Rediscovering Emotions

In the three days that Ginny was gone, Draco had run of the house. However, he wasn't able to get any closer to escaping than before. He'd thought that no one would be in the house with him, but as it turned out, Mad-Eye Moody himself had volunteered to miss the wedding and stay with Draco in the house. He was horrible company, always going on about all the Death Eaters he'd put behind bars, his tone full of meaning as he eyed Draco with both his real and magical eyes.

Sitting in the library, his book almost untouched in his lap, in a rare moment away from his guardian, Draco came to a startling realization. He missed Ginny. When the idea first came to him, he thought he was going insane. Then he thought that he must just be desperate for any human company other than Mad-Eye. But thinking about it more, he realized that that wasn't true. He missed Ginny specifically. He missed her spirit and the gleeful, mischievous look in her green eyes when she was arguing with him. He missed her fiery hair and her slender frame. He just missed her presence.

Then he panicked. Somehow, his new relationship with Ginny (if it could be called that) had opened up a hole in his carefully closed emotions. He'd thought his heart was made of stone. He'd thought he couldn't feel anything, especially not after what had happened with Dumbledore. He'd become even more emotionally closed off since then. Ginny had unwittingly cracked through his facade, though, and forced him to feel. Draco was in way over his head, and didn't have a clue what to do.

Fortunately, something happened to tear his thoughts away from the redhead for a moment. Quite simply, a house-elf Apparated into a corner of the library and looked around furtively. Seeing only Draco, the elf cracked a wide, toothless smile.

"Who the hell are you?" asked Draco, rudely and unoriginally.

"Young master Malfoy! Kreacher is delighted to see you! Kreacher will have to be punished most severely, but he is delighted anyway! Is it true that young master is trapped here? Does the young master wish to escape?"

"Trapped? Escape? How do you know everything about my situation? And who did you say you were?"

"I is Kreacher, sir. House-elf of the Potter boy. I is wishing to be the elf of your mother, Narcissa, who appreciates Kreacher, but as a cruel dying wish, my old master passed Kreacher to Harry Potter. I is overhearing lots of things at Hogwarts. I is not supposed to tell anyone, but I thinks I can help you without telling." Draco's mouth dropped open. This elf was here to help him escape! He was so excited he could hardly think straight, though he knew he'd need his wits about him to decipher the cryptic clues he was sure were to come his way.

"What can you tell me, Kreacher?"

"No telling, young master. Only asking. Does the young master know why he is not getting to the front door?" Draco nodded.

"Alarm Spells."

"And does the young master ever see spells being turned off?"

"No. Can you tell me how to do it?" Draco's excitement was mounting.

"Keacher cannot. But think, young master. If you is never seeing them turned off, even when the only other person in the house is with you..." The elf trailed off and looked at him expectantly. When Draco didn't respond, Kreacher sighed. "Don't you think maybe the spells is turning off automatically? Does they ever go off when young master walks through with someone else and isn't trying to get out? Why?"

"I don't know," Draco started to shout, then realized that that was the last thing he wanted to do, since it would bring Mad-Eye to him for sure. "Is it because they're turning them off as they come to me? No? Because...because...they turn off when more than one person walks..." Now it was Draco's turn to trail off. Of course! The spells turned off when they sensed another person walking through with him. That explained why only one person ever showed up to fetch him! "Do they only turn off for Order members?"

"Kreacher doesn't know. Kreacher supposes that it is so." The elf gave him a sly grin. "I isn't able to stay any longer. I doesn't want to get you into trouble. I hopes you can get out, and find a way to bring Kreacher back to the families he wants to serve!" And with a loud crack, Kreacher was gone, leaving Draco with more than enough to think about. The obvious solution was Ginny.

Could he use Ginny in that way, knowing what he felt about her? If he had known about this in the beginning, he would not have hesitated to exploit her in any way possible. But now, the thought of using her, of abusing any affection she might have for him, of gaining her trust for an ulterior motive, was reprehensible to him. Draco knew he couldn't do it. He would have to find another way.

*****

Ginny slouched at a table in the corner, her hair tumbling down from the style that had taken hours to achieve, her once pristine gold robes now rumpled. The wedding was long over, and the party was well underway. Fleur had insisted on having a big wedding, despite all the danger. Everyone had been apprehensive and antsy throughout the ceremony, but they were starting to relax under the influence of the music, dancing and alcohol.

