Rating:
R
House:
Astronomy Tower
Characters:
Hermione Granger
Genres:
Drama Romance
Era:
Multiple Eras
Stats:
Published: 10/25/2003
Updated: 12/31/2003
Words: 33,193
Chapters: 8
Hits: 3,065

Zephyr

Zoe Elizabeth

Story Summary:
Hermione is a Professor at Hogwarts. Her past with Snape is buried behind her as she willed herself to move on, but the arrival of an unexpected guest turns her world upside down.``...What was in that letter that arrived so mysteriously the morning after Severus first told her he loved her those years ago? Did it have anything to do with his spurning her, or did he really not love her at all? ``Hermione promised herself that she would not dwell on her past with Severus, but when the answers came seeking her out, she is determined to find out what really happened those years ago that turned Severus away from her. But will finding out rekindle a flame long put out, or will it only make things worse for her?

Chapter 07

Chapter Summary:
Severus realizes that he must have what he wants or he will be miserable for the rest of his life.
Posted:
12/03/2003
Hits:
157


Chapter Seven

Confessions

Albus Dumbledore sat still at his desk as he stared intently at the carefully cut-out newspaper clippings in his hands. He perused the articles sandwiched between his fingers whilst he muttered habitually to himself. Deep in his thoughts and contentment, he was startled by the sudden exclamation that emanated from the far end of his office. For a moment he had forgotten that Severus was with him, though he could not see him. His office was poorly lit and as he looked up from his desk to his right, he could not see anything but his collection of oddments spread out across the room. But at the far end corner was a little recess he knew Severus was in. Before long Severus' mumblings turned into more coherent sentences.

"Your charms, Albus, are extremely perplexing if not irritating," he said coldly.

"Then I take it, Severus, that they work!" the Headmaster replied genially knowing his response would elicit a cold glance if not a remark from his irritated professor. Severus popped his head out from the recess and shot Albus a cold glance though he knew the old man could not see him.

Severus was searching for a particular book, and the bookshelves built into the long narrow niche he was in held hundreds of enchanted books which made it nearly impossible for him to find the specific volume. They were a 'small' collection of ancient and restricted books and tomes Albus had collected over the past century. Each one of them was charmed with at least three different charms. And most of them had invisible titles - this made it all the more complicated for Severus to find what he was looking for.

"You realize, Albus, that there are at least 300 books here," he said with a slight indication for help. He was a bit disconcerted that the Headmaster had not assisted him with his search, seeing as how they were his books.

"Of course, Severus," he replied.

"And their titles are invisible!" he exclaimed.

"You mentioned that earlier when you began your search."

"Two hours ago," he drawled slightly.

"Do you need help, Severus?" There was a slight jauntiness in his voice as he had known all along that his 'proud' professor needed help. He thought it was good practice for Severus to learn to ask for help.

"Are you telling me, Albus, that you've known all along where the book was?" His voice was low, cold, and rigid.

"Well, they are, after all my books, Severus." There was a slight silence before it was filled with Snape's soft incoherent grunts. Albus stood up from his desk and was about to head towards Severus when he was startled by a beautiful, familiar pop. He looked up with a smile to see Fawkes gliding gracefully down towards him. The phoenix perched himself on Albus' fingers before pecking the Headmaster softly on his nose.

"Look who's here, Severus--it's Fawkes--come back from his rounds," he exclaimed.

This, of course, only elicited more groans and inaudible execrations from the dark alcove. Albus ignored the annoyed and impatient professor and drew all his attention to his phoenix. He petted Fawkes softly on his forehead before he slid open the right drawer and pulled out a small cherry truffle. Fawkes' beaded eyes seemed to glow at the sight of it as did Albus whilst they exchanged what seemed to be a devious grin. He halved the truffle in two, popping one half into the phoenix's beak and the other into his. They chewed quietly and contentedly on their sweet knowing the trouble they'd be in if they were caught.

