffindor Common Room's fire grate. "You, Wormtail, cannot talk."

"On the other hand, he doesn't go round holding his crotch and bemoaning his lack of Lily," Sirius said. James growled, but Sirius had strategically placed himself on the other side of the chess board. When James went for his wand, Sirius smiled brightly at him. "Looking for this, James?" He gave James' wand an expert twirl as his best friend fumed.

"You're all against me today aren't you?" James asked irritably.

"Yes," Sirius said. "I'm glad you finally understand, Prongs."

"It's my date with Nutty isn't it?"

"Say it a bit louder. I don't think she heard," Sirius said.

Peter frowned at the chess pieces as Remus' white knight wrestled Peter's black queen off the board. "That's probably why Lily refuses to have anything to do with you, you know," Peter said, his tongue poking out as he tried to rally his chess pieces.

"What?" James asked eagerly.

"You keep asking random people out when what you want to do is be with Lily. And, of course, because you keep hexing and cursing people you don't like just because you can."

James looked at Peter in disgust. "Concentrate on losing the game, Peter. You'll do better than try to advise me."

Remus shrugged, keeping an eye on the board as his chess pieces sniggered at Peter. "I've noticed the same thing myself. Lily could actually like you if you stopped hexing and pretending her rejections don't matter."

James stared at Remus in horror. "I can't do that," he said. "I just can't."

Sirius twirled James' wand provocatively over the chess board again. "If you liked her enough you would. Go on. I dare you to go over and break off your date with Nutty."

"But then Lily'll think that - "

"James?" Remus' usually patient demeanor cracked as his bishop cornered Peter's irate king. "Stop trying to make all these excuses. You like Lily, right? Then tell Nell that you're sorry, but you don't think it would be fair of you to take her to Hogsmeade when you like someone else."

"Yeah, Prongsie," Sirius said with his infuriating smirk. "Suck up that pride of yours, be a Gryffindor about it. Don't slither around -"

James shot up immediately from his chair, upsetting the chess pieces. Peter's king let out a long-suffering sigh as he flew into the fire grate. Snatching his wand from Sirius, James muttered, "Git."

***

"Nell." James looked awkwardly at Nell. Her face was bright with happiness at James' appearance. "Could I...er...please speak to you in private?"

James grimaced as he heard Nell's friends' excited giggles. When he turned to face her at the bottom of the stairs to the girls' dormitories where it was quieter, he noticed that Nell looked as if she expected to have a prolonged snogging session. Ignoring her hopeful upturned face, James said, "Look, about Hogsmeade..."

Nell smiled at him, seemingly rendered speechless.

He tried again, rearranging his face into a solicitous expression. "Look...I was thinking that it wasn't fair for me to ask you on a date because someone I really liked turned me down. So...er...I was thinking that...it would be better if we decided not to go together. Not that you're not a great person," he added hurriedly at Nell crumpling face. "You'll probably make another guy really happy...but it's not fair for me to go on a date with you when I really like someone else..."

Nell burst into tears.

"Uh...Nell-"

"I hate you!" she screeched as she ran towards her friends.

James stared helplessly at her then started after her.

"She only hates you because she was so sure that she would be able to make you fall in love with her." James started at the familiar voice and he looked up the staircase. Lily stood there, a slight frown on her face.

"Lily." James clamped his mouth shut before anything stupid could slip out. Jamming his hands into his robes to resist the temptation of messing up his already-wild hair, James smiled weakly at her.

She walked down the stairs, her bottom lip caught beneath her teeth as she chewed it thoughtfully. "Why did you do that?"

"I..."James swallowed hard. "I thought it wasn't fair to use her just because you wouldn't agree to go to Hogsmeade with me. Before I even opened my mouth."

"Oh?"

"It...You mean something to me, Lily," James said in a low voice. Lily leaned forward to catch his words, and James could smell her elusive flower smell that teased his senses. "I don't want you to think that...I would just move on if you weren't available." James immediately realised his mistake, and blurted out, "I meant, if you didn't want to go out with me it would matter to me. It does matter to me."

"James." Lily's voice was soft and James lifted his eyes from his feet where they had been glued since he had started talking. A slight smile played across her features. "Don't give up, okay?"

"What?" James blinked incredulously.

"Don't give up asking me. Because I think..." Her voice drifted off. "I think I might actually believe there's hope for you."

James gaped at her as she wandered into the Common Room to speak to some of her friends. As he watched her red hair glitter in the firelight, James decided that she was definitely the most beautiful and intelligent witch he had ever met.

With a broad grin on his face, he walked back to his friends.

"Well?" Sirius demanded. "How did it go?"

"Fine..."

Remus quirked an eyebrow at James. "Nell was boasting all afternoon that she would make you love her. I can't imagine she'd take this very well."

James shrugged, ignoring his friends' enquiring looks, caught up in his own thoughts.

She had said there was hope after all. It wasn't much, but it was enough for now.