I Would Never Leave You, Ever [Barriers Arc]

Post War. In the far off future...

--- Draco Malfoy’s POV ---

I remembered that evening the news reached me as clearly as if it was yesterday. My deepest fear. My darkest nightmare of you leaving me without a parting good bye.

But you had.

And now that you were gone, I am alone, bereaved and bereft.

Death usually came unexpectedly, but when He came He was unstoppable even when seen. Even in the heights of love and endless passion, one swing of a cold steel scythe can bring it to an end. Death had taken you away from me, my love.

I had no tears to spill as I looked upon your face for the final time.

My beloved.

Why did you leave me?

I watched in silence as they lowered your body into the earth which claimed you in its cold, dark embrace. My heart shattered into a million pieces as our friends, colleagues and acquaintances offered their mumbled sympathy and condolences.

I remembered the laughter we shared. The hatred, the love, the anger, the passion. We had never told each other, but we each know deep down our mutual love went beyond mere words.

And now you have left me.

For the past month, I barely function. Life had no meaning without you beside me. God, I missed you so. My tears had long since dried. Tears that I shed in the dark confines of my loneliness. Alone.

The aching emptiness had been gnawing away at the very fabric of my being. Slowly, surely, I am dying inside every day as I exist without you. Each time I closed my eyes, I see your face -- beautiful even in death, in my dreams, during my waking hours.

My heart. My beloved.

I have made up my mind. It would mean breaking every vow I had taken but I would risk anything, everything to have you back.

* * * * * * *

I sat alone in my chambers. The ritual had gone well. We would be together again, my love.

You and I.

* * * * * * *

Midnight. The Witching Hour.

The clock tolled in the Main Square.

The hours passed. Yet I waited. Waited for the familiar footsteps, the soft swishing of your clothes. I pictured your face, your arms, your body pressed against mine. I wanted it so badly; could not help it.

You were the air that I breathe, you meant everything to me.

And then the door creaked open. I shut my eyes in equal parts relief and fear. I clenched my fists, digging my nails into the soft flesh of my palms. God, let it work -- let him come back to me.

A presence filled the doorway. I see the silhouette against the moonlight.

You came back…

I smell the earth, and --

-- and the decay?

You stood on the threshold looking at me. Your eyes…there were no spark of life in them. Your eyes were dead. As were you.

Tears streamed down my face. The truth hit me with the pain of a thousand ice-picks through my flesh. You should never resurrect the dead. Where had the soul gone? What came back from the edge?

I realised my foolish mistake. You stood there, reliving the moment when Death came to claim you, wrenching you away from me. Again and again. Like an epicyclical loop.

I steeled my resolved. There was no other choice. I am so sorry my beloved.

I had to send you back.

I crossed the room and took you in my arms. I kissed your cold, cold lips. Tears blurred my vision of the one I loved -- in life and in death. I clasped you close to me and you held me in your icy embrace.

God, I loved you so. I whispered the words that I never did when you were alive. And now -- now that you were gone, I realised it took Death to make me understand how much you meant to me.

Without you, I am nothing.

Without you, life had no meaning.

We held each other tight in a lovers’ embrace and we kissed. And I drove the knife through your heart. I held you tight as life ebbed out of you once again. I lowered your body onto the flagstones, and slipped the blade out slowly. I could not see anything through my tears. My universe concentrated on you. My beloved, dying for the second time.

I plunged the knife into my heart and felt my lifeblood oozing slowing out of me. And I smiled.

We held each other in a death embrace.

Without you I don’t want to go on.

And now we will be together, my love. I would never leave you, ever.

~ FIN ~

© Zed Adams ; 16-August 2002 ~ Barriers Arc