"Minerva would have me, Fawkes, if she caught us right now," he whispered. The phoenix blinked his eyes in agreement. Albus petted him some more before inquiring on his rounds.

"So tell me, my old friend," he whispered softly, "how are we doing tonight: is everything fine in the castle?" Fawkes fluttered his tail softly in assent. "No trouble tonight? Are the children all in bed?" Fawkes fluttered his tail again with slight graceful movements of his head.

Dumbledore continued his query for a few minutes before dismissing the phoenix. He kissed it on its forehead in gratitude before jerking his fingers gently in the air. "Go on; you deserve a good rest." Fawkes flew up to his roost and rested for the night.

Albus noticed that while he queried Fawkes, Severus was awfully quiet. He assumed that he had finally found the book after hours of searching. He was glad and was about to resume his reading when he was startled yet again, but by a loud, single, forceful knock.

He knew only too well whom that knock belonged to. And he was not too pleased as he usually would have been with his guest, for he knew that such a knock meant she was not happy about something.

As he expected, Minerva swung his door instantly and swept in, shutting the door loudly behind her. He looked at the cold expression on her face and immediately panicked that something was the matter.

"Darling--"

"Don't!" she interrupted rudely. She was fuming and her face was flushed with anger. "Don't you 'darling' me, Albus!" Harsh lines bracketed her tightly pursed lips as she glared coldly at the man she trusted more than anyone else in her life.

Albus suspected she had been crying and worried that something horrible had happened. There were very few things in this world that frightened him, and one of them was Minerva. But the fear he felt was a different kind of terror. It is a fear that one could only understand when they have truly loved someone or understood the love that he felt for this woman.

Albus stood up immediately from his desk, forgetting for the moment that Severus was also in the room.

Severus had heard the loud knock as well as Minerva's sudden entrance and he stood precariously in his dark recess hoping to hear whatever it was that had angered his rival Head of House so much.

"Minerva, what is the matter?"

"What have you done?"

Both Albus and Severus were surprised with the sudden change of tone in her voice. It was soft, faltering, and incredulous. The expression on her face had changed also as quickly as her tone. She seemed hurt rather than angry. Her brows furrowed in incredulity whilst she waited for an answer as if she expected him to understand what she was on about.

"What have you done, Albus?" she repeated again. Apprehensive to her inquiry and where it was exactly she was coming from, Albus did not say a word. A profound silence pervaded the room as the two figures stared intently at each other - both expecting an explanation from the other.

"Minerva, I don't understand what is wrong," he said uneasily, "If you could explain--"

"Why, Albus? Why did you bring her here? What on earth possessed you to bring her back?" Albus remembered he had last seen her with Hermione, and realized where their conversation was headed.

He released a breath of relief when he realized that the matter was not life-threatening.

His fear quickly dissipated whilst it was replaced with extreme concern. This was one secret he did not disclose to Minerva for many reasons. He knew that she would find out one day, and regardless, he still had not the heart to tell her. For one, it would have put Severus in mortal danger. And two, it would have only brought back memories of their buried yet never forgotten past. Still, if telling her would ease her curiosity, he still would not--for it was not his place to do so.

But to Minerva, his withholding such information from her was a clandestine expression of distrust.

Albus walked to the front of his desk and halted before going any further. He heaved a resigned sigh yet was still insistent on holding his promise; he dreaded the disappointment she would feel towards him when she realized that he would not reveal much to her.

"I take it this is about Hermione, then?" he said to buy some time. But she saw his clumsy attempt to sidestep the subject, and scowled menacingly at him.

"Why, Albus? Tell me why you brought her back!" She ignored his question with a warning scowl to refrain from acting the innocent elderly he so often played when he was queried on these sorts of matters.

"Did she talk to you, Minerva?"

"Would I be here inquiring you, Albus, if she did?"

"You know as well as everyone else that she has been estranged from our world."

