Whispers in the Dark

Disclaimer: Harry Potter and co. are J. K. Rowlings. Quote is mine. Warning: Fourth book spoiler!!!

"I'm drowning in the sea, in my memories. Emotions are strong, like tide-a-waves crashing over me. I'm drowning in the sea."

Whispers in the Dark

By Zorra

I sit beneath the window much, as I had done on my first night, four years ago reflecting on the year I'd had at Hogwarts. I had just completed my fourth year and was looking forward to the next when I'd get to play Quidditch again. During the past few mouths, we'd practiced some; however, because of the Triwizard Tournament, Quidditch games had been canceled. Mainly due to the fact that they'd transformed the field into a giant maze. No one had been happy about it.

I smiled at the memory then thought bitterly about what price the tournament had extracted from Hogwarts. From me. I find it a bit shocking that I can still smile after everything that happened, even Cedric's death. A part of me will always feel guilty and responsible for it. In a way I was. Had Lord Voldemort not been after me, he wouldn't have transformed the winning cup to a Portkey. And had we not been so damn noble, then only one of us would've been taken.

Now that I look at it that way I remember that it was Cedric who got to the cup first because I was injured. What would have happened if Voldemort had not gotten me? They would have killed Cedric and then come for me, possibly endangering more lives in the processes.

Cedric's death was still my fault whether directly or not. Simply for my living, am I a danger to everyone around me, always have been, always will be. Cedric came to me in a dream. He thanked me for returning his body to his family, said that he at least died happy and with honors. I was glad he wasn't blaming me for his death. I don't think I could have handled it if he did. I'm not as strong as everyone thinks, not inside at least. Your stubbornness can only take you so far. But now I'm not making sense and my mind is wondering of track.

I told Cedric how sorry I was for being jealous and upset at him over Cho. They're happiness was important to me deep down. His forgiveness lifted a great weight from my shoulders and eased my heart somewhat, making it easier to except and believe when people tell me that it wasn't my fault. I've come to terms with it in a way.

One thing I do find interesting was the curse. As much as it hurt I had expected it to be worse. I really don't see why it's illegal. Others things are worse then that. Though I wouldn't wish it on my worst enemy. Well that's not true, (Voldemort and Uncle Vernon) Draco's really not that bad, he just thinks he is. What happened to me isn't so horrible compared to everything I've been threw in my life.

This is just another day to add to my list of events and adventures.

Being tied to a gravestone wasn't so bad, nor being sliced open. I find that just being in a freaky graveyard at night in itself was the scary part. I'm not really afraid of Voldemort. After all he's still just a man. A human being that can be killed...now, once and for all. I'm not after revenge for my parent's death or looking for glory, I just want this to end. I don't care how or by whom, so long as it's over and I can escape this nightmare that I call life.

Turning my thoughts to another matter. One of which I'm sure is no more comforting or healthy to dwell on. The Dursleys. Sometimes I think that I would rather face the Dark Lord then go home to the Dursleys. Dumbledore won't allow me to stay with the Weasley's all summer. He say's there is a protection spell around the Dursleys house and I'm safer in the Muggle world then here. I'm afraid of Uncle Vernon. He used to bet me when I was really young. Nothing really bad, just a slap here a punch there.

After Hagrid left, when I found out I was a wizard, and we'd returned home, Uncle Vernon gave me the worst betting I'd ever had. But I'm a fast healer, most of the bruised were gone by the time Hagrid came for me at the end of summer to take me to Hogwarts. I'm just afraid that one day he may lose control. He may really hurt me. These are unnecessary fears but fears all the same. There's nothing I can do if he want's to hit me. I'll be expelled from school if I use magic. I'm weak and scrawny compared to Uncle Vernon he'd only overpower me in the end.

It makes me wonder just how many other students here come from bad families. There has to be a few. I wonder if they share the same feelings as I do or if I'm just paranoid? Do I deserve to be beaten? Have I done something wrong? I don't remember doing anything, maybe it was when I was a toddler back before I remember...Anyhow, tomorrow I will board the train and return to the Dursleys and forget about Voldemort for the summer. I have plans to stay with the Weasley's for the last week of summer and I'll met up with Hermione in Diagon Alley. I can avoid the Dursleys for a few weeks.

I feel my heart leap at the anticipation of returning to Hogwarts. I love this school. It's been more of a home to me then anything else and I long to be here. It's painful to think how I'll have to leave in a few years. If I'll be able to let go and move on or if I'll stay here teaching or something? I really can't say. But that's a worry that I can put off for a few years yet.

*****

Ron watched from the cover of his bed as Harry finished writing. With a sigh his friend closed the small journal in his lap and stared out the window at the stars. The moon light drifted in and two tears could be seen glistening on Harry's cheeks. Ron didn't say anything as Harry broke down into silent sobs of grief. "I wish it would all just end." Whispered Harry, his voice carrying softly threw the still dorm room. The hopeless plea struck the heart of everyone who heard it and no one was a sleep.

The End