The Secret Diary of Cho Chang Aged 15 and 3/4

October 20^th

6:30am

Well, so much for me trying to find Harry to apologise.

I've been a complete chicken and kept well out of his way. I've had disapproving looks from George and April, but what can I say? I know that the sorting hat could have put me in Gryffindor, but it must have seen my yellow streak and that's why I'm a Ravenclaw!

The thing is though it's the Ravenclaw v Gryffindor Quidditch match later on today and I am genuinely scared stiff. Whatever I say isn't going to be enough to make up for what I said to him, is it?

It's been a few weeks since Cedric's birthday, and I can honestly say that I feel as if something has been lifted from me. Not a burden as such, but I really feel as if it was the beginning of a new chapter in my life. I know that Cedric is up there wanting me to get on with my life. Like I've written here before Diary, we weren't the school's official sweethearts or anything but I did care for him. I've come to realise that it wasn't love I felt for him, but I did care for him. I know that Cedric felt the same. He wasn't my first love nor I his. I can accept that now. Even some of the Hufflepuffs have stopped treating me like his grieving widow. Although, I have to admit I have kept out of their way after the train ride at the beginning of term.

Mum has owled me a few times over the past few weeks, the same thing really:

'Are you eating enough? Are you getting enough sleep? Are you keeping up with your homework? Quidditch isn't taking up too much of your time?'

Yada yada yada. I know she means well, but come on!

No, I shouldn't be such a nasty bitch. She's just worried about me. I just send Andromeda back with the same reply anyway:

'Yes Mum, I am eating lots. I am getting enough sleep. I am keeping up with my homework. No, Quidditch isn't interfering with my studies; you should know that by now!'

I know she worries about me, especially as I am the youngest out of all of us.

Anyway, this isn't helping, I've still got the match to prepare for and that's in about 8 hour's time. What am I going to do? I might go downstairs and have an early breakfast. I doubt I'll be able to keep anything down though. I just have to make sure that I don't wake up everyone else.

"It does not do to dwell on dreams and forget to live."

Wise words from Professor Dumbledore. That's been my mantra over the past few weeks. I wonder who he said that to? It's really helped me to be honest. I won't forget to remember, but I will carry on living.

7:55am

Back from breakfast. Well, if you can call a slice of toast and a goblet of pumpkin juice breakfast. If I had eaten anything else I would have probably chucked it all back up. I just need to settle my nerves.

COME ON CHO! PULL YOURSELF TOGETHER!

I am a complete wuss. Here I am getting myself worked up over a Quidditch match. It's just that the whole school will be there, watching every move we make, waiting to see if either one of us buggers up somehow.

Oh God, this is unbearable. How will I get through the match? I'm scared.

I am so scared.

I tried to stifle a sob but April, who has hearing like a bat, heard me and it woke her up. She came over to my bed, sat down, cast a silencing spell around it and started to talk.

"Cho, what's up?"

I pulled my knees up to my chin. "April, I am so scared. I don't know if I can play this game later. I don't think I can. What if I make a complete fool of myself? What if when I see Harry I do something stupid? What if-"

"Cho, all these 'What Ifs', well, what if You Know Who launches an attack on Hogsmeade or Hogwarts? What if Professor Flitwick finds out who cast that colouring charm on his robes that makes them turn pink every day at 2:00pm for an hour? What if Snape actually gave a house other than Slytherin points? What if George tries that trick with the shampooing spell on Snape again? What if...? Cho, you can't live you life on 'What If''s, you can't! You know what George told me?"

I looked up at her, I had been looking anywhere but her eyes. "What?"

"He told me that he's had this exact conversation with Harry. He was a bit surprised, as it's his younger brother Ron who is his best friend, but I think Harry wanted to talk to someone who actually knows you, and believe me; he is, if you pardon my French, shitting bricks about today. You know, maybe if you met Harry before the match, it might calm both your fears." She jumped up off the bed, and pulled on a coat over her dressing gown. She took off the silencing charm and said, "Leave it to me, give me ten minutes!" With that she ran out of the dormitory.

I stared after her for a minute, and wondered what she was up to now. I decided to go for a shower, just for something to do really, and keep my mind occupied. I know most people think that Gryffindor will win the match, but we Ravenclaw's aren't too shabby on the pitch either. If only I could get over the nagging feeling that I am going to make a complete fool of myself.

When I got out of the shower April was back, with a big grin on her face.

"Dry yourself, and come with me." She let me change into a pair of tracksuit bottoms and I just tied my hair back into a small bun at the nape of my neck, then she dragged me out of the dorm. "Don't say a word, just follow me," was all she kept saying.

"April, I-"

"Cho, sshhhh, if you trust me, and I know you do, you'll just do what I ask. No more questions."