"No, Albus! I didn't know. Nobody knew. We all assumed she was spending time with her family--making up for lost time, or readjusting to her Muggle world. But when I inquired Harry and Mr. Weasley on her whereabouts and how she was faring they had absolutely no idea where she was. I knew right away that something was wrong. And I waited, Albus. I waited for you to come to me, because I knew that you either had something to do with it or at least knew of the matter. But you never came. Why? Do you not trust me anymore, Albus? Is that what it is?" Her voice was too strained for her to say anything else for the moment.

"Minerva, I would trust you with my life and the lives of these children. But Hermione's whereabouts were also unknown to me. It was a while before I found her--you know that."

"And what of her reasons, Albus? What were her reasons for leaving?" At this, Albus seemed very troubled. He knew she was not going to give in until he told her everything about Hermione.

"Minerva--"

"Albus, I am not leaving until you tell me what happened to that poor girl," she said sternly. "Do you realize what she has been through?"

"I have no doubt that she has been through much."

"No, no! I don't think you have the slightest idea, because you are not aware that she is completely miserable, Albus. The poor girl is overwhelmed with distress. You have seen what she has become. And how am I to comfort her when I don't know what is wrong? Do you know how much it hurts to see her crying and not know why?"

Albus stood dumbstruck as if he were incapable of speaking. Questions flowed endlessly (it seemed) from Minerva's lips and not one could he answer or respond to.

"Something happened, Albus--and don't you dare stand there and tell me otherwise. Now, tell me right now why you brought her back!"

"I brought her back, Minerva, because we were all worried about her."

"Yet, you knew something was wrong. Do you deny that?"

"No," he replied resignedly, "I don't. But the most important thing is that she is back with the people who care about her--back home. She will be fine, Minerva. She just needs time to heal."

"Albus, the girl is wondering why you brought her back to this Hellhole. Hellhole, Albus! This is not her home," she growled. "She loathes the place."

"Minerva, there is nothing that I can do for her."

"Then something indeed has happened to her?" she asked hesitantly, slightly afraid of what his answer would reveal to her. There was a moment's silence before he answered and every second that passed increased the already rapid beating of her heart. She clung tightly to the flap of her robes as Albus' benignant face turned grave.

"Yes," he replied softly, knowing that Severus was listening to their conversation, unaware by Minerva.

Since Severus had realized that Minerva was talking about Hermione, he was completely dumbstruck. He stood frozen in a rigid stance, his breath held in the entire time. He felt every muscle in his body tense and knot up as if it had never relaxed before in its existence. His eyes had started to sting when he realized that he had not blinked once since Minerva inquired about Hermione--his Hermione, he thought suddenly. He felt a pang in the regions of his heart. He experienced such pain every night he awoke from a dream about her -only to realize that she was not with him.

Severus drew his attention back to the deadly silence that seemed to have pervaded the room again and wondered what had happened in that infinitesimal moment while his thoughts drifted off to Hermione.

Despite her suspicions, Albus', revelation that something indeed had happened to Hermione took Minerva by surprise. She wanted to believe that she was overreacting--making a big deal of nothing. But her fears were confirmed and it terrified her even more now that she realized it was something terrible. Otherwise Albus would not have kept this from her.

"Albus," her voice was hoarse and barely audible, and she was unaware that she still clung onto her robes as she spoke. "Albus, was she hurt?"

"No, no, Minerva. She was not physically hurt in any way. But I'm afraid that I can not tell you anything more. I am sure that when Hermione is ready she will come to you and confide in you."

"Why won't you tell me what happened to her?" she said disbelievingly, appalled by the fact that he was still not telling her everything. He had not said much to assuage her curiosity and she was getting rather annoyed with his constant evasion of the truth.

"I have already told you, Minerva, that it's not my place to tell you."

"Then whose place is it, so I may find them and get some answers!"

"Darling, please."

"Albus, I will not rest tonight until my mind is settled."

"There is nothing we can do for her, Minerva."

