Ain't Love a Kick in the Head?

"The coast is clear!" James signaled the rest of the Marauders over to the portrait of the fruit bowl that lead to the kitchen. James crept up and tickled the pear. The pear giggled and the painting swung back, revealing dozens of house elves scurrying around.

The group was greeted by the usual chorus of, "May we get you anything, sirs?" The four of them sat down by the fire. James rolled out the Marauders Map and called the "meeting" to order.

"Well, Moony's time of the month is coming up, as you all know!" Sirius said, keeping a straight face.

Remus frowned and opened his mouth to reprimand Sirius.

"Sorry, Moony, it never gets old!" Sirius grinned and took a bite of a biscuit.

"Anyways, yes, Sirius, the full moon is coming up," James said, brining the group back to the situation at hand. "Now, we're going to have to leave earlier this time, remember that prefect almost caught us last time?"

Remus nodded in agreement.

"Now, what class do we have last on the day of the full moon?" James inquired.

"We have History of Magic!" Peter piped up.

"Then it should be easy to get out early. First, who will escort Remus out this time?" asked James, scanning his friends faces.

"I did it last time," Sirius shrugged.

James sighed. "I'll do it. Okay, now, where will we meet up?"

"How about the Hospital Wing, that way we have a legitimate reason for leaving class, I can be 'sick', and James will walk me out?" Remus offered.

"That sounds good, actually. See, Moony, all this bad influence from me and Sirius is really paying off!" James said, grinning.

Remus rolled his eyes. "Can we wrap this up?"

"Now, Remus will get into one of the beds, and I'll stay with him. Sirius will come and distract Madame Pomfrey so I can replace Remus. Peter and Remus will sneak out, and Sirius will follow after." James plotted the route out on the map.

"You don't need us here," Sirius said.

"Let's get back to the Common Rooms; I don't want to get caught breaking the rules!" Peter squirmed in his seat.

"Fine, let's go. We're done anyways," agreed James.

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"Do I look okay?" Hannah asked, flustered.

"Why does it matter now?" asked Lily of her best friend.

"Oh, um, I don't know! Because I have a class with Sirius next and I have no idea how I'm going to avoid him this time!" Hannah cried, slamming her books down on the table of her next class.

"You know, Hannah, there's no rule that says you have to act like he doesn't exist."

"I just don't want to make a fool of myself like I did the other day at breakfast. My voice went all high and squeaky when he talked to me!" admitted Hannah, her face reddening.

"He could be not talking to you at all," Lily pointed out.

"I'd rather have that then have me staring at the back of his gorgeous head, wondering what it would be like if I ran my fingers through his hair and then the professor calling on me, and me having no idea what's going on, look like an idiot!"

Lily watched Hannah sink into her seat as the rest of her classmates filed in. Lily took her assigned seat and cringed as her partner took her seat beside her. Dolores Umbridge.

"Hello, Lily," Umbridge sneered.

"Good morning, Dolores," Lily said glumly.

Umbridge scowled as the Marauder's entered the room, causing a ruckus and sending the girls into frenzy, all of them checking to see if their hair was in good condition.

"Oh, please!" Lily muttered.

"I know what you mean. I can't stand that Black character!" said Umbridge, getting a gleam in her eyes.

Without warning, Umbridge got up and strode confidently over to Sirius. "Hello, Sirius."

Sirius eyed her with obvious distaste. "Since when are we on a first name basis?"

Umbridge tried to pull her toad-like face into an image of girlish innocence. "I just wanted to ask a question, a girl can ask, can't she?"

"Whatever, ask whatever!" challenged Sirius, thinking he would have just the comeback.

"I just wondered....You know, you're a bit misleading."

Sirius narrowed his eyes. "Elaborate, Dolores."

"It's such a shame you're leading all these girls on by making them think that-" Umbridge cut herself off with a poor imitation of a girlish laugh.

"Go on."

"Why, Sirius, making them think that you're straight!" Umbridge said, mocking shock.

Sirius lunged over the desk at Umbridge, forcing her to the ground with his wand at her neck. The Professor walked in then, and seeing Sirius on top of Umbridge, he proceeded to drop all the graded parchment he had been carrying.

Sirius hastily got up and off of Umbridge, while Umbridge took her time, playing up her distress.

"What happened here?" demanded the professor.

Sirius and Umbridge both began yelling at the same time, giving their side of the store.

"Miss Umbridge only, if you please, Master Black!"

Sirius scowled and sulked in silence, returning to his seat. Umbridge cleared her throat and began her side of the account.

"Well, you see professor, I merely walked over to Sirius, asking how he thought he did on the essay, and he must have been feeling particularly enraged by this comment, he continued to tackle me and threaten me with hexes."

Lily saw Sirius clench his fists in an attempt to control his desire to beat Umbridge's face in.

The professor turned to Bellatrix Lestrange. "Is this true? I need an eye witness's account."

Lily found momentary pleasure in seeing Umbridge's smug look fade, but the feeling was just as fleeting.

"It's all true, professor, I promise!" answered Bellatrix.

"Then, Master Black, you will receive not one, but two detentions," the professor looked over his glasses at Sirius.

Sirius nodded, and glowered at Umbridge, while Hannah looked on, gazing at the back of Sirius's head.

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"That was the biggest piece of shit she's ever tired to pull!" James exclaimed, kicking at a nearby suit of armor's foot.

"I say!" the suit of armor wheezed.

"Up yours!" snapped James.

The armor hit James over the head with his shield. James growled to himself and thrust open the door to the outdoors, so the group could go over its usual haunts.

"I'll be fine, James," Sirius said coldly.

"I am not going to let her get away with this one! Umbridge has gone too far this time!" James whipped around and faced Sirius.

"I don't care anymore, James!" Sirius yelled, exasperated.

James gaped at Sirius. "She's getting to you isn't she? She's INSIDE your head! She's making you act this way! Where's your fighting spirit?"

"What are you talking about?"

"Who do you think? Cassandra Connell! That girlfriend of yours!"

"Can we please not go into this now?" Sirius asked, lowering his voice.

"Sirius, you can't run from it forever, you know she's making you act this way."

"I'm not running from it! Okay? You are just paranoid about it!" concluded Sirius.

"No, I'm not. I don't get a good.....vibe from her."

"Well, that doesn't really matter what you think, now does it? She's not your girlfriend!"

Sirius stormed away and James stood there, dumbfounded. A girl had never started an argument before. James ran his fingers through his hair and wondered what he should do. He had to make up with Sirius by tomorrow night, the full moon. If they weren't in working in perfect unison, the whole school might find out about Remus's condition.

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"Hey, Underwood! Yes, you!"

Hannah turned around to see Cassandra Connell jogging toward her.

"Underwood, could you go me a favor?" asked Connell.

"Sure," agreed Hannah, too tired to refuse a favor, even from her worst enemy.

"I have a detention tomorrow last class, would you mind taking notes for me?"

"No. Of course not."

"Thank you so much, I owe you one!" squealed Connell, giving Hannah's hands a squeeze.

Hannah watched Connell bounce off. "What did I just do? My brain wasn't attached to my mouth for a second."

"You agreed to take Cassandra Connell's notes for her tomorrow since she'll be in detention last hour," supplied Lily.

"Oh."

"Well, to get back at her you could take horrible notes, or write illegibly so she can't read it or-"

"No, actually, Lily, I have something better in mind."

Hannah smiled slyly.