Dearly Beloved

Moony!

Sorry I haven't written for a while, it's been completely hectic around here. What's new with you? I hope your Dad's condition is improving. Send him my regards.

And now, Moony, I've got some big news. Are you sitting down?

I'm getting married.

OK, I admit it does seem a little sudden. But this girl is really something. Her name's Maria, I think I've mentioned her before, and she's Italian and really sexy and fun. I think I'm in love with her. I can't stop thinking about her. And it's not that sudden, really; I started seeing her a few weeks after you left, and that was nearly a year ago now, wasn't it. She's 26, and just slightly more mature than me. Being an Older Woman she wanted some commitment, and I think we'll be together forever anyway, so I'm really happy!

Well, you're not stupid, Moony, are you? There is more to it than that, of course. And the more to it is what you think it is. Don't shake your head, Remus Lupin. Seriously, stop it. It wasn't my fault; I was just sowing wild oats. I just assumed she'd take care of everything down her end. We were just having fun and everything, she knew that. It didn't occur to me that... anything would happen. But It's happened now, so I can't just bugger off, can I? I am a gentleman, despite what you may think. And, you know, she is a cool girl. I don't really mind, I guess. And mini-me can be friends with mini-James. The next generation of Marauders! How will Hogwarts cope?

It'll be a bit strange, being married. I hope I can get my trousers to behave. I put you in charge of Trouser-Watch, seeing as you're the responsible one.

Anyway, the wedding's in a month (So her dress will still fit, haha.) And it's not going ahead without you! You've been in France for a whole bloody year, Moony, so I'm not taking no for an answer! There's absolutely no reason for you not to come. Pete's coming, and of course James and Lily and baby Potter will be there.

Oh, and I meant to tell you. James is the best man. Sorry. I feel really bad about it, and it was tough choosing, but you know, Maria's never met you. (I know that's not your fault, but it's true.) You can be the baby's godfather or something.

I really hope it's a boy. I know nothing about girls! You will help me if it's a girl, promise?

Anyway, please tell me by return owl that you ARE coming. There's a spare room in our apartment, so you don't have to worry about finding somewhere to stay straight away.

And Moony, I need you to come back because I need to talk to someone sane. James and Lily are far too excitable about babies to talk to me seriously, and I'm feeling a bit weird about all this. I need the calming Lupin Advice.

Plus you've just been away for way too long. I miss you.

Write back,

Pads.

Remus stared at the letter chewing on a fingernail. He could tell by now that reading it a fifth time wouldn't help him to understand what it was about it that upset him. He didn't like things that he didn't understand. As he sat down and folded the letter in half, he thought through his feelings. Was it that he wasn't the best man? No. He'd got used to that sort of thing at school, and he was in the habit of forgiving people when they apologised. And it made sense, too. He didn't know Maria. He didn't even know Sirius, not like James did.

He did miss his friends, that was part of it. He missed being part of their lives. A year ago he'd left for France to look after his ill father, and since then he'd felt constantly lonely and empty. He'd been able to occupy himself with the difficult task of attending to his father day and night, but it still didn't allow him a chance to get away from his thoughts. In the evenings he stayed in and reread books that he knew off by heart. The people in the village weren't unfriendly; some of them had gone out of their way to welcome him when he'd arrived, but his halting French and natural shyness had prevented him from responding or making much of a connection. They had drifted off, and he'd been too shy to go after them. They probably thought he was just a typical stand-offish Englishman, when really he was desperate to be a part of their group, but unable to take the step.

This letter reminded him of how much he'd missed. He hadn't met Maria, or Harry, and countless other smaller things had happened that had passed him by. His father was well now, but Remus still didn't return. He felt reluctant to make a change. He had got used to this slow lifestyle, and grown familiar with the aching feeling in his gut which he associated with home.

Underneath it all, he was frightened that if he went home his friends would notice that he'd changed, and stop liking him. When he'd first come to Hogwarts he had been like this, shy and ingoing, and prone to bouts of melancholy that had no real reason. He was lucky enough to find the other three, and Sirius was one of the only people who could bring him out of himself, make him lighten up and laugh. Now, after being away for a year, he was back to how he'd felt as a child. Like an outsider, looking in. Like someone marked out as different.

It wasn't just being a werewolf. There was something else, something buried inside him that made him know he was different, but as much as he struggled he couldn't understand what it was. He wanted to be able to confront it, and deal with it, but so far it remained obscure.

Going home would mean having to face up to reality and try to find someone willing to employ him. He would have to go out in the evenings to bars with Sirius-and-Maria and Lily-and-James while they all tried to fix him up with dull girls who giggled.

He also felt sad. Sad for Sirius, who was used to just living how he wanted, free of chains. He couldn't imagine how he must be feeling now. Commitment didn't fit with who Sirius was. He hoped Sirius wouldn't be terribly unhappy, because that would make Remus terribly unhappy, and he'd have to go back to France to think some more. And he didn't particularly like thinking, as it made him realise things that he didn't want to realise.

He stood up from the breakfast table and walked around the small room. Sirius's owl screeched loudly, making him start.

"All right," he muttered, and sat back down again. He pulled out a fresh sheet of paper, and started writing.

Sirius,

He turned the quill around in his fingers, trying to think what to say next. Before he continued writing the letter, he'd have to work out if he was actually going to the wedding.

He sort of had to, didn't he? And there were no proper reasons not to. Not really. Apart from silly reasons about being sad about the whole thing, and not wanting to ruin the wedding photos with a gloomy, shabby person that no-one knew, lurking in the background.

Sirius,

Thanks for your letter. I was beginning to give up hope of ever getting a one from you again.

Congratulations on your upcoming nuptials. Maria is a lucky girl, and I can't wait to meet her.

And don't worry about the baby. If it's a girl, I'll help you with it. You always said I was probably female underneath the trousers. I think it's great, anyway. Babies are amazing. You'll be a wonderful father really, I can tell. I can just imagine you dropping it and putting nappies on its head.

Dad's fine, thank you. The doctor says he'll be able to walk again soon, and he doesn't need me any more. He was just saying yesterday that I shouldn't feel I need to stay now he's better. I guess I'm moving back to London for good now. Which is exciting. I'm not sure where I'm going to live, but I'll be around to make sure your trousers behave and that you don't scar your child for life in some way.

I can't wait to see you all.

Remus