"For gods' sake, Albus, will you not yield?"

"I doubt that that's possible, Minerva," Severus decided to interrupt. "He seems to have adopted your impervious qualities over the years. It's rather annoying, don't you think?"

His mellifluous voice flowed silkily from the dark end of the office and startled both her and Albus. Minerva instinctively grabbed for her wand before she realized a moment later that the voice was none other than Severus'. She stared confoundedly at his steely figure as it stepped out from under the dark gloom that blanketed the other end of the office.

There was a slight pause for her reaction before she was able to find the right words to say. "How on earth did you get in here, Severus?"

"The exact same way you or anyone else has come through here, Minerva," he responded cynically.

She saw that he held a book in his hands and knew that he must have been in Albus' charmed recess searching for it before she came in. She then realized that Severus must have heard everything that she had said about Hermione and immediately shot him a warning look before he was able to say anything.

"What did you hear, Severus?" she asked bluntly.

"As much as I am NOT interested in Professor Granger's life, Minerva (pleased though I am to hear of her misery) I will not broadcast to the school or staff or even to myself of her ...er...crisis. I'm sure the very mention or thought of her name is torment enough for my mind."

"If you say anything to her, Severus, anything at all--"

"I can only imagine the consequences, Professor, so spare me the details," he drawled. And with that Minerva decided to close the current discussion for the moment. She quickly shifted her eyes towards Albus and shot him a menacing glance for his luck and Severus' impeccable timing.

"And you! I hope for whatever reason you brought the girl back, that it was worth it--for your sake, at least."

She turned her heel and quickly swept out of his office with her robes flapping behind her as if a gust of wind had blown in from outside. The moment the door closed behind her, an extremely grave look fell upon the faces of the two men she left behind. They knew they could not avoid her for long.

*^*~*^~*^*

"Sit down, Severus!" After a long moment of silence and profound stillness, Albus broke the silence and asked Snape to take a seat. He had questions of his own and had been patient with Severus, trusting that he would confide in him as Minerva hoped Hermione would confide in her. But it seemed that they would wait until the castle rotted and tumbled for neither of the professors seemed to show any signs of yielding.

They were either too proud or too hurt to face the truth, if any of them knew what the truth really was.

Hermione had her own questions, as well as Minerva who thought Albus had all the answers. But he was just as puzzled as they were--on some points.

He knew very well what happened between Hermione and Severus six years ago that tore them apart, if not changed them completely. He was also aware that Severus had gone through extreme measures to lie to Hermione about his love for her.

She was indeed hurt, but Albus knew that Severus also suffered that break, if not more.

Although Severus was a very complicated man and he was not one to come out and spill all, Albus felt that it was time he forgot his pride and opened up to him. Albus knew he was still hurting despite the usual sardonic façade he graced the school with each day.

Severus remained silent, hundreds of thoughts swarming in his mind though he seemed to be thinking of nothing. His mind was like a slot machine: spinning and spinning until the right thoughts clicked into place before he was able to attain any coherent thoughts-- Hermione, for instance. It was no wonder to him that she remained the main object of his constant rumination each day and night.

Everything he did reminded him of her: the cinnamon on his porridge was reminiscent of the scent of her robes on Tuesdays; the feel of his quill between his fingers reminded him of the only time he ran his fingers through her hair; and the air and walls were painted with an imaginative picture of her

Everywhere he turned he saw her face, and that made him all the more miserable. He could not get her out of his mind nor did he ever try to. His thoughts and memories were all he had. And that kept him sane for the moment.

"Whenever you're ready Severus," Dumbledore interrupted, "know that I am always here for you."

Severus shot his head up to see the Headmaster surveying him. He nearly cringed at the very sight of the Headmaster: the old man's eyes seemed decisively demanding behind its trademark twinkling.

Despite the words of solace and comfort, Severus knew what they meant exactly: 'I'm ready to hear your side of the story. I have waited long enough.'