"Yeah, but-"

"Shhhhh," she put her index finger to her lips and repeated the action, "Shhh."

She took me to the dressing room where the Quidditch teams get ready and prepare for a match.

"Hello?" she yelled at what looked like a completely deserted room, "Hello?"

"April, is that you?" came a voice from nowhere. It was George. I looked at April, confused.

"Nah, it's Snape. I've just polyjuiced myself into a sixth year Ravenclaw." She dragged me into the middle of the changing room.

George came out of the back of the changing room. "My dear Professor Snape, not only do you have the pleasure of me again this afternoon after the Quidditch match, I am anxiously awaiting the next fwooper to stuff, but you've turned into the most gorgeous of all sixth year girls. Enchante!" He took April's hand and kissed it.

"Ah, Ms. Chang." He winked at me and then took my hand and kissed it. He then pulled me away from April. "Sit there."

I did as I was told; basically I was too dumbfounded to do anything else. George disappeared to the back of the room. I turned around to April. "What's going on April? Where's George gone? I'm not meant to be here for another few hours."

She looked at me and smiled, then smiled even wider as she looked up. "Hello George. Hello Harry."

I turned around and looked. Standing next to George, with the same dumbfounded look on his face was Harry Potter.

Oh. My. God.

"George, what-" I looked at him and stood up, "I-"

He held his hand up to stop me, "I'm doing this for the good of the match later on. Oh, and for the sake both your mind's. Neither of you would be able to concentrate properly on the game, I know Cho has a few things to say to you Harry," he looked at Harry and then back at me, "and I'm pretty sure Harry has a few things to say to you as well Cho. Now, if you'll excuse my lady love and myself, we have a few things to, erm, discuss." With that he took April by the arm and led her out.

I sat back down, my eyes stayed firmly fixed on the floor. What was I supposed to do? What was I going to say?

I heard Harry clear his throat and I looked up at him. He was doing the same thing, his eyes were downcast, and I knew what I had to say to him. I knew what I had to do.

I went over to him, and quite calmly and quietly I stood in front of him. He looked up from the floor.

"Harry, I'm sorry. I am so, so sorry, I can't tell you. I was totally out of order when I saw you on the Quidditch field. I was hurt and upset that you'd not replied to my owl and I wasn't thinking about you at all. I was thinking about myself. I've been trying to pluck up the courage to speak to you for ages now but, I'm a coward I guess. I've been scared. I can only say sorry so many times, and just hope that one day you'll know that I mean it. I don't want to be your enemy Harry. God knows you've got enough of them anyway without me adding to the list." I gave out a nervous laugh. "Sorry, I babble when I'm nervous."

Harry had just been starting at me while I went off on one. I guess he couldn't get a word in edgeways.

"No, Cho, it's me who should be apologising. I should have answered your owl. Do you know why I didn't? It was because I thought you blamed me for Cedric dying and-"

I cut him off. "Harry, after what Dumbledore said I knew there was no way I could blame you for Cedric. If I'm being honest, probably in my darkest hours there may have been an element of blame toward you, but it was over in a flash, and I knew I didn't really mean it. I was just so pissed off that people were brushing me out of the way. All I've ever really wanted to know is what really happened, and with nobody telling me, well, you probably don't understand really-"

"Cho, up until I was eleven, I was told that my parents died in a car crash. I had no idea that I was a wizard. I was treated like I was the worse kind of scumbag known to man by my aunt, uncle and cousin. What am I talking about? I'm still treated like that. In their eyes I am a nothing. A freak. I know all about being kept in the dark. You know all this 'Boy Who Lived' stuff. It's rubbish, so many people just see me as this famous wizard-"

"I don't," I interrupted.

We were still standing in the changing room. You could have cut the air with a blunt butter knife.

"Don't you?" he whispered.

I shook my head, my eyes never left his. "Never."

I closed the gap between us. "Harry, I don't want us to be enemies anymore. I don't want to be afraid to see you, talk to you, or-" I put my right hand on his shoulder, "or to touch you. I'm sick of being afraid and of being lonely. Professor Dumbledore told me at the beginning of the term that it does not do to dwell on dreams and forget to live. I won't forget Cedric. I don't think you will either but I have to move on. We both do."

Harry was looking straight at me. "Professor Dumbledore said that to you?"

"Yeah," I whispered back. I took my hand off his shoulder and I grabbed his hand. He blushed. So did I. "Harry, will you let me help you move on? Will you help me? I know in time you will tell me what happened on that night of the Tri-Wizard contest but tell me when you're ready. Whenever that may be, I want you to know that I won't be going anywhere and, if you'll let me, we can get through this together." I took a deep breath, "What do you think?"

He looked at me and blushed again. I leant into him and kissed him lightly. "I won't let you feel like a nothing again, I promise."