Ginny, however, was upset and bored. Harry, Ron, and Hermione were back for the event, and while they'd all had warm hellos for her, they'd ignored her since. Not Ron and Hermione so much. They were too wrapped up in each other to pay attention to anyone, and she could understand that. She was happy for them. But Harry was studiously avoiding looking in her direction. It frustrated Ginny, because she'd understood his decision to break up with her, and had dealt with it on her own time. If Harry was still worried about it, well, that was his problem.

At first, she'd set out to show him how fine she was by being the life of the party. But with few people who she cared to talk to, and her other ex, Dean Thomas carefully keeping his circle of friends away from her, that was difficult. Now she was sulking, though if asked, she would have tried to claim something else entirely. Without warning, a strange thought struck her - how nice it would be to have Malfoy there to argue with.

This was quite a shocking idea. She hadn't realized how accustomed she become to his presence, or to how free she could be around him. Since she didn't care what he thought of her, she did whatever she felt like when he was around. Insulting him gave her a pleasant rush, but just being around him was electrifying for her. He was such a stereotypical bad guy. Ginny found that she rather liked that.

Another horrifying thought came to her. Somewhere, deep, deep down, she must have come to care about him a little, because even though she had it in her power to really, truly wound him, she always held back. She knew she would never call him a coward again.

On top of all these thoughts came the final, most unexpected one of all. She missed him. Ginny missed Draco. Missed his attitude, his lazy drawl, his silvery hair, even his smirk. She realized that she had somehow fallen in way over her head, and had no idea what to do about it.

*****

Draco found himself both eagerly awaiting and dreading Ginny's return. He was still unsure of his feelings towards her, and didn't want anything to show in his behavior. But at the same time, he had acknowledged to himself that he needed her around. Her presence was the only thing that made the hell that was Grimmauld Place bearable. In the time since Kreacher's visit, he had gone back and forth, trying to determine if he could somehow use her to escape. Any questions about his initial decision were dismissed when her heard her come in.

He was careful not to be downstairs upon her arrival. It wouldn't due for her to think he'd been waiting for her. He contented himself with a simple, "So you're back already, Weasley?" as she walked by his room. She didn't even dignify him with a response. Of course, this raised Draco's ire, so he jumped up from his bed and followed her.

"Giving me the silent treatment, are you? Or did you forget how to talk, spending all that time with those oafs you call friends?" As insults went, it wasn't much, Draco knew. Clearly, Ginny did, too, because she simply raised an eyebrow as if to say, 'I've been gone for almost four days and that's the best you can do?' Then she continued to look at him quizzically, waiting for him to come up with something else. Anything else. He had nothing. After a moment, she turned and continued her unpacking, ignoring him completely. Draco decided that the easiest way to bother her would be to simply not leave, so he sat down on her bed and made himself comfortable. Sure enough, Ginny rounded on him almost immediately.

"Look, Malfoy, I don't want to play games with you at the moment. If you have something else to say, then by all means, spit it out, otherwise, please get your evil Death Eater self out of my room." It was the first time she'd ever said 'please' and Draco felt compelled to remark on it.

"My goodness! I think you may have picked up some manners over the weekend, Weasley! You just said 'please!' Should I say thank you now?"

"I'll say thank you if you just get out of here. I spent all of the weekend being avoided by two of my ex-boyfriends and, much as I enjoy our time together, I don't have the energy to deal with you just now."

"Aww, are you sad, Weasley? Tough time with the exes? I bet you missed my annoying self if you had to deal with Potter and Thomas all weekend!" He saw Ginny stiffen, and felt his own heart speed up. Had she actually missed him? Was it possible? Before he could think of another thing to say to probe her feelings, Ginny spoke.

"And what about you, Malfoy? You spent a nice cosy weekend with Mad-Eye! I'm sure you missed my relatively tame nature, compared to his." She fixed him with a sharp look, as though paying more attention than usual to his response. It was just the reaction Draco had been waiting for. At this point, he could almost read her like a book, and she was giving off all the right signals.