'Well,' Severus thought to himself. 'Haven't you all?' But it was no use avoiding the Headmaster now. It was time to let go as he could not bear the burden alone, anymore.

It had been a very long time since he talked about this to anyone, a very long time.

"What am I going to do, Albus?" His question was muffled when he buried his face in between his hands. His eyes seemed to have lost its austerity whilst it appeared frail and aged. His voice was but a whisper permeated with a tone of plea. He seemed desperate. But he did not care at the moment, for he realized that this was what he needed: advice, solace, and most of all serenity. And he trusted to turn to no one else for these things at the moment than Albus, the only one who seemed to know him best.

Severus sat up straight and looked sternly at the Headmaster. He awaited his reply, though it was a moment before he received one.

"Severus, tell me what you want!"

"So, I am to confess before you offer your advice."

"We both have our needs."

"Albus, you know what I want."

"I'm afraid that I don't. It has been a very long time since you've come to me. To tell you the truth, I thought I knew what you wanted, Severus, but now it seems that I am in the dark as is everyone else."

"It's not exactly something I would enjoy broadcasting to the world."

"I am not the world, Severus; so, talk to me! I'm all ears."

Severus stared at the old man before him: his benignant face was now stern and pensive. He had not the slightest idea of where to begin. He stirred in his seat and felt discomfort thrum through his body. It was an unusual position to find himself in. He almost felt like closing the conversation immediately and heading for his room. But he was startled from his thoughts when he heard the soft flapping of wings.

Fawkes had come down from his roost and was now resting in his lap. It was strangely comforting. He felt free, as if a heavy burden had been lifted from his shoulders. He found himself petting the phoenix while he got lost in his thoughts.

He looked up to the Headmaster and began his account of what happened the time he fell in love with the brightest, most obstinate student he had ever known.

"I've already told you how I came to fall in love with her." He put slight emphasis on the 'her' so Albus understood whom he was talking of. "We had been working nearly every night on preparing the antidote for Potter. I could say that if it weren't for your recommending Miss Granger to assist me in the task this probably could have been prevented. But I suppose that that would be far from the truth.

"She only stirred in me what was already there. I didn't want to give in to such an absurd idea, but she was right all along. And I panicked, Albus. It was happening to me again. And I couldn't allow it to happen."

"But it did!"

"Well, she was very consistent," he smiled slightly. "And I had already begun to fall in love with her--that blasted know-it-all I've been tormenting since I first saw her. Yet my very first impression of her proved true."

"And what was that?"

"--That she would cause me a lot of trouble one day," he whispered. "And by god, has she ever."

"Has she talked to you since?" Severus was puzzled with the question. But the Headmaster had caught on to it and said: "I meant about your reasons, Severus. Has she ever asked you after that morning why you hurt her?"

Severus remained silent as the memory of his conversation with her at the station came back to him: 'Did you ever love me--even in the smallest bit?' The question resounded in his ears and was forever infused in his memory. His response was cold and insensitive, yet necessary. Now, how he regretted it.

"Severus?"

"Yes. Once."

"And what did she say?"

"She asked me if I had ever loved her."

"And your response?" There was a long pause before he answered.

"I told her she wasn't worth loving." Severus heard Albus respond with a sigh.

"Did she believe you?"

"Without a doubt," he said.

"Did you feel that that was necessary?"

"I couldn't love her--even if I wanted to. But there was something that I could've done. Why did I see the need to hurt her so badly?"

"Because you wanted her to believe that you did not love her. She needed to leave Hogwarts believing that it was truly a mistake--a misunderstanding."

"She was really hurt," he said with a vague expression as if he were talking to himself. He stared at the elf-shaped paper weight on the desk, yet Albus knew he did not notice it. "I was sure she would forgive me one day. But I was wrong. She has not gotten over it, and yet, I feel as if that was a good thing."

"Why would you think that?" An odd expression came upon Severus' face.

Albus saw a light in his eyes--as if he had found hope once again. It was an odd--almost heartbreaking sight.

"Because then, I knew I would still have a chance to get her back," he whispered to himself.

"And is that what you want?"

"I've wanted nothing more."

"Severus, you do realize that you will be risking much by this decision. You might only hurt yourself more, and her as well."

"Then I should be alone for the rest of my life, Albus? Is that what you think is best for me? You may have ruined the chance of making Minerva your wife, but she still loves you and is still by your side."

"Severus--

"She can't even stand the sight of me," he whispered through pursed lips. "I see the loathing in her eyes, and the way she stiffens when I pass her--like I'm some parasite she longs to vanquish."

"She has every right to feel that way, Severus. Was that not what you intended for her to feel?"

Severus shot the Headmaster a severe look. "Well, thank you for reminding me, Albus," he drawled cynically. "Your memory is impeccable!"

"I am only trying to understand you and your situation, Severus. You set out to hurt her after you received that letter. And after realizing that your lies had indeed torn her from you, you don't understand why she feels the way she does. Did you not think that she would loathe you after saying such hurtful things?"

"Of course, I did. I just didn't expect her to feel that way after six years. Why can't she just forget about everything I said?"

"Because she loved you, and after what Minerva had said tonight, I believe, that in a way, she still does."

"Then how must I get her back?" he said eagerly.

"Severus, you do understand what you will be risking by pursuing her? The past you have struggled all these years to conceal will be known to her. Because she will not trust you or consider taking you back without a thorough explanation for making her believe that you never loved her.

"Then, I'll tell her."

"Everything?"

"Yes," he said tentatively.

"And the letter?"

"Everything!"

"Does she know anything of it? You told me she was there the night you received it, was she aware of its arrival?"

Severus shook his head whilst he thought long and hard about it. He remembered that she had seen the owl when she awoke but never inquired about it. 'She was too busy getting hurt by you,' he thought to himself.

"No! She knows nothing of it. I've wanted to tell her many times, but I couldn't."

"Are you sure that you are ready, Severus?"

"I never said I was; but this is something that I must do."

"Then, you realize that when you reveal to her the truth of that letter and your past, that she will not immediately forgive you and take you back. She might, in fact, scorn you even more than before. And you will only have succeeded in hurting her again."

"I don't expect it to be simple, Albus. I've envisioned the worst case scenario many times before."

Severus took a pause as he thought things over. He reminded himself everyday that what he did was for her own good. But he knew deep inside that it was a lie--it was for his own selfish reasons.

He looked at the Headmaster who seemed to be examining him again with those scrutinizing eyes. He was still surprised at the Headmaster's support after all theses years. He wondered sometimes why Albus was really helping him.

Severus remembered the Headmaster's similar dilemma with the Deputy Mistress. He wondered if Albus ever thought of what could have happened between them had he decided to keep his relationship a secret. He speculated that the Headmaster was living vicariously through his relationship with Hermione.

Albus' eyes lingered on Severus for a moment. He saw himself in Severus, as the man he was those years ago when he was forbidden to be with Minerva. He wanted nothing more than to help Severus get back the woman he loved.

"So what do you think, Albus? Was it the right thing for me to do?" Severus interrupted the deadly silence. "Could there have been a way for me to keep her and not hurt her in the future?" The silk was permeated back into his voice, and his eyes returned to their sardonic and narrowed glare.

"Severus, you know that it was impossible for you to have remained in your relationship with Hermione."

"She was supposed to be dead!" he snapped, jumping suddenly to another matter.

Startled, Albus realized whom Severus was talking of now, and remained quiet to finally understand his feelings with the tragedy fate had dealt him.

"How was I to know that she feigned her own death? He snapped as he certain passages of the letter he received a long time ago turned over in his mind.

"She has explained it to you, has she not?"