"Though I'd hardly call your nature tame, I did, as a matter of fact,," he said simply, without any inflection in his voice. Her reaction was most satisfactory. She was actually forced to sit down. There were several minutes of complete silence, and for awhile, Draco was afraid he'd miscalculated. He wasn't sure what he would do if that were the case, but for the moment, the ball was in her court. After what seemed like forever, she spoke, in a voice so soft, he had to strain to make out the words.

"I missed you, too." Then she got up and left the room, without turning back.

*****

Ginny walked straight to the library, her sanctuary in the house. She couldn't believe what had just happened. She was sure that she had just given Draco enough ammunition for the rest of the summer. She cursed herself for being so stupid.

What had she been thinking? He was a Malfoy! Probably her greatest enemy in the world, aside from his own father, and Voldemort himself. He hated her. Everyone she knew hated him. That wasn't ever going to change. She couldn't imagine what Ron or the twins would say if they found out she had fallen for a Malfoy. Or Harry. And yet, she couldn't help but think that her prejudices had tainted her opinions of him too much. She'd judged him before ever knowing him. Then she'd gotten to know him, only a little, and it had put her into a horrific nightmare. Utterly humiliated, she sank into her favorite chair, and let the tears flow.

"Crying over me, Weasley? You know that isn't a flattering look for you. You're turning quite blotchy." Ginny hadn't even heard him come in. But she needed an outlet for her emotions, and here he was.

"Insulting my looks. That's original. Why aren't you using all that lovely material I just provided you with? Short term memory loss got the better of you?"

"No, Weasley. I'm just trying to decide on the best course of action. I'm a quick thinker, but there are just so many options for humiliation here, I'm just not sure which to use." Some inflection in his tone made Ginny more angry than she'd been with him in a long time. He was mocking her emotions, which was something they both usually avoided. For the first time, she found herself wanting to physically hurt him. Enough with the mental torture. Leaping from her chair, she flew at him, arms outstretched, ready to punch the first part of him she came in contact with. To her surprise, Draco leaned into her attack, and she found herself entwined with him, her arms around his neck, his around her torso. And then she was crushed to him as his mouth descended on hers.

The kiss was like everything else the pair had experienced together. Passionate and angry. Their tongues and teeth crashed together, and their hands were everywhere, tearing at the clothing separating them. It was the most intense kiss Ginny had ever experienced. A part of her never wanted it to stop, but reason took over. She couldn't be kissing Draco Malfoy at all! And certainly not in the manner in which they were currently carrying on. With a bit of a struggle she pulled herself away, and slapped him.

*****

Draco stepped back, stunned. She'd slapped him! No one had ever slapped him before. It was certainly the last thing he'd expected from the situation. Ginny had retreated to an opposite corner of the room, breathing heavily, looking shocked, but not altogether unhappy.

"What was that for?" he asked, letting a little of the hurt into his voice.

"We can't...do that! Do you have any idea what my family would do if they found out? Not to mention Hermione, or Harry! You'd be dead in less than three seconds flat." Ginny was clearly panicked.

"I'm touched by your concern, but did it ever occur to you that I don't care?" She paused.

"No. Not really. How can you not care what they think?" She was surprised. Of course, she hero-worshipped the Gryffindor trio.

"I never have. I know it's harsh, but your friends mean nothing to me, Ginny. They already have plenty of reasons to want to kill me." Draco felt quite melodramatic saying this, but he had to stay away from any other questions about his motives. The conversation with Kreacher flashed into his mind, but he quickly dismissed it. He didn't care about escape just then.

"So I'm just another reason for them to hate you? Well, at least I know where I stand. Thank you for telling me now and not later." Ginny spun on her heel and started for the door.

"Of course not. Do you have any idea what effect you have on me?" That wasn't what Draco had meant to say. But it was out there, and he suddenly felt extremely vulnerable. Ginny paused in the doorway, slowly turning to face him again.

"No. But if it's anything like the effect you have on me, I can probably imagine." Draco heard the uncertainty in her tone, but also the invitation. He crossed the room to her in a few short strides, wrapped his arms around her again, and pressed her up against the door jam. Their second kiss was just as passionate as the first. But this time, it was clear that a truce had been reached. Neither was trying to cause pain, or to put all their hurt and anger into the kiss. It was full of the emotions they knew they felt for each other, but didn't understand and were too scared to speak aloud, full of raw power. Draco felt like he was drowning in it, but he never wanted to come up for air.