"Yes, and damn her for that," he growled. His anger soon effaced every other feeling, and slowly his rage boiled within him till he felt he couldn't stand it any longer. "Why didn't she tell me before she did it? I had the right to know!"

"She was led to believe otherwise."

"But I suffered in the process, and so did Hermione: she was innocent, and she paid for my weakness."

Severus had now buried his face in his hands as if it would block out his thoughts and feelings. He shook with anger and hurt. He wanted to go to Hermione immediately and confess about everything he did. "Gods' remind me, why I chose to go back to her?"

"Because you were bound to her, Severus: by love and by law as is everyone who is married."

"Yes. And what an ill-fated wife she proved to be."

"Her life was in danger; you knew that before you married her. She thought she was protecting you, and saving your life."

"Well, she only managed to destroy it, for gods' sake. I was a mess when I discovered she was dead. I never thought I'd recover.

"But you did."

"Yes, and in a blink of an eye, I was back to where I started: bitter, lonely, and deprived of everything that meant something to me." 'Few though they were,' he thought to himself.

"Severus, you did nothing wrong. You were led to believe that your wife was dead. It was years before you recovered from the news of her death. You had every right to fall in love again.

"One night. One night, I spent with Hermione--all to have it ruined when I received that letter-- informing me that my wife was still alive. I had no choice, Albus. I had to make Hermione believe that it was all a mistake."

"Did it never cross your mind that she might have understood about your wife if you had told her--that she might have even supported you? She is a very intelligent woman, Severus. She knows the laws of marriage and would have believed that you knew nothing of your wife's plans to feign her death. She would have understood your reasons for ending the relationship. Did you not think that that was the simpler thing to do? You could have spared her such pain. Why did you not tell her the truth then?"

"Well, you said it so yourself, didn't you, Albus?" he snapped unexpectedly. He had indeed thought about this before, yet dismissed the idea when he realized that he did not want her to be understanding of his past or his wife. The last thing he wanted was for her to understand his quandary, and therefore convincing herself to move on.

He couldn't bear the idea of her being with anyone, as he knew that she could not bear the thought of him being back with his wife. But it was much more complicated than he led himself to imagine. There was too much involved in their tangled webs and for one, he could not readily disclose his past and the information that his wife was still alive to her or to anyone. It would have put her life in jeopardy all over again.

"I'm sorry, Albus," he apologized for his sudden outburst. "I just couldn't risk it."

Albus knew that that was only partially the reason, but refrained from dragging the matter on any further.

"Well, you mustn't dwell on this, Severus. You must work to get her back. You are now free to do that. I'm sure the death of your wife was a great loss but--

"No! I'm glad I'm free of her," he remonstrated vehemently, knowing he would regret such words later.

There was once a time when he would have given his own life for that woman when she was still alive. In a way, it seemed that she had gone ahead and taken it from him. And he laughed at the paradox of it all, the sweet irony that fate had dealt him: to give one thing up for another, and yet what was he left with in the end? Nothing--not a damn blasted thing! And he laughed out loud, startling the Headmaster.

He stood up from his seat, concluding their colloquy as he headed for the door.

He had had enough confessing for the night. He needed to rest before morning came. He was at least grateful that his conversation with the Headmaster did not prove to be completely worthless. He had much to reflect on.

Another guttural laugh sounded in his throat as he walked towards the door.

The Headmaster was taken aback with his odd behavior, and wondered at his sudden need to leave. Albus did not stop him, though. Severus craned his neck slightly to give one last glance to the Headmaster. He shot Albus an odd smile that left him feeling slightly uncomfortable.

Albus then could not help but feel that his advice would prove worthless. He worried for his friend, but time could now only tell what will become of his professor.

************


Author notes: Author notes: Thanks, Sarah, for betaing this chapter of Zephyr. I really appreciate your help.

And I want to thank everyone who has been following Zephyr, and have been patient with my slow updates. Thanks for the great reviews: they were extremely encouraging and helpful. I enjoy every review you have all left. Keep it up!! : ]